Lori Alexander 77: Back in Door County Again

[Melissa1977]

18 hours ago, crawfishgirl said:

Yeah, don't want the daughters to go out and live life and experience new things....

Her post on young marriages today is irritating.  Most 17 year-olds are not ready for marriage yet.  They lack the maturity and wisdom to make such a serious commitment.  Teenagers rarely have the life experience to choose the right person.  Since she is against birth control, she expects them to start having kids right away.  I know this works for some people, but the odds are against them.  

Alyssa was in a ballet company for years, working and travelling. Cassi went to a college (but I don't know if she got a degree). Anyway, none of Lori's daughters has married too young and none of Lori's sons has married a teen bride. That's why they are so infuriating, they push for a life they don't want at all, and give advice that contradicts their own life.

[fluffy]

Cassi did graduate from college, as did Lori and Ken's two sons. The boys went to Biola. Cassi started at Biola and loved it, but Lori and Ken decided it was too expensive and sent her to local state school, which (naturally) Lori then complained was Godless. Both of Lori's daughter-in-laws are college grads. Emily from Wheaton and Erin from Biola, where she met Lori's son. Emily was at U of Houston Law School when she met Steven and married him. Lori herself has an undergrad degree from a christian liberal arts school, Westmont, and then went to grad school for her "teaching credential." The only reason Alyssa didn't go to college was because she defied her mother and pursued a professional career as a a ballerina. 

[Hane]

@Lgirlrocks, reminds me of my maternal grandma. She was born in NYC in 1894, and dropped out of school at about 14 because she wanted to help support her widowed mother. She worked in a blouse factory and, by the time she got married at 28, she had saved $12,000–not bad for 1922! She told would-be boyfriends that she’d never get married as long as her mother was alive (translation: she was having too much fun!)—and then Grandpa, one of the guys in her inner circle, expressed his interest in her.

[Sarah92]

I forgot to ask this earlier but if I remember Lori’s timeline, weren’t the kids particularly grown when she started to become submissive? I mean weren’t they married for quite some time before she found How to be a help meet? If that’s the case she definitely doesn’t have room to talk on raising godly children. 

[Hane]

12 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

I forgot to ask this earlier but if I remember Lori’s timeline, weren’t the kids particularly grown when she started to become submissive? I mean weren’t they married for quite some time before she found How to be a help meet? If that’s the case she definitely doesn’t have room to talk on raising godly children. 

Yes. The kids were grown and Ken had a foot out the door when Lori discovered Debi Pearl and glommed onto her words of “wisdom” concerning wifely submission. It’s how Lori hung onto her meal ticket.

[Lgirlrocks]

3 hours ago, Hane said:

Yes. The kids were grown and Ken had a foot out the door when Lori discovered Debi Pearl and glommed onto her words of “wisdom” concerning wifely submission. It’s how Lori hung onto her meal ticket.

I guess she was beating her kids before she knew about the Pearls? Sick!

[Hane]

@Lgirlrocks, I seem to recall her buying that “little leather strap” of hers at some kind of church “educational materials” sale.

[Sarah92]

So really Lori never raised her children to be submissive or to follow the “True” word of the Lord? Or has she really never changed except to package everything as submissive? 

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, Sarah92 said:

So really Lori never raised her children to be submissive or to follow the “True” word of the Lord? Or has she really never changed except to package everything as submissive? 

I would think the latter. She is the opposite of a "submissive" wife. I think the only reason Kenny-boy stays with her is because CA is a community property state and it would cost him a bundle to get rid of her. 

[smittykins]

13 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

So really Lori never raised her children to be submissive or to follow the “True” word of the Lord?

She’s claimed that all of them are “walking in Truth,” so take that with as much salt as you need.

[Lgirlrocks]

so I guess all kids can go to secular college then and they will be fine. They can also go to public school and they will be fine. I know lots of christians that went to public school. It may test your faith but if it is real then it won’t go anywhere. 
for me public school and secular college didn’t test my faith. I was one of the kids that didn’t cuss, drink, or believe in premarital sex. I changed my views as I got older. It had nothing to do with school. I was home schooled until the 8th grade and never truly believed in god. Getting older allowed me to safely say I never believed. 

[Jackie3]

On 12/11/2020 at 1:06 PM, Melissa1977 said:

Alyssa was in a ballet company for years, working and travelling. Cassi went to a college (but I don't know if she got a degree). Anyway, none of Lori's daughters has married too young and none of Lori's sons has married a teen bride. That's why they are so infuriating, they push for a life they don't want at all, and give advice that contradicts their own life.

Cassi did graduate from a CA state university. She has a teaching credential. She started at BIOLA, a private college, but they pulled her after a year because they didn't want to pay when she was just going to be a housewife (Lori's words, not mine). Their boys were allowed to finish at BIOLA, and Steven, of course, was allowed to attend four years of dental school plus residency. 

The Alexander girls definitely got the short end of the stick when it comes to education. This hasn't gotten a lot of attention, but it's pretty clear if you read her old blog carefully. After their middle school homeschooling, both boys went straight to private high.

In contrast, Ken and Lori was willing to try out the public school system for both girls, after middle school.  Alyssa started in 9th at the local public school, then pulled because the kids were so "terrible." Then she was homeschooled till her senior year (they must have wanted her to have a degree from a brick and mortar school). 

Cassi was sent to public 8th grade, then pulled for the same reason (awful public school kids). Cassi was unhappy being homeschooled and Lori was "too sick" anyway, so they coughed up enough money to send her to her brothers' private school.

So they spent almost nothing on Alyssa's education, compared to 12 years of private/grad school for Stephen. Then Ken seems to have bought Stephen a practice with an old friend who was retiring in NY. Of course, Stephen is quite prosperous now. I wonder how Alyssa feels about this? She and her husband seem to struggle financially. Ballet teachers do not make a lot.

 

Edited December 13, 2020 by Jackie3

[Melissa1977]

52 minutes ago, Jackie3 said:

She and her husband seem to struggle financially.

But they have such a beautiful house in front of the ocean. Maybe Ken bought the house?

I have no information about Alyssa's husband, but I have the feeling he's a bit dumb and childlike (the way he plays with Gideon). I know it's not fair to base an opinion in pictures or little videos! Sorry! 

Alyssa is very strict with Gid (how on earth she expects a 1 year old to play alone for a whole hour??? And to follow a lot of rules?). She's also inflexible (her words). Adding an adopted newborn there makes me sad.

[fluffy]

2 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I have no information about Alyssa's husband, but I have the feeling he's a bit dumb and childlike

Her husband, John, is in construction. I do think they've had some financial struggles because for a while he tried working for Ken's consulting business, but that didn't last too long. I suspect this is why Alyssa works so much, teaching and becoming an influencer. She also does that nutritional coaching on the side. Alyssa strikes me as perfectionistic and rigid. I agree with your concerns about how unrealistic she may be about child development. 

 

[brittbratkittykat]

2 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

 

Alyssa is very strict with Gid (how on earth she expects a 1 year old to play alone for a whole hour??? And to follow a lot of rules?). She's also inflexible (her words). Adding an adopted newborn there makes me sad.

I have so many thoughts about this...  I’ve been pretty shocked at her parenting. In every post and story about her ‘miracle’ baby she seems to slip in there how ‘challenging’  he can be. I’m really uncomfortable when I hear parents of children under two talking about their children like this. for a reference I work with children and I am bothering myself when I find myself talking more about the negative attributes of a kid than the positives. Like what did they think was gonna happen? He’s a baby! She was talking about boundaries the other day and I was so uncomfortable. Boundaries as in don’t touch something? So many of these Christian parents seems to double down on discipline. Like even Lori says being around is enough and mothers aren’t required to play with her children. 
On a human level I do feel for Alyssa. She’s hiding behind this little miss perfect facade and it drives me nuts. I literally want to shake her and he like it’s ok Alyssa Lori isn’t here you can be a real person! 
That said she is about as arrogant and entitled And condescending as her parents. I was actually thinking this week I need to pretend she doesn’t exist cause her stories really bother me. It’s like Jesus Duggar you know she’s only sharing part of the story and I’m dying for them to just be honest. I wish her and Jon well but I seriously need to stop checking her page. It’s toxic.   

[Hane]

@brittbratkittykat, I’ve told every college student I know to take a course in developmental psychology, to get good information on appropriate learning patterns in children from infancy—invaluable if you ever become a parent.

My mom had an excellent piece of advice: “If your kid is doing something you can reasonably expect them to stop by kindergarten, it usually isn’t anything to worry about.” That’s why I just stashed away anything potentially dangerous a toddler might grab and get hurt by or destroy. By the time my kid was 3 or 4, I knew she would be far less likely to grab things she shouldn’t. (YMMV with other 3 or 4 year olds.)

[brittbratkittykat]

23 minutes ago, Hane said:

@brittbratkittykat, I’ve told every college student I know to take a course in developmental psychology, to get good information on appropriate learning patterns in children from infancy—invaluable if you ever become a parent.

 

That's very good advice! And she certainly could have taken a class or something while she was pregnant. And I know sleep was really important and so was nutrition, wonder where she gets that from... 

she mentioned something about iron in breast milk and I googled it and I saw that breast milk doesn’t have much iron in it inherently (moms please correct me if I’m wrong here). And this is kinda where I’ve molded have gotten stuck is I find people who know a lot about nutrition and kinda get stuck on other stuff they say. I mean Alyssa is very knowledgeable but I feel she presents herself as a cure all.

clearly have so little thoughts on the matter ?

[feministxtian]

Kids being "challenging"...isn't that in their job description? I mean, I'd either worry there was something wrong with the kid or think they weren't mine if they weren't "challenging". I mean, even my pup can be challenging at times but damn...that's when you TEACH the kiddo what you expect and guide them. My kids, grandkids and dog know that when I say "no ma'am" or "no sir" they know that they done screwed up bigtime. Little one pretty much got away with murder when she was living with her other grandparents in her native country. Ummm...that doesn't fly with this grandma and she challenges me...and loses. She catches her little attitude and then finds out that the attitude doesn't fly with either her parents or me. So, she loses the attitude right quick.

Baby A is NOT "challenging" at 5 months old. Lord, she's just a baby. She fights sleep like crazy but that's a family trait. We deal with her having to cry it out (not CIO alone), while we cuddle her and try like hell to get her to give up and crash. No, we don't dump her in her crib and let her cry alone...HELL TO THE NO!! She gets cuddled and rocked and snuggled and kissed and sang to and all that stuff. 

I just can't...these people don't know jack shit about kids. Seriously...and beating them doesn't work either. Like I've said before, I could have beaten my youngest bloody and he STILL would have done what he damn well pleased. There were better ways of dealing with the little shit...harder than just blindly striking out, but better in the long run. He's 800 miles away now and STILL won't screw up for fear of mama. I was a counter...you know...ONE....TWO...I never got to three. The kids were afraid of what I'd do (see: mama's batshit crazy). I never even thought about what I would do if I had to get to three (but don't tell them that). It paid off though...the next generation gets the same thing and is afraid of what would happen at three (see: kids just as batshit crazy as mama).

Edited December 14, 2020 by feministxtian
removed identifying item

[Lgirlrocks]

2 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Kids being "challenging"...isn't that in their job description? I mean, I'd either worry there was something wrong with the kid or think they weren't mine if they weren't "challenging". I mean, even my pup can be challenging at times but damn...that's when you TEACH the kiddo what you expect and guide them. My kids, grandkids and dog know that when I say "no ma'am" or "no sir" they know that they done screwed up bigtime. Little one pretty much got away with murder when she was living with her other grandparents in her native country. Ummm...that doesn't fly with this grandma and she challenges me...and loses. She catches her little attitude and then finds out that the attitude doesn't fly with either her parents or me. So, she loses the attitude right quick.

Baby A is NOT "challenging" at 5 months old. Lord, she's just a baby. She fights sleep like crazy but that's a family trait. We deal with her having to cry it out (not CIO alone), while we cuddle her and try like hell to get her to give up and crash. No, we don't dump her in her crib and let her cry alone...HELL TO THE NO!! She gets cuddled and rocked and snuggled and kissed and sang to and all that stuff. 

I just can't...these people don't know jack shit about kids. Seriously...and beating them doesn't work either. Like I've said before, I could have beaten my youngest bloody and he STILL would have done what he damn well pleased. There were better ways of dealing with the little shit...harder than just blindly striking out, but better in the long run. He's 800 miles away now and STILL won't screw up for fear of mama. I was a counter...you know...ONE....TWO...I never got to three. The kids were afraid of what I'd do (see: mama's batshit crazy). I never even thought about what I would do if I had to get to three (but don't tell them that). It paid off though...the next generation gets the same thing and is afraid of what would happen at three (see: kids just as batshit crazy as mama).

Sometimes kids have to learn things on their own too. I’ve told this story before but when I was five or six my mom was doing my hair and makeup for my dance recital. She was doing it in the kitchen because we only had one bathroom. She was in the middle of curling my hair when she needed to get some hair spray. She put the curling iron on top of the fridge and told me not to touch it was hot. I was almost always the kid that listened. But for some reason I felt the need to see if it was really hot. So I pushed a char next to the fridge, climbed in the counter, and touched the iron. It was very hot. My mom didn’t punish or yell. She knew I learned not to touch hot things when she told me. She put some stuff on my fingers and told me she was sorry it happened but she didn’t want me to burn myself. 
part of learning and growing as a human is making mistakes. At the end of the day we are all humans with free will. We have different personalities. 

[usmcmom]

It seems to me all Alyssa knows about her baby is what she reads in a book. He does this because of that, according to her books. She doesn’t seem to actually tune in and enjoy her child for the very unique little person that he is. He makes good Instagram content, though; so that is good enough for her. 
 

I also think that John and Alyssa are both pretty...well...dumb.  

 

[Melissa1977]

8 hours ago, brittbratkittykat said:

she mentioned something about iron in breast milk and I googled it and I saw that breast milk doesn’t have much iron in it inherently (moms please correct me if I’m wrong here). And this is kinda where I’ve molded have gotten stuck is I find people who know a lot about nutrition and kinda get stuck on other stuff they say. I mean Alyssa is very knowledgeable but I feel she presents herself as a cure all

Milk (human or not) does not have a lot of iron. When you eat a high-iron food (for example a steak), it's better not to eat dairy in the same meal, but fresh veggies or fruit: while milk "erases" the iron, vitamin C "fixes" it. I'm not nutrition expert, just read some nutrution books/blogs. I have the feeling that Alyssa has followed an easy, basic nutrition course, which is fine but in no way makes her a nutrition expert (that requires a college degree!). Plus the fact she wears glasses to "work" is a joke!!! I wouldn't trust neither pay a so-called nutritional expert with no degree or serious accreditation, who on top of that uses glasses as a disguise! Health field shouldn't be a carnival.

Anyway, milk iron is enough for babies under 6 months. Babies over 6 months (nursed or bottlefeed) should slowly start eating iron sources (meat, eggs, beans...). Small quantities are enough.

 

1 hour ago, usmcmom said:

also think that John and Alyssa are both pretty...well...dumb

That's why their best friend is Tenley! Haha

[feministxtian]

@Lgirlrocks YES!!! I know I've told the story of my youngest and the hot oven. He was maybe 18 months old. He kept walking up to the oven and I would pull him back and say "no, hot". After the third or fourth time of saying it, I was just "go ahead". So, he touched the oven door...looked up at me wide eyed and said "hot". He never touched it again. The oven wasn't hot enough to burn him, just hot enough that I wasn't comfortable with this baby trying to get to the oven. 

Sometimes kids have to learn by experience. I seem to have birthed 3 of them. Their thing has been to challenge limits, challenge rules, I can't begin to figure out where they got it from...

[polecat]

On 12/10/2020 at 9:23 PM, Jinder Roles said:

Hey y'all. I don't follow this topic. 

Just came in here to say I read this title as "Lori Alexander: Back Door Country" and thought I was going to get some salacious fundie opinions on anal sex. 

 

Oh, Lori has opinions about anal sex, too. Something about playing in sewers, iirc. It's been a while since I've dangled my toe in the cesspit that is Lori's nonsense.

 

edit: omw, the hamster cage of horrors? Can someone link me to the story behind this one? 

Edited December 14, 2020 by polecat

[KDA]

12 hours ago, polecat said:

Oh, Lori has opinions about anal sex, too. Something about playing in sewers, iirc. It's been a while since I've dangled my toe in the cesspit that is Lori's nonsense.

 

 

I feel sorry for her, in a way. She's restricting her sex life so much. I think I remember the playing in the sewers thing and I felt sorry for her then, too. It can be fun! Don't knock it til you've tried it, I say! (Sorry for TMI; I write naughty books, remember? The books with the most anal stuff sell best.)

[Lgirlrocks]

“What use to be normal is no longer normal. It use to be normal for women to stay at home and not work.”

in what time period? Unless you were wealthy you had to work. My grandma worked all of her life, from eighth grade until retirement, except for when she had a young child at home. This is how it was for most women. My dad worked two jobs and my mom still worked part time. They did not like being in debt so they worked hard to pay everything off. We didn’t go on fancy vacations, have cable tv, eat out all of the time (we did when my grandma paid or we are somewhere cheap), we had cheap birthday parties, and my mom cooked meals (heated up most of the time because prepackaged stuff is cheaper),