Mrs Midwest

[ViolaSebastian]

Alright, folks. I had a very busy and weird weekend, and I'm about to tell you all about it. Before you think "why the hell is this anonymous woman in the internets telling me about her weekend randomnly?," I want to tell you about how I am a big fan of Garfinkelesque breaching experiments. To put it succinctly for the uninitiated, breaching experiments involve breaking a social normal or social expectation and observing or measuring the reaction of the people who aren't in on the fun. For example, going Trick or Treating on May 15th or not facing forward in an elevator. Rest of the story behind the spoiler:

Spoiler

"Why the hell are you telling me this?" Well, inspired by these people with a healthy dollop of Lori Alexander, I decided to put this "traditional" gender dynamic thing into practice for the weekend. Enter scene: my boyfriend, who shall henceforth be known as Bearfriend, mostly to make @JermajestyDuggar cringe hard. (I considered BoyBear, but BoyBear sounds really fucking creepy. ). Bearfriend was not in on my weird-ass shenanigans. 

All this required some rather extensive preparation. On Friday, I meal planned for the weekend (lasagna and beef stroganoff) and bought $60 worth of groceries. Home cooking and cooking from scratch is considerably more expensive than these ladies (and gentleman--and rest assured, I do indeed use that term loosely) let on. Granted, I have enough leftovers to feed all of FJ AND Yogi Zero for the next week, but I digress. I could have just bought my old standby Stouffer's Party-Sized Lasagna for $12.95 and been done with it. But NO. I baked banana bread, a la Mrs. Midwest, and then baked regular bread, a la Cynthia. I didn't have a breadmaker, so it was the old-fashioned way with yeast and kneading involved. I listened to a podcast and cleaned out my bedroom closet. (This needed to be done desperately and was the catalyst for the whole idea). I deep conditioned by hair with oil again with Caitlin as inspiration and then went for a long walk. I don't have a dog, so I borrowed one from a friend, and as a not-really-a-dog person, that was quite the experience. I will actually admit, it was a pretty pleasant day. I didn't have deadlines or work emails to worry about, I got to do some stuff I had been putting off, the grocery store was deserted except for a few octogenarians, and my apartment smelled of baked goods. So far, this seems like a pretty great way to live.

Now, before anyone asks, I work from home and my hours are quite flexible, so Friday was a mental health day because I had worked the previous Saturday. This is also why I'm telling you this story on a Monday morning.

Now here's where things start to get hairy. Y'all knew that Friday wasn't going to be the end of the story, and you were right. I usually go over to Bearfriend's on Saturday afternoon. I get up on Saturday morning and put on my best fit-and-flare 1950s-esque get up with high heels. This is the first time that I wore high heels since I had foot surgery in winter of 2017. I curled my hair and went with the face-full-of-make-up look inspired by both our ladies. It took me three. fucking. hours. Am I bad at this? Do they spend excessive time on their hair and make-up?

Ahem. Then I realize that I had neglected to buy an onion. On the way to Bearfriend's house, I stop by the local grocery store to procure one. I step out of my car, feeling like a million bucks (or, like, $60 worth of groceries) and that's when I get stares. Not "wow, look at that hot mama!" stares, but like "wut the fuck?" stares. Which...zero blame there. I looked overdressed and ridiculous. The regular Saturday crowd is there in their yoga pants (no shade) and I am in the equivalent of an evening gown in comparison--which leads me to believe maybe some of the "shame" they feel is actually just people who are WTFing at being absurdly overdressed to do basic activities of daily living. I totter in and am deeply thankful when I return to the safety of my car. 

I get to Bearfriend's house. On the way over, he asked me if I needed help carrying stuff in. I typically say I'm good, but I'm a) in high heels, b) weighed down by groceries, and c) doing the whole helpless woman trying to make her man feel strong routine, so I tell him I need help. On the way inside, I run into one of his neighbors who I didn't know previously. He smiles at me and introduces himself, then says something about going out to get something out of your car and forgetting the keys inside. I grin, I preen, I bat eyelashes. I think it's noteworthy that he spoke to me, unprompted, which is fairly unusual in this neighborhood. I don't know if I was looking more approachable or acting more approachable, or if he just had to get a full-on look at my weirdness, but it was nice. Dare I say it, pleasant.

Bearfriend is, quite frankly, thrilled. I'm dressed up and making him a complicated meal, so I'd be thrilled if someone showed up on my doorstep like that too. We unload groceries and then sit and talk. This is where things start to get dicey. I focus on nodding, smiling a lot, and talking with vagina hands. It's tiring. Bearfriend starts to talk about Minecraft. I'm being submissive and a good, er, partner, and I don't try to gently cut him off or change the subject. After all, a la Mrs. Midwest and Caitlin, he's telling me about his day and his projects, and I should be receptive to that. We talk about Minecraft for what seems like an eternity.

Thankfully, dinner time rolls around, and since I have a four hours cooking ordeal ahead of me, I dig in. Bearfriend initially hangs out as I get the meat sauce going and crank up the ambient Dean Martin music, but eventually he gets tired of standing and moves back into the living room. Honestly, it was nice. A Saturday night, nice music, cooking in a warm kitchen on a late fall evening. There's a performative aspect to it, though. An enjoyable one, but still, when you're made up like that and dressed in a certain way, with the music going and the food simmering away, I, at least, was converted into this fantasy land where I was Donna Reed or Margaret Anderson. There was no opioid and suicide epidemic, no polarized politics, no child welfare job nipping at my heels. It was escapism, pure and simple. Both Caitlin and Cynthia have admitted to having significant issues with anxiety, and I can see why they enjoy this sort of thing. It's such an easy way to close yourself off from the dumpster fire of the modern world. I do realize that the ACTUAL 1950s woman didn't have the luxury of blocking out the growing nuclear threat, rampant poverty, teenage pregnancy, or extreme racial injustice of their era, but with the help of classic television tropes, I managed to do just that.

Dinner takes forever, but it's great. I set the table, we have a great meal, and I spend a half hour cleaning up because holy shit, lasagna is messy. I change into my best (only) Zsa Zsa Gabor negligee and we drift off into dreamland, full of carbs and fresh insight. 

For those that don't know, I have a bad back. Like, a really, really bad back. I've had two spinal fusion surgeries and a foot surgery that was related to that. The next morning, I woke up and I had fucked myself up. Big time. Turns out two days of standing, one of which was in high heels for an extended amount of time is an AWFUL idea. I had tutoring for the math part of the GRE that I'm taking at the end of the month at 8:30 via Skype, so I shuffled my way into the bathroom to do the morning stuff. (For the sake of the experiment, pretend I was at church. Geometry ---> Sacred geometry ---> Practically it's like I was at church).  I was in agony and moving slowly. By the time I got out of the shower, it was 8:00 and Bearfriend was awake. He starts talking to me and getting silly in the best way. But I'm running behind, I've got this meeting, and because I'm being submissive, I can't tell him (nicely) to bugger off. I smile and giggle and apply spackle even though I. am. hurting.

I make it with a minute to spare and do my tutoring. God, it must suck hairy balls to be pregnant and having to pretend you're happy and not sick when you're sick. Or just in a bad mood. Or tired. Or anytime that you're not feeling well for whatever reason. Or have kids that you've been up all night with or who are sick. Because it sucked yesterday morning. It sucked to not have the agency to tell someone you're running late and you'll talk to them in a bit but you've got a thing you gotta do. I felt what it felt like to be voiceless in my first marriage again. And it was awful. No wonder these ladies have anxiety--they lack of the basic mechanism to express their needs and desires to the person with whom they live. They don't have the ability to set boundaries or focus on themselves if their Husbear's are there. It's terrible.

In any case, I, uh, "go to church" and come home. I spend the rest of the day decked out in 1950s clothes on the sofa on a heating pad. At this point, I can't fake the happy, smiley, vagina hands ViolaSebastian anymore and I'm fighting to keep from being cranky. Bearfriend insists we order in. I insist we finish this fucking experiment until the bitter end. Actually, I smile and reassure him I'm fine and I'll make dinner. I limp off and finish the evening out--dinner, suffice it to say, was not the same magical experience it was before, and I can't suppress swearing anymore.

So that's it. That was my experience living this way. There were elements of it that were great--most of it, however, had serious drawbacks. It may be different if I were able-bodied or I had managed to not have that shitty third day, but I'm glad I did. It gave me insight into how this works when you're not on your A-game. For his part, Bearfriend loved the food and pampering bit, but disliked the self-sacrifice and the lack of the slightly "edgier" woman he's used to. 

 

Edited November 11, 2019 by ViolaSebastian
Added gifs

[Hane]

@ViolaSebastian, kudos for taking one for the team! You GO, girl—but please take care of your back.

Your experiment reminds me of something I tried for a day or so early in my first marriage, back in the ‘70s: “The Total Woman” and “Fascinating Womanhood” were big then, due to anti-feminist backlash (and creeping patriarchalism in conservative Christianity).  I did the quiet, smiling “Yes, dear” wife thing, trying to be subtle—and he *still* kept asking me what was wrong.

[ViolaSebastian]

37 minutes ago, Hane said:

@ViolaSebastian, kudos for taking one for the team! You GO, girl—but please take care of your back.

Your experiment reminds me of something I tried for a day or so early in my first marriage, back in the ‘70s: “The Total Woman” and “Fascinating Womanhood” were big then, due to anti-feminist backlash (and creeping patriarchalism in conservative Christianity).  I did the quiet, smiling “Yes, dear” wife thing, trying to be subtle—and he *still* kept asking me what was wrong.

Thank you! I'm kicking back today and just working on studying. I am absolutely, completely bushed. It was exhausting, and that's without a passel of kiddos. Add a 6, 4, and 2 year old and being pregnant? Get outta here!  I did (and do) object to this idea that stay-at-home people don't work. If you're committed to doing the traditional thing flat-out, it is A LOT of work. Which is why I object to this particular Instagram from Yogi. When YOU come home from a hard day of work? FFS, your wife has had a long, hard day of work too. 

I think that maybe some of Mrs. Midwest's younger fans are attracted to this idea because they see it as their way out of work. Well, no way, no how. This is hard work physically and emotionally.

Edited November 11, 2019 by ViolaSebastian

[Four is Enough]

On 11/6/2019 at 9:12 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’m going to stick with the idea that he’s from a family of very intelligent and academically successful people sisters and he’s the one that just isn’t up to their level. 

FTFY

On 11/8/2019 at 3:50 PM, ViolaSebastian said:

Oh, look. WEENS

[ViolaSebastian]

New video up on Mrs. Midwest. It's a Q&A with not much new stuff to report. She said that Grant is happy with her as a homemaker and supports her Youtube endeavors. She mentioned that she volunteers, which I honestly think is a great thing. There are so many organizations and groups who could use someone with a relatively free schedule who is energetic, outwardly positive, and likes kids. I hope she supports other women doing the same. 

Maybe this experiment has mellowed me out towards her. I'm definitely not supportive of her connection to Yogi, who can go pound sand, though. It must burn him up that she's more popular than he is now, by far.

[kaluce]

15 hours ago, ViolaSebastian said:

New video up on Mrs. Midwest. It's a Q&A with not much new stuff to report. She said that Grant is happy with her as a homemaker and supports her Youtube endeavors. She mentioned that she volunteers, which I honestly think is a great thing. There are so many organizations and groups who could use someone with a relatively free schedule who is energetic, outwardly positive, and likes kids. I hope she supports other women doing the same. 

Maybe this experiment has mellowed me out towards her. I'm definitely not supportive of her connection to Yogi, who can go pound sand, though. It must burn him up that she's more popular than he is now, by far.

I think this video showed more of her true personality and less of her put on "Perfection" personality. I wouldn't say I've "mellowed out" but I definitely felt some pity for her. She's obviously bright and intelligent. She sounded so dejected when talking about how much she liked worked and that she couldn't find another job (even when laughing about it). I wonder how on earth she came to believe some of the things Roosh V and Yogibear preach. It's just sad. She's obviously talented with marketing, but the message she's marketing has such dark undertones and I'm not sure if she realizes or if she's just young, impressionable, and loving the attention. 

[ViolaSebastian]

15 minutes ago, kaluce said:

I think this video showed more of her true personality and less of her put on "Perfection" personality. I wouldn't say I've "mellowed out" but I definitely felt some pity for her. She's obviously bright and intelligent. She sounded so dejected when talking about how much she liked worked and that she couldn't find another job (even when laughing about it). I wonder how on earth she came to believe some of the things Roosh V and Yogibear preach. It's just sad. She's obviously talented with marketing, but the message she's marketing has such dark undertones and I'm not sure if she realizes or if she's just young, impressionable, and loving the attention. 

Yes, I didn't know exactly how to describe how I was feeling about her, exactly. I'd say some pity, mixed with the acknowledgment that she is fairly young and (from the sounds of it) grew up in a fairly sheltered community of like-minded people. She also talks about how she's had some mental health struggles and struggles with perfectionism and self-esteem, too, which would make her ripe for the plucking for men like Roosh and Yogi. She's still 100% responsible for herself and her message, but I think if she had just stuck to homemaking stuff, without the Red Pill influence, I wouldn't have very many reasons to dislike her.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I am afraid she has basically made a self imposed box for herself that she won’t be able to escape. If she kept all these red pill trad wife beliefs to herself, she could change her mind at any time and receive little pushback. But she is now well known in this community and if she changes her mind, she will receive a huge amount of criticism. So a decision she made in her early 20s, is going to affect her life for years to come. 

[ViolaSebastian]

This woman, Ina, popped up on my recommendations. She covers the same sort of ground as Mrs. Midwest and is Christian as well, but I enjoy her videos more. She seems more authentic and less judgmental. She even mentioned being transgender without a snide comment.

And guess who finally answered my "what does 'feminine'" mean?

 

[kaluce]

Y’all. Y’all. This fun “European couples” account is one of those that’s a very thinly veiled “look at how beautiful the white race is”. And guess who is liking their attention. 
 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Ok I am white and married to a white person. If our picture was used this way, I would be pissed. Also I don’t understand the European thing. If you go by those DNA tests (like 23 and me), I’m 100% European. However I’ve never identified that way. I live in the US. My ancestors have lived in the US for centuries for the most part. I feel zero connection to Europe. Most of my white American friends feel zero connection to Europe because their families have been here for a very long time too. I guess I just don’t get it. 

[Four is Enough]

15 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Ok I am white and married to a white person. If our picture was used this way, I would be pissed. Also I don’t understand the European thing. If you go by those DNA tests (like 23 and me), I’m 100% European. However I’ve never identified that way. I live in the US. My ancestors have lived in the US for centuries for the most part. I feel zero connection to Europe. Most of my white American friends feel zero connection to Europe because their families have been here for a very long time too. I guess I just don’t get it. 

I completely agree.  Bolding mine. There are gravestones in my home state with ancestors' names, and the dates are prior to 1700.. we have no living relatives in Europe; we have no "native traditions" We are Americans.

[kaluce]

11 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Ok I am white and married to a white person. If our picture was used this way, I would be pissed. Also I don’t understand the European thing. If you go by those DNA tests (like 23 and me), I’m 100% European. However I’ve never identified that way. I live in the US. My ancestors have lived in the US for centuries for the most part. I feel zero connection to Europe. Most of my white American friends feel zero connection to Europe because their families have been here for a very long time too. I guess I just don’t get it. 

TBH it just screams "I'm a racist" to follow these "European Beauty" accounts. Like--- there's tons of Europeans that aren't blonde and blue-eyed. Some aren't pale-ass white people . Do these accounts show that? Nah. It's only pretty white girls and white babies. It's a very Aryan-is-the-best way of thinking, which is pretty cringe at best and white-supremacy at worst. 

If you don't get it, you're probably just not in that racist mind set. I too am American, and my extremely german family has been here for around 100 years. Yet I'm not about that European obsession either. It's just weird. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

25 minutes ago, kaluce said:

TBH it just screams "I'm a racist" to follow these "European Beauty" accounts. Like--- there's tons of Europeans that aren't blonde and blue-eyed. Some aren't pale-ass white people . Do these accounts show that? Nah. It's only pretty white girls and white babies. It's a very Aryan-is-the-best way of thinking, which is pretty cringe at best and white-supremacy at worst. 

If you don't get it, you're probably just not in that racist mind set. I too am American, and my extremely german family has been here for around 100 years. Yet I'm not about that European obsession either. It's just weird. 

Exactly. My dad is white but his skin tone is more like David Rodrigues. Before my dad went bald, his hair was very dark. But he’s of European decent. The idea that European means pale skinned, blonde, and blue eyed is ignorant as hell. 

Edited November 12, 2019 by JermajestyDuggar

[ViolaSebastian]

She does follow this account, which is potentially sketchy. I’m going to side-eye anything that talks about “fatherland.” 

[kaluce]

19 minutes ago, ViolaSebastian said:

She does follow this account, which is potentially sketchy. I’m going to side-eye anything that talks about “fatherland.” 

 

Lol anything that has "nationalism" in the description is gonna be a no from me, dawg (especially in this political climate)

[kmachete14]

There is truth in that it is fun to pamper your significant other. The only thing is that I also look forward to when he pampers me, and I don't mean by just going to work so that we have money. 

I can't imagine being FORCED to continuously pamper someone else with no rest or relaxation for yourself and nothing in return. 

[ViolaSebastian]

1 hour ago, kaluce said:

Lol anything that has "nationalism" in the description is gonna be a no from me, dawg (especially in this political climate)

Yeah. "Family, Fatherland, Order" is straight-up fucking scary to anyone who vaguely studies history. Except for white nationalists and other flavors of racist. It's vaguely like the motto of Vichy France during the war, but not exactly. Maybe I'm reading into it too much.

ETA: Okay. I asked Bearfriend what it meant and he said that it's a Red Pill meme--and I quote, "it's dumb. People derive their bullshit from this." He sent me this link: 

http://www.politiscales.net/

Apparently the test makes you a flag based on your political leanings. The preferred Red Pill test result is "Family, Fatherland, Order." 

Then he said they probably take it all a dozen times to get it.

Edited November 12, 2019 by ViolaSebastian

[AmericanRose]

I got "Equality. Humanity. Socialism"

I can imagine how they were answering the questions to get their preferred result ?

[smittykins]

I got Equality, Humanity, Justice.

[ViolaSebastian]

I was Equality, Humanity, and Work. Guess we're a bunch of bleeding hearts after all. 

[kaluce]

I'm sorry- they take it MULTIPLE TIMES? It's 177 questions long! Do they not have anything better to do than try to impress neckbeards on the internet?

[Kylolo]

13 hours ago, AmericanRose said:

I got "Equality. Humanity. Socialism"

I can imagine how they were answering the questions to get their preferred result ?

Same.  I can't imagine an uglier flag but I'm totally cool with what it means.

[smittykins]

2 hours ago, ViolaSebastian said:

I was Equality, Humanity, and Work. Guess we're a bunch of bleeding hearts after all. 

I can’t remember who said it, but “Better a bleeding heart than no heart at all.”

[ViolaSebastian]

2 hours ago, kaluce said:

I'm sorry- they take it MULTIPLE TIMES? It's 177 questions long! Do they not have anything better to do than try to impress neckbeards on the internet?

Yeah. I went through and tried to answer them in the most Red Pill way possible and got "Fatherland, Work, and Liberty." I have no idea how they're answering these things to get the desired result, but they must take it multiple times.