Bro Gary Hawkins 9: He still makes my dinner come back up

[MarblesMom]

On 3/11/2019 at 1:39 PM, pamplemousse said:

Hot dog water slushie?! Whoever came up with that is totally deranged. 

When I moved to So Dak, I was educated on Hot Dog Water Soup.... and threw up in my mouth a little.

What's wrong with people?!  (small voice: "everything")

[Evangeline]

Bro Gary has reminded me that when I was a kid in the 80s, our fundie church still had these tracts sitting around that warned of the dangers of "necking" and "petting." Apparently drive-ins were hotbeds of this kind of delinquent behavior. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the hell they were on about and was afraid to ask because this was clearly VERY VERY BAD. 

[Spinosaurus]

Liquor joints may be bad, but joint joints are worserer.  See 'Reefer Madness.'

[Lisafer]

13 hours ago, Evangeline said:

Bro Gary has reminded me that when I was a kid in the 80s, our fundie church still had these tracts sitting around that warned of the dangers of "necking" and "petting." Apparently drive-ins were hotbeds of this kind of delinquent behavior. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the hell they were on about and was afraid to ask because this was clearly VERY VERY BAD. 

Yes! My sole sex education in the mid-90s was a small fundie book that talked about "petting" as this awful sin that led to SEX.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

@Spinosaurus.  INR that movie is so funny!  I remember when I was little my Grandma talked about that movie, she said people aren’t stupid and they are not going to “buy that nonsense”, she said people have been smoking weed for centuries!  I could hardly wait to grow up and get my hands on a copy, and I did , we had a pot party with LOTS of snacks, juice and watched it, sooooo funny.   Good memories!

[Briefly]

On 3/12/2019 at 3:02 PM, mango_fandango said:

Movie shows, dance halls and liquor joints? He talks like he’s from the 50s. 

I LOLed at the idea of him going WOOOO! Big deal Gary. No one cares what you do or don’t do. 

In the late 60's/early 70's when I was a kid, growing up in S. Texas, some people did call movies "shows".  I recall hearing about dance halls but that might have been tv or movies but then disco came into existence and dance halls probably evolved into dance clubs.  Liquor joints is a term that wasn't really used, but we did have ice houses - which were somewhere between a bar and a garage/convenience store.  Ice houses were not held in high regard by most people.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

4 minutes ago, Briefly said:

  Liquor joints is a term that wasn't really used, but we did have ice houses - which were somewhere between a bar and a garage/convenience store.  Ice houses were not held in high regard by most people.

But you could get your tires rotated and not run out of snacks.  Probably the kind of place Bro would go to if he hadn’t gots saved, they could also fix Bro’s broke down veehickles.  ?

[PumaLover]

I'm late to the game but thank you to @keepercjr for that awesome recap of what sounds like a horrible video.

In response to Bro's gushing love of Trump, what is it about Trump that make fundies love him so much? He's clearly not a Christian and is not a kind, down to earth person in any way. He curses and says vulgar things. Hell, I'm an atheist and I'm more Christlike than he is. I believe in treating other people with dignity and being kind and helping out in any way that I can. All he cares about is himself. 

I guess they figure anyone is better than that BROWN president we had last. I live in California but in a very conservative part of the state that is similar to the bible belt or deep south, but without as many Baptist churches. (I was amazed on my trip to Alabama and Mississippi last summer just how many damn Baptist churches there were there!!). We get a lot of the Make America Great Again, Keep California Great, blah blah blah. I even have to deal with it in my own home. My husband posted this on his Facebook the other day. I replied to it, "Why don't you go live at the Trump shop?" Maybe he and Gary can hang out and talk about guns and stuff together.

Also I see that Bro has gone live again. I don't have any wine right now (see my sad post in Counting On about the demise of my new bottle of wine) so I may have to wait to watch this one. 

[Granwych]

Bro Gary was a blithering idiot in 2016 (long before 2016) and that certainly won't change in 2020.  

Puma, I have an individual-sized box of sweet red wine left over from making fruitcake--I'll shoot it over.  No glass, no mess!

[AliceInFundyland]

1. As I keep flipping through to Bro this week I am forced to contemplate the horror that is a bundt pan full of clear gelatin and weens. I have come to the conclusion that it was an art experiment. No other excuse.

2. Pot cafes are the future. Prior to the great legalization of the left coast I visited one in Vancouver BC. Bring in your own stuff. Rent a vaporizer. Eat yummy food. Awesome!

[PumaLover]

I forgot I was going to try and recap the live video yesterday, LOL. My husband kindly bought me a new bottle of wine which I will be very careful not to break this time!

Oh damn, there's another live video. Not sure how much Bro I can take but I'll try!

[Briefly]

23 hours ago, PumaLover said:

I'm late to the game but thank you to @keepercjr for that awesome recap of what sounds like a horrible video.

In response to Bro's gushing love of Trump, what is it about Trump that make fundies love him so much? He's clearly not a Christian and is not a kind, down to earth person in any way. He curses and says vulgar things. Hell, I'm an atheist and I'm more Christlike than he is. I believe in treating other people with dignity and being kind and helping out in any way that I can. All he cares about is himself. 

I guess they figure anyone is better than that BROWN president we had last.

I think you nailed it, for a lot of people it's because he's white & male.  Not everyone that voted for him is racist, I have a few family members that just about worship him but they are not racist.  But quite a bit of what I've seen/heard does seem to boil down to his skin color.  And a lot of people will overlook someone's glaring character flaws.

[Georgiana]

6 minutes ago, Briefly said:

I think you nailed it, for a lot of people it's because he's white & male.  Not everyone that voted for him is racist, I have a few family members that just about worship him but they are not racist.  But quite a bit of what I've seen/heard does seem to boil down to his skin color.  And a lot of people will overlook someone's glaring character flaws.

People are used to white men in positions of power.  People are fairly used to inept white men in positions of power.  They KNOW what that is like.  But many people in this country are NOT used to women in power, especially executive power, POC in power, openly LBGTQ+ people in power.  And sometimes, people vote simply to keep in place that which is familiar because it works for them.  There's not so much any malice in that towards others so much as that the system works for them, they don't truly understand why/how the system is not working for others, and therefore they don't personally see the need to change things.  Better the devil I know and all that.  

[Beermeet]

On 3/11/2019 at 1:39 PM, pamplemousse said:

Hot dog water slushie?! Whoever came up with that is totally deranged.  

That's like, next level poverty slushie. Or, you ate too many edibles and lost your damn mind. Gross!!!!

[Lillymuffin]

12 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

People are used to white men in positions of power.  People are fairly used to inept white men in positions of power.  They KNOW what that is like.  But many people in this country are NOT used to women in power, especially executive power, POC in power, openly LBGTQ+ people in power.  And sometimes, people vote simply to keep in place that which is familiar because it works for them.  There's not so much any malice in that towards others so much as that the system works for them, they don't truly understand why/how the system is not working for others, and therefore they don't personally see the need to change things.  Better the devil I know and all that.  

Around here, at least, a lot of people voted for him because he “wasn’t Hilary.” Make of that what you will. 

[Briefly]

1 minute ago, Lillymuffin said:

Around here, at least, a lot of people voted for him because he “wasn’t Hilary.” Make of that what you will. 

That's true.  I honestly forgot about that, but it is why  a few people I know voted for him.  He wasn't Hilary and that's all that mattered to them.

[PumaLover]

Holy Rufus this ended up being long! I got nothing out of the sermon besides the fact that I hate Trump a little more. 

OK folks. We start off at a tent revival with Bro reading painfully. The people you work with probably don’t have a bible and if they do they don’t look at it. They’re sinners. People in the audience agree with him. If you claim to be saved, everyone repeat after me. Christlike. Christ being Christlike.

He’s getting insurance put on his bus so he can get on the road. Something about how he dealt with an idiot yesterday and wasn’t Christlike. I hear some amens in the audience. You claim to be saved, you go to cussin’ and actin’ a fool-we hear some haymayuns.

I’m bored so I’m skipping ahead to see when he starts yelling. Oh yay, 7:55 he starts screaming. Ennis TX needs a revival! I’m surprised how many people in the audience are yelling amens back at him. The only way I could sit through something like this is if I had a flask in my pocket or something. My kid just asked if he really gets paid for screaming at people and I said yes.

If you don’t tell your family about God they’re going to be cast into the fire and you’re going to have a handful of blood. (Ew.)

He read a book about marriage and he’s almost finished. He finally read a book in his lifetime, haymayun. The audience giggles. He’s trying to learn how to be a better husband and he learned a lot about himself. He done it so he can please the lord. Women don’t like this but Jesus is the head of the household. Your wives must submit to you. I hear a yessir from a woman in the audience, maybe Becks.

Before God ever instituted the church he instituted family. Adam and Eve, they had children and then they had church. He’s gonna tell you where your children need to be, Sunday School. (He also mentioned church on Sunday night and my kid said, they go on Sunday night too? I said yes, and Wednesday. She said, isn’t that too much Jesus? Haha). He’s talking about how church should be fun.

He said traveling makes it rough on his family time and reading the bible. You want your kids to grow up. He prays that some of his children will surrender to god.

He thinks everyone should read the book he’s reading. He doesn’t know the name of it, you have to ask Becky. He’s talking about people who’ve been through divorces. He doesn’t know what’s happened in your past and it’s none of his business but if you’re saved you’re under the blood. Lots of haymayuns.

I got bored and skipped ahead more. He’s talking about taking your boys outside to throw the ball around. When it’s raining let the boys go outside and get muddy and be BOYS!!! He screams that and there are lots of haymayuns. If you have girls put a ponytail in their hair. Dress ‘em up, let ‘em look like girls. Your boy might come home and say he doesn’t want to be a boy anymore. They’re teaching this now. They’re pushing it from kindergarten, in New Jersey, teaching boys to be girls and girls to be boys.

What would make a man want to use the girls’ bathroom? He’s going to make CDs to get the word out. If a man ever follows his wife into the bathroom he’s going to be behind him. He can’t wait til he can get the bus up and running so he can use his own bathroom. There will be girls and boys who will use it. Becky giggles really loud. (He’s really hung up on the bathroom issue).

He asks if they’re soaking it in. He hasn’t been loud and hasn’t been yelling. He’s trying to be calm. I beg to differ.

(About 24 mins in) He talks about how he doesn’t watch the news. Some guy comes on his phone and he listens for 5 seconds because he tears Trump down and he doesn’t like no one who tears down Donald Trump. He doesn’t like it, call and listen to his ringtone. What’s his ringtone? Trump. (Barf). Who are you voting for in 2020? Trump. And then he’s voting for Donald Trump’s son in 2024 (wasn’t aware he was running). They’re going to keep the Trumps in the White House, Hallaluyer.

Our country is in a mess. Our churches are in a mess. There are places in Ennis that are having social club tonight (Wednesday night) instead of at church. You need to get behind your man of god. Don’t listen to gossip about your preacher. I’m skipping ahead more. He’s talking about Caleb and how he gets paid more than Bro does and he needs to figure out what he’s doing wrong.

He asks if everyone agrees with him. About half the people do.

At 39 minutes they start singing. It’s pretty bad. Bro has a cool camp chair up on the stage. Oh geez he spends like the last 10 minutes sitting in it.

Spoiler

Bro in a camp chair

 

[Beermeet]

On 3/13/2019 at 2:24 PM, Spinosaurus said:

Liquor joints may be bad, but joint joints are worserer.  See 'Reefer Madness.'

That movie is hysterical! I own ot on dvd. ?

[FullOfGravy]

@PumaLover, thank you for the sacrifice of your time and brainspace, haymayun.

40 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

My kid just asked if he really gets paid for screaming at people and I said yes.

Well - he doesn't get paid much.

43 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

He’s talking about Caleb and how he gets paid more than Bro does and he needs to figure out what he’s doing wrong.

Caleb is the son who wants to follow in Bro's footsteps, and has no clue how to spell, tweet, or flirt, right?  What does he do to make more money than dear ol' dad?  Does he do actual work, or is it just that the collection plates KFC buckets do better after Caleb preaches?  Because I would guess that's a combination of not preaching like a raving, screaming madman, and people giving a bit more because they feel sorry for the kid.

 

52 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

What’s his ringtone? Trump. (Barf).

Jesus, that'd be a good way to get me to either answer calls very quickly, or throw the phone into the nearest toilet.  I frequently stream some news channel or other for background noise in my office, and tend to hit mute whenever Il Douche is speaking.

54 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

And then he’s voting for Donald Trump’s son in 2024 (wasn’t aware he was running). They’re going to keep the Trumps in the White House, Hallaluyer.

If (God forbid) that happens, the Trumps will be a corrupt dynasty kept in place by force, with what could only be sham elections.  How very... North Korean of them.

[griffin]

He said that Caleb is GIVEN  more money than he is. He also said if Caleb gets married, his wife will have to travel with them. But if she's ugly, he will have to leave her at home. He is such a disgusting pig.

[Dandruff]

18 hours ago, PumaLover said:

Something about how he dealt with an idiot yesterday and wasn’t Christlike.

Was he by a mirror?

[keepercjr]

Bless you @PumaLover  I am glad I won't have to do all the recaps.  He was live last night and tonight but I haven't had a chance to watch. 

Caleb probably gets given more $ because he has musical "talent" and is probably a nice and eager to please kid who works hard. 

I can't imagine how hard it must be for kids like the Bro's or the Rod's to break free.  Their ENTIRE existence is church.  If they aren't in church doing some kind of music or listening to daddy preach (or scream in Bro's case) then they are actively practicing and preparing for church.  To say you don't want to do that anymore or you don't believe the same way they do must be absolutely terrifying.  They know what is said about those who aren't "on fire for Jesus". 

[griffin]

getta loada the way he ties his tie 

[waltraute]

getta loada the way he ties his tie 

So that's how he gets them so long. I thought he just had an unnaturally-long tie collection. He is purposely going for the tie-to-crotch look. Whaddya know.

[smittykins]

AMAN!