Jinjer 45: First a Preacher then a Seminarian

[SassyPants]

I know that some may not like hearing this, but having a strong connection to others, especially those in the community, is very important  in leading a healthy, fulfilling life. Children grow up, marriages end, and  of us ,especially in the US, live a transient life. People need to be connected to others. I know this is really hard for introverts to hear. And for all those we have never moved and still have the same tribe since birth, consider yourselves so blessed!

[church_of_dog]

3 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

I hate to break it to you this way, but you're really my clone. 

There are actually a bunch of us and they figured we'd never run into each other since we're programmed to never leave the house. 

The internet really fucked up that plan though ?

My online singles profile includes the phrase: "How DOES a hermit meet another hermit?"

 

[libgirl2]

On 12/5/2018 at 6:20 PM, Palimpsest said:

 

Eh, no.  I graduated from university barely able to boil an egg.  There is a vocabulary and skill set for cooking that I still had to learn.  And today I can read very well, can cook quite - possibly very - well, but am still a rotten failure as a baker.   Baking is too much like chemistry.

 

 

 

My mom went into her marriage not knowing how to cook. Growing up in the Caribbean, her family had someone who cooked for them. My dad joked that he suffered in the early years of their marriage, but she eventually turned into an amazing cook. Baking though was never her strong point! 

I never had to cook growing up and looking back my first meals were not the best. I daresay, I don't think I have any keeper recipes from those days. I hate to cook, but I am capable of turning out something good. If I didn't work, I think I would try more elaborate dishes but when you get home and time is short, quicker tried and true recipes work. 

[lumpentheologie]

56 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I know that some may not like hearing this, but having a strong connection to others, especially those in the community, is very important  in leading a healthy, fulfilling life. Children grow up, marriages end, and  of us ,especially in the US, live a transient life. People need to be connected to others. I know this is really hard for introverts to hear. And for all those we have never moved and still have the same tribe since birth, consider yourselves so blessed!

I completely agree that we need strong social connections.  I just think for some people those can be maintained pretty well through texting/calling, sending cards, and visiting on a semi-frequent basis. 

Also spaces like FJ don't count for nothing, for many of us. ?

1 hour ago, MsSaylor said:

I want to chime into this conversation but my feelings are kind of all over the place. Ive been a sahm during the daytime hours for about 2 years now. I work evenings and weekends and one weekday shift (about 32 hrs a week). So it kind of sucks and is the worst of both worlds lol. My two older kids are in school so its just me and my 4 yo most of the time. Im incredibly bored with my life but at the same time Im in a comfort zone and am afraid of the alternatives at this point. I have slowly lost most of my social life and mostly only socialize with my husband, family members and online/texting with a few friends.  I do have some semblance of hobbies but not like most people. Im not crafty or at all interested in any of the homemaking areas of interest like decorating, cooking/baking etc. I spend most of the day doing a few chores, on fj/my phone and of course taking care of my daughter and playing with her and sometimes errands. I used to work out at the Y which was really good for me and included socializing but we had to give up our membership for now. Anyway there are things I could be doing but Im not interested and dont want to. At this point I barely even clean because I just am so bored and dont care. I am definitely getting depressed with it. Even though Im an introvert I really dont like being at home all day and I like to be busy all the time.  Ugh its hard. I think my life would ferl more normal/full/busy the way I like if I get a day job and am home with my family including my husband in the evenings and weekends so it is easier to get out and do things as a family. But I would need a nanny to do school pick ups etc and that is hard bc oldest has special needs plus money. I understand a lot of your prespectives.

Sending you lots of hugs, that sounds so hard. 

I don't mean to overstep, so please ignore this if I am, but you do sound like you could be struggling with depression, as you mentioned. That's something I've struggled with since being a teenager, and I really hope you can find a solution that works for you. 

[JesSky03]

9 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

I agree that not everyone needs to be doing something outside of the home to have a good life. 

I work from home (and it's very solitary work) and am pretty happy with leaving my apartment only 2-3 times a week in the winter. I socialize mainly with my husband and visit with a friend maybe 2-3 times a month. I'm pretty introverted and happy with not being overstimulated, but I realize this probably sounds terrible and isolated to a lot of people. 

Even if I didn't work, I would be pretty happy with my life being this way. I have lots of things to occupy me around the house, lots of books to read, things to research online, TV to watch, long baths to take, yoga to do, etc.

I rarely feel bored, and I find it puzzling when people express "What on earth do they do with their time all day??" when the Duggar girls are home alone pre-kids. Not everyone needs the same amount of stimulation, and I imagine it must be heaven for some of them to be home alone after sister-momming in a crazy house for the previous 15 or so years. 

I work from home, 10 hours a day/4 days a week also doing very solitary work however its really not that much more isolating than when I actually went into the office and spent hours alone in a cubicle. My son goes to daycare while I'm working so most days I only leave the house to go pick him up when I clock out. Sometimes we run errands after I pick him up but mostly we just come home and spend the evenings playing together. On weekends we may visit family but I honestly prefer staying home and getting that one on one time with my son. I don't have really any friends that I hang out with besides my sister because I just have a hard time connecting with people. I hope someday that we can make some friends with other parents so my kids can hopefully form those types of relationships but for now I'm very fulfilled with my life. I know my dad thinks I isolate myself too much...he seriously asked me if I was going to become an agoraphobic the other day even though he lives 800+ miles away(thank goodness) and has no idea what I actually do on a day to day basis . 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

57 minutes ago, libgirl2 said:

My mom went into her marriage not knowing how to cook. Growing up in the Caribbean, her family had someone who cooked for them. My dad joked that he suffered in the early years of their marriage, but she eventually turned into an amazing cook. Baking though was never her strong point! 

I never had to cook growing up and looking back my first meals were not the best. I daresay, I don't think I have any keeper recipes from those days. I hate to cook, but I am capable of turning out something good. If I didn't work, I think I would try more elaborate dishes but when you get home and time is short, quicker tried and true recipes work. 

This is fascinating to me.  My mom always said there are cooks and there are bakers (we’re bakers - my dad could cook) and it amazes me when people can cook well but less successful in baking since to me baking is so much easier. 

It’s just science.  Cooking is an art - no two roasts are marbled the same, knowing how to adapt for different ingredients, etc.  that takes creativity and cleverness.

if I make chocholate eclairs from scratch they will come out beautifully as long as I religiously follow the recipe - get creative and they’re fucked.

[Georgiana]

12 minutes ago, lumpentheologie said:

I completely agree that we need strong social connections.  I just think for some people those can be maintained pretty well through texting/calling, sending cards, and visiting on a semi-frequent basis. 

Also spaces like FJ don't count for nothing, for many of us. ?

Very much agree!   The thing is that what constitutes fulfilling social connections change depending on the person, and what "strong connections" look like to me as an introvert is very different than what "strong connections" look like to my extremely extroverted mother.  My mom will not feel close to someone unless she's interacting with them frequently and constantly sharing with them.  Distance cools relationships for her.  I don't measure my relationships by this same barometer.  I feel close to people based upon my ease around them.  If we have a comfortable, open, and trusting relationship, I couldn't care less if we haven't spoken in years.  I actually just had a friend who I haven't seen or spoken to in two years pop back up last night.  I still feel very close to them, definitely a strong connection, and I can't wait to catch them up on what's happened in the time apart.  Introverts and Extroverts build connections differently, but they also allow those connections to fray differently.  So conduct that would erode connections for an extrovert may not have the same pronounced negative effect on the connections of an introvert.  

And there are ways to build genuine, strong connections without much interaction.  I know SAHMs who volunteer their time from home to do organizational or other grunt work for non-profits.  Though they rarely interact or are on site, they still have strong connections to the organization, strong connections to other regular volunteers, and strong connections to their community.  My friend's dad lives on a 10 acre farm way out in the countryside.  Rarely interacts with people outside his family.  Spends tons of time in his wood shop.  And every Christmas he gives out hundreds of handmade wooden toys to the children of the community.  He has incredibly strong connections to his community and to the various organizations he works with.  

Introverts just use a different model to build their best connections.  That model may only require the bare minimum of social interaction.  And that's OK.  Because introverts still have the ability to give back to their communities, find pleasure and purpose, and meet their emotional and social needs without socializing with the wider world on a frequent basis.  So just because a person rarely leaves their home, it doesn't mean that they lack connections, especially in this age of technology.  It just means that they may have chosen to build those connections in a very introverted way.  

The world is so biased and set up for extroverts, that it can be easy to forget that the introvert model is NOT lesser.  It's just different.  But it's equally valid, equally successful, and equally healthy.  Extroverts, I think, struggle to understand this sometimes because unlike introverts who are constantly forced into extrovert-designed spaces, extroverts are rarely forced into introvert spaces and may unintentionally assume their way is the only way.  Introverts and extroverts just have very different definitions of what they find "fulfilling", so it makes sense that what they see as a fulfilling social life would be very different as well.  

And I'm sure most of you have seen this, but I would be remiss if I didn't include this helpful video  

 

[JesSky03]

2 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

This is fascinating to me.  My mom always said there are cooks and there are bakers (we’re bakers - my dad could cook) and it amazes me when people can cook well but less successful in baking since to me baking is so much easier. 

It’s just science.  Cooking is an art - no two roasts are marbled the same, knowing how to adapt for different ingredients, etc.  that takes creativity and cleverness.

if I make chocholate eclairs from scratch they will come out beautifully as long as I religiously follow the recipe - get creative and they’re fucked.

Yes!! I am definitely a cook not a baker. I do not like to use precise measurements and I love to ad-lib. My husband is the opposite. He likes to follow directions exactly and has a hard time straying from the recipe and the few times he has tried to add his own twist it has gone badly. He does make a beautiful apple pie though. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

4 minutes ago, JesSky03 said:

Yes!! I am definitely a cook not a baker. I do not like to use precise measurements and I love to ad-lib. My husband is the opposite. He likes to follow directions exactly and has a hard time straying from the recipe and the few times he has tried to add his own twist it has gone badly. He does make a beautiful apple pie though. 

that's a beautiful mixed marriage!

[SamuraiKatz]

Unfortunately, Jill has to bust hump more than Jinger because she chose an ill tempered headship who cannot seem to hold onto a paying job, and is such a loose cannon that even his wife and kids have had their jobs terminated.
Too bad, so sad-

I think Jill married Derrick be cause her father gave her no way to say no. I think Jill is floundering and Derrick has one foot out the door. We'll see how that shakes out once he is out of law school.

[SassyPants]

23 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

Very much agree!   The thing is that what constitutes fulfilling social connections change depending on the person, and what "strong connections" look like to me as an introvert is very different than what "strong connections" look like to my extremely extroverted mother.  My mom will not feel close to someone unless she's interacting with them frequently and constantly sharing with them.  Distance cools relationships for her.  I don't measure my relationships by this same barometer.  I feel close to people based upon my ease around them.  If we have a comfortable, open, and trusting relationship, I couldn't care less if we haven't spoken in years.  I actually just had a friend who I haven't seen or spoken to in two years pop back up last night.  I still feel very close to them, definitely a strong connection, and I can't wait to catch them up on what's happened in the time apart.  Introverts and Extroverts build connections differently, but they also allow those connections to fray differently.  So conduct that would erode connections for an extrovert may not have the same pronounced negative effect on the connections of an introvert.  

And there are ways to build genuine, strong connections without much interaction.  I know SAHMs who volunteer their time from home to do organizational or other grunt work for non-profits.  Though they rarely interact or are on site, they still have strong connections to the organization, strong connections to other regular volunteers, and strong connections to their community.  My friend's dad lives on a 10 acre farm way out in the countryside.  Rarely interacts with people outside his family.  Spends tons of time in his wood shop.  And every Christmas he gives out hundreds of handmade wooden toys to the children of the community.  He has incredibly strong connections to his community and to the various organizations he works with.  

Introverts just use a different model to build their best connections.  That model may only require the bare minimum of social interaction.  And that's OK.  Because introverts still have the ability to give back to their communities, find pleasure and purpose, and meet their emotional and social needs without socializing with the wider world on a frequent basis.  So just because a person rarely leaves their home, it doesn't mean that they lack connections, especially in this age of technology.  It just means that they may have chosen to build those connections in a very introverted way.  

The world is so biased and set up for extroverts, that it can be easy to forget that the introvert model is NOT lesser.  It's just different.  But it's equally valid, equally successful, and equally healthy.  Extroverts, I think, struggle to understand this sometimes because unlike introverts who are constantly forced into extrovert-designed spaces, extroverts are rarely forced into introvert spaces and may unintentionally assume their way is the only way.  Introverts and extroverts just have very different definitions of what they find "fulfilling", so it makes sense that what they see as a fulfilling social life would be very different as well.  

And I'm sure most of you have seen this, but I would be remiss if I didn't include this helpful video  

 

I am one of those people who tests exactly center on thise EvI tests. So, for example, the thought of an evening out with a group is a lot less inviting to me than PJs and Netflix, but once I’m at a function, I always have a good time and thirst for more. I’m equally happy in a group or alone, at home or traveling. I’m probably a rare bird. After retirement I stayed home for 2 years before I realized that despite social media relationships and books I needed more. We had just moved for my husband’s job and I person knew not a soul. I need up close people in my life and working with others to feel fulfilled. My health took a huge hit when I retired. 

[cascarones]

It came out a while back, but Quiet the Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain is a wonderful look at both behavioral and neurological side of things. I'm not working at the moment, but in mentorship groups or 1x1s with my team it is one of the books I pull out again and again as a resource. 

I find extroverted/introverted pairs (like JinJer) super fascinating to people watch, they were by far my favorite in my restaurant days of date watching. Same with parents and their children who clearly have different personalities, though extroverted parent with introverted child is much easier to spot. It's one of those introverted habits that I do outside the house, I also enjoy solitary walks or wandering the library. Connections are not necessarily related to proximity or interaction counts, they can be very deep based on shared interests or experiences.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

29 minutes ago, SamuraiKatz said:

On ‎12‎/‎4‎/‎2018 at 4:22 PM, SassyPants said:

Unfortunately, Jill has to bust hump more than Jinger because she chose an ill tempered headship who cannot seem to hold onto a paying job, and is such a loose cannon that even his wife and kids have had their jobs terminated.
Too bad, so sad-

I think Jill married Derrick be cause her father gave her no way to say no. I think Jill is floundering and Derrick has one foot out the door. We'll see how that shakes out once he is out of law school.

I think she was likely all in at the start and I imagine would be struggling hard with her reality vs her expectations.

[VelociRapture]

4 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I just want to take this opportunity to remind people that the Duggar daughters' supposed ineptitude in the homemaking realm was purposely exaggerated by TLC. 'Girl gets married and is hopeless in the kitchen/taking care of a house/taking care of kids' is one of TLC's pet plot lines. We've all done brain dead stuff, but usually no one's filming us at the time. Most people tend to adopt a self-effacing sort of humour where they play down their strengths and exaggerate their weaknesses in situations like that as well. We don't know what the reality is. 

Thank you!!! I say this every single time the topic comes up, but a lot of what is on the show is likely exaggerated/staged by the production company because they have a storyline to sell. If you look at the courting episodes you’ll see a pattern emerge:

Jill: She is shown early in her marriage cooking a Nepali dish for Derick with Jana. Her “Oh shit, I can’t cook moment!” is the infamous moment where she appeared to struggle figuring out how much rice to make when the box had directions on it.

Jessa: She has an episode where she and Jinger learn to cook chicken parm (Ben’s favorite) with two of Ben’s sisters. She also has the infamous “cooked the oven manual” moment.

Jinger: She’s shows learning to make sauce with Jeremy’s grandma. Her moment was not being able to name any pasta shapes. 

Joy: She learned to cook a type of cheesecake Austin likes with his mom and sister. I have no clue if she had a “can’t cook” moment, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if she did. 

The pattern that emerges is this: 

A Duggar daughter is taught to cook by her beloved’s (usually older, but not always) female family member(s). Except Jill and that was only because Derick’s mother was waging a very serious battle with cancer at the time, so Jana took on that role instead. The Duggar daughter is shown learning to cook a dish her man loves - because his happiness is obviously the most important thing ever - and she is usually presented as not knowing what she’s doing.

So why are they presented this way? My theory is that part of it is that it makes them more relatable to their audience. That, plus it makes for a somewhat interesting episode in which we learn something new about the newest cast member and we’re introduced to their family a bit more. 

As for their hobbies and manner of spending time after marriage, we have no way to know what they actually do during the day. We do know that Jill at least has seemed to stay busy at times - she studied for her Midwife certification (though never followed through on her state cert, likely because Venessa screwed her over so thoroughly), she did a Bible study course that required essays, she’s attended a handful of births, participated in a Church small groups this past summer, I believe she started homeschooling Izzy, has her blog (as bad as we may think it is, it’s still something), has/had the paid sponsorships with elorainspired and the shirt company (bonus points because she actually labels them properly as paid sponsorships unlike other fundies!), has shared posts about people she says are friends (Danielle Gonzalez, Rachel Tuuk, Molly Kuhl), spends time with her kids, was seen reading a book about boundaries that some people here actually approved of, has posted about non-Bible religious books she’s read (no clue how good those are), participated in some of the C3 stuff with Derick, spending time with her in-laws and family... you get the idea. Most (not all) of this was featured on her Instagram and was very easy for me to find quickly. I would assume that transitioning from the TTH to their new life as a married woman is a tough transition in different ways for all of them, but I’d also think it’s likely that they all found ways to pass the time at some point too and we just don’t see it because the show and social media don’t show the full picture of their lives. 

[SorenaJ]

I can bake well, but I can’t cook. People are often surprised like “oh I can’t bake, that’s so difficult, but I can cook alright.” To me, baking is not a problem, you follow the recipe, put it in the oven, and that’s that. Cooking you have to be quick, and do things before they burn/boil too much. You can’t just take a break. 

[lumpentheologie]

21 minutes ago, SorenaJ said:

To me, baking is not a problem, you follow the recipe, put it in the oven, and that’s that.

For some of us following the recipe is the problem, lol.  

I don't know if it's my ADHD or what, but I loathe having to follow a recipe exactly (or really any other set of steps I have to follow exactly).  I'm just not a detail-oriented person that way---I find it really stressful and I'd rather not worry about "doing something right" when I'm making food.  I'll bake, but only things I can do by feel like pies and some puddings, nothing fragile or fancy. 

I can usually cook up a pretty good dinner with whatever happens to be in the fridge, though. 

[Meggo]

4 minutes ago, lumpentheologie said:

For some of us following the recipe is the problem, lol.  

I don't know if it's my ADHD or what, but I loathe having to follow a recipe exactly (or really any other set of steps I have to follow exactly).  I'm just not a detail-oriented person that way---I find it really stressful and I'd rather not worry about "doing something right" when I'm making food.  I'll bake, but only things I can do by feel like pies and some puddings, nothing fragile or fancy. 

I can usually cook up a pretty good dinner with whatever happens to be in the fridge, though. 

I can cook fine enough, and I can bake fine too. But I cannot for the life of me - make brownies. Doesn't matter the mix, doesn't matter from scratch. I will follow the directions to the letter and I will still end up with less-than brownies. Either they're like bricks - or like goo. 

Cannot do it. I've tried different mixes, done it from scratch, different ovens - cannot make brownies. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

9 minutes ago, Meggo said:

I can cook fine enough, and I can bake fine too. But I cannot for the life of me - make brownies. Doesn't matter the mix, doesn't matter from scratch. I will follow the directions to the letter and I will still end up with less-than brownies. Either they're like bricks - or like goo. 

Cannot do it. I've tried different mixes, done it from scratch, different ovens - cannot make brownies. 

I was like that w/ choc chip cookies forever and just got them right recently.  I feel your frustration!

bakers 1 bowl brownie recipe is foolproof for me, just fyi

 

[libgirl2]

1 hour ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

This is fascinating to me.  My mom always said there are cooks and there are bakers (we’re bakers - my dad could cook) and it amazes me when people can cook well but less successful in baking since to me baking is so much easier. 

It’s just science.  Cooking is an art - no two roasts are marbled the same, knowing how to adapt for different ingredients, etc.  that takes creativity and cleverness.

if I make chocholate eclairs from scratch they will come out beautifully as long as I religiously follow the recipe - get creative and they’re fucked.

My mom could cook anything, from the Spanish chicken and rice to German Rouladen to Asian stir fry.  The only sweets she could make were bread pudding, rice pudding and flan. And she made those very well! Growing up the ladies in our neighborhood would do a cookie exchange every holiday. My mom could not for the life of her make a nice cookie. She made some one year that were like mini-muffins that were so hard you could have killed someone with one good shot of one to the head. She would tell them "you don't have to invite me, I can't bake" and they just said it didn't matter. 

Baking is very precise, you just can't throw things together as easily as you can with cooking. Cooking is an art like you say, its creative. Baking can be an art, but a little too much or not enough of this and it goes down the toilet. 

16 minutes ago, Meggo said:

I can cook fine enough, and I can bake fine too. But I cannot for the life of me - make brownies. Doesn't matter the mix, doesn't matter from scratch. I will follow the directions to the letter and I will still end up with less-than brownies. Either they're like bricks - or like goo. 

Cannot do it. I've tried different mixes, done it from scratch, different ovens - cannot make brownies. 

I can follow a brownie mix real well. That is it. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 minute ago, libgirl2 said:

My mom could cook anything, from the Spanish chicken and rice to German Rouladen to Asian stir fry.  The only sweets she could make were bread pudding, rice pudding and flan. And she made those very well! Growing up the ladies in our neighborhood would do a cookie exchange every holiday. My mom could not for the life of her make a nice cookie. She made some one year that were like mini-muffins that were so hard you could have killed someone with one good shot of one to the head. She would tell them "you don't have to invite me, I can't bake" and they just said it didn't matter. 

Baking is very precise, you just can't throw things together as easily as you can with cooking. Cooking is an art like you say, its creative. Baking can be an art, but a little too much or not enough of this and it goes down the toilet. 

do you have her rouladen recipe?  or rezept as my dad would say.

rouladen with homemade spaetzel is one of my favorite things to cook.

 

[Meggo]

4 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I was like that w/ choc chip cookies forever and just got them right recently.  I feel your frustration!

bakers 1 bowl brownie recipe is foolproof for me, just fyi

 

Chocolate chip cookies - I still use the recipe I got off the bag of Nestle Toll House chips. There was a time I could have done that recipe in my sleep. 

I'll check the recipe you suggested for brownies. Thankfully - I'm not obsessed with brownies (give me a cookie any day) - but I would like to master what seems so SIMPLE. Like now it's just ON between me & the brownies...

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

3 minutes ago, Meggo said:

Chocolate chip cookies - I still use the recipe I got off the bag of Nestle Toll House chips. There was a time I could have done that recipe in my sleep. 

I'll check the recipe you suggested for brownies. Thankfully - I'm not obsessed with brownies (give me a cookie any day) - but I would like to master what seems so SIMPLE. Like now it's just ON between me & the brownies...

 

I get it.  and the tollhouse recipe always came out puffy and dry - and hard.  it's so frustrating when something so basic eludes you!

 

[libgirl2]

9 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

do you have her rouladen recipe?  or rezept as my dad would say.

rouladen with homemade spaetzel is one of my favorite things to cook.

 

No, I don't. It was something she never wrote down, she just made it. She has dementia now and wouldn't have a clue what I am talking about. 

I know she used mustard, pickle and bacon, rolled up the meat and cooked it in beef gravy. Oh and she made the best homemade spaetzels too! Pretty good for a Dominican girl who never learned to cook growing up. 

[SassyPants]

29 minutes ago, Meggo said:

I can cook fine enough, and I can bake fine too. But I cannot for the life of me - make brownies. Doesn't matter the mix, doesn't matter from scratch. I will follow the directions to the letter and I will still end up with less-than brownies. Either they're like bricks - or like goo. 

Cannot do it. I've tried different mixes, done it from scratch, different ovens - cannot make brownies. 

I swear to Bob I can not make brownies at all. Last weekend I was making some for a party and they went from uncooked to burnt in 2 minutes with me standing in the kitchen and resting them with a skewer. I threw them, pan and all, right in the trash. I also reminded the SO that I would never make brownies again. About 10 dollars in ingredients + a pan. 

[SilverBeach]

Baking isn't completely judgement-free. Particularly, the amount of flour may need to be slightly adjusted based on the humidity. The thing is to know when the proper texture or consistency of the dough or batter has been reached. Also, oven temperatures vary, so I uses a hanging thermometer to double check. Dark pans require a lower temperature than shiny pans, and baked items should be checked at the minimum baking time and then watched very carefully, minute by minute, until done.  I can tell by the exterior of my baked goods whether they are done or not, but I have many decades of experience. I find that cornbread is a lot more forgiving than other baked goods. Some like it drier if it will be used as a side to a very liquid dish. I make cornbread without a recipe.

I learned cooking basics as an adult when I got my first apartment, using the Better Homes and Gardens and Betty Crocker cookbooks, both of which I still have. I enjoy cooking and baking, and am pretty good at both. Sometimes I think I should have majored in home economics, and got a job in the Kraft test kitchens or something instead of going to a high-powered university and having a career in business. I also like interior decorating. Oh well. I'm a introvert who can putz around my house all day and connect mostly with the same few people and be happy. I don't mind talking though (some consider me rather talkative), or expressing my opinion, fooling some into thinking I'm an extrovert. I work full-time at home, have done so for years, and as a homebody I enjoy it so much. 

I'm content because I no longer try to force myself to be something that I'm not. When I was in my twenties I went to clubs but it was never my thing, I only went because that was what single twenty-somethings were supposed to do. Ugh. I have a list of volunteer activities and other interests that I want to pursue after I retire, with and without Mr. SB. I may actually spend less time on FJ then!

Oh, with respect to the Duggar women, we know that the program is and has always been highly planned and edited, despite being a so-called reality show. I think their individual social media accounts likely give a more accurate depiction of their homemaking skills. Just because their life options may have been limited doesn't mean they actually have great interest in the homemaking arts. They don't have to be that good at it just because they were not expected to do much else. Hell, I received absolutely no encouragement to be domestic, I was expected to get a college education and support myself, and I am better at the domestic arts than any of them (well, maybe Jana could compete with me) because I like them!