Questions about becoming Catholic

[AliceInFundyland]

23 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

At this point, I'm not sure this even matters half as much to OP as it does to us.  Regardless, a nice realisitc/ theological discussion with large doses of actually caring.  What else can we do?  If I were the one receiving this level of thought, care and caution....well....I would cry.  This right here, is a good thing.  It's real. To be treated with such care and consideration, even if OP is a troll, ( I don't think so, just not getting the green light to do as she will) something good may come of this.  

Right? That's what I told her, we're good at that. She's popping in in bursts. Will there be another round? Will there be new information revealed? Or will it be more of this
?

I mean you/we do care but also at this point.

And it feels bitchy to say that. But it's what happens. My mood shifted from concerned and inquisitive to "good luck, we've said what we can say to you. you don't listen." OP if you keep posting here that's what's happening. Whatever the heck your problem is. You become a diversion, 'a hot thread'

[SilverBeach]

8 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

I'm off to paint my toe nails.  I think the pale green stuff I bought last week is rather nice.

Sounds nice! Bright red, almost coral, with a silver sparkle overlay for me. 

[Maggie Mae]

I'm 90% sure that if OP divorces her husband, the Church will grant her an annulment.  

[closetcagebaby]

9 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

Sounds nice! Bright red, almost coral, with a silver sparkle overlay for me. 

I was thinking of you and your always awesome nail pics when I got my glittery SNS powder dip set!

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, Carm_88 said:

Being Catholic is seriously complicated. There's guilt, there's prayers, there's "Oh sweet immaculate baby Jesus, I ate meat on Good Friday...again!"

The one part of Catholicism I can't get rid of...guilt. I get a double whammy of it though...there's Catholic guilt and there's Latinx guilt. Combine them and you have a neurotic, anxiety ridden mess who's pretty much afraid to do much of anything! 

I STILL feel guilty about eating meat on Fridays during Lent...it hasn't been a part of my life for 20+ years but man...that brainwashing dies hard. 

[Georgiana]

I DO like the fact that Lent triggers a lot of places to run specials on fish, but that's just because I enjoy a good fish sandwich or taco.  

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, AliceInFundyland said:

Right? That's what I told her, we're good at that. She's popping in in bursts. Will there be another round? Will there be new information revealed? Or will it be more of this
?

I mean you/we do care but also at this point.

And it feels bitchy to say that. But it's what happens. My mood shifted from concerned and inquisitive to "good luck, we've said what we can say to you. you don't listen." OP if you keep posting here that's what's happening. Whatever the heck your problem is. You become a diversion, 'a hot thread'

Exactly. If the OP is being genuine then I wish her and her family well, but there’s nothing more we can say at this point unless she decides to actually listen. 

[Beermeet]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

The one part of Catholicism I can't get rid of...guilt. I get a double whammy of it though...there's Catholic guilt and there's Latinx guilt. Combine them and you have a neurotic, anxiety ridden mess who's pretty much afraid to do much of anything! 

I STILL feel guilty about eating meat on Fridays during Lent...it hasn't been a part of my life for 20+ years but man...that brainwashing dies hard. 

You and me both girl.  That guilt tho.  Same for Italian/Irish Americans IME.  Funny thing how *we* separate ourselves via different cultures when we are so damn similar.  

My first ob/gyn I went too and didn't stay with ( not due to this conversation ) was an older Jewish man.  I was scared because I was worried that I had taken the pill for 7 years and idk, just worried/feeling guilty if that would affect the pregnancy.  He saw right through me and asked if I was Catholic.  Said " you know, us Jews created guilt, you Catholics perfected it".  Lol!  True story.  He kindly schooled me on the pill and pregnancy......and to ditch the guilt in my current life.  I was still only 5 years out of Catholicism, so pretty fresh compared to 15 years later.

[feministxtian]

3 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

Said " you know, us Jews created guilt, you Catholics perfected it". 

I've heard that before...the only thing that can out-guilt a Catholic mother is a Jewish mother.

[Carm_88]

@Beermeet Oh thank god, I'm not the only one who heard the lies about long term use of the pill causing issues with fertility. Some part of me knows it's not true, the other part of me feels guilty. I'm sitting here single, so I don't know why it matters...

[jjmennonite]

Mennonite guilt is far less famous than Catholic or Jewish guilt, because we’re a very small force in history. But I do understand that guilty baggage. I’ve unpacked a lot of that, with HUGE credit to FJ. I’ve read here long before the rapture of Yuku. 

Keep it up, all your compassionate advice is great. And your tough love is great. 

[socalrules]

As a Catholic who went on birth control when diagnosed with PCOS, I feel no guilt about taking the pill. It feels amazing to know when your four day period will show up and not stress it will show up while on vacation when it has been missing for months. Hell, my super Catholic mother, who was a virgin on her wedding night in her mid-20s, loved having to go on the pill as a teenager to regulate her period. The fact it can keep you from getting pregnant is just a plus. 

[HoneyBunny]

My mother, who we loved to call Our Lady of Watkins St. for her extreme Catholicity, had to go on the pill in her mid 40s to regulate her periods. The doctor had to work hard to convince her she really wasn’t preventing any more pregnancies, just saving her own life. 

[Beermeet]

38 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

@Beermeet Oh thank god, I'm not the only one who heard the lies about long term use of the pill causing issues with fertility. Some part of me knows it's not true, the other part of me feels guilty. I'm sitting here single, so I don't know why it matters...

Just to follow up with this.....  Dr. asked me " why do you think you have to take it daily?  And when you get to the sugar pills week, you get your period in abput 2 days?"  Because it does NOT stay in your system.  I was like " Duh!"  Yeah, makes total sense vs. what I was told by my elder female relatives and church.  You're all good to go when the time comes!  

FYI...I stopped the pill so we could go on out 1 year married anniversary to get pregnant.   I thought, stop taking it 2 months prior and hopefully all will be ok.  Yeah, I was 1 month pregnant on that trip!  Goodbye wine tasting and hot baby making sex up and down the California coast.  I was throwing up, a lot.  I had adversions to color!  Yellow=barfing.  I shit you not!  

45 minutes ago, socalrules said:

As a Catholic who went on birth control when diagnosed with PCOS, I feel no guilt about taking the pill. It feels amazing to know when your four day period will show up and not stress it will show up while on vacation when it has been missing for months. Hell, my super Catholic mother, who was a virgin on her wedding night in her mid-20s, loved having to go on the pill as a teenager to regulate her period. The fact it can keep you from getting pregnant is just a plus. 

Yes!  The pill chilled out my harsh periods and my skin looked great!  After some years of use, my sex drive went down.  Not cool.  After #2, I got fixed.  I love my natural sex drive and sex without becoming pregnant!!!!  For me, good trade off for periods au natural.

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, Carm_88 said:

@Beermeet Oh thank god, I'm not the only one who heard the lies about long term use of the pill causing issues with fertility. Some part of me knows it's not true, the other part of me feels guilty. I'm sitting here single, so I don't know why it matters...

My mother - who I love dearly and genuinely means well - actually asked me if my birth control caused my miscarriage shortly after it happened. I had to explain that’s pretty much been debunked. Even if the pill could cause losses that wouldn’t have been the case for me since I don’t ovulate until around a month after my period - there’s no way the hormones are staying in your system for that long. 

Mom is Catholic (and of Irish descent, God help me!), but isn’t very observant. She is really good at guilting you when she has to though. She also majored in Criminal Justice and minored in Psychology, so the deck was completely stacked against my siblings and me from the very start. 

[Meggo]

My parents are Uber Catholic. When travelling, they seek out churches in other countries (even airport chapels). But they seem to think it’s just checking the box. So if you to church in Spain, and the mass is in Spanish, it counts.

My mom is practically giddy that my son is going to Catholic school. (Really, it was convenient, in Ontario it’s free, it’s walking distance to my house and his daycare is in the same building. No brainer). I think she thinks this is us turning to God or something. It’s not, it’s just handy. He still isn’t baptized (and won’t be) and I don’t know what will happen when they get to Communion in a few years...

i am not going back to the church. I was too cafeteria Catholic to continue. It just didn’t sit right. Plus mass is so weird now, it doesn’t feel comforting or like Home.

[Granwych]

1 hour ago, Carm_88 said:

@Beermeet Oh thank god, I'm not the only one who heard the lies about long term use of the pill causing issues with fertility. Some part of me knows it's not true, the other part of me feels guilty. I'm sitting here single, so I don't know why it matters...

Being Catholic can make you feel guilty for breathing.  And especially for thinking impure thoughts, let alone acting on them.

[Evangeline]

This has been a really great discussion. Thanks, all of you, for such thoughtful and interesting posts. One thing I have learned in marriage is that you cannot dictate another person's spiritual path. Both my husband and I have low-key tried to talk the other into something the other just couldn't do, and, you know, it just doesn't work. Spirituality is incredibly personal and it's wrong to try to force another person to be exactly where you are. Throughout our times of disagreement, though, my prayer has always been for us to reach agreement, not for him to change. I believe any prayer must be made in humility and the believer must leave the possibility open that she is the one who is wrong and who God will need to change. In marriage we need to seek to be on the same page or find an acceptable compromise, not to change the other person or demand our own way. I truly believe this is the reason our times of religious disagreement have been short. 

So, OP: humility, patience, peacemaking, oneness are the keys here. I believe there was some Jewish dude about 2,000 years ago who talked about this stuff a bit. 

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, Granwych said:

Being Catholic can make you feel guilty for breathing.  And especially for thinking impure thoughts, let alone acting on them.

Oh God...the impure thoughts...I swore I was going to hell for years and years...there was this guy in high school (this was the late 70's)...oh God...his pants were rather tight over a certain part of his anatomy...I had to endure 5 years (8th to 12th grades) checking this guy out. You have no idea how many Hail Marys and Our Fathers I had to say for those impure thoughts...let alone acting on other impure thoughts with other boys...

[SoybeanQueen]

The continual misinformation about birth control and women's health issues is one huge reason I would never consent to my daughters being raised in the Catholic church, no matter how much my spouse wanted to get me to agree to it. If people have to lie to scare women out of using birth control, how is that justified as part of their faith?

As for the OP, if you decide to divorce because of this religious divide *you* introduced into the marriage, your husband is likely to decline to allow your daughter to be raised in your church. Divorcing because of your religion will definitely not ease his concerns about legalism and cult-like behavior.

[SuperSluth]

Catholic guilt dovetails nicely with anxiety and stress disorders and OCD.  Think about it, what is different from checking locks/doorknobs vs. saying a few Hail Mary's to stay safe?  The temporary relief that you are doing something to control the un-controllable.  Therapists also call it "magical thinking" (though I think that offends truly OCD people using religion in their compulsions).  Some light reading for anyone who is interested: http://www.cfsgcounselling.com/download/The_Way_of_the_Worrier.pdf

Looking back at times when I was in crisis from depression or anxiety, I can see how selfish and contrary I was.  I felt so horrible, I just wanted to be alone with my anxiety.  I didn't want to be judged for my compulsive behavior, and anyone who didn't agree with me got an earful. 

OP, hope your doc can help you and your husband can help you get to some appointments, which is a challenge for new moms.

[katilac]

On 6/13/2018 at 7:24 PM, llucie said:

As a catholic i am super confused by your question. I was under the impression that everyone baptized in the catholic church was already a catholic, unless you apostathe.

And second if your husband is not catholic, he surelly didnt had his previous marriage in a catholic church, then why does he need an anullement? anullement is only required for catholic marriages, if you have only a civil one and then divorce, you can marry in the church since the first marriage for them its like it didnt exist.

As other posters noted, it was probably a Christian marriage, which is considered valid by the RCC. 

On 6/13/2018 at 11:55 PM, laPapessaGiovanna said:

 Same for NFP. I was raised Catholic in a Catholic country and the first time I heard about NFP I was an adult, because I had met people belonging to a traditionalist congregation. Catholic priests aren't going to preach NFP here in a country where very few people would deem it acceptable.

 

I'm assuming the Catholic country wasn't the US? Because American priests do indeed preach for NFP and against artifical birth control. Some bring it up more than others, but it's not unusual or even traditionalist. I've heard it in numerous churches in numerous states over the years.  I mean, sure, very few people listen, but it does get said and "no artificial birth control" is official church teaching. 

On 6/14/2018 at 8:02 AM, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

So I should not pray about it? Or I should hide that I am from him?

 

Not announcing the subject of your prayers is not the same as hiding them. For the record, few things piss me off as much as someone informing me that they are going to pray for me, lol. 

On 6/14/2018 at 11:36 AM, dharmapunk said:

Struggling with my English here, but I'll try to explain: The thing you missed is that the Catholic church does recognize a marriage to a Protestant as a marriage. The two churches do recognize some of each other's sacraments. Like if you were baptized in the Protestant faith and wanted to join the Catholic church, you would just have to fill out a form in the parish office. You would not need to get baptized again. So my guess is that the OP IS married in the eyes of the church.

Your English is fine and you are correct. 

On 6/14/2018 at 12:44 PM, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

But does he have to have this attitude toward me too?

No, he does not. And asking this question shows you missed the point (of the post and the hymn) entirely. 

[llucie]

I researched it and its true, catholic church does recognize protestant marriages, i had no idea, i wonder if its for all faiths or only other christian ones.

The process to get an anullement is very complicated, although i wonder if they would make it easier in this case since is a protestant marriage they are disolving after all.

Anyway why is this atheist dude getting so many christian weddings, he needs to learn how to say no.

[VelociRapture]

42 minutes ago, llucie said:

I researched it and its true, catholic church does recognize protestant marriages, i had no idea, i wonder if its for all faiths or only other christian ones.

The process to get an anullement is very complicated, although i wonder if they would make it easier in this case since is a protestant marriage they are disolving after all.

Anyway why is this atheist dude getting so many christian weddings, he needs to learn how to say no.

The OP was very clear that her husband isn’t an Atheist - he’s a Methodist and has been for a while (if not his entire life.) 

And it doesn’t matter if the Catholic Church would be more lenient in this case or not because it wasn’t a Catholic marriage. Her husband has been very clear about not wanting to get the first marriage annulled at this point. The OP needs to respect that and give him the space and time he needs to begin to wrap his mind around all these changes she sprung on him. They won’t be able to start a healthy discussion about all this until that happens. 

[singsingsing]

1 hour ago, katilac said:

I'm assuming the Catholic country wasn't the US? Because American priests do indeed preach for NFP and against artifical birth control. Some bring it up more than others, but it's not unusual or even traditionalist. I've heard it in numerous churches in numerous states over the years.  I mean, sure, very few people listen, but it does get said and "no artificial birth control" is official church teaching. 

I heard it from the 'cool hip young' priest at my university here in Canada. It's definitely a thing. The VAST majority of Catholics absolutely do not abide by it, but the Church/(certain) priests definitely push it.