Questions about becoming Catholic

[llucie]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

The OP was very clear that her husband isn’t an Atheist - he’s a Methodist and has been for a while (if not his entire life.) 

And it doesn’t matter if the Catholic Church would be more lenient in this case or not because it wasn’t a Catholic marriage. Her husband has been very clear about not wanting to get the first marriage annulled at this point. The OP needs to respect that and give him the space and time he needs to begin to wrap his mind around all these changes she sprung on him. They won’t be able to start a healthy discussion about all this until that happens. 

I thought he was atheist since she was saying she wants him to convert. If he is a christian already i dont understand all the fuss about baptizing him, since he is already baptized. Trying to change your husband religion seems bizarre to me. The relationship doesnt look very promising, to be honest i think the fact that they cannot "marry" will seem positive to her if they end getting a divorce.

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

I heard it from the 'cool hip young' priest at my university here in Canada. It's definitely a thing. The VAST majority of Catholics absolutely do not abide by it, but the Church/(certain) priests definitely push it.

I attended a catholic school run by nuns and we got a sex education class with all the anticonceptive methods. That particular class was not teach by a nun(that would have been hilarious), but the director of the school was at the time a nun so she had to aprove it.

[Carol]

I read to page four and I had to stop because of my feeling towards the Catholic Church.  However, I wonder if anyone here has suggested you may be experiencing postpartum depression.  I believe I read that you had a baby 3-4 months ago?  If so, this exacerbates any problems you are having in your life.  IMO you sound depressed and angry.

 

ETA. I read further and see this has already been brought up and you've been given encouragement to seek a secular therapist.  I think that's good advice.   

[laPapessaGiovanna]

4 hours ago, katilac said:

I'm assuming the Catholic country wasn't the US? Because American priests do indeed preach for NFP and against artifical birth control. Some bring it up more than others, but it's not unusual or even traditionalist. 

My Catholic country is Italy. Here I've heard open preaching of NFP only once by a Neocatecumenal couple at a conference, never by a priest. I think in the US many otherwise mainstream Catholics are pushed towards more socially conservative positions by the reality of the coexistence and comparison with more conservative churches.

[VelociRapture]

7 hours ago, llucie said:

I thought he was atheist since she was saying she wants him to convert. If he is a christian already i dont understand all the fuss about baptizing him, since he is already baptized. Trying to change your husband religion seems bizarre to me. The relationship doesnt look very promising, to be honest i think the fact that they cannot "marry" will seem positive to her if they end getting a divorce.

I attended a catholic school run by nuns and we got a sex education class with all the anticonceptive methods. That particular class was not teach by a nun(that would have been hilarious), but the director of the school was at the time a nun so she had to aprove it.

I think you’re confused. She didn’t mention wanting him baptized. Here’s the breakdown as I understand it:

- OP has been questioning her beliefs for a while and wants to join the Catholic Church. She was baptized as an infant, but doesn’t appear to have been Confirmed as a teenager. 

- OP asks the Priests at the local church what she needs to do in order to be a practicing Catholic in good standing. They tell her she needs her husband (a Methodist) to annul his first marriage because, according to them, his first marriage is still valid by their standards and she’s living in sin by continuing to live with/sleep with a married man. 

- OP tells her husband she wants to be a practicing Catholic, wants him to get his first marriage annulled, and wants their daughter baptized Catholic. It sounds like she told him this all at once and without warning that she was even questioning her beliefs. That’s obviously a lot to take in at once and he already has issues with the Catholic Church (I think he mentioned how women are treated and being concerned for their 3 month old daughter.) He gets upset, tells her he has no intentions of getting his first marriage annulled - which is basically admitting the marriage never happened - and doesn’t want their daughter raised Catholic. 

- OP gets pissy, runs to FJ, and vents about it all with the expectation that we’ll completely agree with her. We don’t.

- She continues to blame her husband for a situation he did not create nor ask for. She does this because it’s likely easier than admitting the Catholic Priests are the ones preventing her from being a Catholic in good standing, admitting her marriage already had serious problems (ie, she had trouble trying to discuss her religious beliefs with him before all this), and she refuses to take the time to examine her role in everything. She continued insisting he was to blame, immaturely refused to listen to the good advice mentioned here, and has now seemingly abandoned the thread because she didn’t get what she wanted.

Thats all assuming she isn’t a troll looking to get her jollies. 

[Glasgowghirl]

I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school. My Dad was Catholic, Mum Protestant, though mum was the one that usually took us to mass as a kid. When I was a baby the priest at the Church refused to allow my Dad's cousin to be my god father because he was honest when he said he sometimes missed mass as he was a taxi driver and worked long shifts some Sunday's. I never got baptised until I was 6 and my aunt was my godmother, no godfather. 

My sister and her boyfriend are both Catholic, her boyfriend doesn't go to mass, they chose a Catholic school for my nephew, mainly due to being the nearest one from their house at the time. When he started Primary 3, the year he would make his first confession, she gave him the choice and said if he got baptised and made his sacraments, he would have to attend mass, he chose to and both him and his brother got baptised. She has gave them the choice before every sacrament. She doesn't take communion because she is unmarried, she doesn't want to get married, the priest accepts this but said he would be willing to marry her if she changed her mind.

Here the OP wouldn't be able to got to communion anyway because she did not make her first communion. The poster should go to Catholic church on her own while her husband attends his church of choice and they can take there child on alternate weeks and let the child choose which church, if any when they are older.

[itsthatonegirl]

Hi OP! I reactivated my account to reply to you, I can relate so much. I found in myself a desire to return to the Catholic church of my youth in about 2015, maybe 16. My faith journey is super long and convoluted so I won't say too much, just that I have needed to learn how anxiety disorder has affected it all. More on that later.

I am divorced and remarried. Like you, I found myself wanting to participate in the Eucharist and would NEVER do it without being in a state of grace. So I obtained an annulment of my first marriage. It was very easy, actually. Husband #1 is a sometimes-homeless heroin addict, and I told the priest that. I got my annulment due to lack of canonical form.

Then I wanted my current marriage convalidated; but like you, I am married to a Protestant who fully believes that our marriage is legit in the eyes of God. He wanted nothing to do with any convalidation. So, I had a process done called "Sanatio in Radice", which is basically convalidation without the ceremony, due to honoring conscience of the non-Catholic partner.

Of course, in my situation, I was the one with the previous marriage, not him. 

Back to anxiety. I see a lot of myself in your story; the sense of urgency and need to control something, all manifesting in religious stuff; and it's a particular red flag that you are postpartum. I HIGHLY recommend the website theworrygames.com. After 20-ish years of anxiety, counseling, med attempts... Nothing was working and my issues worsening... The words of wisdom on that site have been life-changing.

I wish you the best.

[Sobeknofret]

On 6/14/2018 at 6:32 PM, Beermeet said:

He saw right through me and asked if I was Catholic.  Said " you know, us Jews created guilt, you Catholics perfected it".  Lol!  True story.  

Ha! My kid went to a Jewish preschool/kindy for awhile, and the rabbi said almost exactly this same thing, except he qualified the Catholics with Irish Catholic mothers specifically! Mostly because I commented that I felt a little odd at a Passover seder having grown up as Irish Catholic. I laughed, relaxed and had a blast at that and every other seder I went to.

[Beermeet]

10 minutes ago, Sobeknofret said:

Ha! My kid went to a Jewish preschool/kindy for awhile, and the rabbi said almost exactly this same thing, except he qualified the Catholics with Irish Catholic mothers specifically! Mostly because I commented that I felt a little odd at a Passover seder having grown up as Irish Catholic. I laughed, relaxed and had a blast at that and every other seder I went to.

Yep!  When I lived on Long Island, a little joke/truth I heard was:  What's the difference between a Jewish American princess and an Italian American princess?  Jesus! 

On the "street" our cultures are pretty similar, IME.  We blend well with the guilt and close lovingly intrusive families!  Also, the only thing scarier than my Catholic Italian matriarchs was my friends Catholic Irish matriarchs.  Good lord!  Don't even try and BS or challenge them.  Not a good idea!!  

[Sobeknofret]

2 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

Also, the only thing scarier than my Catholic Italian matriarchs was my friends Catholic Irish matriarchs.  Good lord!  Don't every try and BS or challenge them.  Not a good idea!!  

No, no, oh no, that was the one hard and fast rule in our family! Whatever Nana (my great grandmother, Mary Agnes) said, went, period. She was generally a benevolent matriarch, but she was tough as nails and stubborn, and we all knew it. 

Now that you brought some of this up, I just had a thought. My Nana was Irish Catholic, from a very Irish Catholic family, but her husband, my great-grandfather was originally Lutheran from Danish/Norwegian parents. I know he attended church with the family, all the kids and grandkids were raised Catholic, and he even helped build their church in South Dakota, but I don't know if he ever converted or if they had a Catholic wedding. That's a new genealogy rabbit hole for me to go down, so thanks @Beermeet! 

[Beermeet]

4 minutes ago, Sobeknofret said:

No, no, oh no, that was the one hard and fast rule in our family! Whatever Nana (my great grandmother, Mary Agnes) said, went, period. She was generally a benevolent matriarch, but she was tough as nails and stubborn, and we all knew it. 

Now that you brought some of this up, I just had a thought. My Nana was Irish Catholic, from a very Irish Catholic family, but her husband, my great-grandfather was originally Lutheran from Danish/Norwegian parents. I know he attended church with the family, all the kids and grandkids were raised Catholic, and he even helped build their church in South Dakota, but I don't know if he ever converted or if they had a Catholic wedding. That's a new genealogy rabbit hole for me to go down, so thanks @Beermeet! 

I called my paternal grandmother Nana too!  Oh, yes, I can see it.  An Irish Catholic matriarch WILL raise her family Catholic!  Zero wiggle room. My husband came from a German Catholic family, they are way more fun!  Have fun in your rabbit hole!  Super fun chatting with you!  These old American Catholic families are not as common as they used to be.  But, I live in Southern California now.  Back home, it's still waning.  

[99bottlesofPlexus]

On 6/16/2018 at 12:59 PM, itsthatonegirl said:

Hi OP! I reactivated my account to reply to you, I can relate so much. I found in myself a desire to return to the Catholic church of my youth in about 2015, maybe 16. My faith journey is super long and convoluted so I won't say too much, just that I have needed to learn how anxiety disorder has affected it all. More on that later.

I am divorced and remarried. Like you, I found myself wanting to participate in the Eucharist and would NEVER do it without being in a state of grace. So I obtained an annulment of my first marriage. It was very easy, actually. Husband #1 is a sometimes-homeless heroin addict, and I told the priest that. I got my annulment due to lack of canonical form.

Then I wanted my current marriage convalidated; but like you, I am married to a Protestant who fully believes that our marriage is legit in the eyes of God. He wanted nothing to do with any convalidation. So, I had a process done called "Sanatio in Radice", which is basically convalidation without the ceremony, due to honoring conscience of the non-Catholic partner.

Of course, in my situation, I was the one with the previous marriage, not him. 

Back to anxiety. I see a lot of myself in your story; the sense of urgency and need to control something, all manifesting in religious stuff; and it's a particular red flag that you are postpartum. I HIGHLY recommend the website theworrygames.com. After 20-ish years of anxiety, counseling, med attempts... Nothing was working and my issues worsening... The words of wisdom on that site have been life-changing.

I wish you the best.

Thank you.

 

For the rest of you...after discussing it with my husband (yes, believe it or not, I can do that), we have decided to try other Protestant churches, and I am putting aside my desire to explore the Catholic faith, at least for awhile. I also got my meds adjusted.

[Carol]

11 minutes ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

Thank you.

 

For the rest of you...after discussing it with my husband (yes, believe it or not, I can do that), we have decided to try other Protestant churches, and I am putting aside my desire to explore the Catholic faith, at least for awhile. I also got my meds adjusted.

Good for you!  Whether your husband does or doesn't join the Catholic Church, I hope you feel better.  Sometimes it's really hard to ask for help, IMO you did the right thing.

[99bottlesofPlexus]

10 minutes ago, Carol said:

Good for you!  Whether your husband does or doesn't join the Catholic Church, I hope you feel better.  Sometimes it's really hard to ask for help, IMO you did the right thing.

I may still occasionally attend Mass, when I can, but with no expectation that my situation will change.

[Beermeet]

1 hour ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

I may still occasionally attend Mass, when I can, but with no expectation that my situation will change.

Nothing wrong with that.  Glad things seem better and healthier all around! 

[MarblesMom]

3 hours ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

I also got my meds adjusted.

A few pages back, you said you didn't want to be medicated.

I am confused.

Anyway, a great discussion all around on the Catholic Church and its policies - I always appreciate learning new stuff on FJ.

[Beermeet]

On 6/15/2018 at 11:01 PM, laPapessaGiovanna said:

My Catholic country is Italy. Here I've heard open preaching of NFP only once by a Neocatecumenal couple at a conference, never by a priest. I think in the US many otherwise mainstream Catholics are pushed towards more socially conservative positions by the reality of the coexistence and comparison with more conservative churches.

 I concur.  My family that visited often from Italy  ( all Catholics) were way more fun and relaxed about the whole thing than us Italian American Catholics.  I get the impression we over do things here in regards to religion and culture to make up for the fact we no longer live in our mother countries.  Like we have something to prove instead of just being, IMO.

[Beermeet]

20 minutes ago, MarblesMom said:

A few pages back, you said you didn't want to be medicated.

I am confused.

Anyway, a great discussion all around on the Catholic Church and its policies - I always appreciate learning new stuff on FJ.

She did say that and often people don't like the meds they need to take to balance themselves out for many reasons.  I'm proud of her for even mentioning it.  Meds and new mama hormones are a bitch.  I really do hope you gained something from this thread @99bottlesofPlexus and continue to thrive all around.

[Myomy]

13 hours ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

 and I am putting aside my desire to explore the Catholic faith, at least for awhile.

 

13 hours ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

I may still occasionally attend Mass, when I can, but with no expectation that my situation will change.

Call me a cynic, but based on the tone of these comments, I think she's now a martyr.  I hope I'm wrong.  Hopefully, medication and secular counseling will bring some peace and joy to her life.

[Knight of Ni]

Reading this topic kind of reinforces my non religious thinking. My first thought was “who the hell gave the priest the authority to tell you what you can and can’t do at church?” Then I realize “Oh, the god that you are worshipping did. But who cares? Do what you want.” I guess that’s really not the point of religion, is it? 

ETA: In high school I attended an Episcopal service once. I refused communion because I didn’t want to drink out of the same cup as everyone else but I’m certain the priest would have allowed it if I wanted. I had no previous relationship with the episcopal church before but I would have still been allowed communion. Is that typical of the Episcopal church? Just wondering because different church’s approach towards communion is interesting.

[99bottlesofPlexus]

1 hour ago, Myomy said:

 

Call me a cynic, but based on the tone of these comments, I think she's now a martyr.  I hope I'm wrong.  Hopefully, medication and secular counseling will bring some peace and joy to her life.

I’m sincerely trying to accept my situation for what it is.

[church_of_dog]

18 minutes ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

I’m sincerely trying to accept my situation for what it is.

Assuming you are 100% sincere in your mindset, I think this sounds like a wise approach.  Especially the extent to which it sounds like you and your husband are able to discuss it.

I hope that after some time passes you are able to review your situation and decide either "this arrangement works for me -- it meets my religious needs to an acceptable level while also working in my relationship" or "I gave that a try but I really need something else even if it doesn't work for my marriage".

[Myomy]

22 minutes ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

I’m sincerely trying to accept my situation for what it is.

But what do you consider your situation to be? It still sounds like you're of the belief that it is your cross to bear.  I am not trying to be mean, I really want to understand.  I was born and raised Catholic, but have not been followed that path for over 40 years.  I left the church due to my request for an annulment for valid reasons.  And the money that was required to be paid to the church before any papers could be filed.  Costs that far exceeded the costs I paid to obtain a divorce.  If you're interested in Catholicism, learn more.  In fact, I'd urge you to read about a lot of different religions.  It can be fascinating to see how different yet similar so many of them can be.  I remember one of the best courses I took in college was the study of the Bible as a historical, not religious, document.  Only you can decide what your faith is.  I hope you make this decision with an open mind and an open heart.  May peace be with you.

[Alisamer]

1 hour ago, Knight of Ni said:

ETA: In high school I attended an Episcopal service once. I refused communion because I didn’t want to drink out of the same cup as everyone else but I’m certain the priest would have allowed it if I wanted. I had no previous relationship with the episcopal church before but I would have still been allowed communion. Is that typical of the Episcopal church? Just wondering because different church’s approach towards communion is interesting.

I don't know about the Episcopal church, but in a Baptist church usually we pass around the tiny cups of grape juice and little bits of cracker (ours are homemade like shortbread, very yummy), and anyone can take one. You're only supposed to take one if you are baptized, but no one's going to go grill a visitor about that. Sometimes at special services we are sitting at tables and one person will pour and we will all serve each other, but usually you know the person you are sitting with so it's not been an issue that I'm aware of. We also only do communion about once a quarter, and on special days like Good Friday (sitting at tables) and Christmas Eve (where the church staff and their families pass the communion stuff).

[99bottlesofPlexus]

25 minutes ago, Myomy said:

But what do you consider your situation to be? It still sounds like you're of the belief that it is your cross to bear.  I am not trying to be mean, I really want to understand.  I was born and raised Catholic, but have not been followed that path for over 40 years.  I left the church due to my request for an annulment for valid reasons.  And the money that was required to be paid to the church before any papers could be filed.  Costs that far exceeded the costs I paid to obtain a divorce.  If you're interested in Catholicism, learn more.  In fact, I'd urge you to read about a lot of different religions.  It can be fascinating to see how different yet similar so many of them can be.  I remember one of the best courses I took in college was the study of the Bible as a historical, not religious, document.  Only you can decide what your faith is.  I hope you make this decision with an open mind and an open heart.  May peace be with you.

I have read about other denominations and attended or been a member of other churches, but I feel strongly that the Catholic Church is where I belong. 

As for my situation, I see it as one where I am called to be in full communion with the Catholic Church, but for various reasons cannot right now, so I am trying to accept the current situation until such a time where I can more fully follow my religious convictions. To me, acceptance means trying to find a church my entire family can attend and trying to find something that resonates with me there, while trying to attend a Catholic Church on my own when possible.

Have a good day.

[Myomy]

13 minutes ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

I have read about other denominations and attended or been a member of other churches, but I feel strongly that the Catholic Church is where I belong. 

As for my situation, I see it as one where I am called to be in full communion with the Catholic Church, but for various reasons cannot right now, so I am trying to accept the current situation until such a time where I can more fully follow my religious convictions. To me, acceptance means trying to find a church my entire family can attend and trying to find something that resonates with me there, while trying to attend a Catholic Church on my own when possible.

Have a good day.

I may have missed you previously providing this information, but how long ago did you begin to feel strongly that the Catholic Church is where you belong?  And specifically what faction of the Catholic Church are you called to?  You are aware there are multiple types, not just Roman Catholic, aren't you? I was raised in the Greek Byzantine Catholic faith.  Again, I urge you to seek out and learn about various types of faith.  It will help you grow.  I know it helped me.