Questions about becoming Catholic

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

1 hour ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

I don't understand this "becoming Catholic". You were baptised in the RCC so for the RCC you already are Catholic. I can't believe two mainstream Catholic priests told you that your husband needs to seek an annulment in order for you to become Catholic, it makes no sense and it's not how it works. It would make sense if you talked with priests belonging to an ultratraditionalist streak of Catholicism. Same for NFP. I was raised Catholic in a Catholic country and the first time I heard about NFP I was an adult, because I had met people belonging to a traditionalist congregation. Catholic priests aren't going to preach NFP here in a country where very few people would deem it acceptable.

My husband is Catholic raised in a Catholic European country as well and he has a completely different view and experience than I do - he thinks that there is a strong streak of fundamentalism in American Catholicism and I can't disagree.  We went to mainstream parishes but my mother always sought out the strictest priests and books and teachings because she was afraid anything less wasn't good enough and that more liberal "feel good" priests were lying to you.

[feministxtian]

@99bottlesofPlexus I'm seeing a whole lot of red flags here. You are the one demanding that your husband change something as huge as religion. That's not cool. Actually, I would consider that a total bitch move. If a man were trying to do that to his wife, people would be spitting mad...

Be grown...sit down and TALK with your husband. DO NOT get bitchy, give ultimatums, or any of that bitch-move shit. You seem to be (figuratively) stomping your feet because you're not getting your way. That attitude will poison the shit out of your marriage to where you can be Catholic all you want, but you'll be single doing it. 

When you married your husband, the vows went something like "for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health as long as we both shall live and something about love, HONOR and cherish". Well...now you're disrespecting your husband, being childish as fuck, and demanding your way...honey, that ain't marriage, that's pussy-whipping some poor man until he cowers to you. It's time for you to realize that in marriage you won't always get your way. There's times when you need to compromise or even set aside what you want in the interest of your marriage. This might be one of those times. That's part of being grown, being able to put aside your self-interests in the interest of something bigger than just you...your marriage, your family. You're not honoring your husband or your marriage with this at all. 

Hubs and I had the religion discussion. Neither one of us was exactly thrilled with remaining Catholic...but we had different ideas on what we were looking for in a church/faith. We visited a number of churches and TALKED about things, what we liked, what we didn't like and as GROWN UPS made a decision TOGETHER. Did I get everything I wanted? Nope. Did HE get everything HE wanted? Nope...but we reached a compromise we BOTH could live with. THAT'S how you resolve an issue. Not this bullshit of saying "I want, I want, I want". 

Yes, I've used some strong words here but if you were sitting in front of me, I'd say the same thing. 

PS...my husband's first marriage came apart over just this issue. She DEMANDED that he convert to her religion...he said "see ya later". 

[99bottlesofPlexus]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

@99bottlesofPlexus I'm seeing a whole lot of red flags here. You are the one demanding that your husband change something as huge as religion. That's not cool. Actually, I would consider that a total bitch move. If a man were trying to do that to his wife, people would be spitting mad...

Be grown...sit down and TALK with your husband. DO NOT get bitchy, give ultimatums, or any of that bitch-move shit. You seem to be (figuratively) stomping your feet because you're not getting your way. That attitude will poison the shit out of your marriage to where you can be Catholic all you want, but you'll be single doing it. 

When you married your husband, the vows went something like "for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health as long as we both shall live and something about love, HONOR and cherish". Well...now you're disrespecting your husband, being childish as fuck, and demanding your way...honey, that ain't marriage, that's pussy-whipping some poor man until he cowers to you. It's time for you to realize that in marriage you won't always get your way. There's times when you need to compromise or even set aside what you want in the interest of your marriage. This might be one of those times. That's part of being grown, being able to put aside your self-interests in the interest of something bigger than just you...your marriage, your family. You're not honoring your husband or your marriage with this at all. 

Hubs and I had the religion discussion. Neither one of us was exactly thrilled with remaining Catholic...but we had different ideas on what we were looking for in a church/faith. We visited a number of churches and TALKED about things, what we liked, what we didn't like and as GROWN UPS made a decision TOGETHER. Did I get everything I wanted? Nope. Did HE get everything HE wanted? Nope...but we reached a compromise we BOTH could live with. THAT'S how you resolve an issue. Not this bullshit of saying "I want, I want, I want". 

Yes, I've used some strong words here but if you were sitting in front of me, I'd say the same thing. 

PS...my husband's first marriage came apart over just this issue. She DEMANDED that he convert to her religion...he said "see ya later". 

But why am I the one who needs to completely give up on becoming a full member of my preferred church, though? Maybe that’s not what you mean, but to me that’s what it sounds like. That’s not “compromise,” that’s basically letting him do what I’m being accused of.

In any case, we have talked and decided to try and attend a different Protestant Church in town. I’m going to try and put my feelings aside completely in order to make it work.

[feministxtian]

1 minute ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

But why am I the one who needs to completely give up on becoming a full member of my preferred church, though? Maybe that’s not what you mean, but to me that’s what it sounds like.

Listen to yourself here..."why am I the one...". What's more important to you? A religion or your marriage? 

Again...the #1 predictor of a successful marriage is the ability to COMPROMISE and even be willing to put YOUR desires aside for the greater good. You want to issue an ultimatum to him. Those never, ever end well. EVER. 

Like I said above...there are times when it's more important to have harmony within your marriage than getting your own way. In 20 years of marriage (that's been a fairly successful marriage over all), we BOTH have had to put aside certain wants and desires. I gave up a job that would have jumpstarted my career...because it would not have been healthy for my marriage. He gave up staying home in VA where his kids are to follow me out west so I could take another career opportunity. He gave up going back on active duty because it would have uprooted us and I'd have had to give up my career. Catch the drift here??? We BOTH gave up things WE wanted for the greater good of US. 

Its time to grow up...time to finally realize that marriage isn't about what YOU want. That shit ends marriage in heartbeat. You give him an ultimatum and he says "see ya around chick" and goes on down the road. It happens. My husband's X wife tried that...he left. She used her religion to attempt to browbeat him into joining that religion. It just doesn't work. Hubs and I talked, endlessly while we were "walking in the wilderness" trying to find where we fit. I made a vow to myself and to God that I would not suggest this church or that church or that denomination, that I would wait for my husband to make a decision. I was prepared to wait a very long time. I didn't know that God was working on my husband. He chose a church that HE wanted to visit and I agreed (although at the time I was going just because I knew how important it was to him), Imagine my surprise when HE decides this will be our church home. I wasn't really against the church, it was a bit different than what I was used to...so, we came home and TALKED it out. no yelling, no pushing, no ultimatums made. I decided to kick back and pray about it and pray about following my husband's lead...knowing that he RARELY "put his foot down" on certain things. I fought it within my spirit for awhile...but finally the peace came upon me when I felt the Lord tell me that it was time I stopped trying to drive the ship and let my husband take over...it would teach me humility and teach him leadership. 

[99bottlesofPlexus]

26 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Listen to yourself here..."why am I the one...". What's more important to you? A religion or your marriage? 

Again...the #1 predictor of a successful marriage is the ability to COMPROMISE and even be willing to put YOUR desires aside for the greater good. You want to issue an ultimatum to him. Those never, ever end well. EVER. 

Like I said above...there are times when it's more important to have harmony within your marriage than getting your own way. In 20 years of marriage (that's been a fairly successful marriage over all), we BOTH have had to put aside certain wants and desires. I gave up a job that would have jumpstarted my career...because it would not have been healthy for my marriage. He gave up staying home in VA where his kids are to follow me out west so I could take another career opportunity. He gave up going back on active duty because it would have uprooted us and I'd have had to give up my career. Catch the drift here??? We BOTH gave up things WE wanted for the greater good of US. 

Its time to grow up...time to finally realize that marriage isn't about what YOU want. That shit ends marriage in heartbeat. You give him an ultimatum and he says "see ya around chick" and goes on down the road. It happens. My husband's X wife tried that...he left. She used her religion to attempt to browbeat him into joining that religion. It just doesn't work. Hubs and I talked, endlessly while we were "walking in the wilderness" trying to find where we fit. I made a vow to myself and to God that I would not suggest this church or that church or that denomination, that I would wait for my husband to make a decision. I was prepared to wait a very long time. I didn't know that God was working on my husband. He chose a church that HE wanted to visit and I agreed (although at the time I was going just because I knew how important it was to him), Imagine my surprise when HE decides this will be our church home. I wasn't really against the church, it was a bit different than what I was used to...so, we came home and TALKED it out. no yelling, no pushing, no ultimatums made. I decided to kick back and pray about it and pray about following my husband's lead...knowing that he RARELY "put his foot down" on certain things. I fought it within my spirit for awhile...but finally the peace came upon me when I felt the Lord tell me that it was time I stopped trying to drive the ship and let my husband take over...it would teach me humility and teach him leadership. 

So, what do you think would make a good compromise here, that will honor him while allowing me to live my faith of choice?

[formergothardite]

3 hours ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

So, what do you think would make a good compromise here, that will honor him while allowing me to live my faith of choice?

You said your husband has very little interest in attending church, so why don't you just go to the Catholic church by yourself? Sure you won't get to do all the things you want to do in the church, but you also won't if you attend another church. 

I would say that things would go better if you sat down and apologized for blaming him for you not being allowed to join the Catholic church. Explain that you realize it isn't his fault, but that you would like to attend on your own. You need to actually stop blaming him, though. 

Since your child is also his child, the issue of taking her to church will probably come up. You might not get to raise her Catholic, and that is something you probably will just have to accept. When you get married and have a child with someone you don't get to make all the decisions for the child. 

[99bottlesofPlexus]

38 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

You said your husband has very little interest in attending church, so why don't you just go to the Catholic church by yourself? Sure you won't get to do all the things you want to do in the church, but you also won't if you attend another church. 

I would say that things would go better if you sat down and apologized for blaming him for you not being allowed to join the Catholic church. Explain that you realize it isn't his fault, but that you would like to attend on your own. You need to actually stop blaming him, though. 

Since your child is also his child, the issue of taking her to church will probably come up. You might not get to raise her Catholic, and that is something you probably will just have to accept. When you get married and have a child with someone you don't get to make all the decisions for the child. 

We’ve already made the decision- together- to try attending a different Protestant Church in our area. We will see how that goes. I have apologized to him, but also mentioned I will continue to pray and hope he eventually sees the light.

[OhNoNike]

I don’t know anything about Catholicism, so I can’t speak to that.  You mentioned that you just had a baby and your husband has blamed it on your having some post partum stuff. 

Just want to say as someone who had poat partum stuff happen that I may somewhat agree with your husband.  I didn’t have ppd, but I had so much anxiety after having my first - I didn’t want anyone touching her, I didn’t want people looking at her in stores, I was very protective and tried to protect her.  That was 8 years ago and of course I passed all the PPD surveys because I didn’t want to harm her or myself and I wasn’t unable to sleep more than usual... but I was not myself.  I didn’t even want my husband touching her, and on our first date night without her it was very very awkward.  

Im wondering if your self-mentioned post partum things may also be manifesting in the desire to control something.  If you feel generally like you don’t have control and you have the personality to have control (which I do, personally), you may have even stronger feelings because it seems hubby isn’t respecting you.  And believe me, I have a very independent relationship where my husband does not bend to everything I want - he’s never ever been like that. We do our own things most of the time.  He’s also the kind of guy who wouldn’t go to therapy with me over something like this. 

I had a lot of help when I saw a therapist who was older and listened to me and validated my feelings. Also! It meant I had time for ME once a week.  I was never alone otherwise (and I had I gone back to work when she was 4m old).  You may be struggling because you find this sense of self and purpose in the church, and maybe that is why it’s also making it harder because of the perceived “he won’t do what I want, this is important and it’s for me and he doesn’t want me to be happy”.

anyway - therapy was good for me. Gave me a neutral person to talk to once a week, then every other, then once a month... finally things lined up for me at work and with childcare (two of the main stressors I couldn’t get under control) and the therapist basically told me she could no longer justify the diagnosis/visits to insurance bc I was too happy and settled. Lol.  But if the church is going to cause more problems, you may want to look at seeing a neutral party.  I know others said it, but just wanted to jump in with my own experience. 

I don’t want to blame everything on post partum feelings, but feeling out of control and seeking that which makes you feel stable makes total sense to me.  

[formergothardite]

16 minutes ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

but also mentioned I will continue to pray and hope he eventually sees the light.

So it wasn't a real apology? Doing passive aggressive shit like that A. isn't showing respect to your husband as an equal partner to you. B. makes it clear you still blame him C. is just going to cause more marriage issues D. is just childish. 

You need to understand that their is no "light" he needs to see. His perspective on this is completely acceptable. There is nothing wrong with it. 

 

 

[99bottlesofPlexus]

14 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

So it wasn't a real apology? Doing passive aggressive shit like that A. isn't showing respect to your husband as an equal partner to you. B. makes it clear you still blame him C. is just going to cause more marriage issues D. is just childish. 

You need to understand that their is no "light" he needs to see. His perspective on this is completely acceptable. There is nothing wrong with it. 

 

 

So I should not pray about it? Or I should hide that I am from him?

17 minutes ago, OhNoNike said:

I don’t know anything about Catholicism, so I can’t speak to that.  You mentioned that you just had a baby and your husband has blamed it on your having some post partum stuff. 

Just want to say as someone who had poat partum stuff happen that I may somewhat agree with your husband.  I didn’t have ppd, but I had so much anxiety after having my first - I didn’t want anyone touching her, I didn’t want people looking at her in stores, I was very protective and tried to protect her.  That was 8 years ago and of course I passed all the PPD surveys because I didn’t want to harm her or myself and I wasn’t unable to sleep more than usual... but I was not myself.  I didn’t even want my husband touching her, and on our first date night without her it was very very awkward.  

Im wondering if your self-mentioned post partum things may also be manifesting in the desire to control something.  If you feel generally like you don’t have control and you have the personality to have control (which I do, personally), you may have even stronger feelings because it seems hubby isn’t respecting you.  And believe me, I have a very independent relationship where my husband does not bend to everything I want - he’s never ever been like that. We do our own things most of the time.  He’s also the kind of guy who wouldn’t go to therapy with me over something like this. 

I had a lot of help when I saw a therapist who was older and listened to me and validated my feelings. Also! It meant I had time for ME once a week.  I was never alone otherwise (and I had I gone back to work when she was 4m old).  You may be struggling because you find this sense of self and purpose in the church, and maybe that is why it’s also making it harder because of the perceived “he won’t do what I want, this is important and it’s for me and he doesn’t want me to be happy”.

anyway - therapy was good for me. Gave me a neutral person to talk to once a week, then every other, then once a month... finally things lined up for me at work and with childcare (two of the main stressors I couldn’t get under control) and the therapist basically told me she could no longer justify the diagnosis/visits to insurance bc I was too happy and settled. Lol.  But if the church is going to cause more problems, you may want to look at seeing a neutral party.  I know others said it, but just wanted to jump in with my own experience. 

I don’t want to blame everything on post partum feelings, but feeling out of control and seeking that which makes you feel stable makes total sense to me.  

Thank you for answering this with some compassion. I actually have a doctor appointment today to discuss my options. I may try therapy if suggested, but also want to make it known that I will not be medicated or talked into giving up my religious convictions.

[formergothardite]

If you are going to pray about the situation, pray that you will grow to accept that he doesn't need to change. Pray that you can stop feeling so angry about him not wanting to annul his first marriage. Pray you will have peace with not raising your child Catholic. Pray that you will find spiritual happiness outside the Catholic church. Pray to change yourself and your own outlook, not him, because trying to change your partner never works out. Pray for wisdom. 

God doesn't want you to ruin your marriage over a church. 

[99bottlesofPlexus]

16 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

If you are going to pray about the situation, pray that you will grow to accept that he doesn't need to change. Pray that you can stop feeling so angry about him not wanting to annul his first marriage. Pray you will have peace with not raising your child Catholic. Pray that you will find spiritual happiness outside the Catholic church. Pray to change yourself and your own outlook, not him, because trying to change your partner never works out. Pray for wisdom. 

God doesn't want you to ruin your marriage over a church. 

But why? He can change his mind as easily as I can change mine. Plus, how do I force myself to stop wanting to be Catholic and accept the Protestant Church?

Also, why do I have to do all the accepting here? What does he have to do to show he understands my needs?

[formergothardite]

 

3 minutes ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

But why? He can change his mind as easily as I can change mine.

Why? Because you have unreasonable expectations from your husband. Instead of focusing on him, focus on yourself, because in reality that is all that you can actually change. You can passive aggressively attempt to push him to do what you want, but it is only going to cause problems. 

 

3 minutes ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

Plus, how do I force myself to stop wanting to be Catholic and accept the Protestant Church?

The same way you are hoping to change your husband, prayer. If prayer is good enough for you to use to change your husband, why isn't it good enough to use to change your own attitude? Why not pray to God to help you accept what in the best outcome for your entire family even if that outcome isn't what you want? 

[FakePigtails]

Why is it so all or nothing? If you're so devoted to Catholicism, why not go to the Catholic church with or without your husband and accept the same yoke of not being able to take the Eucharist like, many many other Catholics do every day*? It's like throwing out the baby with the bathwater here. You keep refusing to consider that option while lamenting how you "have" to accept Protestantism. You don't have to. Literally NO ONE is saying you have to or that you even should. Even those of us who want nothing to do with Catholicism ourselves are encouraging you to go be as Catholic as you can, and that, in fact, doing that is the healthiest option here.

Alternatively, keep looking at other options like Episcopal churches, heck, maybe even try an Orthodox church.

*note to the Europeans: I can attest to it being common for US Catholics to go by the rules for communion she's stated in which remarriage not fully vetted by the church = no communion.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

14 minutes ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

Plus, how do I force myself to stop wanting to be Catholic and accept the Protestant Church?

Why should he force himself to seek an annulment and follow you in the Catholicism path?

You said upthread that you want him to "go the distance for you once". I read it as implying that you usually go the distance for him. Maybe the both of you could negotiate better compromises, if you feel you are always the one who has to give up things and he feels that you are asking him something that's a step too much.

[socalrules]

I am at the point that I no longer think any of this may be real. There may be some trolling going on here. Every response to the common sense offered by FJ members is just the height of ridiculousness. Now it’s should you hide praying from your husband? WTF. How do you think Catholics pray? I sit in meetings at work with my boss and no one is aware I am praying. I don’t make sure everyone knows the Catholic is now saying a prayer. I am praying all the time because I have crap going on I cannot control and praying brings me great comfort. 

We are five pages in and I still don’t get the reason why you can’t be Catholic without your husband. None of this story makes sense but maybe it’s because it’s not meant to. There is no reason why you, as a baptized Catholic, can’t be Catholic. There is no reason why there are people who have never been baptized Catholic or taken the sacraments but still shown up every Sunday for mass because they enjoy being there and very involved in the church social scene but you are somehow prohibited. You could go to mass, go up during communion, cross your arms and the priest or Eucharist Minister will give you a blessing. You don’t have to be Catholic for that and many Catholics receive the blessing instead of taking communion. No ones asks them why. None of our business. 

This isn’t about Catholicism or any religion. This whole story is about sticking it to a husband in a marriage that seems to have real problems unrelated to religion. It’s really passive agreessive fighting to avoid focusing on the real problems. Also, if you truly want to practice one religion, you don’t just give it up because you husband won’t do it with you or that religion was never that important to begin with. 

[VelociRapture]

32 minutes ago, OhNoNike said:

I don’t know anything about Catholicism, so I can’t speak to that.  You mentioned that you just had a baby and your husband has blamed it on your having some post partum stuff. 

Just want to say as someone who had poat partum stuff happen that I may somewhat agree with your husband.  I didn’t have ppd, but I had so much anxiety after having my first - I didn’t want anyone touching her, I didn’t want people looking at her in stores, I was very protective and tried to protect her.  That was 8 years ago and of course I passed all the PPD surveys because I didn’t want to harm her or myself and I wasn’t unable to sleep more than usual... but I was not myself.  I didn’t even want my husband touching her, and on our first date night without her it was very very awkward.  

Im wondering if your self-mentioned post partum things may also be manifesting in the desire to control something.  If you feel generally like you don’t have control and you have the personality to have control (which I do, personally), you may have even stronger feelings because it seems hubby isn’t respecting you.  And believe me, I have a very independent relationship where my husband does not bend to everything I want - he’s never ever been like that. We do our own things most of the time.  He’s also the kind of guy who wouldn’t go to therapy with me over something like this. 

I had a lot of help when I saw a therapist who was older and listened to me and validated my feelings. Also! It meant I had time for ME once a week.  I was never alone otherwise (and I had I gone back to work when she was 4m old).  You may be struggling because you find this sense of self and purpose in the church, and maybe that is why it’s also making it harder because of the perceived “he won’t do what I want, this is important and it’s for me and he doesn’t want me to be happy”.

anyway - therapy was good for me. Gave me a neutral person to talk to once a week, then every other, then once a month... finally things lined up for me at work and with childcare (two of the main stressors I couldn’t get under control) and the therapist basically told me she could no longer justify the diagnosis/visits to insurance bc I was too happy and settled. Lol.  But if the church is going to cause more problems, you may want to look at seeing a neutral party.  I know others said it, but just wanted to jump in with my own experience. 

I don’t want to blame everything on post partum feelings, but feeling out of control and seeking that which makes you feel stable makes total sense to me.  

Same here. My anxiety was so bad I had horrific panic attacks during my daughter’s week in NICU and I got them repeatedly during her first year of life (I still have anxiety now, but it’s moving into manageable territory.) I wasn’t able to leave her with anyone who wasn’t my husband until she was 11 months old because I would start getting panicky just thinking about it.

Postpartum hormones obviously aren’t to blame for everything, but I think a lot of people underestimate just how intense those fluctuations and changes can be.

24 minutes ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

So I should not pray about it? Or I should hide that I am from him?

Pray for him if you want, but don’t offer half-hearted apologies where you make it clear you don’t respect his opinions or his beliefs - especially in areas where it concerns the child you share. That’s incredibly disrespectful and unfair. 

4 minutes ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

But why? He can change his mind as easily as I can change mine. Plus, how do I force myself to stop wanting to be Catholic and accept the Protestant Church?

It is not your choice to make for him. His beliefs are just as valid as your’s and he has every right to make spiritual decisions best for him. Again, your husband is not the one stopping you from being Catholic! The Priests you spoke with are stopping you and, to be blunt, you are stopping yourself as well. Your choices are really as follows at this point:

1. Find a different Catholic Church in a nearby town and see whether they’re more relaxed in their demands.

2. Continue attending your current Catholic Church knowing the Priests there are purposely excluding you and preventing you from feeling like a real member of the community.

3. Try attending the Protestant Church to see if it’s a decent fit.

You notice how none of these are dependent on your husband? Because at the end of the day he isn’t the problem here - those Priests’ unreasonable demands and you are the problems. Stop blaming your husband for having a relatively normal reaction to a sudden and huge shift in your spiritual journey.

3 minutes ago, socalrules said:

I am at the point that I no longer think any of this may be real. There may be some trolling going on here. Every response to the common sense offered by FJ members is just the height of ridiculousness. Now it’s should you hide praying from your husband? WTF. How do you think Catholics pray? I sit in meetings at work with my boss and no one is aware I am praying. I don’t make sure everyone knows the Catholic is now saying a prayer. I am praying all the time because I have crap going on I cannot control and praying brings me great comfort. 

We are five pages in and I still don’t get the reason why you can’t be Catholic without your husband. None of this story makes sense but maybe it’s because it’s not meant to. There is no reason why you, as a baptized Catholic, can’t be Catholic. There is no reason why there are people who have never been baptized Catholic or taken the sacraments but still shown up every Sunday for mass because they enjoy being there and very involved in the church social scene but you are somehow prohibited. You could go to mass, go up during communion, cross your arms and the priest or Eucharist Minister will give you a blessing. You don’t have to be Catholic for that and many Catholics receive the blessing instead of taking communion. No ones asks them why. None of our business. 

This isn’t about Catholicism or any religion. This whole story is about sticking it to a husband in a marriage that seems to have real problems unrelated to religion. It’s really passive agreessive fighting to avoid focusing on the real problems. Also, if you truly want to practice one religion, you don’t just give it up because you husband won’t do it with you or that religion was never that important to begin with. 

At this point I don’t know what to think. People here have given her lots of great advice, yet she keeps pointing the blame at her husband. I agree that this has little to do with religion at this point - there seem to be deeper and more serious issues in their marriage and I think she’s using religion as a way not to deal with it right now.

[Beermeet]

^^^^^agree.  Just started seeing the pattern of only responding to the harsher posts and constant acting a baby.  And the nonsensical "I can't be a Catholic " when she is and can.

[formergothardite]

If the husband really isn't interested in church, there is nothing stopping her from going to the Catholic church on her own. That would be the best solution. If he wants to be protestant, let him go do that. If you want to go as a family, figure out a church you can both tolerate. 

[Alisamer]

34 minutes ago, socalrules said:

You could go to mass, go up during communion, cross your arms and the priest or Eucharist Minister will give you a blessing.

My sister is Southern Baptist born and raised, and this is what she has done at the basilica a couple times where she went for her friend's wedding. She was maid of honor and is also one of their daughter's godmothers - since she's not Catholic she is the fairy godmother who will help "raise the child Disney". (And for the record, this is at a Catholic college my sister attended and graduated from, and the monks knew full well she wasn't Catholic.)

Look, OP, you ARE Catholic. You are. Go to church. Whichever one you want. With or without your husband. Quit being passive-aggressive and either do your own thing or compromise without whining. If you can't do that, then maybe you need to think about getting THIS marriage annulled and find someone more aligned with your religious preferences.

Your name wouldn't happen to be Jillian, would it?

[FakePigtails]

2 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

If the husband really isn't interested in church, there is nothing stopping her from going to the Catholic church on her own. That would be the best solution. If he wants to be protestant, let him go do that. If you want to go as a family, figure out a church you can both tolerate. 

Yes, or if going as a family is super important switch off different churches each week, and OP can go to a mass on her own the weekends the family as a whole attends the Protestant church in order to fulfill the Catholic church's obligation for weekly attendance.

[VelociRapture]

10 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

^^^^^agree.  Just started seeing the pattern of only responding to the harsher posts and constant acting a baby.  And the nonsensical "I can't be a Catholic " when she is and can.

Exactly. I don’t think she’s looking for help or advice at this point. She’s looking to blow off anger about deeper issues in their marriage and the religion issue is giving her a very convenient cover for doing so. 

@99bottlesofPlexus Stop complaining here. Go talk to your husband like an adult and stop blaming him for things that are not his fault. That doesn’t solve anything and just causes more problems. Remember, you have a child now and that means it’s not all about you (or your husband) anymore. Regardless of whether you stay together or not you are going to be linked to each other for life thanks to that tiny little girl. For her wellbeing and health, you need to figure out a way to at least respectfully tolerate one another’s beliefs and differences. If you don’t and you continue discussing things with him in a passive aggressive manner (ie, “I’ll pray you see the light and change”) then your daughter will be negatively affected and it will damage her relationships with you both.  She is an innocent child and she deserves better than that. 

[Beermeet]

4 minutes ago, FakePigtails said:

Yes, or if going as a family is super important switch off different churches each week, and OP can go to a mass on her own the weekends the family as a whole attends the Protestant church in order to fulfill the Catholic church's obligation for weekly attendance.

And that would be some epic martyr stuff the Catholic priests and nuns would just love.  Such faith, such a strong woman who keeps her marriage intact and goes to Catholic mass, as a good Catholic should.  They love a married woman who is martyring.  #bestcatholicever  #geturasstorcia

 

[FeministShrew]

I've refrained from commenting so far, but I'll jump in to say GOOD GRIEF!!!!! Sounds like less of a real religious issue and more a matter of resenting that her husband was married before.
If religion is more important than the your marriage, divorce your husband, get an annulment, and go devote yourself to your precious religion. But realize that you probably won't get to raise the child of this marriage as a Catholic, because the father has a legal right to have a say in that.
This is why I hate religion. 

[Palimpsest]

1 hour ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

But why? He can change his mind as easily as I can change mine.

So why don't you?

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Plus, how do I force myself to stop wanting to be Catholic and accept the Protestant Church?

You don't have to.  You are Catholic and can go to a Catholic church if you want.

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Also, why do I have to do all the accepting here?

You don't.  

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What does he have to do to show he understands my needs?

I've no idea.  A box of chocolates or a bunch of flowers apparently won't do it.  However, his own beliefs and rights are not outweighed by yours, and your want (not need) for him to get an annulment.  You are still Catholic and are free to worship at a Catholic church.

I'm off to paint my toe nails.  I think the pale green stuff I bought last week is rather nice.

1 hour ago, 99bottlesofPlexus said:

I may try therapy if suggested, but also want to make it known that I will not be medicated or talked into giving up my religious convictions.

And this is what put me into the "we are being trolled" group.

Apparently therapy is geared towards making people give up their religious conviction and there is a magical drug that serves the same purpose.  

Would that there were such a magic drug.  It would solve a lot of problems.