Lori Alexander 48: The Complaining of the Shrew

[Free Jana Duggar]

Still can't get over that dental story.  Someone help me out.

Can't low income families get Medicaid that would cover medical and dental so those should never be an issue even in poor families?  Or is it one of those where if you make any small amount of income, it's too much to qualify, but not enough to live on?

[Maggie Mae]

1 minute ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

Still can't get over that dental story.  Someone help me out.

Can't low income families get Medicaid that would cover medical and dental so those should never be an issue even in poor families?  Or is it one of those where if you make any small amount of income, it's too much to qualify, but not enough to live on?

They have a lot of options, actually. There are low cost dental clinics. There are dental schools that offer extractions. They are just idiots who think that it's more important to plant Ivy than take care of their children's dental health. They also homeschooled because they couldn't afford a private school and for some reason the public schools weren't an option. 

[Frog99]

3 minutes ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

Still can't get over that dental story.  Someone help me out.

Can't low income families get Medicaid that would cover medical and dental so those should never be an issue even in poor families?  Or is it one of those where if you make any small amount of income, it's too much to qualify, but not enough to live on?

Generally speaking, $29k per year for 6 people would likely deem them eligible for benefits such as health insurance, but we don’t know what year this really was- that impacts poverty level and there could be policies regarding employer offered health insurance that impact eligibility. I wonder if they utilized benefits such as WIC and food stamps and she didn’t want to acknowledge that. 

I think that for Lori and many of her leghumpers, they’ve made living in poverty some sort of idol or proof of holiness. 

8 minutes ago, Maggie Mae said:

They have a lot of options, actually. There are low cost dental clinics. There are dental schools that offer extractions. They are just idiots who think that it's more important to plant Ivy than take care of their children's dental health. They also homeschooled because they couldn't afford a private school and for some reason the public schools weren't an option. 

They probably homeschooled because the children were a source of labor for them and added to the income- gardening, fruit trees, chickens, goats, piano lessons, etc.

I wonder where her kids are now. 

[Briefly]

Dinner tonight was leftover sausage links on rolls with plenty of mustard and cheese.  I had some rice left over and we had that, plus Mr. Briefly also had some pinto beans that I cooked Sunday.  No, the sausage was not particularly healthy!  But it was quick and good.  We don't have it too often, so we enjoy it when we do.

I really wonder about Trey.  He's coming up with things that he seems to believe - such as Europe about to fall, but that are simply not true.  He reminds me of the guy who was looking for the perfect wife, I can't remember his name but we discussed him a couple of months back and we thought maybe he had some issues such as autism or some type of delay. He was Catholic but his family were not the right kind of Catholic for him.  Trey's statement about the IRS coming to his door and taking his taxes at gunpoint?  It does not happen that way.

The poor kid that had to pull her own tooth!  That is a major infection risk.

[crawfishgirl]

Quote

It is my observation that most women can’t see the big picture and make the hard decisions. 

That's priceless, coming from someone who is complaining that the government is taking his money to support other people.  It's a shame he is only looking at the small picture and not the big one.

I want to add that I don't enjoy paying taxes (who does?), but I realize that as a community, we need to support the greater good, which in turn can make our lives better.  I've also read articles in the past regarding the funding/budgeting of social programs, military programs, etc., and the social programs only utilize a small percentage of the budget.  

[Koala]

1 hour ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

Oh please tell me I just read wrong. That woman had her child pick and pry to get a tooth to come out instead of having a proper extraction?  I'm sick.

Plus, having the child to get her own tooth to come out COULD NEVER cause more damage and make matters worse.  Gosh, if I was that dentist, I'd call CPS.

Honest to god, I am horrified.  She required an oral surgeon, but to save money, her parents talked her into pulling it out herself?

Fuck me, what did I just read?  Oh my god...

You know, she admits they had access to credit cards.  Why the hell would they not charge it?  Or put a pause on paying down the house, and get their child the medical treatment she required?

We have been so lucky- I realize that.  We have always had dental insurance, and means to take care of any issues that arise.  I have two teenagers in braces, as I type this. 

I will tell you something, though- If that hadn't been the case, there is still nothing on earth that would have stood in the way of my kids getting needed dental treatment.  I would have done whatever I had to do to make it work.  Hell, Laine could have gotten a damn job.   How could she sit home, and let her kid practice do-it-yourself dentistry?  

I just can't with these people.  They yammer on and on about what a blessing a fetus is, but they don't give a damn about their own kids. 

That's enough interneting for me, today.  Holy shit.

[feministxtian]

No dental insurance here (for now). There's a sliding scale clinic along with the UNLV dental school that will do dental work for a low or no fee. Hubs got his tooth pulled for free b/c they have some sort of grant that will cover veterans at 100% for anything if they're not eligible for dental through the VA (only 100% disabled are eligible for dental thru the VA). We WILL have dental again when I start my new job and I'm going to encourage hubby to get the rest of his teeth fixed ASAP. The history of pancreatitis and the problems he has with trying to absorb nutrients has destroyed his mouth. His problems are similar to someone who's undergone weight-loss surgery because of they way they put his intestines and stomach and stuff back together. 

[EowynW]

I'm pretty sure Laine's Letters are older. I'm almost positive that my mom was reading them in the early to mid 90s 

[AliceInFundyland]

State dental care here gets you cleanings, cavities, extractions...and I lucked into a root canal in some sort of emergency dental care situation. That’s it. You have to wait in a long ass line for the appointment. Usually you have to go to the appointment and then come back for the cleaning.

You can go to the dental school. It’s about 2/3 the cost of the dentist. When the average cost of a crown is like $1000...that’s something. You’ll have to get it worked on in multiple sessions, on their schedule, in lengthy chunks. Not easy for anyone with a job or without a babysitter.

If you get dental insurance they tend to make you wait 6 months to a year to get any major work done. Frequently there is a cap on how much work you can get done/how much you can spend.

None of this helps the HUGE number of people with dental anxiety who can barely get to the exam. 

Dental insurance is more fucked up than regular health insurance.

[EowynW]

I love the "save your emergency fund." My BIL was just bragging about this yesterday. We are trying to save up a small cash fund but it's fucking hard when the cars keep breaking down and the AC bill climbs in our heat. 

[PennySycamore]

Late to the dinner discussion, but I had couscous and  veggie "chicken" seasoned with za'atar and roasted Brussel Sprouts for dinner.  It was pretty darn tasty.

[Koala]

40 minutes ago, AliceInFundyland said:

Dental insurance is more fucked up than regular health insurance.

There's a lot I don't understand, but I have always wondered why dental/optical aren't rolled in with regular health insurance.  

Dental issues can lead to other health problems (heart).  Infections can spread to other parts of the body (even the brain).  

As far as optical, I can't see to get out of bed without my contacts.  It seems crazy to me that anyone without the means would just have to go about practically blind.

It all just seems very inhumane to me.  I can't imagine being in dental pain or not able to see.  That's got to be such a helpless feeling.

But hey, I guess I'm just a silly woman, totally incapable of intelligent thought, right Trey?  

Speaking of Trey, let's see what he has to say about the poor:

-people who make poor decisions

-pop out more babies 

-bad behavior 

-If you feed something, it will grow. You must starve it to minimize it or get rid of it completely.

- freeloaders

-more freeloaders

- eating at the public trough 

- irresponsible behavior

The following is the scripture Trey listed to support his tirade:

Quote

 

Why yes, that box is supposed to be empty.  Like Trey's rant, it is devoid of anything having to do with the Bible or what Jesus taught.

The Bible, however, is not silent on this issue:

The book of Acts tells us that it is better to give than to receive.  

1 John 3:17 says:

But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?

Proverbs 19:17 says:

He that hath pity upon the poor lendeth unto the Lord; and that which he hath given will he pay him again.

Deuteronomy 15:7-11 says:

“If among you, one of your brothers should become poor, in any of your towns within your land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart or shut your hand against your poor brother, but you shall open your hand to him and lend him sufficient for his need, whatever it may be. Take care lest there be an unworthy thought in your heart and you say, ‘The seventh year, the year of release is near,’ and your eye look grudgingly on your poor brother, and you give him nothing, and he cry to the Lord against you, and you be guilty of sin. You shall give to him freely, and your heart shall not be grudging when you give to him, because for this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in all that you undertake. For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, ‘You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.’

Matthew 5:42 says:

Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

I could literally go on citing scripture all night, but I will end with the verse, which I believe was written for the likes of Trey and Lori:

Proverbs 29:7

The righteous considereth the cause of the poor: but the wicked regardeth not to know it. 

17 minutes ago, EowynW said:

I love the "save your emergency fund." My BIL was just bragging about this yesterday. We are trying to save up a small cash fund but it's fucking hard when the cars keep breaking down and the AC bill climbs in our heat. 

Don't let it make you feel bad.  It's a great concept, but sometimes there simply isn't anything left to save. 

Dave Ramsey might have an idea or two, but I do believe he operates purely from privilege.  It's easy for him to tell someone else to eat beans and rice, but I don't believe for a minute he's ever done it himself.  And I don't think he would.  He would charge the shit out of his groceries, if his back was to the wall.  He may have been broke, but I don't think he's ever been hungry.

To play his game, you have to be slightly comfortable....

[MarblesMom]

1 hour ago, EowynW said:

I'm pretty sure Laine's Letters are older. I'm almost positive that my mom was reading them in the early to mid 90s 

I remember reading about a woman who sounds just like Laine in ....maybe Reader's Digest? In the early 90s?

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

I remember my dad pulling one of his own teeth because he couldn't afford to go to the dentist.  For all the venting I do about my parents here and their frequently negligent and lax approach to regular medical care - I could write a book - I don't think they would have made one of us kids do that.  We got taken a couple times a year to either a dental clinic or the tech school, where the kids training to be dental hygienists would give us a cleaning.  Fortunately we all had good strong teeth and no cavities which my mother chalked up to her refusal to give us flouride and I chalk up to luck and genetics.

I did have a bottom front tooth growing up under my tongue and they recommended braces, my parents told me to instead try pushing in it with my tongue instead and it did move forward.  It never hurt and they kept an eye on it.  They're a bit crooked now (the offending tooth looks like it's trying to push its neighbors out of the way) which isn't a problem...me continuing to push on it out of habit all these years later probably is.

[HoneyBunny]

9 hours ago, polecat said:

From Khalil Gibran:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, 
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, 
and He bends you with His might 
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, 
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Polecat, I can’t remember the last time that something I read moved me to tears, but this did. Thanks for sharing it!

A dear, dear family friend (my mom’s age) who had six children was once asked by one of them which she loved the most. I loved her reply:  “I love the most the one who needs my love the most at that moment. Sometimes it’s your father, sometimes it’s one of you. And it will probably be different tomorrow. Because...life.” 

[livinglongerthanyou]

11 hours ago, SuperNova said:

What the hell, Lori? Kids are given "on loan"? What does that even mean? My daughter is still my child and she's 22 but she NEVER belonged to me. Children are not things or property. They are autonomous human beings that come into our care. The needs of my child were always met before another adult who could help themselves. It's not a competition for my love. 

What would this look like in practice? Let's say my child is ill and I'm caring for their immediate needs and my headship comes home tired and hungry. I suppose I'm expected to drop everything and cook his dinner? I'm betting yes.

Yeah I didn't understand that either. Was she trying to say that at 18 offspring should be booted out of the house? Or at 18 you are no longer responsible? Lori is such a callous bitch. 

P.S. I did NOT tell the Tribble she could have all the treats. LOL

9 hours ago, louisa05 said:

When exactly was the almighty Laine living on $29,000 a year? An online inflation calculator tells me that that amount in 1980 would be equivalent to over $87,000 now and in 1990 it would be over $55,000 now. 

But Lori isn't one for realistic details. 

Yes, I did some math and research on house prices in southern CA in the early 1980s which would have been when Laine and hubby purchased their home. I imagine they bought in a lower priced neighborhood and a reasonable home in that county would have been $65,000 - $70,000.

[Marly]

I hate it when people say things like "you can cure your diabetes by eating healthy!", or "only people who eat unhealthy get diabetes!".  It conflates diabetes type I and type II, and overlooks the fact that type II diabetes can sometimes also be genetic rather than the result of "being overweight" or "bad eating habits". It also completely overlooks the fact that diabetes type I is (as of yet) incurable and has absolutely nothing to do with someone's eating habits, and that people with type I diabetes are insulin-dependent and DIE without access to insulin. My bf is a type I diabetic, and it is hurtful to him when people (especially friends and family, though they now finally seem to have gotten the message) say things like "oooh that choclate cake is going to give me diabetes!" or "ooh that much sugar will surely give you diabetes!". NO! It doesn't work like that! In addition, diabetes is a life-altering disease, and jokes from people who have absolutely no idea what they're talking about or how diabetes actually impacts your life are generally not appreciated.

(I want to add that it's not as if making light-hearted jokes about it is necessarily always wrong. It definitely depends on the speaker and the audience. BF can sometimes joke about the situation with me, or other people who understand the situation, and he can appreciate it when close friends see his stack of needles and make a funny remark about it, because he knows they are not in any way trying to invalidate his experience or think his disease is somehow the result of "bad choices" .)

[Koala]

You know what I find funny?  Lori has no time to worry about human rights, but plenty of time to post scriptureless rants about protecting her money.  See?  This is an entire post on why she can't be bothered to "solve the world's problems". 

https://thetransformedwife.com/trying-to-fix-the-worlds-problems/

In it, she says:

Quote

There is no way they are going to solve nations from being bombed, stop corrupt governments, fix all access to health care, education, human rights, and poverty. ALL of these are completely out of our control and God doesn’t ask us to solve any of them!

She continues:

Quote

Health care, education, and human rights are not God-given rights 

Quote

we can’t fix poverty or any of the world’s problems. We aren’t asked to do so. 

Quote

Even if we could possibly solve all of these issues, it would be meaningless in the end since this world and everything in it will one day be burned up. 

They aren't asked to fix any of the world's problems until it comes to their money.  Then all of a sudden they have tons of ideas for solving "the world's" problems.

Quote

Every dollar that is taken from me (at the barrel of a gun....

is a dollar that I do not have 

Quote

Should not my hard work go to support my family and the things that benefit my family 

 (notice Lori doesn't step in to remind readers that boundaries are unbiblical and rights are meaningless)

Quote

 you don’t get rid of bad behavior by rewarding it! If you feed something, it will grow. You must starve it to minimize it or get rid of it completely.

Money.  That's what it comes down to.

One reader says:

Quote

I'd much rather ours go to feed a starving child or help a sick child get proper healthcare. My family is personally watching 2 of our own die slowly from cystic fibrosis because their parents can't afford organ transplants and their insurance won't pay for it. 

Lori whines out the following response:

Quote

Trey said clearly that he would rather use his money to help others instead of give it to a gigantic and inefficient government...

I hear that a lot-  "Just let us good Christians take care of things.  We'll happily give...off the books, but don't take our money via taxes!" 

But you know what?  Those people are still dying for lack of funds.   How much money to you think Lori sent that reader?  What about Trey?  Yeah, not one dime.  Because a system that depends on people like Lori to decide when someone deserves medical care, doesn't fucking work.  Lori would have them buying worthless woo cures off the internet, or trying to juice the cystic fibrosis away- and she wouldn't put a penny towards that!

Girl, that's you!  You have clearly stated that YOU would allow the government to support you before you got a job.

Lori Alexander:

Quote

 If their is no willing family or church, I think it is better for the mother to go on welfare to take care of her children rather than find a full-time job 

 

[dairyfreelife]

Here's the thing too...public schools offer a lot to poor families. You can get free or reduced breakfast and lunch for the school-aged children, free and reduced after school care while parents work, free education. This includes vast numbers of free books (most schools have libraries and in elementary children usually have a class and can check out books to read along with the many books provided in the classroom). Many schools have computer classes too and teach basic coding skills. Schools offer free basic therapy and one-on-one teachers for disabilities. Some schools offer gifted programs for advanced children. Free curriculum, free teaching, you don't have to do much besides help with homework and be involved. Most school sports don't cost much either and many do a lot of fundraising so the cost is little to none. Schools also offer instrument rentals/loans for children in poorer families. 

I did some work in schools with poverty rates as high as 90%. Most schools in the area offered free dental care at schools twice a year. Another advantage for going to public schools when poor. There were dentists who would pick a day or two and opened up a clinic to the public and would offer free dental care to anyone in the area. They would be packed. I believe a couple orthodontists and oral surgeons were also involved in the outreach. Unfortunately not everyone who needed seen would get seen due to time constraints. They would do this a couple times a year. Dental schools already mentioned. Basically, there are much more options out there that are no where near as bad as making your child pull their bad tooth and risking much greater and more serious infection. 

[polecat]

Quote

" Last year the dentist told me that Abbie had a problematic tooth which wouldn't come out without going to an oral surgeon. As I mentioned before, we don't have dental insurance. So Art told Abbie he would give her $10 if she got that tooth out. I prayed and prayed, while she pried and poked at that tooth all summer. Finally, at the end of the summer, she got the tooth out! I'll never forget how excited we were. Now she has to have orthodontist work, but we have been praying and saving. "

This fills me with absolute horror. I'm obsessive about my kids' teeth. When I was 9, I had a dental trauma that left me with avulsed and luxated teeth. It was a serious dental emergency -- as in, must have treatment within an hour or the teeth will all be lost. My parents, bless 'em, took me straight to the ER, not realizing I needed to be at the dentist, but they did all they could to help me. 

They did NOT leave me to suffer or "pry" or "poke" at my dislocated teeth, nor did they try to shove the avulsed one back in. They sought care. 

And PSA:

If your child knocks out a tooth, do NOT scrub it or pick it up by the root. Only touch the crown and gently rinse away any dirt or debris. If you can, GENTLY insert the tooth back into its socket. If it won't go, do NOT force it. Place it in either milk or saliva (not tap water!), and go to the dentist immediately. Don't stop. Don't pass go. Just get to the dentist. 

[Koala]

Lori:

Quote

I tried “raising” Ken when we were first married. I wanted him to help with the housework, not watch so much TV, not eat so much junk food, etc. I had a laundry list that I was trying to train him up with.

Yeah, that's because you never liked him in the first place.  You liked his paycheck.  You also like to control other people and condition them to "serve" you.

Normal people don't marry hoping to "train" their spouse.  I mean, wtf?  I *really* don't need an adult to raise...who has time for that?  

Quote

The only way a wife can TRY to raise a husband up like this is to speak the truth in love to him, set boundaries if need be 

Well golly, Lori, I thought boundaries weren't biblical.  Now you tell me that a wife might need to set some, in order to raise her husband properly?

Quote

Setting boundaries for anyone but yourself or your children seems wrong to me 

Quote

Then comes in the problem of NEVER becoming a "doormat," since doormat is a dirty word today.

You see, the problem I have with the word boundary and doormat is that neither of these words are in the Bible. 

Quote

What about being called to be a "living sacrifice?"

Quote

All these just don't seem to fit in with the so called"boundaries" people are setting up for others in their lives or the fear of being a doormat. 

Quote

Setting boundaries for others seems like psycho babble to me and not biblical at all. All this stuff about not being a doormat seems the same.

Quote

If we insist on setting boundaries for others and not being a doormat, we will ALWAYS be unhappy 

So forget trying to raise Ken, Lori.  No need to set boundaries- just embrace your roll as Ken's Doormat, and you'll be much happier.

 

[Meeka]

The Transformed WIFE 2.0 facebook page is back. It has a different banner though.

[EowynW]

Ladies, the 2.0 page is back. 

[Koala]

Quote

 husband and a father who needs to be weaned off fantasy football, guy nights, and lazy days on the couch

He continues:

Quote

 I believe women are reaping what they have been sowing since the 60s

It's the woman's fault- because, of course it is!  Are you kidding me?  It's ALWAYS the women.  Why bother to state the obvious??  If all else fails, blame the woman. 

Seriously though, who do these people know? 

My husband has never been on a "guy night" in nearly 20 years of marriage- has no interest, either.  He doesn't know anything about fantasy football- he doesn't even watch football.  Neither of us know anything about spending entire days on the couch.  We've got shit to do.  

He does like gaming, so once he's worked all day, had dinner with the family, helped the kids with homework, and watched the news or a movie with the family, he *might* go sit down and play one of his online video games- IF he's not too tired.  That is fine by me.  He deserves down time.  

I don't monitor what he eats, because ADULT, but he did call me this morning and tell me about some new fangled ordering kiosk at McDonald's.  He was picking up a biscuit, and said he just hoped he didn't end up with a shot of vanilla in his coffee.    He also mentioned something about going out to lunch, and wanted to see if I wanted to meet him...  

But monitoring his eating and television habits?  That'd be a "no".  Make that a "hell no".

[feministxtian]

What men do these women know? 

Yeah, hubs and I LOVE football and hockey. We'll watch every game we can and maybe even attend a few in person next season. I played fantasy football for years...it was a lot of fun but didn't take a helluva lot of time. Guys night out? Hubs may go out with the guys from church for a "guys night"...they usually end up at Dave & Busters (Chuck E Cheese for grown ups). I may go out with a couple of my girlfriends, head to Premium Outlets just to look around (we don't buy much). 

Watching TV...that's the ONE thing that I'd like to wean him off of...the TV is on ALL THE FUCKING TIME. He doesn't actually watch it but it's on all the damn time. 

Oh well, if that's all I've got to bitch about...