Bro Gary Hawkins 5: Preaching From The Basement In Bed

[Georgiana]

27 minutes ago, Yogi said:

I know nothing about this but when families like this travel to preach, they re invited, right? And the Church that invites them would find someone to host them, right? Why is he trying to grift a free place to stay when they go to NC? Shouldn’t the the church put them up? They aren’t just... showing up uninvited, are they?

I mean, ideally yes they are invited.  

But a lot of these churches that folks like the Rods and Bro Gary visit are VERY small and likely not well off.  It may not be possible for the church to provide a whole family of people with somewhere to stay.  That's why a lot of these travelling folks have RVs.  The bigger churches seem to provide some space for travelling preachers, but many of these locations are double-wides out in rural areas.  They don't have a basement space to host them, and their parishioners probably don't either.

And CERTAINLY in Jill Rod's case, we've seen them turn up to places where the invite was...questionable, shall we say?  I don't know how scrupulous Bro Gary is, but Jill at least seems to take an invite from ANYONE as an official invite, so she's shown up to a few places to find her "ministry" is less than welcome and church officials less than accommodating.  

[FundieFarmer]

Um. That list of rules is oddly specific and riddled with riffles. 

Also, Jill and Bro Gary are both perfect examples of why live video should really be left to the professionals...

[MayMay1123]

1 hour ago, catlady said:

MLM or not, I would think the jewelry people would want their underlings to be able to spell Paparazzi.

Bro Gary, you (meaning Sis Becky) won’t move 500 pieces a month if nobody has any clue what company you represent. 

spell it? he can't even *say it!

[smittykins]

Don't get me wrong,  I'm firmly on Team Gary Needs To Get A Real Job, but what would he be qualified for? With his apparent level of homeskooling, I think he may be underqualified for McDonald's. 

(And I'm not knocking fast-food work, as I did it myself for almost a decade.)

[MayMay1123]

6 minutes ago, smittykins said:

Don't get me wrong,  I'm firmly on Team Gary Needs To Get A Real Job, but what would he be qualified for? With his apparent level of homeskooling, I think he may be underqualified for McDonald's. 

(And I'm not knocking fast-food work, as i did it myself for almost a decade.)

 

some kind of factory work? chicken processing? picking fruit? (totally not saying that anyone who has these jobs have brains like g-haw)

sissy may

[Granwych]

4 hours ago, Yogi said:

I know nothing about this but when families like this travel to preach, they re invited, right? And the Church that invites them would find someone to host them, right? Why is he trying to grift a free place to stay when they go to NC? Shouldn’t the the church put them up? They aren’t just... showing up uninvited, are they?

Hawkins, Rodrigues, etc. etc.   Is the Hawkins family very, er, musical??

[Georgiana]

8 minutes ago, Granwych said:

Hawkins, Rodrigues, etc. etc.   Is the Hawkins family very, er, musical??

OH GOOD LORD, NO.

They have posted videos of their practice sessions.  If you have a person you are looking to torture, I suggest playing them at high volume.  If you have a child that "time out" isn't working for, perhaps 2 minutes of listening to the Hawkins' family "music".   If you REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE someone, send them a link.  If you want to save someone, make them listen to Bro Gary's music and tell them that in Hell, the Hawkins are on repeat. Guaranteed to scare the pants off them.  

The Rods are a regular philharmonic orchestra compared to the Hawkins family.  The Duggars are accomplished musicians in comparison.  

In short, the Hawkins family is the weenie gravy of "musical families".  

[Granwych]

Just now, Georgiana said:

OH GOOD LORD, NO.

They have posted videos of their practice sessions.  If you have a person you are looking to torture, I suggest playing them at high volume.  If you have a child that "time out" isn't working for, perhaps 2 minutes of listening to the Hawkins' family "music".   If you REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE someone, send them a link.  If you want to save someone, make them listen to Bro Gary's music and tell them that in Hell, the Hawkins are on repeat. Guaranteed to scare the pants off them.  

The Rods are a regular philharmonic orchestra compared to the Hawkins family.  The Duggars are accomplished musicians in comparison.  

In short, the Hawkins family is the weenie gravy of "musical families".  

Thanks!  One good recording of the Hawkinses  should keep the critters away from my henhouse.  No, never mind--the hens would be traumatized.  No more eggs, just biddies suitable for making chicken weenies.

[Georgiana]

4 minutes ago, Granwych said:

Thanks!  One good recording of the Hawkinses  should keep the critters away from my henhouse.  No, never mind--the hens would be traumatized.  No more eggs, just biddies suitable for making chicken weenies.

My friend once convinced a particularly determined pair of raccoons to leave his crawlspace by playing talk radio on a boombox under the house all day.  

I'd imagine the Hawkins Family Practice Sessions would be a similarly effective pest deterrent.  

[Carol]

Uh-oh...Gary just posted that he done discovered the Brother Gary Hawkins page and he's remindin people it ain't him and don't go lookin for it cause he's reported it.  

Looks like it's been taken down.  Damn!!  I'd still go there once in awhile when I needed a laugh.  I'ma miss that page.

 

Just a thought about that marriage conference he and Becky went to.  I'm guessing she said he didn't have a job and she's tired of living hand to mouth...and he got called on the carpet and taken behind the shed and whacked.  Thus, he now has two new MLM jobs.  

What a success story!

[Dandruff]

Perhaps he could get some sort of bouncer or scarecrow-type position?  Can't picture him lasting long at a fast food counter, or anywhere near food preparation actually.

[MarblesMom]

6 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

some kind of factory work? chicken processing? picking fruit? (totally not saying that anyone who has these jobs have brains like g-haw)

Clearly, at the ween factory, where he will be fired shortly after discovering he is sampling the goods on the ween conveyor belt.

[Ozlsn]

14 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

potsa-ra potsa-ra popsa ropsy poppa rassy jury...yeah, i wants me some of dat! i notice becks hasn't said much about plexus lately (they almost 100% cannot afford to buy it for themselves), but she has that and now toothpaste and junk jewelry- how many mlms can one person do at one time? he also tells the men that they can buy the jury for their cork-u-bine...he only needs someone to buy 500 pieces this month! then he can get a paycheck just like people who work 5-6-7 days a week! except he doesn't actually do any work, becky does. he just sits and eats and lies in bed. the end. cuz Jesus...or something.

sis may-really feeling the steroids today

500 pieces per month?!  He cannot seriously think he's going to shift that much, right?

[AliceInFundyland]

The best thing about taking breaks from fj is coming back and falling down new rabbit holes. Whooeee.

[pamplemousse]

10 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

The best thing about taking breaks from fj is coming back and falling down new rabbit holes. Whooeee.

Welcome to Bro Gary's thread! Just be careful eating or drinking while you're reading it, lest you either (1) spit it out onto the keyboard laughing or (2) puke from seeing the grossness that is pictures of what he eats and/or his nostrils front and center in the camera during his videos.

[Candydandy]

Ok Folks just started watching the newest video. My volume was high and that Haymuhn! had me jump.I dont know why he keeps trying his luck with MLMs. I guess all the traveling doesnt allow for a "real job" Anyhoos that there camp looks real nice. Nonstop preaching is required, and long skirts only please! Bunks in a building- are pjs allowed or sleep in your long skirt?  I'm wonderin how Gary found the spoof page? Google search? 

Sis Candy 

[PumaLover]

I'm gonna miss that page, too! I liked it–when a page is reported does anything happen to the people who liked it? I unfollowed him too, lest he make the connection and block me. I need my daily weens.

That camp had some um, VERY specific rules. You have to make it to all the preachin' and the only way to get out of it is with a note? Sounds like school to me. Definitely not how I want to spend my vacation days. My favorite part was the dedication of the food. That made me laugh.

ETA: The camp does NOT say no alcohol, so I'm all in! LOL

And too many of my friends are doing MLMs. Lots of Lularoe, Paparazzi, Usborne, Scentsy and just got invited to a party for something else. I mostly just ignore them.

[Nikedagain?]

Old Bro gets a bit assholish about how his facebook friends ain't supportin' him, don't he? 

[keepercjr]

I wonder how they make any money at all?  He talks in the video about wanting to afford a tire if he needs a tire. Or if he wants to go out to eat he can take his wife out.  They must be extremely tight on money.  They don’t pay for much except maybe food and gas.  Their lodging is free at churches.  Becky could get paid very nicely as a nurse working a few days per week and bro Gary could travel and preach all he wants while she bankrolls it.  She could even homeschool on her days off no problem.   I honestly think Gary is mostly unemployable in a real job. Helping out here and there sure but anything else I dunno...

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, keepercjr said:

I wonder how they make any money at all?  He talks in the video about wanting to afford a tire if he needs a tire. Or if he wants to go out to eat he can take his wife out.  They must be extremely tight on money.  They don’t pay for much except maybe food and gas.  Their lodging is free at churches.  Becky could get paid very nicely as a nurse working a few days per week and bro Gary could travel and preach all he wants while she bankrolls it.  She could even homeschool on her days off no problem.   I honestly think Gary is mostly unemployable in a real job. Helping out here and there sure but anything else I dunno...

Or they could reverse roles and Becky could work full time while Gary was a stay-at-home dad/weekend preacher. I draw the line at letting him homeschool though!

[DaisyD]

7 hours ago, PumaLover said:

And too many of my friends are doing MLMs. Lots of Lularoe, Paparazzi, Usborne, Scentsy and just got invited to a party for something else. I mostly just ignore them.

I do the same things. A bunch of us sisters-in-law signed up for Mary Kay years ago. One of the new batch of sil's (there's been some turn over in the interim) is into Lularoe. I don't think any of us has been to a party. Those of us that are left have learned our lesson. 

[Georgiana]

6 hours ago, keepercjr said:

I wonder how they make any money at all?  He talks in the video about wanting to afford a tire if he needs a tire. Or if he wants to go out to eat he can take his wife out.  They must be extremely tight on money.  They don’t pay for much except maybe food and gas.  Their lodging is free at churches.  Becky could get paid very nicely as a nurse working a few days per week and bro Gary could travel and preach all he wants while she bankrolls it.  She could even homeschool on her days off no problem.   I honestly think Gary is mostly unemployable in a real job. Helping out here and there sure but anything else I dunno...

A lot of hospitals do week on/week off scheduling for nurses as well. Becky could work full time, and Bro Gary could still travel every other week. A nurse’s salary should be MORE than enough to cover tires and a few meals out.

[Granwych]

9 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

A lot of hospitals do week on/week off scheduling for nurses as well. Becky could work full time, and Bro Gary could still travel every other week. A nurse’s salary should be MORE than enough to cover tires and a few meals out.

But who would cook that culinary weenie masterpiece?  Who'd homeschool the chilluns?  Who'd drop everything for sweet fellowship with that manly paragon of manhood and do all this on demand??

I don't know anyone, either.

[Georgiana]

Guys, you’re probably shameful and YOU probably go to movies, but Bro Gary is better than you so he doesn’t. But guess what? He didn’t need no dang movie to tell him God wasn’t dead, he already knew! You probably need two because you’re not as good as Bro Gary. Like it or not, it’s the truth!

Edit: Oh shit he’s pissed off Dennis!!

[Gimme a Free RV]

Go Dennis! 

If there was ever a miniscule doubt in my mind that Bro Gary was an idiot (and I don't say that lightly), this has erased that .5%

I suppose it never occured to Bro Weenhaw that there are those in Hollywood interested in offering something for Christian audiences and/or using the big screen as an evangelistic tool to those who might never set foot in a church or go to one of his fabulous KFC-bucket tent meetings?

Pertaining to hearing about Jesus, let's look at the choice, here, Gary:

1. Sit through a two hour movie in comfortable seats in an climate-controlled environment (with a restroom nearby) while reaching in a bucket for yummy popcorn. 
2. Sit through a two hour hollerin' tent revival in cheap folding chairs, swatting away the bugs and wiping sweat from your forehead while reaching into a KFC bucket to deposit your pocket change to help the Hawkins buy a brand new RV.

My conclusion about Bro GHaw:  He is undereducated and unable to hold lots of jobs people his age do.  He has taken it upon himself to do what he likes best--listen to himself yell and lie around when he isn't yelling--and accept money for it, or, rather, beg money for it.  He gets away with being lazy (in his mind) if he does it "for the Lord."  HAYMA-UN!