Lori Alexander 40: Learning Nothing, Teaching Nothing

[Hisey]

6 hours ago, IntrinsicallyDisordered said:

Thank you for this resource, I will check it out.

@EowynW, a very helpful book for me is The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748  it has been invaluable in understanding what happened to me and in beginning to heal.  I wish I had found it sooner.  

Hey Ken, if children are the only reason for marriage, should infertile couples who aren't in a position to adopt divorce?  Which is the greater evil here?  Should you and your repulsively cruel shrew of a wife divorce since all your kids are grown?

 

I've heard Dr. Van der Kolk speak in person! He is wonderful, so down to earth, and really the foremost trauma expert in the world. I am just listening to that book on audio, and it is great.

1 hour ago, Sarah92 said:

I took an acute trauma intensive last fall for my degree and this book was brought up quite often! Many people really enjoyed it citing it to be very helpful. I need to buy a copy. 

Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman was a book I really enjoyed and thought helpful. I can't remember if she's one of the founders of the concept of complex-PTSD or not buts she's been a big influence in the study of trauma and PTSD. 

When I heard Dr. Van der Kolk speak, he kept referencing Judith Herman. Apparently they have worked together a lot.

Sorry about the thread drift. Back to Lori (whose kids might benefit from the works cited above)

[Chocolatedefrauded]

That Michael Pearl quote “slumber parties are sin parties.” What the heck did he do as a kid? What is so horrible about staying up late, pillow fights & talking with your friends. They make the most innocent activity into a sinful debauchery! 

He also seems to think kids do nothing in school but learn evil activities. Most schools actually do teach children most of the day. I may not be thrilled with parts of public school education but overall, our rural/suburban school in the Northeast produces educated adults. It emphasizes good character traits, good citizenship and other positive life choices. 

My 13 year old has a new friend who is a bit braggy, disparaging & nosy. Lots of attitude and too pushy. I’m keeping on eye on it but not forbidding the friendship. We want her to decide if the friendship is not positive. It is a good learning experience for her. I’ve watched my daughter ignore her texts & calls when it gets too much. So baby steps....

[Hane]

@Chocolatedefrauded, Erma Bombeck once wrote, “One of the toughest and most valuable things a loving mother can do is allow her child to discover on her own that her hand-picked best friend is bad news.”  

Re homeschooling (Apologies in advance for what is going to look like a brag-a-thon coming up—not my intention at all):   I have a bachelor’s in English and Spanish, secondary ed level (started out majoring in elementary ed). I used to be a Mensa member. I read a lot and try my best to stay informed on a variety of topics. BUT I KNOW THAT THERE ARE ***MANY*** PEOPLE MORE INTELLIGENT AND BETTER-EDUCATED THAN I AM. That’s why I sent my kid to school. 

Were all her teachers perfect? Of course not—I kept my ear to the ground and addressed any issues that needed attention. That’s what any reasonable parent would do.

Putting aside the fact that I’ve always had to be employed outside the home, there’s another reason why I wouldn’t, extraordinary circumstances aside, have homeschooled:  I don’t think I’d have had the temperament for it.  I taught adults for many years (ESL and corporate training), and was pretty good at it, but I found it emotionally tiring.  I’d have hated to take that fatigue out on my child.

[refugee]

23 hours ago, EowynW said:

My sister told me the other day she can still hear my Mom's voice in her head, lol. It does fade but it's a slow process. 

Geez. I hope when I’m gone, if my kids happen to hear my voice in their heads, it will be saying loving, encouraging things.

16 hours ago, Mellowing With Age said:

I was a SAHM for many years. I now work because I want to, not because I have to. It got to the point where my emotional well being was at an all time low. I needed to get out and return to work. My children are happy for me. I am happy, and that makes everyone else happy. 

 

 

Same here. I guess in Lori’s perfect bibly world I wouldn’t be working, but going about, peeping in windows and showing up unexpectedly at younger women’s houses to offer them criticism and heavy-handed advice.

Cause working is selfish, y’know, and cuts into the time an older woman could be haranguing the younger women.

23 hours ago, Imrlgoddess said:

You're not alone dear.  I don't cook but maybe 3 times a week total.  I work and go to school, my husband juggles two jobs.  We do a lot of "make a big meal tonight for leftovers" type cooking.  Last night I didn't get home till 8:00 pm so he'd made himself eggs, my daughter had her usual ramen bowl, and I ate toast and cereal when I got home.  Tonight won't be much different, if there is a cooked meal, it will be Honey doing it and it will most likely be some kind of pork with rice and gravy.  

I wish.

I cook mostly for me these days, maybe twice a week a bigger meal for everyone to enjoy. Dh says he doesn’t mind; he forages. But I don’t think he’d ever stir his bones to actually cook something.

Once in a while, he’ll make me a cup of tea. I trained him too well in our patriarchal days to be waited on hand and foot. He fends for himself now, and washes dishes and cleans the bathroom, so that’s something.

[SongRed7]

1 hour ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

That Michael Pearl quote “slumber parties are sin parties.” What the heck did he do as a kid? What is so horrible about staying up late, pillow fights & talking with your friends. They make the most innocent activity into a sinful debauchery! 

I was thinking the same thing. He goes so far as to say "not even with cousins"  Holy heck...what was going on in the relative's house?!  Some of my best memories are of sleepovers with cousins and friends.   No one was doing voodoo, getting naked, cussing or watching porn.  The "worst" we did was eat Doritos. Lots and lots of Doritos.  But that right there would be one of the biggest red flags why Lori would lobby  for legislation against those evil sleep overs! 

[TeddyBonkers]

Sinful woman that I am, not only do I send my children to public school, I'm ALSO sending them to a sleepover with their cousins tonight! Best just to give up on them right now, FJ!

And Lori is the very last woman who should be preaching about having a cheerful home. Her kids were afraid of her, for Christ's sake. She ignored them when they were babies and tossed some worksheets at them in order to 'homeschool' them. Now I'm not saying I'm Mary freakin Poppins all the time, but Younger Bonkers will climb on my lap and tell me, "Mommy, you are so kind." (shameless bragging, please forgive)

LOL for DAYS referencing the Duggars in her post, too. "The husbands seem to deeply love their wives." Especially Josh, amirite?

[Liza]

Fundies are obsessed with the sex they are not supposed to have ... the sins they are not supposed to commit ... but commit anyway.  Just one example:  80% of all Evangelicals have premarital sex.  I can look it up or you can, but the stats are out there.  Those are the ones who admit to it, too!    Lori is living in lala land.

[delphinium65]

30 minutes ago, SongRed7 said:

I was thinking the same thing. He goes so far as to say "not even with cousins"  Holy heck...what was going on in the relative's house?!  

Given that people tend to judge others by themselves, or their own experiences...yeah. I have to seriously wonder if he was one of the evil kids he talks about, who shouldn't be trusted around anyone else's children. 

[Liza]

https://thetransformedwife.com/his-children-will-not-ride-the-train-to-hell/

Lori writes:

“When kids stop running around in circles, screaming, and start talking, or drawing aside, you’ve likely got the beginning of troubles brewing. Keep the little ones standing right beside you after church. They should always sit with you, never with their friends. IF they go out to the bathroom, go with them. Never allow them to spend the night with friends or cousins. Slumber parties are sin parties. Never allow them to listen to music through headphones. Three-minute phone conversations, no chat rooms, no surfing the web for any reason. Parents should make it physically impossible for them to even access the web. We didn’t allow our children to spend time in their bedrooms unless they were working on a project or reading. Bedroom doors were always kept open, except for two minutes while dressing.”

“On occasions when I have made these same remarks in public, people have asked, ‘What’s wrong; don’t you trust your children?’ I answer, ‘Of course not; you think I’m a fool?   

My children are flesh and blood, just like their daddy. They are descendents of Adam. The Devil is still active and wants their innocence. Having descended through me from fallen Adam, I know they are endowed with an all consuming passion to know good and evil. Why should I trust them?’

“Those of you who think I am too hard, too protective, and too distrusting, keep in mind that all my children are grown and married now. They have demonstrated themselves to be solid citizens and emotionally stable. They all came to marriage as virgins and are now happily married. They will never divorce. We are delighted with them, and they are delighted with us. What more could you want in this life? Their memories of life with us are not measured by the things we didn’t allow them to do, but by the many activities that we did with them. We kept their lives full of fun and creativity. They had friends and spent time with them, under controlled circumstances.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    OMG!  This is a recipe for disaster and this is what she is telling us   ....  I can only wonder about what we do not know.  We know, of course, about the disciplinary techniques in   “To Raise Up a Child” . .. but what she has written here is beyond the pale.  This is not discipline:  this is child abuse. this is not over-protection, it is control.  It is not love; it is ownership.   

If her children are as happy as she says, then it is despite what she did.  Lori is an evil, sick and twisted woman.  There is no love in her heart.  I am sorry to use such strong words, but this is unbelievable.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Lol, sounds great!!!

[louisa05]

Lol, sounds great!!!

Who’s going to take it for the team and watch Lori babbling about constipation???

[delphinium65]

2 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

Who’s going to take it for the team and watch Lori babbling about constipation???

 

Not me. I've already reached my crap limit for the day.  

[Alisamer]

Wait, doesn't cheese sometimes CONTRIBUTE to constipation? 

[PhoenixRising]

12 hours ago, Hisey said:

You both might want to check out Raised by Narcissists on reddit. It's a wonderful community of people who have experienced all sorts of trauma and abuse. Helped me way more than any book or therapy. Eowyn, I don't know your whole story, but it does seem like you are struggling with (understandable) anger about your family. I apologize if I'm off base. 

This reddit is really good (there are rules in place) about not victim-blaming. It helps people focus on setting boundaries with crazy family members.

Thanks for your post! I’ve read the RBN Reddit. It’s a great resource, but it was triggering at times as well. The community is supportive though. 

Setting and enforcing boundaries been one of my greatest struggles. 

10 hours ago, IntrinsicallyDisordered said:

Thank you for this resource, I will check it out.

@EowynW, a very helpful book for me is The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748  it has been invaluable in understanding what happened to me and in beginning to heal.  I wish I had found it sooner.  

 

Thank you!!

[PhoenixRising]

2 hours ago, refugee said:

Geez. I hope when I’m gone, if my kids happen to hear my voice in their heads, it will be saying loving, encouraging things

This alone tells me that you are doing the doing the parenting-thing right.  

[SongRed7]

34 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

Who’s going to take it for the team and watch Lori babbling about constipation???

I admit it...I watched......takeaways: Lori's been constipated her whole life (no kidding? who wouldn't have guessed THAT!), and how to make $35 grilled cheese sandwiches.  With what it probably cost for that one tiny sandwich, she could have fed a small third world country for a day.

I would like to suggest title of next thread:

Either: Constipation and Congestion (from Lori herself)

or

Making $35 Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.

 

[Liza]

2 minutes ago, SongRed7 said:

Lori's been constipated her whole life

what?  with all those salads?

[Mellowing With Age]

54 minutes ago, Liza said:

https://thetransformedwife.com/his-children-will-not-ride-the-train-to-hell/

Lori writes:

“When kids stop running around in circles, screaming, and start talking, or drawing aside, you’ve likely got the beginning of troubles brewing. Keep the little ones standing right beside you after church. They should always sit with you, never with their friends. IF they go out to the bathroom, go with them. Never allow them to spend the night with friends or cousins. Slumber parties are sin parties. Never allow them to listen to music through headphones. Three-minute phone conversations, no chat rooms, no surfing the web for any reason. Parents should make it physically impossible for them to even access the web. We didn’t allow our children to spend time in their bedrooms unless they were working on a project or reading. Bedroom doors were always kept open, except for two minutes while dressing.”

“On occasions when I have made these same remarks in public, people have asked, ‘What’s wrong; don’t you trust your children?’ I answer, ‘Of course not; you think I’m a fool?   

My children are flesh and blood, just like their daddy. They are descendents of Adam. The Devil is still active and wants their innocence. Having descended through me from fallen Adam, I know they are endowed with an all consuming passion to know good and evil. Why should I trust them?’

“Those of you who think I am too hard, too protective, and too distrusting, keep in mind that all my children are grown and married now. They have demonstrated themselves to be solid citizens and emotionally stable. They all came to marriage as virgins and are now happily married. They will never divorce. We are delighted with them, and they are delighted with us. What more could you want in this life? Their memories of life with us are not measured by the things we didn’t allow them to do, but by the many activities that we did with them. We kept their lives full of fun and creativity. They had friends and spent time with them, under controlled circumstances.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    OMG!  This is a recipe for disaster and this is what she is telling us   ....  I can only wonder about what we do not know.  We know, of course, about the disciplinary techniques in   “To Raise Up a Child” . .. but what she has written here is beyond the pale.  This is not discipline:  this is child abuse. this is not over-protection, it is control.  It is not love; it is ownership.   

If her children are as happy as she says, then it is despite what she did.  Lori is an evil, sick and twisted woman.  There is no love in her heart.  I am sorry to use such strong words, but this is unbelievable.

This was written by Michael Pearl 

[PhoenixRising]

2 hours ago, refugee said:

You're not alone dear.  I don't cook but maybe 3 times a week total.  I work and go to school, my husband juggles two jobs.  We do a lot of "make a big meal tonight for leftovers" type cooking.  Last night I didn't get home till 8:00 pm so he'd made himself eggs, my daughter had her usual ramen bowl, and I ate toast and cereal when I got home.  Tonight won't be much different, if there is a cooked meal, it will be Honey doing it and it will most likely be some kind of pork with rice and gravy.  

We use Hello Fresh and Plated (we tried Blue Apron and prefer these two). When we signed up, we chose the delivery date, the amount of meals per week, and the servings per meal that we want. Each week we pick three of their recipes, and then they send us the recipie cards and the ingredients in the exact amounts that we need to make the meals for just my husband and I. It saves us time. We have less wasted fresh ingredients. We have healthier meals than we use to have. We eat appropriately sized portions. I get to cook and bake, and I’ve learned a ton of efficient food prep techniques. Plated is relatively expensive, but I think it evens out (for us) when grocery store trips, time to plan meals, and the cost of ingredients going to waste (as they use to) are factored in. 

[molecule]

Good grief. That YouTube. I could swear that she almost said that God created cheese and barely caught herself. We get to watch her take a bite and talk with food in her mouth.

[smittykins]

3 hours ago, Hane said:

@Chocolatedefrauded, Erma Bombeck once wrote, “One of the toughest and most valuable things a loving mother can do is allow her child to discover on her own that her hand-picked best friend is bad news.”  

I've always loved Erma, and "I Loved You Enough" is one of my favorite pieces. 

https://annehendrickswriter.wordpress.com/2015/03/01/i-loved-you-enough-by-erma-bombeck/

[Koala]

3 hours ago, refugee said:

Geez. I hope when I’m gone, if my kids happen to hear my voice in their heads, it will be saying loving, encouraging things.

Amen to that.  When I'm gone, I dearly hope my children hear my voice (especially during the hard times) saying, "you can do this", "you are loved", "please find happiness", and "you are more than capable of making the right decision".  My kids aren't me.  They aren't here to carry out my beliefs/values/morals.  They are here to live THEIR beliefs/values/morals.

[pamplemousse]

I'm surprised Lori would even have a grilled cheese recipe to share.  Those are not exactly the healthiest things to eat.  And, no, I have to admit I did not watch her video.  It sounds like it was potentially quite nausea-inducing.

[Koala]

8 minutes ago, molecule said:

Good grief. That YouTube. I could swear that she almost said that God created cheese and barely caught herself. We get to watch her take a bite and talk with food in her mouth.

Omg, with the poop again.  She said the word "constipation" 4 times in the first 43 seconds (8 times during the video).  I'm surprised she didn't talk about making sure you pooped 2 lbs, and show everyone a nice, godly expensive scale that she weighs it with.

Quote

I don't eat much cheese, because it's alwa...it always makes me congestion. 

No Lori, it makes you congested.  It doesn't make you congestion.

I think the topper, however, is when she rubs the grease from her sandwich all over her hands, and declares that she uses it as hand lotion.   Wash your dang hands Lori! 

Quote

I shouldn't be eating with my mouth full.

No, that's the ONLY way to eat.  What you shouldn't be doing is talking into the camera with your mouth full.  It's disgusting.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

How on earth can a single grilled cheese sandwich cost $35?  I can't watch Lori without a visceral negative reaction. 

Grilled cheese grease as hand lotion!!!???!!  Lori is disgusting and filthy.

Take note Ken -- That is who is fixing your meals -- a woman with grilled cheese grease all over her hands.  Think about that before you take your next bite of "big salad."