Joy & Austin 20: Baby Gideon is Here

[gameofunbeknowns]

I’ll be taking my future husbands last name. I don’t have a great reason. I’m not incredibly close with my father and I also lean traditional. I’m also an atheist who attends church though....so...idk...I’m weird like that. And the coffee is good.

[VelociRapture]

I took my husband’s name. I love my maiden name, but it’s very harsh sounding and a very unique German last name. There were only seven other people in my state with that name when I was growing up and they were all related to me. My husband’s name is a slightly more common Italian name, meaning a bit more anonymity - that’s a very nice perk for me personally because I spent my entire life having people meet me like, “Oh! Your X’s daughter/sister!” And if they weren’t right it was, “You must be Y’s niece/cousin!” It got really tiring for me to always be known by my family, so it’s been nice not dealing with that.

Husband and I wanted our kids to have the same name as us, so our daughter and any future kids will have his name. His name has a more musical quality to it then my maiden name and it flows nicely with a larger number of names, so I’m pretty happy with my choice to switch my last name. 

To those debating whether to change your/your partner’s name or merge then or hyphenate or make one up or choose a name at random or not change anything at all, it’s no one else’s business whether you do or not. Do what you feel is best for your situation and don’t let anyone shame you for the decision you make. The most important thing is that you’re happy with whatever choice you make.

[SweetJuly]

2 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I'm a total opportunist about taking a hypothetical future husband's last name. I don't particularly like my own last name, so I've always thought that if I like his last name better, I'll take it. If not, I'll keep my own. 

That's exactly how I felt!

As I didn't particularly like my husband's last name - a name of which he himself is not very fond - we decided that each one of us would keep their surname until further notice. We also agreed that any girls born to us will have my last name, whereas any boys will have his

Incidentally, my mother-in-law's maiden name is quite beautiful. It's also very international in that it is easy to pronounce and spell. I told my husband that should he ever be able to legally change his last name to his mother's maiden name, I would gladly take it too.

Unfortunately Belgium has super strict laws when it comes to changing names; I therefore fear it will never happen

 

Unrelated side note: A big THANK YOU to whoever brought up twilight sleep!! You pushed me down an incredibly interesting (and absolutely terrifying) rabbit hole!

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

I offended an insecure exboyfriend by telling him I have no plans of changing my name if we get married. Why should I? I pointed out that if this were a same sex marriage, nobody would harp on us about following heteropatriarchal merging traditions.

Fast forward five years since the breakup, and here I am in a serious same sex relationship. We both have first and last names that sound good together, and I highly doubt either of us will change our names if we have a formal merging. Then again, the fact that there are no plans for kids (aside from fur babies) makes things less complicated. Nothing against hyphenated names, but they can be a mouthful.

[Beermeet]

I took my husband's last name, proudly.  I didn't hate my last name or anything; although easy to pronounce people always got it wrong!  My initials didn't change and both names are German.  So, it was easy for me.  I can be oddly tradtional considering I'm a progressive free thinker.  Except learning to sign my new last name!  Since they share the same first letter, I automatically signed my maiden name for ever.  Even on my new SS card, PIA!

I also killed my maiden name.  It ended with me.  It was a typical Ellis Island changed one too.  So, only our family had it.  Just so happens, I was the last with it.  Not my fault my parents only had me and the rest of the family produced girls who changed their names once married!  

Just do what's right for you.  I do know quite a few women who kept their names, the husbands are a wee bit bothered by it but, whatever.  It's not a biggie as long as it's talked about pre-wedding.  

[albanuadh_1]

Another Canadian correct me if I'm wrong but I believe in Quebec you can't take your husband's name???

[singsingsing]

2 minutes ago, albanuadh_1 said:

Another Canadian correct me if I'm wrong but I believe in Quebec you can't take your husband's name???

That’s right - at least as far as I know. Legally women go by their maiden names, and I’m not sure if there are any loopholes to get around it. That said, I’m not sure when it went into effect. Most of the older generation seem to go by their husbands’ surnames (at least the anglos).

[Ais]

My sister and her husband went double barrelled when they married meaning she now has a 14 letter surname comprised of two already very unusual surnames. Her first name is also an nontraditional spelling of an Irish name. She is never finding her name on a keyring lol

[Beermeet]

2 hours ago, SweetJuly said:

 

 

Unrelated side note: A big THANK YOU to whoever brought up twilight sleep!! You pushed me down an incredibly interesting (and absolutely terrifying) rabbit hole!

You were not exaggerating at all.  I'm shocked and horrified after reading an article right now.  WTF.  Straight up natural bith is 10,000 times better than that.  My poor sisters and their babies.  No where close to ok to treat an expectant mother like that.  My soul hurts for how we women have been treated throughout history.  How can "they" not see us as the goddesses we are?  We are the givers of life, we are strong yet compassionate,  intuitive healers, smart and capable of balancing all that we are and all that we do..... too much to list!  But, at that time women were discouraged from attending college to become a Dr or researcher, so, not allowed to help ourselves even.  I need to go sit on the Earth and sage immediately after that.  

[Daisy0322]

I couldn't wait to change my last name. I dislike my father and I felt it gave me a little more of my own identity because I chose it. Mine was another Ellis Island screw up and it died with me too. I took a little too much vidication about taking down the family name.

[Beermeet]

2 minutes ago, Daisy0322 said:

I couldn't wait to change my last name. I dislike my father and I felt it gave me a little more of my own identity because I chose it. Mine was another Ellis Island screw up and it died with me too. I took a little too much vidication about it too.

I always liked it too.  Like, whether you love the name or hated it or were indifferent,  not everyone gets to be the one the family name dies out with naturally!  Idk, it's pretty cool and random, can't make it happen.  Ya know?

[Jana814]

My friend who has a very hard last name that starts with a Q gladly took her husband last name as did her sister.  Her brother married a girl with a hard maiden name and now has their last name. 

[FecundFundieFundus]

On 2/27/2018 at 4:05 PM, Melbelle said:

.  I want as much help as I can get and I want to be able to observe the nurses and ask questions.  I'm a first time mom, an only child, the first of my friends to have children, and I've never spent much time around children.  I think I'm in for a huge learning curve!  

 

That was me! It's not actually that hard (exhausting, hell yes). You'll be handed a mewling, red* little potato. It will blow your mind. Nurses will fondle your breasts without asking to get your potato latched on. This is an area I do not have experience in because of complications and not wanting random women groping me. Parenting tips include: feed, change diapers, cuddle, enjoy having the most beautiful, intelligent and funny baby to ever be birthed in the history of mankind and just do what comes naturally. 

I know nothing about kids in general, but I understand my toddler to the point that it's a struggle to get him to use words when he's with me. We can communicate using only body language and different noises (grunts, shrieks, whatever). Before meeting him, I thought the people who said "no one knows your kid better than you" were full of crap, but it's true. You'll know your little person on a level you've never experienced before. It's pretty neat and almost makes up for all the body fluids, all night cryathons, head butts, etc. Congrats and good luck with an easy birth! 

 

*We're very very caucasian, so new potatoes coloration may differ based on race. I still don't know any other babies to see. 

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

I was not attached to my maiden name at all and was quite happy to take my husband’s. My family is messed up and I was eager to start fresh with my “own” family. 

I have an acquaintance who was a single mom for about ten years. When she married, her husband adopted her son, but took her last name so that her son could keep the name he grew up with. I thought that was lovely of him. 

[candygirl200413]

My last name is complicated (there's a silent letter before it to pronounce it correctly which like 95% of people get wrong which is totally fine because how would you know?) but I guess since growing up with it you slowly but surely embrace the complicated name! So if I get married I'm definitely keeping it, plus if I go down the PhD route I'll want to keep it especially. 

I hate when people are sometimes like it's just a name, but names definitely have meaning so do whatever you want to do!

[SapphireSlytherin]

I happily took Mr. Slytherin’s surname. I’d spent my entire life with a German surname nobody could pronounce. It was also almost at the end of the alphabet, so I was always last through school. Lol

Current surname is a very Anglo name, fairly common, and even with my oddly spelled first name, there are a BUNCH of people in the USA with my name. AND... It starts with one of the first three letters of the alphabet!!! 

[Elvis Presby]

I store most of my spices in an old wood coca cola crate.  It sits out on the counter.  

My maiden name is just the best.  I wish I had never changed it.  When I got married the first time I decided to keep my middle name and drop my maiden name.  My maiden name started with an O.  If I had used that as my middle initial then no matter what, my name would sound like Name O'Whatever instead of Name O. Whatever.  My last name now is an easily recognized word, but isn't spelled the same as that word.  Ahhh, Welsh names.

I have 2 girls and 2 boys.  1 of each was/is fairly easygoing and agreeable.  1 of each was/is extremely strong willed and difficult.  

 

 

[ADoyle90815]

One reason I'm looking forward to changing my last name when I get married is that I get to distance myself from my dad's seriously dysfunctional family, especially the asshole uncle who was abusive to everyone he's met. It was so bad that in the last years of my grandma's life, she was pretty much isolated because the asshole was her "caretaker" and chased everyone, including home nurses away. After my grandma died, her funeral was lightly attended, and after her house was sold, another uncle of mine had to tell the people in the real estate office that he was not the asshole they were used to dealing with when he went to sign some forms.

[sta_sha]

I took my husband’s name when we married. It took me forever to change it though. I kept putting it off (I had no desire to wait in line at Service Ontario) until I realized that if I didn’t do it soon, it wouldn’t be done in time to put the right name on the boys birth certificates. 

[LuckyShot]

I took my husband's last name because it was important to him, and I didn't really care either way. I went from having a complicated German name to a complicated Ukrainian name so it's really not much different. I kind of regret it now that we've moved back to my hometown though. Many people don't recognize me by my married name, and it just complicates things. I have trouble at the bank, insurance office, etc because they try and look me up by my maiden name. And it's annoying to correct people in social situations. I joke now that my husband should have taken my name, so everyone would know what family he belongs to, lol.

[Dandruff]

Wonder what Joy and Austin will do about educating their little tyke.  I expect he'll be running, or helping to run, the family camp a few decades from now and will need some actual skills.

[tabitha2]

They’ll Want the treasured first born man child of the first born man child to carry on the camp and the other children to pay in their dues. 

[HereticHick]

6 hours ago, TuringMachine said:

 

Side note: apparently my grandfather didn't want to acknowledge at first that neither of his daughters took their husbands names and would send them checks addressed to "Mrs [husband's name]". I think he has since gotten over it.

I kept my name, and have had the same experience with older family members. I learned early on that as long as my name is also on the bank account, I can endorse those checks a variety of ways & they  still get deposited! : )

Sometimes I add my husband's last name on to my name tags (at conference, dinners etc) just for social purposes.

I say--do what make you and your partner comfortable. If you "keep" your maiden name (or add your partner's name on to yours, or hyphenate) just accept that you will deal with a certain (small) amount of confusion with hotel desk clerks, computer reservations, etc. 

Once we were traveling abroad and airline computer systems crashed--and we were both manually seated next to people with our respective last names, which was hilarious. I ended up with a seatmate with my last name--but from another continent.

[Jana814]

7 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

Once we were traveling abroad and airline computer systems crashed--and we were both manually seated next to people with our respective last names, which was hilarious. I ended up with a seatmate with my last name--but from another continent.

I went to Israel on a Birthright trip. They sat us alphabetically on the plane going. I sat next to someone to had the same first & last name as my aunt. My aunt has a very uncommon first name but our last name is a somewhat common Jewish last name. 

[CharlieInCharge]

I took my husband’s last name when we first married, but when his adopted father died about a year later I brought up changing our last name as a family. Neither of us had good relationships with our dads and I wanted to start fresh as a new family. We picked an easy to spell and say name from my family tree since both our original last names were very hard to spell and pronounce. It took some time and money, but it was definitely worth it. We’ve both enjoyed just saying our names and not being asked how to spell it. It’s the little things in life sometimes