Dillards 48: Proselytising Prick Preaching to People

[Shadoewolf]

My ex and his family used to call CPS on me anytime I told them no or pushed for child support modification. Once they called less than 48 hours after the caseworker had left our house after their first complaint, thinking multiple complaints would get my ex custody. It had the reverse effect, in that they were warned about filing false complaints and would be prosecuted if it happened again. 

But it made me really sad when I had to call anonymously on a friend of mine for legit reasons and they made him clean up then never followed up after that, within 3 weeks it was back to same neglect. I barely speak to him anymore because I've tried to help like buying his kids winter clothes that fit, and offering to take the 2 youngest for a day so they can work on the house (ahem more like make sure the kids get a few decent meals and baths, a little personal attention away from a TV and phone babysitter) and he won't. We've given them numbers for Head Start, tons of info on potty training both their kids and their dog, but nope. Nothing that makes his wife have to DO anything, and he does nothing but drink when he gets home from 12-14 hour days at work. Those kids NEED the interventions and can't get it.

Sorry for the mini rant!!

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I don't have anything else to add to the conversation but it's really interesting and I appreciate everyone with more insight sharing.  I very, very briefly considered looking into foster parenting but my husband was completely against it when I broached the subject a few years ago.

[RainbowSky]

JB and Michelle are family, have the room and the means to take care of him. That has to be most of the reasoning and is more than a lot of people can say. It could definitely be worse. 

[KnittingOwl]

On 1/2/2018 at 12:40 PM, onekidanddone said:

When my kid was tiny she kicked me in the forehead as I clipped her into the car seat. It was so hard I saw stars and a wicked head ache. I'm sure Derick would have punished Sam if that little boy had done the same thing.

When DD was tiny (maybe 6 months), she accidentally head butted me across the bridge of my nose. I was in so much pain and was seeing stars. She was not phased a bit. Still has a really hard head, which is good considering how many calls I get from school about her bumping her head. 

[Fun Undies]

A year and a half ago, my toddler was climbing over me in our bed in the middle of the night - he slipped, and then literally smashed his forehead into my cheekbone.  Worst pain I had since childbirth!  

I cried so hard, thought it was broken, but just had a niceeee bruise.   

Over the years, my brothers - who have various special needs - have left bruises, thrown stuff at me, and one time I got a busted lip.  90% of the time it was just trying to separate them from one another, or prevent them from harming themselves, or help them through an anxiety attack, etc.

I pity any special needs child born to a fundie family.  Most normal families struggle with special needs family members, even just from an emotional standpoint - I wonder how many fundie families really understand that their child' special needs aren't Satan, demons, or need abuse/punishment/exorcism to get rid of.

[Fun Undies]

18 hours ago, Shadoewolf said:

My ex and his family used to call CPS on me anytime I told them no or pushed for child support modification. Once they called less than 48 hours after the caseworker had left our house after their first complaint, thinking multiple complaints would get my ex custody. It had the reverse effect, in that they were warned about filing false complaints and would be prosecuted if it happened again. 

But it made me really sad when I had to call anonymously on a friend of mine for legit reasons and they made him clean up then never followed up after that, within 3 weeks it was back to same neglect. I barely speak to him anymore because I've tried to help like buying his kids winter clothes that fit, and offering to take the 2 youngest for a day so they can work on the house (ahem more like make sure the kids get a few decent meals and baths, a little personal attention away from a TV and phone babysitter) and he won't. We've given them numbers for Head Start, tons of info on potty training both their kids and their dog, but nope. Nothing that makes his wife have to DO anything, and he does nothing but drink when he gets home from 12-14 hour days at work. Those kids NEED the interventions and can't get it.

Sorry for the mini rant!!

I hesitated for weeks, and prayed and prayed about it with my husband, but we've called DHS on his brother, and wife.  They are hoarders, neglect their child emotionally, and we suspect hysically as well (dirty clothes, not enough diapers, etc.).  They frequently rent rooms from "friends" but always manage to get kicked out a few months later.   Most recently, they lived in a van for six weeks.  

They both work, don't pay rent, and extended family watch their son during the day and on weekends (and pay for new clothes, diapers, and food - since they'll drop him off for a few days with nothinggg).

My FIL and his wife have resolved themselves to thinking that one day they'll get the call from DHS to take him permanently, but doesn't want to call services on his son, because he fears what it would do to their relationship  (but he rarely calls anyone in the family anyways, so . . . ).

DHS was involved over a year ago, almost two years now, and they were told to clean and that was that.  She got a job for a few weeks, then after one follow up, quit.

It's been obviously very frustrating.

A lot of family members are concerned, but because there's no "physical" abuse, don't know what they should do . . . I've tried explaining how living in filthy conditions, and being neglected IS abuse, but we'e tried to make up for it as much as we can.  We live across the country from them, so it's especially frustrating for me, since I would love to be more hands on involved.

[HarryPotterFan]

@Fun Undies Kudos for making a difficult decision and doing what you can’t protect an innocent child. Poor baby.

And stories of children accidentally hurting their parents: as a baby my brother broke my mom’s nose with his head.

[Palimpsest]

On 1/3/2018 at 11:33 AM, GuineaPigCourtship said:

I'm not sure if it is the same everywhere, but I had a friend whose in-laws did a significant amount of fostering over the years.  They said there was zero tolerance for physical discipline, so at least in CT using a paddle would absolutely disqualify you.  I don't know for sure but I imagine the idea behind it is a lot of these kids are coming from abusive homes and it doesn't help them in the slightest to end up with more abusive treatment in a strange place.  Sadly, I have heard there is a lot of abuse in the foster care system anyway.

It depends on the state.  Child abuse statutes in some states only allow spanking with a bare hand.  Others allow spanking with an object.  

Foster care and spanking also varies by state: This case went to the Supreme Judicial Court in MA.   The couple in question were rejected as foster parents because they spanked their bio children and were really pissed.  The courts upheld the decision by DCF to reject all foster parents who spanked.  https://www.boston.com/news/local-news/2016/01/05/sjc-spanking-is-enough-to-deny-foster-parent-application

There is an acute shortage of good foster parents..  Also Child Protective Services is overwhelmed and disgracefully underfunded nation-wide.  It is a genuine public health crisis.

I would like to see Federal Law changed to deny all potential foster parents and adoptive parents who use corporal punishment access to previously abused and (or) displaced children.

Mind you, I would also like to see the spanking of children to be made illegal in all states.  I hope it happens in my lifetime but I am not optimistic. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

@Fun Undies I called CPS on my next door neighbor several years ago.  She too is a hoarder, and has several mental issues, not the least of which is dealing with the accidental death of her 8 year old daughter 12 years ago.  Her other child is almost 18 now but when she was about 10 I'd been noticing things were getting really really bad, the house was not only in extreme disrepair but it stunk. The little girl was filthy all the time and there was rarely food in the house, her father approached me and gave me his cell once to call if anything weird happened.  They had lots of dogs that shit all over the house and the deck, it was gross. I called CPS and the worker did tell me that I was the 4th call they'd gotten this year (it was March) he said to keep calling as unless there was several calls or illegal drugs or sexual abuse there was NOTHING he could do they were too over whelmed.  So I called the dad and he said he'd called several times as well.  He was trying to get custody but he wasn't mom, she lived in a house in a good school district and he had an apartment downtown in a not so good district then mother/daughter vs daughter/dad. 

[Satan'sFortress]

Back to the congrats posts and videos for a minute.  If I had a dollar for every time a Duggar said "we're so excited for y'all," I would be so rich that I wouldn't have to considering starting my own GoFundMe Grifter Account Special Charity Account.

[Iamtheway]

Me to Miniway several times a week: ”Get off me! I am not furniture!”

That kid has hurt me so much I cried several times. Always by accident. He just likes to be close, really close, preferably on top. 

[WiseGirl]

7 hours ago, Fun Undies said:

should do . . . I've tried explaining how living in filthy conditions, and being neglected IS abuse, bu

As a foster parent to children who suffered neglect, I can confirm it is abuse and the ramifications last a very, very long time. Some children have to get special services/instruction on how to do basic things like bathe, brush teeth, etc.

CPS is so overwhelmed with the opioid epidemic now in addition to everything else. 

*Note these are previous foster children.  

[SapphireSlytherin]

GryffindorDisappointment gave me a fat lip (twice), ripped off a fingernail, popped a blood vessel in my finger, and poked me in the eye. Raising kids isn't for the faint-hearted.

And then she turned into a teenager, and regularly ripped out my heart.

[Shadoewolf]

@Fun Undies this was the situation with my friend too. The now 4 year old isn't potty trained but it's lack of Mom's effort not that he isn't ready. They leave him in soaking wet diapers or pull-ups all day. Usually not even dressed more than a t-shirt even in the  Midwestern winter. The 8 year old is never dressed for the weather either. The dirty dishes and uneaten food were left sitting on the counter rotting for days, which the 4 year old would eat because it was in his reach and his mom wasn't watching. He can't really talk because nobody talks to him, she just sits him in front of the TV all day. Their dog pees and poops everywhere and its often left sitting for days before anyone cleans it. 8 year old (age 6 at the time) cut herself up pretty badly with a razor because she was in the bathroom more than an hour and nobody even went upstairs to check on her. Mom was actually laughing and thinking it was cute on Facebook. Stuff everywhere. Sad part was, I had photo evidence of it all and it was submitted with the complaint. CPS just said they had a week to clean up and that was all. 3 weeks later it was just as bad. And they had another baby on top of it. I can't go over there anymore because I just can't stand it, and I'd say something they would not appreciate.

I get the opioid abuse stuff and CPS being overwhelmed (Hubby's best friend was a caseworker,  she often had 25+ cases a day to see) just wish there was a better way!

[adidas]

One of my sons broke my nose during a game of tip when he was 3. He broke his brother’s nose during a game of tennis. And he broke his dad’s nose but I can’t remember how.

He has yet to break his own nose. 

[HarryPotterFan]

12 minutes ago, adidas said:

One of my sons broke my nose during a game of tip when he was 3. He broke his brother’s nose during a game of tennis. And he broke his dad’s nose but I can’t remember how.

He has yet to break his own nose. 

My brother who broke my mom’s nose broke his own nose by kicking a soccer ball high up in the air, looking up, and having it land on his face. He hasn’t broken anyone else in the family’s nose though.

Both of my brothers and I have needed stitches in our heads. How do parents survive having children?

[MakeItSo]

You guys made me realize something. The amount of hours my parents or aunt and uncle (used to live with them...longer story) have spent sitting in emergency with one of my siblings or me to get stitches is quite ridiculous now that I think about it. I should probably apologize to all of them and thank them. 

[onekidanddone]

Oh fuck off Derdork

 

[Bad Wolf]

I want to know who this evil woman is. Does he have a specific person in mind? What about his evil BIL? Derick makes me sick.

[Texas Heifer]

Dear Derick:

[adidas]

Here’s one for you, Derick. 

http://biblehub.com/1_timothy/5-8.htm

[Calypso]

HA major eye role at "best mom ever." But the second pic is another view of baby Sam hooked up to wires in the hospital

 

 

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

If the Dillards are looking for names with el in them as a theme, Jezebel could work for a girl.

[GuineaPigCourtship]

Oh my god, Derick.  No one wants to commit adultery with you.  You look unwashed and dirty much of the time with an even dirtier personality all of the time.  Lusting after someone else makes you the sinner, not her.

Jill must have a strong stomach to live with you, ya horse's ass.

[Season of life...]

Wow, that tweet, though--someone got Derick's panties in a twist. I don't condone adultery, nor do I think that quote is meant for Jill, but in this case, if it had been and considering who she is shackled to, I'd give her a pass. And a high-five. 

I know I'm willfully misconstruing what he meant, but he is such a hateful twit.