27-year-old SAHD grounded

[Rachel333]

This is someone I know, so no blog, but this has just been blowing my mind. She posted on facebook about how she was finally allowed back after being grounded. And she's 27-years-old, living at home with no job and no school. I'm really curious why she was grounded, but I wouldn't want to ask.

The thing is, now that I think of it, I can think of two other women whose parents forbid them from the internet when they were in their 20's. And while they are both very conservative, they were going to school and working. I remember one wondering how long the "obey your parents" command lasts, but she eventually decided it applies until marriage.

I feel really bad for the SAHD daughters. I'm 20, and I don't think I could do it; I'm looking forward to starting my life. I'm currently in a foreign country without my parents (and it's not a mission trip), and it's great. I suppose that's proof of my ungodliness, though.

[valsa]

Wow, as someone whose (albeit inept) parents lacked the ability to enforce a grounding when she was in her mid-teens, this seems insane to me.

[keeks21]

Did she get a spanking as well?

[Burris]

If this woman is incapable of making her own decisions at that age, and has no impediment to explain her deficiency, then her parents have failed her utterly. By the age of 27, she should be capable of governing herself (and of paying her own way).

[Lily]

Ah geez. Where's the paddle when you need it? Can never find these things after a few years. It's always something.

Well, until daddy finds it, go stand with your nose in the corner, missy!

[Childless]

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Good lord. This woman needs to get a job and move out. At 27, she's unable to govern herself, but should she meet someone, she's fully expected to get married, have babies, and raise them. How can she be a parent and take care of someone else, when she's incapable of taking care of herself? No wonder fundies turn out to be bad parents.

[momoko]

I remember one wondering how long the "obey your parents" command lasts, but she eventually decided it applies until marriage.

Marriage doesn't equal adulthood and 20 somethings should be long past the age where grounding by parents is reasonable.

I can sympathise to an extent though - I've been living at home due to finances and even though my parents and I have a good relationship and they realise I'm an adult, sometimes there's still that 'I'm the parent, you're the child' mentality, which can make life hard. But they certainly don't ground me. I can't even imagine what it would be like if my parents took the 5th Commandment so seriously that they felt they could punish me (at 27) like this person has been.

[browngrl]

Good grief!

By the time I was 27 - I had been living on my own for 10 years and there is no way I would have tolerated being "grounded". However, around that time my dad wanted to go trekking in Nepal(he and his friends do adventures like that now that they are retired). Well, I tried to ground him. I told him he was too old, and sick (he has diabetes) and it was just too dangerous etc. I went on quite a rant about the whole thing. My dad listened to all this and then said "when ever you wanted to do something that was potentially very interesting but possibly dangerous - I always supported you and encouraged you so please treat me the same way". That shut me up. He was right. I was wrong. Since then I have made a point of supporting him just like he has always supported me.

[1004srs]

At 27, I had been in & out of the military, finished up my undergrad degree, was working on my Master's, owned my first home & little red convertible, and had a nice job.

Grounded - at 27? :hand:

[apple1]

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Good lord. This woman needs to get a job and move out.

THAT. Really.

[lilwriter85]

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Good lord. This woman needs to get a job and move out. At 27, she's unable to govern herself, but should she meet someone, she's fully expected to get married, have babies, and raise them. How can she be a parent and take care of someone else, when she's incapable of taking care of herself? No wonder fundies turn out to be bad parents.

Before this, I had heard of a 23 year old having her laptop and cell phone taken away as punishment while living with her parents and I thought that was ridiculous but this 27 SAHD being grounded is worse. The incident with the 23 year old happened about 5 years ago when I was working in a restaurant, I was 21 at the time and going to college. Several of my co-workers were going to college and this 23 year old at the time was going to a trade school. A couple of other employees were living at home. One day we tried to call her cell about switching shifts with another server and we couldn't a hold of her and the next day at work she told us that her parents took away her cell and laptop away for day and that will probably do it in the future. Nobody asked her any other questions, but it made all of us cringe. The other girls who lived with their parents, said that their parents treated them like adults and didn't control them at all.

This 27 year SAHD sounds worse than my former co-worker. Now in days people are more ok with people over the age 18 living with their parents if they are in school or working but are living at home to save money or other financial reasons. A 27 year old who isn't in school or working and living at home is bound to be laughed at by a lot of people. I wonder why the 27 year old didn't have a courtship already.

[acheronbeach]

I can sympathise to an extent though - I've been living at home due to finances and even though my parents and I have a good relationship and they realise I'm an adult, sometimes there's still that 'I'm the parent, you're the child' mentality, which can make life hard. But they certainly don't ground me. I can't even imagine what it would be like if my parents took the 5th Commandment so seriously that they felt they could punish me (at 27) like this person has been.

Yes... I'm in the same boat. At times, I know my dad doesn't quite realize that I'm 27. It helps that I lived by myself for 3 years before moving back. I think it would be much harder for my parent to see me as an adult if I hadn't had that break from them.

It's probably easier for the parents to imagine this 27 year old as a child if she's been trained to submit and has a meek personality, as a lot of SAHDs seem to. And it's doubly harder if she's relying on her parents for money and doesn't manage any of her finances.

[haveapicniclife]

My friend lives at home because she is the divorced mom of three with no education or income. She's in her 30's. A few months ago her dad cut her texting off because she was using it too much (and the bill was too much). Maybe he was justified, since he's paying the bills, but I can't imagine a 34 year old woman being punished by daddy like that. And they are not fundies or particularly religious at all.

[ladypuglover]

Wow, just wow. At 27 grounding? Didn't have time as I was married with 3 kids and had major surgery to get pg with #4. We owned our second home, had 3 cats, bills, 3 cars, 4 charities that we both worked with on a weekly basis and both of us were working 60 hour weeks. Granted I was working 2 jobs out of the home (day care and princess house) but I earning money to help my husband feed, clothe and shelter our 3 sons.

She might have a better time finding a husband if she left the rents and struck out on her own. Grounding? Wow.

[O Latin]

I know plenty of parents that are the "as long as you live in my house, you'll follow my rules" type. I also know plenty of people in their 20's living at home and I'm pretty sure none of them would get grounded, so I can sort of see both sides. I lived at home until I was 20, and I was definitely expected to follow the rules, although "the rules" at our house were basically "feed the dogs, tell someone if you're going out, and don't kill each other or set anything on fire." So I agree that a 27-year-old being grounded by her parents is pretty ridiculous, but at the same time, it is their house.

[bananacat]

Even if I moved back in with my mom, she would never act like this. For the most part she would either mind her own business, or she would ask about things in a friendly adult-to-adult way. She might want my opinion on some kind of alcohol, or ask how a date was (I still wouldn't want to talk about the details of sex with my mom, but only out of embarrassment. She wouldn't be angry).

I would never do anything really bad, but if for some reason I did, we'd probably fight about it and then she might ask me to move out, not as a parent, but as a person who owns the house. This could maybe happen if I stole from her or if I was always way too loud and never tried to be more polite, although I would never be that inconsiderate.

[bionicmlle]

I am terribly curious about what the offense was that required a "grounding"?

[Sweetpea1]

It's probably easier for the parents to imagine this 27 year old as a child if she's been trained to submit and has a meek personality, as a lot of SAHDs seem to. And it's doubly harder if she's relying on her parents for money and doesn't manage any of her finances.

This - it's really sad, though. I really wish there was a good way to help someone in that situation.

[Extricated]

This is a problem I've seen too often in older teens, 20 somethings, and even stay at home "kids" in their 30's.

Part of the problem is that there are tons of books in these circles on how to "train" young children but the only books for older kids/teens are courtship books. Fundies live and die by the books of their favorite parenting authors. Instead of using common sense and helping their kids transition into mature adults they just keep up the same "training" because nobody teaches anything different. The kids don't do anything about it because it's all they've ever known.

When (if) the daughters marry they end up childish and relying very heavily on their husbands for every major and minor decision. Some can't even grocery shop by themselves or decide what to make for dinner because those decisions are too much for them to handle. If they can't marry someone strong enough for both of them then they may not marry at all. The sons that are raised like this end up being basement dwellers that are too inept to live on their own or start a family. Most of the time the parents realize that they need to release control but there are always a few that don't. Those cases are always sad to see.

[Wolfie]

My friend lives at home because she is the divorced mom of three with no education or income. She's in her 30's. A few months ago her dad cut her texting off because she was using it too much (and the bill was too much). Maybe he was justified, since he's paying the bills, but I can't imagine a 34 year old woman being punished by daddy like that. And they are not fundies or particularly religious at all.

Sounds more like a "I can't afford to pay for this- I'm not going to pay for it anymore, if you want it bad enough you find a way to pay for it." I don't think this is the same thing as grounding somebody.

At 27, I also was living on my own with two jobs.

[clarinetpower]

OT*

Browngrl, your avatar shows as a broken image for me. Just FYI.

[ChunkyBarbie]

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Good lord. This woman needs to get a job and move out. At 27, she's unable to govern herself, but should she meet someone, she's fully expected to get married, have babies, and raise them. How can she be a parent and take care of someone else, when she's incapable of taking care of herself? No wonder fundies turn out to be bad parents.

This!

[lisespieces]

what blog is this??

[Want More Babies]

I am curious as to what she did, or didn't do, to warrant her parents treating her with such disrespect.

[ADoyle90815]

This is a problem I've seen too often in older teens, 20 somethings, and even stay at home "kids" in their 30's.

Part of the problem is that there are tons of books in these circles on how to "train" young children but the only books for older kids/teens are courtship books. Fundies live and die by the books of their favorite parenting authors. Instead of using common sense and helping their kids transition into mature adults they just keep up the same "training" because nobody teaches anything different. The kids don't do anything about it because it's all they've ever known.

When (if) the daughters marry they end up childish and relying very heavily on their husbands for every major and minor decision. Some can't even grocery shop by themselves or decide what to make for dinner because those decisions are too much for them to handle. If they can't marry someone strong enough for both of them then they may not marry at all. The sons that are raised like this end up being basement dwellers that are too inept to live on their own or start a family. Most of the time the parents realize that they need to release control but there are always a few that don't. Those cases are always sad to see.

I have an uncle who was basically a "basement dweller" except that my grandma paid his rent for many years, until after my grandpa died and she let him move back in to help care for her. That would be a good situation, but this uncle is severely mentally ill, and is emotionally abusive to my grandma, and neglectful as well. Unfortunately, nobody in the family is going to press elder abuse charges against that uncle, so if the nurse and social worker don't do so, nothing is going to happen. Other family members did report the situation to Adult Protective Services, but reports from healthcare workers are taken more seriously. I think it's a sad situation, since if that uncle wasn't so mentally ill and abusive, he could have taken care of my grandma in her house for many years, as she would prefer to stay in her own house.