What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[Handmaiden of Dog]

I tried to read this woman's blog, really tried, but the dark pumpkin background and grey writing were too much of a strain on my eyes.

[FrumperSeamstress]

Oh my god, she's actually posted a picture of her child's poop. Apparently Apple pooped in her crib during the night, and this woman decided it was a good idea to take a picture of it and post it on her blog.

[formergothardite]

The post about Blossom accidently cutting the sponges in half while washing knives is scary. This woman is just mad because now she has to go buy some more sponges, but Blossom could have easily cut her hand. This woman didn't show an ounce of concern for Blossom. She seems to lack compassion and empathy. How in the hell did she get approved for adoption? 

[GodsKnickers]

I realize that tone can be difficult to convey but I read some of her blog last night. It reads very cold. Emotionally devoid. I know how much people hate armchair diagnosing from nonprofessionals but holy mother of spaghetti squash, she rings all sorts of psychopath bells.

[Kittikatz]

There should be some serious level of government certification before people are allowed to adopt... so sad that this person's political/religious agenda has contributed to her choosing to adopt and choosing not to get help or get educated about how to best assist her children. It seems like there are a disproportionately large number of fundie adoptive families who just don't get how traumatizing the early lives of many children who are up for adoption are, or that the adoptive process itself is difficult. Adoption is not an automatic reset.

I would love to adopt, but I know that I don't have the time or resources to be a good parent right now, so it's off the table. I stick to adopting cats who need rehoming/rescue, and even they have trauma and baggage they need to work through, and I usually have to change things up to meet their needs before they can be fully incorporated into the family.

As for food insecurity, it is very real, and should be addressed in a loving and understanding way, punishing this child is not going to help the issue or the underlying cause. @ Antimony - I think it is pretty common for adults who have gone through food insecurity as children to stockpile or hoard food - I went through a time when I was a teen when my father disappeared and my mother had a breakdown. There was no money, no food in the house, and it was terrifying for me. I wound up stealing vegetables from neighbor's gardens so my mum and I could eat. Even after years of therapy, I do have a pretty well stocked pantry because of this time in my life. I actually have anxiety if the shelves are not full and, thanks to an incident involving an unexpected insufficiency of penne pasta, I am developing an inventory spread sheet so I know what I'm getting low on what can I say, I like to eat!

 

[Antimony]

...This woman gets upset about the weirdest thing. She put 29 small pony tails away from the incision line into Apple's hair so she wouldn't have to be shaved for surgery (she's so concerned about hair...) and was upset the surgeons didn't take the little rubber bands out!! What even?

[SpeakNow]

There should be some serious level of government certification before people are allowed to adopt... so sad that this person's political/religious agenda has contributed to her choosing to adopt and choosing not to get help or get educated about how to best assist her children. It seems like there are a disproportionately large number of fundie adoptive families who just don't get how traumatizing the early lives of many children who are up for adoption are, or that the adoptive process itself is difficult. Adoption is not an automatic reset.

I would love to adopt, but I know that I don't have the time or resources to be a good parent right now, so it's off the table. I stick to adopting cats who need rehoming/rescue, and even they have trauma and baggage they need to work through, and I usually have to change things up to meet their needs before they can be fully incorporated into the family.

As for food insecurity, it is very real, and should be addressed in a loving and understanding way, punishing this child is not going to help the issue or the underlying cause. @ Antimony - I think it is pretty common for adults who have gone through food insecurity as children to stockpile or hoard food - I went through a time when I was a teen when my father disappeared and my mother had a breakdown. There was no money, no food in the house, and it was terrifying for me. I wound up stealing vegetables from neighbor's gardens so my mum and I could eat. Even after years of therapy, I do have a pretty well stocked pantry because of this time in my life. I actually have anxiety if the shelves are not full and, thanks to an incident involving an unexpected insufficiency of penne pasta, I am developing an inventory spread sheet so I know what I'm getting low on what can I say, I like to eat!

 

Unrelated, but I misread your story as "I wound up stealing vaginas from neighbor's gardens."

[hoipolloi]

Hard to believe that a bona fide adoption agency would let a person like this adopt, no matter whether she's married or single. Also, the fact that she has a "licensed daycare" is very disturbing. Ugh.

[Kittikatz]

 

 

Unrelated, but I misread your story as "I wound up stealing vaginas from neighbor's gardens."

that would be an interesting garden!

[Black Aliss]

I can't believe she let her daycare kids be watched by the older children.  Then complained when I believe it was Sissy didn't change the baby's diaper when it had "wet".  Sick to my stomach.

 

 

I feel for the parents who are so desperate for childcare that they have no alternative but to leave their babies in this home to be cared for by a couple of developmentally delayed and neurologically atypical teenagers.

[Jana814]

 

I feel for the parents who are so desperate for childcare that they have no alternative but to leave their babies in this home to be cared for by a couple of developmentally delayed and neurologically atypical teenagers.

if I was a parent I would be scared to do something like that.  If I had no all turnitive. I fell bad for those parents. 

[AlwaysExcited]

This woman is terrible.
But I read her adoption timeline and now want to know, WTF is "State of Single Heteresexual Status"? I tried to google it, but only got results about how you can get HIV from heterosexual sex.
Also, this woman is terrible.

[Antimony]

This woman is terrible.
But I read her adoption timeline and now want to know, WTF is "State of Single Heteresexual Status"? I tried to google it, but only got results about how you can get HIV from heterosexual sex.
Also, this woman is terrible.

I suspect, that if she chose a Christian Adoption Agency/facilitator, they have all singles some how prove they're straight? Or write a letter about it...or something. 

[PsyD2013]

I fell down the rabbit hole and read her entire blog.  She entered the adoption process with romanticized ideas of parenthood.   Despite her "research" on adoption she was totally unprepared for raising children with attachment and developmental disabilities.  She strikes me as being very narcissistic.  I cringed every time I read that her daughters' behaviors were exhibited for the sole purpose of making her life miserable.  Sorry bitch, I hate to tell you "behaviors" serve just four functions-  to escape a situation, to gain access to attention for a tangible item, or for sensory purposes.  She should have stuck to collecting cats.  These girls deserve a parent who loves them unconditionally.

 

 

[freejugar]

who is "my firefighter"?

[Catey]

I just lost almost 2 hours of my life that I am never getting back really hating on this woman, It seemed that every door I opened it just got worse.

Wtf is the deal with the people who are leaving nice supportive messages to her? Are we reading the same thing? I am all for supporting someone when they need it and are in over their head as this woman so clearly is but not at the cost of children's wellbeing. She needs someone to sit her down and rage some sense into her head long before any supportive feedback.    

 

She needs the stick

No carrot for her

[laPapessaGiovanna]

Quoting from here http://www.fencingmama.blogspot.ca/2015/07/my-new-approach.html?m=1 

"Part of the new approach is to show more physical affection through hugging and offer more positive feedback. Sounds easy, but it's not when your child may not seem to do anything positive all day long. [....snipped] And I put my arm around her shoulders and give her a hug. Then, life goes on and we start anew, until the next time, but without any carry over from this last time. Now, a side effect is that Blossom likes the hugs and connection and becomes like velcro and pretty soon I'm stepping on her every time I turn around because she's following me, turning into an appearingly ready helper, but it goes way over the top as it's designed to annoy then anger me. This is part need for the attention and affection and a lot of the need for control. So, it's important to redirect her. "I already gave you a hug just a few minutes ago, please sit down at your desk and finish your school work."

These children sound starved for affection and consideration. And yes, she needs to control you, to be sure you are right there for her, that you love her and care for her and that you are totally reliable and trustworthy. This is what every child needs, this multiplied for a hundred is what a traumatized child needs. If you read her need for contact as wanting to control you, to annoy and anger you, well you have completely misunderstood your own daughters signals.

Also IMHO, adopting 4children Iin 2 years,2 of them teens, all coming from institutions, from a completely different culture, all of them with different  special needs, as a single parent who wants to homeschool and make a living out of a home daycare is total madness and disrespectful of your children. Honestly I don't know much about the institutions these children come from, but are you so sure that living in such a situation is better for them?

[Antimony]

Quoting from here http://www.fencingmama.blogspot.ca/2015/07/my-new-approach.html?m=1 

"Part of the new approach is to show more physical affection through hugging and offer more positive feedback. Sounds easy, but it's not when your child may not seem to do anything positive all day long. [....snipped] And I put my arm around her shoulders and give her a hug. Then, life goes on and we start anew, until the next time, but without any carry over from this last time. Now, a side effect is that Blossom likes the hugs and connection and becomes like velcro and pretty soon I'm stepping on her every time I turn around because she's following me, turning into an appearingly ready helper, but it goes way over the top as it's designed to annoy then anger me. This is part need for the attention and affection and a lot of the need for control. So, it's important to redirect her. "I already gave you a hug just a few minutes ago, please sit down at your desk and finish your school work."

These children sound starved for affection and consideration. And yes, she needs to control you, to be sure you are right there for her, that you love her and care for her and that you are totally reliable and trustworthy. This is what every child needs, this multiplied for a hundred is what a traumatized child needs. If you read her need for contact as wanting to control you, to annoy and anger you, well you have completely misunderstood your own daughters signals.

Also IMHO, adopting 4children Iin 2 years,2 of them teens, all coming from institutions, from a completely different culture, all of them with different  special needs, as a single parent who wants to homeschool and make a living out of a home daycare is total madness and disrespectful of your children. Honestly I don't know much about the institutions these children come from, but are you so sure that living in such a situation is better for them?

The concept of, "Don't half-ass two things...whole-ass one thing." comes to mind with regards to her decision to adopt all these children with this frequency. She's....fraction-assing at least 4 children and probably more with her daycare instead of actually giving one children the attention and care they deserve.

[AuntCloud]

She never got the memo that you love your children not because of what they do, but simply because they exist. 

Is there no oversight on adoptions, even if they're labelled "Christian"?

 

[Aine]

She never got the memo that you love your children not because of what they do, but simply because they exist. 

Is there no oversight on adoptions, even if they're labelled "Christian"?

 

I think maybe this is why this woman got to me even more than some others. The narcissism and the complete lack of understanding of unconditional love. Everything seems conditional to this woman. Even the post about being thankful for the littlest one, it was all about how all this love from the baby flows TO HER and she's just going to absorb it all. No. Be thankful that you have this little soul to love.

I came from a home where my mother's love was always conditional...and those conditions changed constantly. There is a lot of research to suggest that this can be worse for development in some cases than more neglectful or distant parenting as the child never knows what exactly they need to do to gain that love that they seem to get sometimes and not others. Everything I ever did was about how it made my mother feel, how proud or not proud it would make her (and it would only make her proud for a short period of time), how I made her look to people on the outside. I was a pretty willful teenager and she convinced me that I was a terrible person to the core. It took me years to accept that I was a pretty normal hormonal teenager in an abnormal situation. It has also taken me years to slowly get used to the idea that I don't need to sacrifice everything I am and own and all my time to someone to make them love me. That I can just be enough. Even that's still a work in progress. My healing only really started when I realized she couldn't love me the way I needed to be- unconditionally, the way my Dad did (they were never together from the time I was born) and his family. I have also had a few women not related to me (teachers, bosses) who have shown me unconditional love and acceptance and guidance, while giving me a solid kick up the ass when I need it, who I'm eternally grateful for.

I despair for these girls. What a confusing existence they must be leading. I hope these girls find someone outside the family to give them the mentorship and love they need. But I doubt that when they're being homeschooled and in the house all the time. 

[PsyD2013]

Her children have experienced a lot of trauma in their short lives. They are "acting out" for attention and acceptance.  She can't even begin to understand their pain, rather she views their behavior has an attack on her.  Her narcissism does not allow her to see that she is inflicting further trauma on her daughters.  

[ViolaSebastian]

This woman sounds like a nut!!  Is she married. 

She writes this, so it appears she's single:

Or a single mom, loving, smart, though imperfect, teaching her children in a safe environment, at the child's level, where God's laws are taught which means there is an established code of conduct and morality, where family is paramount, despite many interruptions but with real life experiences and opportunities to learn.

[BullyJBG]

For a sec there I thought this woman was another version of that Ashleigh character who claimed to know the Duggar family. But there are actually photos there. So, is she using them for publicity? It says she's in California. Anyone from that area want to do some investigating? While she seems to be learning through the process, what it looks like is that she's taken on more than she can handle. She needs that extra support. And they need SOME male family presence, whether it's a grandpa, uncle, or older cousin. Ugh! Too much female is, just too much. They need balance.

[chaotic life]

I just can't. I'm tired, my head hurts, I'm stressed about an exam tomorrow. I can't do it today. I left quickly. I cannot read another blog about treating adoptees worse than how you would treat an animal as if it's okay!

[ViolaSebastian]

This made me want to pull my hair out:

Another question was: Does your child bathe, brush their teeth, comb their hair appropriately by themselves? Never/Sometimes/Always.

Again, none of my girls did at first. This is because no one took the time in their orphanages to show them how to do it thoroughly. Now, Sissy does great. Blossom, not so great and sometimes not at all. But now, she can get herself ready in the morning without me being there. Every couple days, I check her teeth to make sure the brushing well (or at all) and I frequently have to send her back to her room to change clothes because they are either dirty, too small, too big, not appropriate or VERY mismatched. And no, I'm not going to let my child out in public looking like a clown at her age wearing primary colored stripes, plaids and polka dots all at the same time. If she was 4, yes, it's cute when their 4. It's not cute at 14.5.

So...to remedy that they cannot make decisions because they were never given the ability to make decisions, you're going to take away their ability to make decisions because YOU don't like the decisions that they make?!  I mean, the circular logic here is astounding.