Bates Family Part 5

[Jeebusismycopilot]

We simply can't afford to buy a house here. The housing prices are ridiculous and I hate condo living. They are far too small and there are too many rules and regs and depending on where you buy, the resale value is terrible.  Much happier renting a home right now and if/when situations change, we will buy something OUT of the city.  We have been renting our little townhouse for 5 years and we love our community.  I wish we could afford our own place here but $1.5 million just isn't in our budget...ever... unless we win the lottery! 

[HarryPotterFan]

We ran into this when we bought our townhome which we had built.   FIL walks in, looks around at the multiple levels and says to MIL "we can't move here!"   Now that was telling......

My response to that would be, "We'll take it!"

I've only heard my grandma express her desire for grandkids once and I told her she'd have to wait a few years. This was before my cousin got engaged and when my brother had over a year (maybe two?) to go before his wedding. Long engagement. And they don't plan on having kids for a few years because of his fiancé being in medical school. I resisted the urge to add on, "You'll have to wait a few years, unless one of us has an unplanned pregnancy. And that's most likely going to be Joe*"

*Name changed.  

For now hopefully she'll be content with her grand furbabies.

[Tdoc72]

Agreed. I also will not assume that every fundie kid is going to have a million children just because their first few are close together. Tons of people have two kids in quick succession, then no more. Or even 3 close together, then no more. If Alyssa has another soon, or Erin or Jill Duggar, or whoever, it doesn't mean that they're going for 19+! Anna Duggar is getting to the point where her plans are clear, though given Josh's shituation who knows if they'll even have another!

(bolding & enlarging by me)

This is the best word ever.  It is the most perfect descriptive word I've ever heard.   I love it! 

[JillyO]

My father's family kept asking my mother if she was still menstruating, then share menopause/hysterectomy stories. When I was a young teenager, that was always the first thing they asked me- "So, how's your period going?" So rude and inappropriate. I'm not looking forward to their questions and intrusive comments when I get married. 

Holy fuck. Why is this family so obsessed with menstrual blood? That's disgusting and wrong. Wow. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I'm pretty sure I would have aliented them with some very rude comments by now.

I also have a story to contribute, though luckily not about myself. When my friend/co-worker at the time announced at work that she was pregnant, our boss literally said "Congratulations. Now he's GOTTA pop the question, right?" "He" being her boyfriend of eleven years. They are still not married to this day, three years later, which I like to think is out of spite for our rude, inappropriate boss.  It's not like my friend ever complained that she wanted to get married and her boyfriend didn't want to or anything... Just that boss thought after 11 years together, and at the ripe old age of 28, it was about time they finally got married. It's not even like he's some old conservative. He's liberal, gay, has a child with a woman he just had a short affair with when he didn't know he was gay yet (but is still friends with) and has been dating his boyfriend for four years without getting married. Some people are just rude and have no boundaries.

[Aurora rising]

My husband is from Turkey - and a lot of turkish women don´t know any limits. they asked me about our sex life, about kids, about.... everything. In the beginning I was trying to politely avoid an answer but after 12 years I getting very rude. We tried for more than 5 years, I had a miscarriage and they are still asking and starting with good advice and things like this. I don´t get 1) why people have to interfere with my personal live (without me asking for help) 2) cannot get that they are hurting us

 

[elliha]

My husband is from Turkey - and a lot of turkish women don´t know any limits. they asked me about our sex life, about kids, about.... everything. In the beginning I was trying to politely avoid an answer but after 12 years I getting very rude. We tried for more than 5 years, I had a miscarriage and they are still asking and starting with good advice and things like this. I don´t get 1) why people have to interfere with my personal live (without me asking for help) 2) cannot get that they are hurting us

 

It varies in different cultures, my Arab neighbors ask extremely invasive questions about for example having children and so on. It is just OK from their perspective to ask things like that. As they feel I know them and that I am on the inside they ask me questions they know Swedes normally do not care to answer to people they are not extremely close to...

[jerkit]

 

We ran into this when we bought our townhome which we had built.   FIL walks in, looks around at the multiple levels and says to MIL "we can't move here!"   Now that was telling......

For my FIL it was more about the house itself and he was displeased with it. My ILs are fairly well off and have an enormous custom home. Mr. Jerkit and I have a lovely home - but it is smaller and older than my ILs house. I had to bite my tongue so as not to say "If you want us to have a fancy custom build, then YOU pay for it!"

[nokidsmom]

My response to that would be, "We'll take it!"

The really, really good news?  We already had!   But it scared us a bit to see what was at the back of their minds......

It's both comforting and disheartening to know that women field obnoxious questions in about the next four stages of adult life. (Over fifty FJers, don't tell me randos are asking about your menopause. Please tell me we get a break at some point.)

IME, I am getting nowhere near the questions about menopause that I got about having a baby.    Only one question actually and that was way before I was even in peri yet.  It came publicly from my MIL who asked me in front of people that I looked a little flushed, was I going through "the change"?   My answer, since I was actually having my period was, "no, because I am experiencing the evidence right now!"    Perhaps just as rude, but with my MIL I found that these types of responses shut her up and for good.  She's never asked again.  Since she has a history of asking people questions that are out of bounds, it's for the best as well as deservable.

[Melissa1977]

Alyssa and Lawson are advertising a new T-shirt brand. Is it maybe a new Lawson business? It doesn't seem a fundie business. I mean, there isn't any religious word in the website. I can't link here, sorry, but you can see it at Alyssa's IG.

[nokidsmom]

For my FIL it was more about the house itself and he was displeased with it. My ILs are fairly well off and have an enormous custom home. Mr. Jerkit and I have a lovely home - but it is smaller and older than my ILs house. I had to bite my tongue so as not to say "If you want us to have a fancy custom build, then YOU pay for it!"

My in laws have two homes, one custom built up north and their winter home in the south.  I could tell that FIL was displeased, never mind we shared pictures of the place during the building phase so it shouldn't have been a big surprise.     But I suspect that since they spent their money like no tomorrow, there's always been the possibility that moving in with their kids was their fallback plan after they run out of money which seems to be happening now.  

It was a bit maddening to hear him say it, because in laws had helped SIL buy a home plus two condos (long story) which she and her husband own free and clear,  yet made no effort to even offer to help us out.   We managed to come up with the money just fine, we do have a mortgage, which is fine but it really has stuck in Mr. No's craw over all the financial support his sister got and for him...nothing.    He feels that at least they should have offered and it's one of the big reasons he's not close to his parents, he's a nice patient guy but he ain't Jesus.

The one little thing that they did do for him recently was give him a new PC which he did not ask for but it rather pales in comparison to homes, cars and knows what else but interesting that he was told to keep it from his sister because of her reaction.  Yep, for all she's got she would make a big stink about the one.damn.thing her brother got.

Sorry to rant but I feel better now.

Back to regularly scheduled programming.....

 

 

[jerkit]

 

It was a bit maddening to hear him say it, because in laws had helped SIL buy a home plus two condos (long story) which she and her husband own free and clear,  yet made no effort to even offer to help us out.  

 

 

Giiiiiiiirl, I get it. My FIL's mother (so my H's grandma) bought the beautiful custom home outright and they pay HER with zero interest. So the fact that he was displeased with our modest (but I think quite nice) home was suuuuuuper rich.

Whatever. I have a roof over my head. He can suck a nut.

[quiversR4hunting]

I feel compelled to share about the pregnancy stuff, this happened several years ago. As I have mentioned other times I am married and work in child support. I have had 3 children in my tenure with child support. I run a state wide meeting each month and elections were happening so I announced my #3 pregnancy so they knew if they elected me I wouldn't be at the meetings for 2-4 months. One manager said: "Hey don't you know how that happens so you can prevent it?" I assume he was trying to be funny but it annoyed me because of the clients we work with it sounded like he was comparing me to some of the dysfunctional families we deal with every day. I replied back "Yes, and we are quite happy about it." that shut him up and then everyone else congratulated me and asked if we were going to find out the sex and ignored that manager, etc.

I feel your pain @nokidsmom  and @‌jerkit ‌ ‌I won't even get into my MIL & BIL about helping my SIL (her daughter, his sister) and then them being upset when my hubs and I don't support them enabling SIL. Cliff note version- MIL has given $10k+ each year to SIL for many years and then complains that SIL is dependent on her. Then a couple years ago BIL bought a house for SIL to rent to help her out. I swear she will never be totally independent with all this enabling.  

[doubleT]

Alyssa and Lawson are advertising a new T-shirt brand. Is it maybe a new Lawson business? It doesn't seem a fundie business. I mean, there isn't any religious word in the website. I can't link here, sorry, but you can see it at Alyssa's IG.

Interesting that they are both modeling one of the two shirts this "company" is offering.  Alyssa shows it off in her tight jeans shown from the back. 

[WeArndtMarried]

I am apparently the only women on the planet who did not face this problem, and I was actually a bit worried why my family didn't want me to have kids.  (I should confess that my 4 year old niece did ask, but she is 4 so its excusable).

You aren't totally alone! I've been married a year and a half and my grandmother asked once if we planned to have kids. No one else has even asked that much, much less ask if I'm pregnant now. I guess I just scare people! I'm really glad for it since I am actually infertile, but we didn't plan to have children even before we found out about that. 

[HarryPotterFan]

It was a bit maddening to hear him say it, because in laws had helped SIL buy a home plus two condos (long story) which she and her husband own free and clear,  yet made no effort to even offer to help us out.  

My brother conned my parents into getting him a car because they didn't have to pay for his PhD since he got funding, while they had to spend money on my masters degree and other brother's medical school. It really pisses me off, especially since he's the one my parents expect to make bank with his brilliant ideas and he's been using his stipend and money he earned when he took a year and a half off (which was more than I would make on my field) to help pay for his fiancé's medical school to avoid massive loans/debt. It makes no fucking sense. It's kind of like my parents are helping with paying for her medical school since they have to help him out since his money goes towards her. My degree was way less expensive than my other brother's, so shouldn't I get help with a car too? Lol. I always thought it was really shitty for kids to expect their parents to buy them a car, but parents unevenly helping one kid out over the other is like picking favorites.

[HereticHick]

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/-4B9WsJAtF/?taken-by=webster4ever

I can't get the tshirt company's website to open here at work--would like to know who it belongs to as well.

 

PS  I have also experienced my rude FIL asking when my partner & I were going to buy a "real house" instead of a townhouse. As if 3 bedrooms + den wasn't enough for a childless couple. Sheesh.

[JillyO]

Why would I buy a completely shapeless $25 t-shirt from this company? It's not like you can't buy that stuff at Target. What makes them special? I absolutely don't get it.

[actuallyjessica]

Shirts are by Hannah & Riley Dempster.

[nokidsmom]

My brother conned my parents into getting him a car because they didn't have to pay for his PhD since he got funding, while they had to spend money on my masters degree and other brother's medical school. It really pisses me off, especially since he's the one my parents expect to make bank with his brilliant ideas and he's been using his stipend and money he earned when he took a year and a half off (which was more than I would make on my field) to help pay for his fiancé's medical school to avoid massive loans/debt. It makes no fucking sense. It's kind of like my parents are helping with paying for her medical school since they have to help him out since his money goes towards her. My degree was way less expensive than my other brother's, so shouldn't I get help with a car too? Lol. I always thought it was really shitty for kids to expect their parents to buy them a car, but parents unevenly helping one kid out over the other is like picking favorites.

It is picking favorites and I can't say enough how much damage that does, having had a front row seat to obscene levels of favoritism for years.  

PS  I have also experienced my rude FIL asking when my partner & I were going to buy a "real house" instead of a townhouse. As if 3 bedrooms + den wasn't enough for a childless couple. Sheesh.

Yep, that was us!   Three bedrooms and a den in our place too.

[Firiel]

 

I just got married a month ago. My sister casually mentioned to our Grandma I may be watching her baby when she and her husband go back to work after the birth. Grandma immediately started asking whether I was pregnant or not - luckily I wasn't in the room and she knew enough not to ask me, but it was super awkward being told about it later and really made me look at my stomach a bit more closely in the mirror than usual.

One of my friends got asked if she was pregnant by a complete stranger about two weeks after she got married last month as well. She's not. It was super awkward and made her feel horrible, especially since she struggles with thyroid issues.

I agree with you completely. I wish people would stop assuming things or stop bringing the subject up. It doesn't matter that Michael is on television or part of a family known for having all the babies - it's just as rude to ask her something so personal as it would be to ask a complete stranger who isn't on television.

Okay, this is a little late, but I totally misread this as, "One of my friends got pregnant by a complete stranger about two weeks after she got married."

And I was all like, "WHAAAA?! That's a weirdly cavalier way to describe was sounds like a complete shit-show of a situation."

[VelociRapture]

Okay, this is a little late, but I totally misread this as, "One of my friends got pregnant by a complete stranger about two weeks after she got married."

And I was all like, "WHAAAA?! That's a weirdly cavalier way to describe was sounds like a complete shit-show of a situation.

Lol!!!!! That has to be the best misread I've heard of this week!!!!

Not the best wording now that you mentioned it. So for anyone who is wondering - my friend is not pregnant. Especially not pregnant by a stranger.

[Georgiana]

I heard about this woman who got pregnant by a complete stranger before her wedding.  Like she meets this random guy, SWEARS nothing happened, but then she's suddenly preggo.  Everyone thought her fiance would leave her, but he married her anyway.  He took her on a massive road trip right before the birth, and they ended up having a "home birth" in the parking lot of an overcrowded hotel.  It was kind of a shitshow.

Anyways, I think they named the kid "Jesus".  

 

 

[princessmahina]

I heard about this woman who got pregnant by a complete stranger before her wedding.  Like she meets this random guy, SWEARS nothing happened, but then she's suddenly preggo.  Everyone thought her fiance would leave her, but he married her anyway.  He took her on a massive road trip right before the birth, and they ended up having a "home birth" in the parking lot of an overcrowded hotel.  It was kind of a shitshow.

Anyways, I think they named the kid "Jesus".  

 

 

That story was a roller coaster from beginning to end. Love it.

[nokidsmom]

I feel your pain @nokidsmom  and @‌jerkit ‌ ‌I won't even get into my MIL & BIL about helping my SIL (her daughter, his sister) and then them being upset when my hubs and I don't support them enabling SIL. Cliff note version- MIL has given $10k+ each year to SIL for many years and then complains that SIL is dependent on her. Then a couple years ago BIL bought a house for SIL to rent to help her out. I swear she will never be totally independent with all this enabling.  

MIL has complained about how spoiled SIL is yet doesn't seem to figure out who helped bring that about.   When our nephew, SIL's second child was born, MIL insisted that Mr. No give nephew some of his childhood toys that he has kept and was soooo hurt when Mr. No said "nope, I am sure you can buy him a few". 

[HarleyQuinn]

I lol'd pretty hard at Alyssa's IG photos for those T-shirts. Tight jeans and an ass shot. Kelly and Gil must have loved that. 

Also, are we back to assuming Joseph and Tori are courting again?