Jill Duggar Dillard Pt 7 - Y'all Wanna Pay for My Vacation?

[twinmama]

When my baby/toddler has been crying in the store before...I was always so thankful when other women would give me a sympathetic look. I've even had them make a quick comment in passing like "I've been there before" or "I have one of those at home." It really is reassuring to know I'm not alone in the world.

Same! I can't actually recall anyone ever being mean while I was tending fussy kids in the store (probably because I was tending fussy kids, not looking at strangers). I do remember plenty of "you're doing a good job mom" comments from people. And whenever I see someone else trying to calm their kid I ALWAYS smile at them sympathetically. I also loved when parents of older twins would tell me "it gets so much easier/better" when my boys were infants. That was the kind of thing I needed to hear and be reminded of often back then.

These days, my husband and I do the shopping in the evenings. That way if our son gets cranky...one of us just wanders around with him. Sure, one of us could just stay home with him. But 9 times out of 10, he's well behaved and really seems to have a good time shopping. And how else will he learn without actually having experiences, right?

This is huge IMO. We've been taking our boys to restaurants (family ones, not fancy ones!!) since they were babies and they are almost 4 and do so great out and about. The other day I was able to take two 3 year olds out for lunch by myself. They just sat in their chairs and ate and talked quietly and it was amazing. But I think every parent knows what their own kid can handle and as long as you respect that and don't push your kid to do things where you know they'll meltdown, it's all good.

[VelociRapture]

I worked in a grocery store a few years back. When we had fussy or upset kids in the store, I would always give the parents a sympathetic look. If they were close by or came to my register, I'd also start a little conversation with them. Something along the lines of, "So you're the little person with the big lungs! How cute are you?!" And just do my best to put the parents' at ease a bit by getting them to talk about their baby and how adorable they are.

There were other times when a toddler was having a bad moment - I would show them my "magic" abilities by making the belt start and stop moving. If I was bagging, I'd also show the kids the "secret" button that made the belt move. I can't even tell you how many tantrums were stopped or delayed because of that freaking button!

[Alicja]

We bought one of the animal backpack leashes and brought it to Disneyland with us. But our son was only about 16 months and stuff slightly unsteady on his feet so we only used it for a minute and decided it wouldn't work anyway. I bought a wrist one when he was a few months older but still didn't get the concept of holding hands. We basically used it once at an outdoor shopping area. We still made him hold our hands but it was "back up" in case he slipped away. He is dang fast and we were right by the street.

When my son throws a tantrum because he's unable to do something he's trying to do or because he can't find the words (he doesn't talk)...I typically hug him until he calms down. I know this style probably makes some parents cringe. But it works for us.  

you sound like an awesome mom!

[Daisy4]

@ClaraOswin and @EmmieJ, if you'll notice I said for a place to calm down or for a spanking. I'm not instructing them to spank them but if your child is flipping out and especially if they're being destructive, they need somewhere else to breathe and calm down. I've worked for quite some time at a chain grocery store and see parents blatantly not give a crap their banshee is throwing food around in the isles and in my opinion, not correcting it in any way is the problem. So yes I may gently nudge them in the direction of the bathroom but again, not saying you have to spank but pointing out its effectiveness. 

I have been told by outsiders not to spank and it didn't offend me at all. Its their opinion and it is perfectly legal in the state of Georgia to spank a child on the bottom with an open hand. We don't believe in spanking with spoons, straps, belts or various other objects. Very similar to the prochoice/prolife arguement, what I'm doing is legal and its my personal choice for our family. People don't like it but its what works best for the family.

Right, because if I'm dealing with a difficult toddler I just love when other people try to intervene, that's helpful!

If you're working in the store and the child is destroying property then sure, you can ask the parent to leave. If not, back off! If anyone dared try to advise me on how to deal with my kid I'd find a great outlet for my own frustration.

Oh and if they have little kids, believe me, they know where the bathroom is in almost every store.

[bingbangboom]

I worked in a grocery store a few years back. When we had fussy or upset kids in the store, I would always give the parents a sympathetic look. If they were close by or came to my register, I'd also start a little conversation with them. Something along the lines of, "So you're the little person with the big lungs! How cute are you?!" And just do my best to put the parents' at ease a bit by getting them to talk about their baby and how adorable they are.

There were other times when a toddler was having a bad moment - I would show them my "magic" abilities by making the belt start and stop moving. If I was bagging, I'd also show the kids the "secret" button that made the belt move. I can't even tell you how many tantrums were stopped or delayed because of that freaking button!

were you our cashier?! 

Seriously, the Christmas my son turned two he had a meltdown at a grocery store that was so bad he slammed his head to the floor and busted his head open. While we waited for the ambulance, a young cashier(not a mom) showed him that button. Tears stopped and there he was, bleeding not letting anybody else near him,( even us), laughing and flapping. A few staples later we went back to give her a thank you card.

Thanks, VR. You are awesome for trying to help families that need it.

Our son was non verbal until 3, and was diagnosed severly autistic just a few months after this incident. He is doing well now and is the most verbal kid in his class! We are so proud of his hard work and dedication.

[VelociRapture]

were you our cashier?! 

Seriously, the Christmas my son turned two he had a meltdown at a grocery store that was so bad he slammed his head to the floor and busted his head open. While we waited for the ambulance, a young cashier(not a mom) showed him that button. Tears stopped and there he was, bleeding not letting anybody else near him,( even us), laughing and flapping. A few staples later we went back to give her a thank you card.

Thanks, VR. You are awesome for trying to help families that need it.

Our son was non verbal until 3, and was diagnosed severly autistic just a few months after this incident. He is doing well now and is the most verbal kid in his class! We are so proud of his hard work and dedication.

Oh geeze! No, I never had a child get hurt at my register. Stopped a display of empty boxes from falling onto a poor mom and her baby girl once - but no one was hurt (baby was upset and hit the boxes just right.)

Your son sounds like a little cutie! I'm glad he is doing so much better now - having the right diagnosis and plan in place can really do wonders!

[bingbangboom]

Oh geeze! No, I never had a child get hurt at my register. Stopped a display of empty boxes from falling onto a poor mom and her baby girl once - but no one was hurt (baby was upset and hit the boxes just right.)

Your son sounds like a little cutie! I'm glad he is doing so much better now - having the right diagnosis and plan in place can really do wonders!

Thank goodness you saved them from the box avalanche! You are a super hero! 

We are beyond thankful for all the doctors, nurses, therapists and educators we've worked with from the start of our journey. He went from a place where the future wouldn't be as bright to were he is now and we are already dreaming for him again. After his diagnosis it was hard to have any dreams for him when we were told he would probably remain nonverbal with a high dependence on us for his entire life and probably wouldn't live on his own even as an adult.

 

[Timetostoplurking]

My kids are older now. (Late teens ans early 20's) but I remember those frantic store outings with 3 kids under 5.  Whew!!!!!  Good times!! 

One of my kids is severely autistic and had more than one public meltdown.   If anyone would stare, I just looked them in the eye and told them "he has autism!"   Really loud so everyone heard .  You would be amazed at how that stopped the stareing.  Usually people were very kind and even offered to help.  Not much they could, do but it made me feel much much better.  I always try to pay it forward and be very sympathetic with other people's kids. 

However, I do have to admit to switching lines, at a store, if a little one is screaming. I'm not judging, I just think the parent sometimes needs some space.

[SilverBeach]

One of the things I remember about the show Roseanne was how she and Dan would not hesitate to embarrass their kids and it made me laugh.  I sometimes kid my son that if he doesn't do something I want him to do, I might just be waiting in the school parking lot when the school day ends, and start yoo-hooing at him and calling him sweet pea or lovey.

When my daughter was about 11 or 12, I decided it was time to let her ride her bike to the pool instead of me driving her. There was a major street to cross, with a light, but I was nervous anyway. Pool wasn't too far, but I told her to call me as soon as she arrived. Well, no call. So, I called the pool and had them page her, and be sure to say it was mom. Talking about embarrassed! She is still good about letting me know her whereabouts and she is an adult, LOL!

[DuggarWatch]

SERIOUSLY??  I mean -  seriously?  We get it - he's your man and all that.  And you have a lot of kissin' time to make up.  But really!  Don't need to see it.  (Of course, I quoted it - lol!)  

They post kissy-face pictures and pictures of the baby to keep us distracted from the fact that they are supposed to be doing missionary work.

[formergothardite]

@ClaraOswin and @EmmieJ, if you'll notice I said for a place to calm down or for a spanking. I'm not instructing them to spank them but if your child is flipping out and especially if they're being destructive, they need somewhere else to breathe and calm down. I've worked for quite some time at a chain grocery store and see parents blatantly not give a crap their banshee is throwing food around in the isles and in my opinion, not correcting it in any way is the problem. So yes I may gently nudge them in the direction of the bathroom but again, not saying you have to spank but pointing out its effectiveness. 

I have been told by outsiders not to spank and it didn't offend me at all. Its their opinion and it is perfectly legal in the state of Georgia to spank a child on the bottom with an open hand. We don't believe in spanking with spoons, straps, belts or various other objects. Very similar to the prochoice/prolife arguement, what I'm doing is legal and its my personal choice for our family. People don't like it but its what works best for the family.

Calmly hitting your child is still calmly hitting a child. There are other ways. Children don't have to be hit. Just because something is legal doesn't mean it is right. Hitting might be the easiest way but it isn't the best. 

[ClaraOswin]

For the record, being an adult with sensory issues -- and thus having a hard time dealing with screaming babies/children -- is also no picnic. I've gotten all sorts of looks and now just sort of assume people think I'm being snotty/entitled, but if I'm in an enclosed space and hear high pitched shrieks, I pretty much HAVE to just about face and leave. I just turn and leave. In certain situations, I've been waiting in line for hours (sigh) when a kid starts tantruming or a siren/alarm starts wailing, and I just give up my place and evacuate.  I wish I had the fortitude to give supportive looks or whatnot, but it's all I can do to not have an inner meltdown myself. I've been told I have a stone cold poker expression, so I guess it comes off as judgey...? But I'd never tell off a parent, either. For one thing, that would involve approaching, ha. 

 I'm very lucky to have an understanding boyfriend who's known me for 14 years and can run a bit of crowd interference on my behalf, when he's with me. He knows what sounds/strobe lights will be a problem and is personable enough to cover my butt.  But if I'm alone...

I guess long story short of this PSA is that if your child has a meltdown and an adult is visibly uncomfortable, it doesn't mean said adult is just being an unsympathetic jerk. 

I think someone looking upset or uncomfortable when a child is freaking out is completely different than someone being bitchy and telling someone how to parent. So no worries.

Same! I can't actually recall anyone ever being mean while I was tending fussy kids in the store (probably because I was tending fussy kids, not looking at strangers). I do remember plenty of "you're doing a good job mom" comments from people. And whenever I see someone else trying to calm their kid I ALWAYS smile at them sympathetically. I also loved when parents of older twins would tell me "it gets so much easier/better" when my boys were infants. That was the kind of thing I needed to hear and be reminded of often back then.

This is huge IMO. We've been taking our boys to restaurants (family ones, not fancy ones!!) since they were babies and they are almost 4 and do so great out and about. The other day I was able to take two 3 year olds out for lunch by myself. They just sat in their chairs and ate and talked quietly and it was amazing. But I think every parent knows what their own kid can handle and as long as you respect that and don't push your kid to do things where you know they'll meltdown, it's all good.

Our son had been doing well in restaurants for a while. But then he started getting way too antsy and not liking ANY snacks we try to give him or anything while we waited. So we've stopped going for now. Hoping to try again soon. We'll start by going to some place like Panera where you don't wait long for food and see how it goes.

you sound like an awesome mom!

Thanks. Most days I feel like I'm just getting by but I try my best.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

@ClaraOswin and @EmmieJ, if you'll notice I said for a place to calm down or for a spanking. I'm not instructing them to spank them but if your child is flipping out and especially if they're being destructive, they need somewhere else to breathe and calm down. I've worked for quite some time at a chain grocery store and see parents blatantly not give a crap their banshee is throwing food around in the isles and in my opinion, not correcting it in any way is the problem. So yes I may gently nudge them in the direction of the bathroom but again, not saying you have to spank but pointing out its effectiveness. 

I have been told by outsiders not to spank and it didn't offend me at all. Its their opinion and it is perfectly legal in the state of Georgia to spank a child on the bottom with an open hand. We don't believe in spanking with spoons, straps, belts or various other objects. Very similar to the prochoice/prolife arguement, what I'm doing is legal and its my personal choice for our family. People don't like it but its what works best for the family.

At one point the law prohibited interracial marriage.  At one point it was perfectly legal to work children to their deaths in coal mines and sweatshops.  IME people who use the law as the arbiter of their ethical behavior have an unwillingness or inability to think critically.

It's also perfectly legal for me, today in 2015,  to hold bigoted views and to have raised my children to hate as long as they don't act on that hate.  Just because something is legal doesn't mean it's ethical.

I look forward to the day where the law no longer protects people who assault their children because they are incapable of teaching without violence.

Let me ask you a question - if we were shopping in the same grocery store and I was behaving in a way my husband didn't like and he swatted my ass with an open hand to teach me a lesson would you be comfortable with that?  Most people who spank would be horrified if one spouse used physical "correction" on the other which is a huge lapse in logic to me.  I'm an adult with my own legal rights, agency, ability to leave my marriage but the law would protect me from a spanking or a slap if reported.  Why am I, a grown woman, more deserving of this protection than a child who has no ability to defend themselves or leave?  

I really need someone to explain that to me because I cannot get past the cognitive dissonance.

 

 

[ClaraOswin]

One of the times I was most uncomfortable with my son was when we were on an airplane. I'm kind of afraid to fly with him again. We are pushing any flights back at least another year and I hope he's more verbal by then because maybe it will help. We flew Nebraska to California (layover in Vegas) when he was not quite 17 months old. He was newly walking so of course he didn't want to sit in his seat. But we made him stay in his seat (we had a car seat for him) or we held him on our laps. He was bored and tired. Didn't want to sleep though. On the first flight when he got antsy, we put a t.v. show* he likes on for him. He quieted down and looked like he was going to fall asleep. So I held him thinking he'd sleep on me. 

Suddenly....he started vomiting all of me, himself, and the aisle. I think the t.v. show made him nauseated or something. I was pretty flustered after that. I cleaned everything up and then my son was fine after that. He was actually fairly happy the rest of the flight. (The flights home....he was pretty cranky though.) 

After I was back in my seat and cleaned up, an older gentleman in a cowboy hat a couple rows back on the opposite side of the aisle tapped me on the shoulder. He said, "Your son is really cute." It was a simple gesture but it set me so much more at ease. The guy next to him asked how old my son was and said he had a 2 year old daughter at home. I was so grateful for those two guys who were kind to me. 

Anyway...a little bit of compassion goes a LONG way. Telling someone how to parent does not.

*I am ashamed to say that even to this day, one of the only shows that will hold my son's attention for more than 2 minutes...is 19 Kids and Counting. When he was around a year old, he was playing on the floor happily so I turned on 19 Kids to watch (for ME to watch, not him.) For whatever reason, he was drawn to it. I think he likes that they talk to the camera and smile a lot. So even now, if we need him to be distracted long enough to make a meal or something...I will pull up old episodes on the DVR. I know, bad parenting right there...haha! But hey...it works. We've tried distracting him with cartoons but nothing else holds his interest. We don't really like him to watch t.v., in general. But we'll use it when needed. On the airplane I was really hoping no one saw that we put 19 Kids on for him. I didn't want people to think we actually like the Duggars.

This post is long. Sorry. I really need to get my blog started over here to avoid long rambling posts like this in threads.

[EmmieJ]

Reading about all these moms having to drop their groceries and leave because of kids acting up makes me think that they should have someone at the store the moms can go to when the kids are being overwhelming who will check out your items for you while you are tending to your kids in the car. Why is that not a thing????

It wasn't available when my son was little, but I know of at least one grocery store that now does deliveries to your home - Safeway.  A friend of mine did this when she and her little boy were down with the flu near Thanksgiving.  For her, the first delivery was at no charge beyond the cost of the actual groceries.  After that, there is a charge.  Anyway, in a time of need, that really came in handy.

[Daisy4]

It wasn't available when my son was little, but I know of at least one grocery store that now does deliveries to your home - Safeway.  A friend of mine did this when she and her little boy were down with the flu near Thanksgiving.  For her, the first delivery was at no charge beyond the cost of the actual groceries.  After that, there is a charge.  Anyway, in a time of need, that really came in handy.

I've done this a few times, you can usually find coupon codes to make it almost free. The grocery store I go to also has free pickup. You can use their app to choose your groceries then they bag them up for you and you can just pick up curbside.

I have a 6 month old and a 2.5 year old. For the first few months with the younger daughter I didn't want to attempt grocery shopping with both of them but we've gone a few times recently and it has gone well.

[felinefundie]

I didn't act out too much as a child, especially in public places as I've always been really shy. Whenever I did, though, my mom's go-to maneuver was to threaten to take her clothes off. I was very modest, even as a child, and my mother is basically the opposite (she sometimes refers to herself as a forcibly-clothed nudist). She knew that even reaching to pull her shirt up would shut me up faster than anything else would. The fact that I am so shy and easily embarrassed was probably the best thing to ever happen to my parents. 

I know that I was spanked a few times, but not often. My parents were both beat as children, so they weren't huge fans of corporeal punishment. The only time I really remember being spanked, though, was when I used a corkscrew to carve a fish (like the creationist symbol, although I just thought it was an easy way to draw a fish) into our brand new dining room table when I was four. I'm pretty sure that was the only time my dad actually spanked me. 
 

[ksgranola1]

Regarding ways to embarrass your kids into behaving...

When my daughter began dating, I never gave her or her date a cerfew. She knew not to stay out too late. So I would ask them both, "What time shall I call the police?" Never had a kid come home late. Except once, & it was a parents' fault. It was the first time they were allowed to go to a concert alone in a group. One drove them & another was to pick them up. Pick them up he did, at 11PM sharp. Then he stopped at a BAR, leaving the children alone in the car until 2AM! I woke up about 3 & realized they weren't home.  I called the mother who...you guessed it..."didn't speak English." I was dialing the police when he pulled up.After a cpl hours in the bar, he had to be driving fairly drunk, too. My daughter asked me not to embarrass her friend. I didn't but it took enormous restraint.

[happy atheist]

I'm not a parent, but I'm just popping to say that I had the world's worst tantrums when I was a kid.  Seriously, the stories my family tells about my tantrums are horrifying.  One time it was so bad my neighbor actually came over to see what the f was going on.  Another story is that I threw a tantrum so bad in Target (while I was downstairs with my mom's friend, my mom was upstairs) that she could hear me all the way from the upstairs.   I think some kids are just more prone to tantrums, maybe, and luckily I turned out fine .  

Your Target has two floors?  

[EmmieJ]

To the bolded - that is wonderful to hear. 

[ClaraOswin]

Your Target has two floors?  

 

I went to a Target with 2 floors once. It was so weird. We had to send our cart up on a special escalator thing. It was somewhere in California but I can't recall exactly now. It was probably 10 years ago or so.

http://livingmividaloca.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/20111125_094919.jpg

[Gobbles]

Spanking: No discussion here in Germany. All forms of corporal punishments are illegal in school and at home and I fully approve that!!! 

As someone with sensory issues as well (I'm Autistic) screaming babies are horrible. Or well, it depends. Very young babies have a better voice than older ones. But what I hate more than screaming are those baby/toddler coughs. They make me go crazy. And them talking loud. I'm not a baby/child person at all, sorry. Hard to believe that I did work with children, haha! I do like them when they are a bit older. Six and above is okay. (Teenagers are a different thing. I have anxiety when it comes to them because if bullying and what not. I get panic walking past groups of teenagers on the street. So I'd rather have a group of screaming babies at the store instead of a few teenagers.)

[MayMay1123]

I went to a Target with 2 floors once. It was so weird. We had to send our cart up on a special escalator thing. It was somewhere in California but I can't recall exactly now. It was probably 10 years ago or so.

http://livingmividaloca.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/20111125_094919.jpg

i was in one once too,  same cart-escalator thing...i think it was in abington pa

[cheshire cat]

 

(Snipped)

Anyway...a little bit of compassion goes a LONG way. Telling someone how to parent does not.

*I am ashamed to say that even to this day, one of the only shows that will hold my son's attention for more than 2 minutes...is 19 Kids and Counting. When he was around a year old, he was playing on the floor happily so I turned on 19 Kids to watch (for ME to watch, not him.) For whatever reason, he was drawn to it. I think he likes that they talk to the camera and smile a lot. So even now, if we need him to be distracted long enough to make a meal or something...I will pull up old episodes on the DVR. I know, bad parenting right there...haha! But hey...it works. We've tried distracting him with cartoons but nothing else holds his interest. We don't really like him to watch t.v., in general. But we'll use it when needed. On the airplane I was really hoping no one saw that we put 19 Kids on for him. I didn't want people to think we actually like the Duggars.

(Snipped)

No shame in it - those bug eyed smiles can be incredibly hypnotic. be afraid if he starts using the word 'purposed' as a verb, though. 

[Cerealgirl]

at least when ben and jessa kiss - there is something there = but with jill and derick it looks painful 

it looks halfhearted - it's like it's forced 

Oh god the first Bin and Jessa make out pic they posted right after their wedding looked like they were eating each other's faces! I'm still traumatized.

Oh, that's right--Dirk has braces! That explains the weird way his lips are pursed.  I wondered who took the pic.  Probably not a selfie.  There's a reserve in that lack of passion.

Why would you post a pic if you're knowingly looking awkward because of braces? I didn't doubt their affection. I think they're just bad at it. [emoji13]