Jill Duggar Dillard Pt 7 - Y'all Wanna Pay for My Vacation?

[PreciousPantsofDoom]

My grandparents are kind of like that. My grandfather has dementia and is terrified his wife is going to leave him. So if she gets up to go to the bathroom, he stands in the doorway and watches. If she goes into the kitchen to make dinner, he sits at the table and watches. She literally cannot do anything without him following her. Only she doesn't find it sweet or endearing. She gets aggravated (especially about the bathroom thing!). So she's looking for a good retirement home. She just can't take care of him anymore.

Oh, that's really tough.

 My  MIL went through the same thing with my FIL (who has Altzheimers)  He just got so anxious that he followed her around like a sad puppy (one who also kept repeating the same questions on endless repeat) and it really wore her down. 

  It was interesting to see how much LESS anxious he got once he finally moved into a care home.  There is always somebody around to reassure him (the staff are great) and there is always something going on, so he doesn't get as anxious in the first place  (at home where it was just the two of them, if she wanted to sit in the other room and read the paper in peace for a few minutes, he would get scared because he couldn't hear what was going on, which meant that she could never get a minute alone. Much better for both of them now, despite the fact that he is still slowly going downhill. 

[lilith]

UGH. Also... he's her only sunshine? Blasphemy! Jesus!

And where has she been listening to such ungodly music? I thought the Duggars didn't even listen to contemporary christian music, just classical and the traditional hymns.

[withaj]

 

And where has she been listening to such ungodly music? I thought the Duggars didn't even listen to contemporary christian music, just classical and the traditional hymns.

I know, right? I think that may be the first evil secular quote of any kind I've seen her post.

[SportsgalAnnie]

With my 3 year old, almost 4 now, twins, I can't imagine hitting them because I spend most of my day trying to stop them from hitting each other! How the fuck do you teach a child not to hit, BY HITTING THEM?

getting spanked by a leather belt or wooden spoon 

[livinginthelight]

Now that im older I can see the results of my raising ( spankings not time outs) and can see how the time-out kids act. I'm a firm believer in a well deserved smack on the backside. If there's some 5 year old shrieking like a banshee and kicking/screaming in the grocery store, I politely point the parent to the bathroom where they can take care of their child. Be it a spanking or just somewhere to calm down, they need to know their behavior is unacceptable. Spankings are quick and effective.

I was also raised in the 'proper south' during times that neighbor parents and other authority figures could swat my tail of I acted up and my parents weren't around. It gave me a healthy respect for authority as well as consequences. Honestly I plan to raise my children under the same rules. That being said, I do not condone blanket training in any way nor spanking under 2 years old. Also condone use of 'the rod'. A spanking to me is a firm swat on the bottom no more than 2-3 times.

I want to explain my downvote on this post.  I am the parent of two special needs children (now both adults and doing very well.) Their disabilities are not visible to the eye. One son was very large for his age. When he was three he looked six. And because he had sensory integration issues, he would occasionally (in stores, for example) become overwhelmed and then have a complete shrieking meltdown.

If you had "politely pointed me to the bathroom where I could take care of my child" I would have wanted to not so politely scratch off your face. Believe me, I was aware when my child was acting up. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and trying to figure out how to gracefully contain the situation and get the heck out of there. Spankings were NOT quick and effective in this situation. It wasn't a matter of my child "knowing his behavior was unacceptable." If I had a dollar for every time I was told by clueless other people that "This type of behavior would NEVER be allowed in my family!" I'd be rich.

Some folks really need to get a clue. Don't assume you know what is going on. A sympathetic smile and some understanding would go a long way.

[ClaraOswin]

When my baby/toddler has been crying in the store before...I was always so thankful when other women would give me a sympathetic look. I've even had them make a quick comment in passing like "I've been there before" or "I have one of those at home." It really is reassuring to know I'm not alone in the world.

[Drala]

and they don't even kiss well. in my opinion there is no passion there 

 

I thought the same thing.  There is something terribly unattractive about the way their lips are locked.  What's the point?

[mizandry]

Yeesh....

[instagram snipped]

...   I would be so embarrassed if my partner did this to a picture of us kissing/being affectionate. "You Are My Sunshine"? That is so infantilizing. And moreso, it really shows just how sheltered and infantilized Jill has been her entire life - I honestly kind of feel for her based on that fact alone.

[nst]

I thought the same thing.  There is something terribly unattractive about the way their lips are locked.  What's the point?

at least when ben and jessa kiss - there is something there = but with jill and derick it looks painful 

it looks halfhearted - it's like it's forced 

[iweartanktops]

...   I would be so embarrassed if my partner did this to a picture of us kissing/being affectionate. "You Are My Sunshine"? That is so infantilizing. And moreso, it really shows just how sheltered and infantilized Jill has been her entire life - I honestly kind of feel for her based on that fact alone.

Yeah, I remember when we decided to post a few engagement photos, and we agreed that no kissing ones would go online... To each their own, but I think that's a bit much. 

[sophie10130]

Reading about all these moms having to drop their groceries and leave because of kids acting up makes me think that they should have someone at the store the moms can go to when the kids are being overwhelming who will check out your items for you while you are tending to your kids in the car. Why is that not a thing????

[lilith]

When my baby/toddler has been crying in the store before...I was always so thankful when other women would give me a sympathetic look. I've even had them make a quick comment in passing like "I've been there before" or "I have one of those at home." It really is reassuring to know I'm not alone in the world.

Absolutely, and I always try to give that little bit of support to parents of toddlers. I was always terribly self conscious when my toddlers played up in public. Once my 2 year old was having a meltdown and screaming and struggling not to be put back in the pram. I also had a 3 year old and a baby in a carrier. I was 27 but looked way younger and an older woman made a comment about "babies having babies that they couldn't look after for the baby bonus" (baby bonus was a short lived government payment of $3000 upon the birth of a child). After that I always felt terribly judged when my kids carried on in public - one little comment like that can stick in someone's head forever and a smile and a supportive word can mean the world.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

Reading about all these moms having to drop their groceries and leave because of kids acting up makes me think that they should have someone at the store the moms can go to when the kids are being overwhelming who will check out your items for you while you are tending to your kids in the car. Why is that not a thing????

I've never heard of a service like that, of course, but in my case, I routinely shopped with my mom until recently. Not every single trip, but often. I'm so grateful for all the loving care she has provided. When my first born was little, we had a routine at one store. I would run in to the bank inside the store while Mom took her granddaughter on a tour of the produce section. They would talk about color, texture, weight, and so on. (Mom's a retired teacher. Lucky me!)

I know not everyone gets to do things like that, but involved grandparents can make such a difference. I hope I can do that for any grandkids I might have in 20-30 years. 

[ClaraOswin]

These days, my husband and I do the shopping in the evenings. That way if our son gets cranky...one of us just wanders around with him. Sure, one of us could just stay home with him. But 9 times out of 10, he's well behaved and really seems to have a good time shopping. And how else will he learn without actually having experiences, right?

[Karma]

When my baby/toddler has been crying in the store before...I was always so thankful when other women would give me a sympathetic look. I've even had them make a quick comment in passing like "I've been there before" or "I have one of those at home." It really is reassuring to know I'm not alone in the world.

Yes, I agree it's far kinder to make a supportive comment or give a sympathetic smile to a parent with a child acting out, than to make a judgmental comment or look.  I've had plenty of judgemental looks - as I said in another thread, my son has Aspergers and other issues, and his behaviour has been challenging to say the least.  Now, he is older, and I minimise trips to the shops with him. If he comes, It's get in, get what he needs, get out.  When I see parents having a hard time with their kids, I do the sympathetic comment or smile.  

I thought the same thing.  There is something terribly unattractive about the way their lips are locked.  What's the point?

Maybe she doesn't like inserting her tongue into his mouth with braces?  Or maybe they just don't realise that you're actually allowed to tongue kiss when you're married?  But yes, total lack of passion in this kiss, I wouldn't be posting it online.  (I've never posted a photo of us kissing, actually come to think of it, I don't know that the photographer even took one on our wedding day).

Reading about all these moms having to drop their groceries and leave because of kids acting up makes me think that they should have someone at the store the moms can go to when the kids are being overwhelming who will check out your items for you while you are tending to your kids in the car. Why is that not a thing????

You know, I'm sure if I'd gone to the front counter and asked for them to hold the trolley out the back until I could come back that night, they would have done.  I felt guilty leaving it those times, as they had to put everything back onto the shelves.  But when things are really bad and you're just about to either scream in frustration, or start crying, you just don't feel like going through that extra step.  I'm sure the supermarket management were quite happy for me to remove my screaming, tantrum throwing child!

Snipped

I know not everyone gets to do things like that, but involved grandparents can make such a difference. I hope I can do that for any grandkids I might have in 20-30 years. 

Oh, to have had a grandparent to help, how wonderful for all three of you.  My parents were still working full time when I had mine, my MIL wasn't too interested , and DH was off at work each day from 6.30am -7.30pm.   If only I'd had a J slave to help, how much easier would life have been!  

[RabbitKM]

I'm not a parent, but I'm just popping to say that I had the world's worst tantrums when I was a kid.  Seriously, the stories my family tells about my tantrums are horrifying.  One time it was so bad my neighbor actually came over to see what the f was going on.  Another story is that I threw a tantrum so bad in Target (while I was downstairs with my mom's friend, my mom was upstairs) that she could hear me all the way from the upstairs.   I think some kids are just more prone to tantrums, maybe, and luckily I turned out fine .  

I got a taste of my own medicine though when I was a camp counselor.  It was a sleepaway camp, and I was with the youngest cabin (~5 years old).  Towards the end of the week, right before a meal time, one of my campers threw the largest tantrum I had ever seen.  Complete with on the floor, yelling, screaming, crying, the works.  I don't even remember what it was about anymore.  The oddest part was that she was having a completely wonderful time at camp, no homesickness or anything, so it seemed out of left field.  The even bigger problem was that the whole camp waits to go inside the mess hall until every cabin is accounted for, so she was literally holding up lunch for the entire camp.  Fortunately, it ended and we moved on with out drama.  The funny thing I recall as an adult is the unique ability for a child to forget they threw a tantrum, not be embarrassed by it, and by the end of the day, nothing is wrong in the world again.  

[SportsgalAnnie]

These days, my husband and I do the shopping in the evenings. That way if our son gets cranky...one of us just wanders around with him. Sure, one of us could just stay home with him. But 9 times out of 10, he's well behaved and really seems to have a good time shopping. And how else will he learn without actually having experiences, right?

when I was about 3-4 my mom made a game out of sorting  the food in the cart and helping her look for things, I knew if I didn't behave Time out or a spanking at home was coming 

[Bad Wolf]

In the not too distant past, children with disabilities were locked away, and the general public never had to interact with them.  Thankfully children are more integrated now. Just because a child looks "normal" doesn't mean that there are no issues with them. The parents are probably doing the best they can, and kudos to them for letting that child experience the real world.

Of course, I've seen parents leave their kids in the toy department where they ripped open boxes, but not too often

[nickelodeon]

I think kissing is cute and don't mind seeing smoochyface photos on social media! But the Duggles' love of publishing kiss pics mystifies me, given how they've outlawed benign representations of romance and affection like romantic novels. In the girls' book, they write about how romance novels "fill the mind with sensual material" and are "just as dangerous as pornography" because they make girls daydream about having a perfect relationship just like the ones they read about. I think that's hooey! But if that is where you're coming from, how can you justify posting the mushiest, gushiest romantic photos where girls will see them and maybe daydream about getting to smooch a sunshine of their very own? Doesn't make sense to me.

[Shadoewolf]

Ok I'm weird, I admit it.  I keep stickers in my purse a good deal of the time. Not for my kid but for the little ones I come across in stores and stuff.  I pull a strip of them out and usually they're the sparkly ones so they catch the eyes very easily, and I look to Mom/Dad/caregiver for approval then say in a quiet voice that they can have one, but they have to stop screaming/crying.  Its enough that it diverts their attention off of whatever they're fussing about and keeps them occupied for a few minutes. My son is ADHD, severe anxiety, and has a sensory processing disorder too so I've become a pro at trying to diffuse meltdowns. Works about....8 of out 10 times with the grown up giving me the "OMG THANK YOU" or smiling at me with relief on their face. I've been that parent so I try and help others through it as much as I can.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

Oh, to have had a grandparent to help, how wonderful for all three of you.  My parents were still working full time when I had mine, my MIL wasn't too interested , and DH was off at work each day from 6.30am -7.30pm.   If only I'd had a J slave to help, how much easier would life have been!  

My mom was in her 70's when I had my first, so I'm just so grateful that we get this time. My DH works 40 hr/wk, but shopping in a group isn't his thing very often. My FIL is gone, and my MIL works 3 jobs. Plus, I grew up 3 states away from my own grandparents. Being (#1) in the same city as my (#2)retired parents who (#3)both still get around moderately well is like a trifecta of grand parenting. I try to remember to not take them for granted.

Counting my blessings.

 

ETA @Shadoewolf, what a great thing to do! Maybe I could try that on my child-free trips. We have SO MANY stickers!

[lilith]

Ok I'm weird, I admit it.  I keep stickers in my purse a good deal of the time. Not for my kid but for the little ones I come across in stores and stuff.  I pull a strip of them out and usually they're the sparkly ones so they catch the eyes very easily, and I look to Mom/Dad/caregiver for approval then say in a quiet voice that they can have one, but they have to stop screaming/crying.  Its enough that it diverts their attention off of whatever they're fussing about and keeps them occupied for a few minutes. My son is ADHD, severe anxiety, and has a sensory processing disorder too so I've become a pro at trying to diffuse meltdowns. Works about....8 of out 10 times with the grown up giving me the "OMG THANK YOU" or smiling at me with relief on their face. I've been that parent so I try and help others through it as much as I can.

There was an older lady in the city I used to live in who kept stickers in her handbag to give to kids she ran into. It was really sweet and my kids loved running into her (and it was nice that it wasn't lollies - I never minded my kids being given the occasional lollipop, but many parents object to it). I think this lady was a bit lonely and simply loved kids and it was a nice icebreaker to start chatting with them. I remember once we met her at a bus stop and my then 3 (maybe 4?) year old was having one of those days. She asked how he was, and he gave her a massive glare and declared "I'm in a really REALLY bad mood!". She and I both couldn't help laughing, she gave him some stickers, and it snapped him out of it and we went on to have a really nice day.

[nastyhobbitses]

I think kissing is cute and don't mind seeing smoochyface photos on social media! But the Duggles' love of publishing kiss pics mystifies me, given how they've outlawed benign representations of romance and affection like romantic novels. In the girls' book, they write about how romance novels "fill the mind with sensual material" and are "just as dangerous as pornography" because they make girls daydream about having a perfect relationship just like the ones they read about. I think that's hooey! But if that is where you're coming from, how can you justify posting the mushiest, gushiest romantic photos where girls will see them and maybe daydream about getting to smooch a sunshine of their very own? Doesn't make sense to me.

Because -- repeat after me -- It's OK When We Do It^TM

[Drala]

Maybe she doesn't like inserting her tongue into his mouth with braces?  Or maybe they just don't realise that you're actually allowed to tongue kiss when you're married?  But yes, total lack of passion in this kiss, I wouldn't be posting it online.  (I've never posted a photo of us kissing, actually come to think of it, I don't know that the photographer even took one on our wedding day).

Oh, that's right--Dirk has braces! That explains the weird way his lips are pursed.  I wondered who took the pic.  Probably not a selfie.  There's a reserve in that lack of passion.

[Pianokeeper]

For the record, being an adult with sensory issues -- and thus having a hard time dealing with screaming babies/children -- is also no picnic. I've gotten all sorts of looks and now just sort of assume people think I'm being snotty/entitled, but if I'm in an enclosed space and hear high pitched shrieks, I pretty much HAVE to just about face and leave. I just turn and leave. In certain situations, I've been waiting in line for hours (sigh) when a kid starts tantruming or a siren/alarm starts wailing, and I just give up my place and evacuate.  I wish I had the fortitude to give supportive looks or whatnot, but it's all I can do to not have an inner meltdown myself. I've been told I have a stone cold poker expression, so I guess it comes off as judgey...? But I'd never tell off a parent, either. For one thing, that would involve approaching, ha. 

 I'm very lucky to have an understanding boyfriend who's known me for 14 years and can run a bit of crowd interference on my behalf, when he's with me. He knows what sounds/strobe lights will be a problem and is personable enough to cover my butt.  But if I'm alone...

I guess long story short of this PSA is that if your child has a meltdown and an adult is visibly uncomfortable, it doesn't mean said adult is just being an unsympathetic jerk.