Lori Alexander - Still Not Learning A Thing, Part 3

[Koala]

Reader:

My family is unconventional. My husband and I were only blessed with one child -- now 17. We both have degrees and I'm good at working and making money and my husband loves to cook and decorate -- and he's a very manly man. 

Throughout our son's life, we have taken turns at staying home and nurturing him -- with the other working good jobs. My son is a wonderful Christian young man who's gotten the best of both of us. My husband and I made these decisions very prayerfully. I guess my question is -- does God not approve of our lifestyle? If I had been a stay-at-home-mom and my husband had to work all the time, we would have both been unhappy, so we kind of split the bill. Is that really wrong? 

I love to read this blog as spiritual encouragement and love that so many families homeschool, but I believe that God gave my family different talents and we've used them.

Lori replies:

 God has made it very clear in His Word, Martha, what the roles of men and women are. Read and study Titus 2:3-5 for your role. Once women and men realize their God-ordained role, they learn to be content in them, regardless whether or not they are "happy" in them for godliness with contentment is great gain. Society and feminism have pushed women out of the homes and made them to think it is okay but it's definitely NOT God's plan for women.

 

[quiversR4hunting]

so this is what my Bible says in Titus 2:1-10

Teach Sound Doctrine

2 But as for you, teach what is consistent with sound doctrine. ² Tell the older men to be temperate, serious, prudent, and sound in faith, in love, and in endurance.

³ Likewise, tell the older women to be reverent in behavior, not to be slanderers or slaves to drink; they are to teach what is good, ⁴ so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, ⁵ to be self-controlled, chaste, good managers of the household, kind, being submissive to their husbands, so that the word of God may not be discredited.

⁶ Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. ⁷ Show yourself in all respects a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, gravity, ⁸ and sound speech that cannot be censured; then any opponent will be put to shame, having nothing evil to say of us.

⁹ Tell slaves to be submissive to their masters and to give satisfaction in every respect; they are not to talk back, ¹⁰ not to pilfer, but to show complete and perfect fidelity, so that in everything they may be an ornament to the doctrine of God our Savior.

and the NIV

Doing Good for the Sake of the Gospel

2 You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine. ² Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.

³ Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. ⁴ Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

⁶ Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. ⁷ In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness ⁸ and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

⁹ Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, ¹⁰ and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

One could argue- not with Lori because she is always right -  That her husband isn't fulfilling Titus2:1-2. Also it doesn't say women are to stay home and not work, it says they are to good managers of the household. I manage my household by hiring Molly Maid and I still do the bills, etc even though I work. There are many ways to manage a home without planting your ass in front of the talk shows and computer all day long.

I kept the lines about slaves in the passage on purpose to show that parts of the Bible are no longer relevant in today's world. (...says a practicing Catholic)

[2xx1xy1JD]

As a practicing Jew, I would have no problem saying that Titus 2:5 is just proof that it's all sexist - but there is a logical historical explanation.

Greco-Roman society was not egalitarian.  The early church was growing, attracting new members, and there was a very real fear of upsetting the powers in charge.  In that society, the whole "neither Jew nor Greek, male nor female, master nor slave" thing would not have gone over well with those in charge.

So....this whole part is about making a good impression on non-Christians.  Show that they don't have to fear their wives converting, or worry that Christians will incite their slaves against them.  Titus 3 also talks about submitting to rulers.  It gives the reason as preventing others from saying bad things about Christians - NOT that these power structures reflect the eternal divine will.

It wasn't a revolutionary position, but one designed to protect the new church. 

[salex]

As a practicing Jew, I would have no problem saying that Titus 2:5 is just proof that it's all sexist - but there is a logical historical explanation.

Greco-Roman society was not egalitarian.  The early church was growing, attracting new members, and there was a very real fear of upsetting the powers in charge.  In that society, the whole "neither Jew nor Greek, male nor female, master nor slave" thing would not have gone over well with those in charge.

So....this whole part is about making a good impression on non-Christians.  Show that they don't have to fear their wives converting, or worry that Christians will incite their slaves against them.  Titus 3 also talks about submitting to rulers.  It gives the reason as preventing others from saying bad things about Christians - NOT that these power structures reflect the eternal divine will.

It wasn't a revolutionary position, but one designed to protect the new church. 

Yes,  and that is part of why many Biblical scholars believe Titus 2 and others were written later ,and not by Paul (or not "that" Paul) as it deals with issues of acceptance and how to deal with longer term members and the issues they would face.  I'm sure the books in question were happily embraced by those creating the canon because it made the leaders job easier... " obey us."

  

 

[EyeQueue]

[Koala did not say, but rather quoted a commenter from Lori's blog]

Love this!! It has already proved to be true with our two year old! Excited to be beating training  our 6 month old from the beginning. We didn't "discover"or implement these bronze-age traditional biblical child beating training techniques until our oldest was one and a half but once we started the beatings it it made a world of difference! We weren't raised by the violent this method at all but "To Beat Train Up a Child" was so helpful as was going on No Greater Joy to listen to/watch some of there how-to-beat-children training media!

FTFY! Fuckers. If you're going to do it and so gleefully espouse it, fucking own it. You. Are. Beating. Children. You are doing violence to young bodies--to babies, and for what I strongly suspect (and what others have pointed out) is for normal developmentally-appropriate behaviors. Only a monster could be "excited" to beat a child. 

And after reading the link that @2xx1xy1JD posted about Randal Dooley, I just want to curl up and cry in my bed all day because of how cruel people can be to our most vulnerable.

Anyone supporting this particular Biblical or "Christian" practice of "training up children" should have to read that poor child's autopsy report. Because the road to that battered child's body has its origins in the mindset that Lorken and their ilk promote. It's a distinction without much of a difference in my opinion.

[usmcmom]

Today Lori and Ken are talking about how a wife can contribute to her husband's affair if she deprives him sexually.  I think as an after thought, Ken adds that the same holds true for the husband.  And YET, they stayed completely silent when Robert - aka Cabinet Man - bragged to the whole interwebz that he deprives his wife of sexual fulfillment by only allowing her to climax eighty percent of the time.  Does that mean Robert is to blame if his wife chooses to have an affair? 

It still baffles me how these men are proud to portray themselves as nothing more than sex crazed fiends who walk around in a constant state of arousal.  How DO any of them manage to provide for their families? 

Oh, and regardless of what Lori says, I think this post was aimed at Anna Duggar. They are trying to find a way to support Josh without actually...you know...supporting Josh. 

[FJismyheadship]

If Andrea's church makes fun of her and isolates her, why doesn't she find a more welcoming church? 

[Sobeknofret]

If Andrea's church makes fun of her and isolates her, why doesn't she find a more welcoming church? 

Because then she wouldn't be able to martyr herself over how unwelcoming her church is.

[Hisey]

A heartbreaking comment to Lori's latest post. A woman talks about her husband's violent threats to their kids:

So what happens when a wife is trying to respect her husband's leadership but he's the one feeding them junk food and junk media and threatening to punch them in the face or break their arms etc. for not changing their behaviour for a lifetime after he said it once because "he has every right to do as he sees fit wtih his child"? He hasn't inflicted that sort of injury yet but it is a standard threat, coupled with many insults and swear words directed at them. 

So, this husband insults the children, curses at them, and threatens to break their arms. Lori's response:

Since he has never followed through on his threats, he probably never will and you need to be the one to continue to encourage and build your children up in the Lord. He uses these threats to manipulate his children to obey him. The Bible doesn't give an excuse out of marriage for a man like this. Therefore, I encourage you to find a godly, older woman who will encourage you and walk with you through this difficult journey. 

 Another reader writes in, far more sympathetically:

Sherri, my heartbreaks for you because I know where you are coming from. Verbal abuse is part of domestic violence and I have accepted it for over 20 years from my husband and I am finally putting my foot down simply because I have reached my limit mentally (a person can only tolerate it for so long). 

Lori responds to this woman's rebellious feminism with this comment:

We must encourage each other in our trials and sufferings since these draw us closer to the Lord. Yes, as I said she should seek a godly, older woman to help her walk through this difficult path but I have no idea what you mean by "putting your foot down." Is this what Christ calls you to do with a disobedient husband?

Lori's advice makes me sick. My own mother could have written that first comment (except she was not religious). I feel terrible that that woman would seek Lori's help, and get a bunch of crazy for a response. She probably lacks the confidence to dismiss Lori's advice for the crap it is.

[Koala]

From today's comments:

Reader #1 :

So what happens when a wife is trying to respect her husband's leadership but he's the one feeding them junk food and junk media and threatening to punch them in the face or break their arms etc. for not changing their behaviour for a lifetime after he said it once because "he has every right to do as he sees fit wtih his child"? He hasn't inflicted that sort of injury yet but it is a standard threat, coupled with many insults and swear words directed at them. I have been praying fervently for 11 years and nothing changes. I know we are not to find an excuse to leave, but where is the line? Do I stay with a man who throws fits of rage and viciously verbally abuses us while my children grow up the same way and are lost because of his example? Praying has yielded literally nothing. I pray for myself too to be cleansed of wrong attitudes and habits as well and have made progress, plus I know God won't listen if we cherish sin in our hearts, but how perfect do I have to get before God will help us?

 
Lori:

I am so sorry you have to deal with this, Sherri. Since he has never followed through on his threats, he probably never will and you need to be the one to continue to encourage and build your children up in the Lord. He uses these threats to manipulate his children to obey him. The Bible doesn't give an excuse out of marriage for a man like this. Therefore, I encourage you to find a godly, older woman who will encourage you and walk with you through this difficult journey. Carefully study 1 Peter 2 and 3. Jesus suffered at the hands of evil men and women suffer at the hands of disobedient husbands but they are told to win their husbands without a word by their godly behavior. 

Sherri, I can only give you biblical advice since my advice would be worthless. Do everything you can to lean upon the Lord and His strength. Consistently teach your children the Word of God. Do you have Created to Be His Help Meet? Debi has a lot of encouragement for women with similar situations. You don't need to be "perfect" for God to help you. Someday, you will look back on your life and see how God helped you all along the way for He promises He will never leave nor forsake you. Pray may not yield what you want but you must rest assured that the Lord is at work and He hears your prayers. Never give up. He loves you and your family. Stay in the Word and in prayer for there is no greater path to be on than the one that leads to eternal life. I will pray for you Sherri and for your husband's repentance and for saving faith in Jesus.

So when presented with a woman whose children are being threatened with violence, Lori says the following:

1) He'll probably never follow through.  

2) You have no excuse to leave him (even if it is to protect your children)
3) Read books by Debi Pearl!

Another reader chimed in:

Sherri, my heartbreaks for you because I know where you are coming from. Verbal abuse is part of domestic violence and I have accepted it for over 20 years from my husband and I am finally putting my foot down simply because I have reached my limit mentally (a person can only tolerate it for so long). Unless you have lived with a violence spouse, most people do not understand the toil it takes, it is mentally and physiologically draining and it affects the woman’s health directly and indirectly. 

I would suggest you find a christian counsellor to help you through this - I have done it one my own and its very difficult. And it is very damaging to the children and I have seen the consequences of this with my now adult children. I have prayed endlessly and like you, my husband has never changed. However, I have grown stronger and more able to cope with it. But one should never have to cope with a violent spouse. I have shed far too many tears and I hate to see other women shed those same tears. 

I pray for you that you are able to find someone to help you through this because it is far more than just difficult. And remember - you are not to blame.

This reply apparently pissed The Godly Mentor off, because she immediately comes back with the following:

 Jo, We ALL have trials and sufferings in our lives. Not one person will escape them. Charles Spurgeon's wife was an invalid for many years before she died and besides the suffering this caused him, he suffered in many ways yet he said this about suffering ~ 

“It would be a very sharp and trying experience to me to think that I have an affliction which God never sent me, that the bitter cup was never filled by his hand, that my trials were never measured out by him, nor sent to me by his arrangement of their weight and quantity.” 

“I am afraid that all the grace that I have got of my comfortable and easy times and happy hours, might almost lie on a penny. But the good that I have received from my sorrows, and pains, and griefs, is altogether incalculable … Affliction is the best bit of furniture in my house. It is the best book in a minister’s library.” 

“Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Lord.” There is no cry so good as that which comes from the bottom of the mountains; no prayer half so hearty as that which comes up from the depths of the soul, through deep trials and afflictions. Hence they bring us to God, and we are happier; for nearness to God is happiness. Come, troubled believer, fret not over your heavy troubles, for they are the heralds of weighty mercies." 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. {Romans 5:3-5} 

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. {James 1:2-4} 

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. {Romans 8:18} 

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. {1 Peter 4:12} 

We must encourage each other in our trials and sufferings since these draw us closer to the Lord. Yes, as I said she should seek a godly, older woman to help her walk through this difficult path but I have no idea what you mean by "putting your foot down." Is this what Christ calls you to do with a disobedient husband?

Another prime example of why Lori has no business mentoring anyone. 

[RosyDaisy]

Love this!! It has already proved to be true with our two year old! Excited to be beating training  our 6 month old from the beginning. We didn't "discover"or implement these bronze-age traditional biblical child beating training techniques until our oldest was one and a half but once we started the beatings it it made a world of difference! We weren't raised by the violent this method at all but "To Beat Train Up a Child" was so helpful as was going on No Greater Joy to listen to/watch some of there how-to-beat-children training media!

Am I the only one who thinks this is a sarcastic comment?

[AmazonGrace]

so this is what my Bible says in Titus 2:1-10

and the NIV

⁹ Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, ¹⁰ and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

I kept the lines about slaves in the passage on purpose to show that parts of the Bible are no longer relevant in today's world. (...says a practicing Catholic)

Nah, the Bible doesn't change. It is still perfectly relevant, we just don't call them slaves anymore but SAHD.

 

 

[caszandra]

Lori Alexander is a complete an utter monster.  How is it ever justified telling an abused woman with multiple children that it is ungodly to leave the bastard that is causing untold suffering on your family.  Just because he hasn't followed through on the threat's yet make's Lori qualified to say he probably won't, fuck that shit, what in hell is a godly older mentor really going to do, make this woman feel even worse about what is happening in her home and blame her for it cause she is not submissive enough or godly enough. again fuck that shit to hell and back, Lori is condemning that woman and her kid's to a life of hell with an abuser.  Ugh I really wish that woman hadn't posted on Lori's blog and could get some real help from someone who isn't a heartless bitch.

[2xx1xy1JD]

From today's comments:

Reader #1 :

 
Lori:

So when presented with a woman whose children are being threatened with violence, Lori says the following:

1) He'll probably never follow through.  

2) You have no excuse to leave him (even if it is to protect your children)
3) Read books by Debi Pearl!

Another reader chimed in:

This reply apparently pissed The Godly Mentor off, because she immediately comes back with the following:

Another prime example of why Lori has no business mentoring anyone. 

Just when I thought that she couldn't get any worse, she does.

She fucking WANTS women and children to suffer.  She's talking about rejoicing in suffering.  The thing is, this isn't like a natural disaster or incurable medical condition.  This is a man being an asshole to his children, and she's deliberately advising a woman to allow her children to continue to be victimized.  There is a way out of the suffering, and Lori is telling them not to use it.

So....these poor kids will continue to grow up with a father who constantly threatens physical violence.  They will hate their father.  They will see that their mother never did anything to defend them and came across as helpless.  They will lose any respect for her.  They may see her weeping and praying for him to change, and talking about Jesus and the need to submit.  At some point, they may realize that other families have handled the same issue differently.  They will stop seeing their mother as a suffering martyr and the "good" parent, and may turn on her, blaming her for silently enabling their abusive father.  They will also turn on Christianity, if it's always presented as enabling and justifying their abuse.  The other possibility is even more disturbing:  the boys may eventually identify with their father, agree that the husband and father is the final authority, and come to believe that violent threats and fits of temper are a good way to rule their homes.

I've had a number of cases where a husband or wife is sitting in my office, practically crying as they talk about all the years that they tried their very best to stay despite horrible treatment, and give the kids a divorce-free home.  The now-grown kids are sitting beside them, saying "you should have left a long time ago.  We would have been much happier."  [Divorce isn't a great thing for children, and I do believe that making an effort to have a functional marriage is the best bet.  Where that's not possible, though, and where the kids are clearly suffering and esp. where they are being victimized, there is absolutely no virtue in allowing the situation to continue.]

Ironically, the one thing that might have saved this marriage at one point is the thing that Lori would never recommend:  standing up to the bully.  If he's acted that way for 11 years, he's not going to suddenly change.  He needed someone to tell him, the first time he acted like that, "NO.  You will NOT treat our children like that, EVER.  Do that again, and we are out of here.  Here's the name of a counselor to call, right now."

[salex]

Just when I thought that she couldn't get any worse, she does.

She fucking WANTS women and children to suffer.  She's talking about rejoicing in suffering.  The thing is, this isn't like a natural disaster or incurable medical condition.  This is a man being an asshole to his children, and she's deliberately advising a woman to allow her children to continue to be victimized.  There is a way out of the suffering, and Lori is telling them not to use it.

So....these poor kids will continue to grow up with a father who constantly threatens physical violence.  They will hate their father.  They will see that their mother never did anything to defend them and came across as helpless.  They will lose any respect for her.  They may see her weeping and praying for him to change, and talking about Jesus and the need to submit.  At some point, they may realize that other families have handled the same issue differently.  They will stop seeing their mother as a suffering martyr and the "good" parent, and may turn on her, blaming her for silently enabling their abusive father.  They will also turn on Christianity, if it's always presented as enabling and justifying their abuse.  The other possibility is even more disturbing:  the boys may eventually identify with their father, agree that the husband and father is the final authority, and come to believe that violent threats and fits of temper are a good way to rule their homes.

I've had a number of cases where a husband or wife is sitting in my office, practically crying as they talk about all the years that they tried their very best to stay despite horrible treatment, and give the kids a divorce-free home.  The now-grown kids are sitting beside them, saying "you should have left a long time ago.  We would have been much happier."  [Divorce isn't a great thing for children, and I do believe that making an effort to have a functional marriage is the best bet.  Where that's not possible, though, and where the kids are clearly suffering and esp. where they are being victimized, there is absolutely no virtue in allowing the situation to continue.]

Ironically, the one thing that might have saved this marriage at one point is the thing that Lori would never recommend:  standing up to the bully.  If he's acted that way for 11 years, he's not going to suddenly change.  He needed someone to tell him, the first time he acted like that, "NO.  You will NOT treat our children like that, EVER.  Do that again, and we are out of here.  Here's the name of a counselor to call, right now."

Lori Alexander is a Monster. We didn't give her that moniker for no reason, she wholly earned it and continues to do so.  Ken Alexander may be a fine Dental Office Management Consultant, but he endorses all of what she writes and then some. Together they are quite the nasty bloggers.  I still can't imagine how he gets away writing that working women are the Whore of Babylon while working for women dentists and in an industry where most of the staff in most of the offices are women.

I believe he lets his true colors show on the blog while being a grinning little hypocrite on the job. 

 

[polecat]

I really wonder -- and not for the first time -- if Lori is a sadist. It really explains so, so much about her and her choices. She seems to get OFF on seeing women hurt by their partners, and she gets off on inflicting pain on those who are closest to her. She doesn't just encourage it because it's the "godly" thing to do: She gets downright gleeful over these stories of abuse women share on her blog. It makes me sick that these women, who are clearly desperate for help, are finding themselves at her blog and getting such utterly useless and definitely dangerous "mentoring."

[Eternalbluepearl]

  And YET, they stayed completely silent when Robert - aka Cabinet Man - bragged to the whole interwebz that he deprives his wife of sexual fulfillment by only allowing her to climax eighty percent of the time. 

I'm sorry...what? Is this real? There is a person like this? I've never read about Lori until now. Is this Lori's son?  What the hell? I'm so lost and scared and sickened. 

[Firiel]

I'm sorry...what? Is this real? There is a person like this? I've never read about Lori until now. Is this Lori's son?  What the hell? I'm so lost and scared and sickened. 

http://www.freejinger.org/forum/412-cabinetman-robert/

Here are all the threads about him.  Have fun! We'll send the rescue ferrets in if you need them!

[FundieFarmer]

I'm confused because Lori seems to think that being married to an unbeliever isn't a justification for divorce. But last I checked...it is, according to St. Paul. So if you're married to an abusive unbeliever, you're 100% justified to get a divorce. I'm so confused. Maybe I read that wrong, or Lori just doesn't think ANYTHING is justification for divorce, so really she's just being (as usual) harsher than God Himself.

[usmcmom]

I'm sorry...what? Is this real? There is a person like this? I've never read about Lori until now. Is this Lori's son?  What the hell? I'm so lost and scared and sickened. 

You are in for a treat if you are going to read the Cabinet Man threads. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll punch your computer screen in anger. You'll begin to hate cabinets.  

[Sera's Arrow]

Lori is self-centric and she seems to have little to no empathy (I'm being kind by adding "little" - personally, I don't think she has any). I think without empathy, it's impossible for her to imagine herself as anyone else and so she has no way of truly understanding the pain, the sadness, the hurt that others suffer (or "trials and suffering" as she puts it). If she did. she wouldn't give such horrible advice and she sure as hell wouldn't pride herself on giving such horrible advice.

Her socio-emotional development seems like it stalled somewhere between that ever-important 0 to 6 stage in life. It's all good if a toddler thinks the world revolves around them, that's expected of that age and quite developmentally appropriate. Doing the same when you are a grown woman with adult children and grandchildren? Fail.

[Firiel]

I'm confused because Lori seems to think that being married to an unbeliever isn't a justification for divorce. But last I checked...it is, according to St. Paul. So if you're married to an abusive unbeliever, you're 100% justified to get a divorce. I'm so confused. Maybe I read that wrong, or Lori just doesn't think ANYTHING is justification for divorce, so really she's just being (as usual) harsher than God Himself.

Do you have a reference?  My understanding was that you should remain married to an unbelieving spouse but were given the freedom to remarry if s/he left.

1 Corinthians 7:13-15:

13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

[FundieFarmer]

The theory comes from Barbara Roberts's Not Under Bondage. Barbara Roberts is a survivor of abuse and is a recognized advocate in evangelical circles. She delves into original translations and historical context to understand the meaning of the passage. She says that the statement "the brother or sister is not bound" (or as it says in some interpretations, not in bondage) is based on the context of the unbeliever "leaving". According to her interpretation, the unbeliever leaving has to do with the maintenance of his end of the marriage vows, including the call to love the wife. If he disobeys that by being abusive, then he has "left". If the non-believer is willing to live with her, then he is willing to follow the commitments to marriage. She also heavily leaned on the argument of Christ loving his wife like the church, and believes there's a difference in a treacherous vs a disciplinary divorce. 

A snippet at her blog, here: http://notunderbondage.blogspot.com/2011/09/does-1-corinthians-710-11-mean-victim.html

It's some Biblical gymnastics...but then I tend to think half of the interpretations we have are some form of Biblical gymnastics or another when it comes to things that God doesn't specifically spell out. 

[Firiel]

The theory comes from Barbara Roberts's Not Under Bondage. Barbara Roberts is a survivor of abuse and is a recognized advocate in evangelical circles. She delves into original translations and historical context to understand the meaning of the passage. She says that the statement "the brother or sister is not bound" (or as it says in some interpretations, not in bondage) is based on the context of the unbeliever "leaving". According to her interpretation, the unbeliever leaving has to do with the maintenance of his end of the marriage vows, including the call to love the wife. If he disobeys that by being abusive, then he has "left". If the non-believer is willing to live with her, then he is willing to follow the commitments to marriage. She also heavily leaned on the argument of Christ loving his wife like the church, and believes there's a difference in a treacherous vs a disciplinary divorce. 

A snippet at her blog, here: http://notunderbondage.blogspot.com/2011/09/does-1-corinthians-710-11-mean-victim.html

It's some Biblical gymnastics...but then I tend to think half of the interpretations we have are some form of Biblical gymnastics or another when it comes to things that God doesn't specifically spell out. 

Thanks!  Yes, I definitely think fundies do Biblical gymnastics a lot.  Just to clarify, I wasn't saying that women should stay with abusers myself (the horror!)-- just wondering about the typical fundie/fundie-lite interpretation.

(Although, the conservative Christians I know would always support a woman leaving an abusive partner.)

[Koala]

I truly believe Lori likes seeing others in pain (both physical and emotional).  I have seen her go into gleeful detail too many times to think otherwise.