Complimented for Dressing Like a Lady

[Guest Anonymous]

It is amazing the assumptions people wll make about others. Esteleth's story reminds me of an incident many, many years ago when I lived in an apartment complex. I was returning from the gym on a Sunday morning, all grungy and sweaty in my Spandex and an over-sized t-shirt, and carrying the large hard-back novel I'd been reading while on the elliptical machine. ANOTHER elderly man I encountered in the hall asked me brightly whether I was just coming from shirt. I kind of looked down at myself in shock because I couldn't imagine being at a church in the state I was in. But I guess he assumed that my large book was a Bible.

I know people are much more casual at church than in the past, but I really don't think people are wearing gym clothes -- are they?

[Deleted02]

This reminds me of something that happened recently.

In my day-to-day life, I'm a jeans-tshirt-and-ponytail kind of woman. As a hobby, I participate in the SCA, where people dress up in Medieval/Renaissance costumes.

So, there I am. I am wearing a full-length gown and surcoat (the jumper is a direct descendent, clothing-wise, from the surcoat), have my hair in braids, and I'm wearing a head covering. And I'm hungry. So, I walk into a fast food restaurant. I get some stares (this is something that SCAdians refer to as "freaking the mundanes") but I ignore it. Most people assume that it is a costume of some sort and are polite.

Coming out of the shop, I walk past a man. He - unusually for a Saturday that's 80 degrees in the suburbs - is wearing a tucked-in button-up shirt and khakis. Then I notice the Bible and bundle of CHICK TRACTS (lord have mercy!) under his arm. He smiles broadly at me and loudly asks if I'm coming to the protest outside Planned Parenthood later that day.

I am able to snap back, "No, but I already donated money to them, and last week I volunteered as a clinic escort. Damned fundies were out in force, too, the assholes." I then walk past him and back to my car. http://www.freejinger.org/posting.php?m ... 4941cca8e#

The look on his face was PRICELESS. I wish I'd had my camera!

:lol: :lol: I :heart: you!

[susanmr5]

I think if an older (60+) man/woman said something like that to me it wouldn't upset me at all, mostly due to generational issues. Both of my parents remember when girls had to wear skirts/dresses to school and it was normal for boys to wear ties to class. My dad clearly remembers when "nice girls" didn't smoke let alone get tattoos. Going to the grocery store in pj bottoms and a tank top was unheard of. If you look at all of American history women (and men's) clothing styles have really only drastically changed since the 1960s or so. Men would have no more gone around with their pants hanging off their butts than girls would have worn jeans and a t-shirt. For older people it's a bit of a culture shock.

Now, if some 30 year old guy made that comment I'd be weirded out. "You look nice" is less alarming in that instance than "You look like a lady".

[bananacat]

I think all dressing like a lady (or gentleman) means is to dress without boobs or drawers hanging out. I'm far from prude, and some of my not-too-long-ago exploits would probably make some here blush, but I appreciate seeing people dressed as if they cared about their appearance and weren't dressing to turn heads or to "look like a thug." We see more men dressed nicely than women, but I think that's partly because our society has been sending the message that we're worth however sexy we can be, and some people comment on seeing the opposite. What would you prefer, "How nice to see someone dressed modestly and with some care"? I've been complimented on "dressing like a lady" when in slacks and a button-up blouse over a pastel camisole.

Nothing bad is meant by this phrase. There's no underlying meaning of "good to see someone who knows their place is in the kitchen bearing babies" or anything like that.

It's normal to treat people differently based on appearance. If you see someone dressed in baggy pants, you might be a lot more casual and use normal language when talking to your friends within earshot of the baggy-pants people (not implying being impolite), but if you see someone dressed modestly or older or someone with a small child, you might tone it down in an attempt to not offend. And don't try giving me tripe about how if someone doesn't want to be offended, don't go into public. I'll toss that line right back at you for being offended by being complimented on your appearance for "dressing like a lady." How someone dresses or conducts themselves sends societal clues about who they are, and it's normal to pick up on those clues and modify your behavior (though this shouldn't include being rude if you normally aren't).

Would you treat someone differently because of what they're wearing? If they don't conform to your particular preference, would you take them less seriously and then blame it on them? Telling someone she looks like a lady implies that this man thinks women fall into two categories: ladies who deserve to be treated one way, and non-ladies who deserve to be treated another way.

It is a natural instinct to judge people on all kinds of things, but that doesn't make it right. You should attempt to treat everyone with the same high level of respect, even if they are scandalously not covering certain things that you feel should be covered. It's easy to take the lazy way out and just keep doing it, but most people like to challenge themselves to do better.

[bananacat]

I think if an older (60+) man/woman said something like that to me it wouldn't upset me at all, mostly due to generational issues. Both of my parents remember when girls had to wear skirts/dresses to school and it was normal for boys to wear ties to class. My dad clearly remembers when "nice girls" didn't smoke let alone get tattoos. Going to the grocery store in pj bottoms and a tank top was unheard of. If you look at all of American history women (and men's) clothing styles have really only drastically changed since the 1960s or so. Men would have no more gone around with their pants hanging off their butts than girls would have worn jeans and a t-shirt. For older people it's a bit of a culture shock.

Now, if some 30 year old guy made that comment I'd be weirded out. "You look nice" is less alarming in that instance than "You look like a lady".

"Generational issues" is a cop-out. Older people are still perfectly capable of being decent human beings. I suspect that your dad thinks that "nice girls" deserve to be treated one way and "other girls" deserve to be treated differently. This shouldn't be acceptable behavior from anyone of any age. Sure, he grew up when everybody acted like that but he still has a functioning brain and is capable of using it.

[Wolfie]

"Generational issues" is a cop-out. Older people are still perfectly capable of being decent human beings. I suspect that your dad thinks that "nice girls" deserve to be treated one way and "other girls" deserve to be treated differently. This shouldn't be acceptable behavior from anyone of any age. Sure, he grew up when everybody acted like that but he still has a functioning brain and is capable of using it.

This.

And to be honest- somebody who is 60 is still young enough to know that girls wore pants and shorts at home and many other places when they were growing up. Heck- my great grandma and her mom wore "bloomers" in the 1920's. Age is not an excuse for predjuduce based on appearance.

(and you know what? I figure I must be somewhat attractive because I get unwanted advances from guys all the time and have had to get the union involved once at work. Of course it would be nice if the guys I wanted advances from would give them too- but the reason I'm more attracted to them is because they don't judge on appearance and treat people with respect, so they're not going to just try to come on to me because they like how I look.)

[Patsy]

I think all dressing like a lady (or gentleman) means is to dress without boobs or drawers hanging out.

No. All of the anecdotes mentioned happened to women wearing skirts and dresses, not women wearing tops other than boob-tubes and bottoms other than short-shorts.

[JesusFightClub]

I think if an older (60+) man/woman said something like that to me it wouldn't upset me at all, mostly due to generational issues. Both of my parents remember when girls had to wear skirts/dresses to school and it was normal for boys to wear ties to class. My dad clearly remembers when "nice girls" didn't smoke let alone get tattoos. Going to the grocery store in pj bottoms and a tank top was unheard of. If you look at all of American history women (and men's) clothing styles have really only drastically changed since the 1960s or so. Men would have no more gone around with their pants hanging off their butts than girls would have worn jeans and a t-shirt. For older people it's a bit of a culture shock.

Now, if some 30 year old guy made that comment I'd be weirded out. "You look nice" is less alarming in that instance than "You look like a lady".

No, I don't buy that. Older people should also know manners dictate you always treat another person with respect and politeness no matter how they are dressed.

I've in the course of previous lines of work dealt with people obviously on drugs and people who stank like a sewer and dazed people covered in blood as well as folk dressed like hookers. It is of the utmost importance to be courteous and respectful to ALL these people. Your personal thoughts on their lifestyle and clothing can be set aside for later.

[fundifugee]

The biggest compliment I've received in recent years was "wow, I thought you were a dyke," from a lesbian coworker.

[HowRude]

I sort of hate when that happens to me since when does my clothes determine my gender or my integrity.

[Kitchen Princess]

I have short hair but big boobs, and my son insists that twice in the last few days I've been called "sir". I don't recall hearing it, but he insists.

I remember it happening when I was 16 with my flat chest and Dorothy Hamill haircut, but now, with my 40Ds??