Meredith Hammer

[Clementine]

It's the arrogance of the well educated to think that education is a substitute for intelligence, empathy or other such things. We don't rely on our partners for all our life needs - if you need educated conversation there are plenty of opportunities to find it.

There is a similar intellectual/educational difference between my parents. My father was a very, very senior academic at a very prestigious school; my mother left school at 15 to be a nurse aide (she later became a nurse). She was one of 11 children, and much involved in their care. He was 12 years snr to my mother in age when they met, 33 to her 21. They met at church.

Here's the thing: they're ideally suited to each other. I have no problem acknowledging that my father secured himself someone who adored him, who kept the home, raised the babies and put up with his awful mother. however, and the vital part of this story, is that it's just.what.my.mother.wanted. Exactly what she wanted. She had her 7 children; she got to stay home with them (though unlike Mere she did do some casual nursing on the side, initially just to maintain her certificate, but later - when the kids were adult - because she enjoyed it). She was in charge of the house - totally her domain (at least once her MIL passed).

They've raised their seven kids to adulthood. My father has had an absurdly successful career. My mother continues to keep a beautiful home. They find extraordinary joy in each other. Seriously. They make each other deliriously happy.

Even if my father had chosen my mother because her education level and so on, there were others where my mother ran rings around him (emotional intelligence, for example). He never, ever treated her as less than him.

I remember saying to him once that I was struggling to find someone because I wanted someone "intelligent" and he almost flipped his lid - pointing out quite rightly that someone with comparable life objectives and values is a far, far better companion than some "equal" to you, but on a slightly different path. FWIW: I took his advice on board, and married someone with about 15 years less education and significantly less earning capacity than I have. It's worked out wonderfully.

Anyway. None of this may apply to S and M. But it gets on my goat that its "weird" that people marry outside their educational bracket. Is it "weird" that people marry across class, or into different cultures? No. Education level (should be) no damn different. Uneducated =/= ignorant or unintelligent.

And why on earth do you think M would be delighted S is away half the year? My mother hated it when my dad went away. Counted each day till he came back. And she was *always* the uneducated one.

Mind you - she reserves a special place in hell for the spouses of other snr academics who treated her scornfully or disdainfully, especially when she was young and just married.

The weird thing about the Stephen and Meredith situation is that he specifically went and looked for an uneducated SAHD. They didn't meet and fell in love and the difference in education didn't matter. (I agree that it doesn't have to be an issue.) As far as I remember, he complimented her for chosing to not get an education in one of his first e-mails to her.

I think most people living a " normal" life would shy away from someone living like Meredith because her life is so very different from what a lot of us are used to. But that seemed to be half the appeal for Stephen. It's just not the difference in eduaction but... everything else too.

[WonderingInWA]

The photos I've seen posted of the family since the marriage and births of the children are all beautiful stock-type photos. I'm sure that is intentional -- professional photos depicting a loving family, well-dressed, happy, beautiful. Those kinds of photos go a long way in voter's hearts! There was a photo from a few years ago of Mere and S on a sailboat (no kids) that will inevitably be a classic for them once he's touring the political circuit. He's already staging his entry to politics by capturing those publicity photos.

[Clementine]

The photos I've seen posted of the family since the marriage and births of the children are all beautiful stock-type photos. I'm sure that is intentional -- professional photos depicting a loving family, well-dressed, happy, beautiful. Those kinds of photos go a long way in voter's hearts! There was a photo from a few years ago of Mere and S on a sailboat (no kids) that will inevitably be a classic for them once he's touring the political circuit. He's already staging his entry to politics by capturing those publicity photos.

I remember that one and immediately thought of the classic photos of JFK and Jackie sailing off Hyannis Port.

[WonderingInWA]

I remember that one and immediately thought of the classic photos of JFK and Jackie sailing off Hyannis Port.

Exactly what I thought, too.

[browngrl]

I think he chose Meridith because:

1. no skeletons in her closet - she's a "pure" fundy girl who never dated and who lived at home

2. will not challenge his agenda - there will be no debate about moving for the sake of her career - there will be no revelations of her believing different things from her husband - she will smile and follow his lead in all things

3. she is a sweet hard working person who will put his needs above her own at all times

I think any fundie girl who fit these qualifications would do but Meridith just happened to be the one he found.

As an aside I know several very happily married couples where there is a huge difference in income/education. Most of the couples like this that I know have a woman who is a business/medicine leader who earns a lot and works constantly and a husband who is either at home or works a very mundane job. It is not just older more powerful men who chose younger less educated less powerful women.

[Rachel333]

It's the arrogance of the well educated to think that education is a substitute for intelligence, empathy or other such things. We don't rely on our partners for all our life needs - if you need educated conversation there are plenty of opportunities to find it.

There is a similar intellectual/educational difference between my parents. My father was a very, very senior academic at a very prestigious school; my mother left school at 15 to be a nurse aide (she later became a nurse). She was one of 11 children, and much involved in their care. He was 12 years snr to my mother in age when they met, 33 to her 21. They met at church.

Here's the thing: they're ideally suited to each other. I have no problem acknowledging that my father secured himself someone who adored him, who kept the home, raised the babies and put up with his awful mother. however, and the vital part of this story, is that it's just.what.my.mother.wanted. Exactly what she wanted. She had her 7 children; she got to stay home with them (though unlike Mere she did do some casual nursing on the side, initially just to maintain her certificate, but later - when the kids were adult - because she enjoyed it). She was in charge of the house - totally her domain (at least once her MIL passed).

They've raised their seven kids to adulthood. My father has had an absurdly successful career. My mother continues to keep a beautiful home. They find extraordinary joy in each other. Seriously. They make each other deliriously happy.

Even if my father had chosen my mother because her education level and so on, there were others where my mother ran rings around him (emotional intelligence, for example). He never, ever treated her as less than him.

I remember saying to him once that I was struggling to find someone because I wanted someone "intelligent" and he almost flipped his lid - pointing out quite rightly that someone with comparable life objectives and values is a far, far better companion than some "equal" to you, but on a slightly different path. FWIW: I took his advice on board, and married someone with about 15 years less education and significantly less earning capacity than I have. It's worked out wonderfully.

Anyway. None of this may apply to S and M. But it gets on my goat that its "weird" that people marry outside their educational bracket. Is it "weird" that people marry across class, or into different cultures? No. Education level (should be) no damn different. Uneducated =/= ignorant or unintelligent.

And why on earth do you think M would be delighted S is away half the year? My mother hated it when my dad went away. Counted each day till he came back. And she was *always* the uneducated one.

Mind you - she reserves a special place in hell for the spouses of other snr academics who treated her scornfully or disdainfully, especially when she was young and just married.

I don't think anyone is saying that it's the educational difference in itself that is weird when it comes to Meredith and Stephen. I know I tried to be clear that I don't think there's anything wrong with Meredith for not being as educated. It doesn't mean she's less intelligent or won't make as good of a wife for someone like Stephen. (Actually, I think what people are worried about is Stephen being a bad husband for her, not her being an unsuitable wife for him.) I said earlier that if they had met through normal ways I wouldn't think there was anything wrong at all with their education difference. What is weird to people is that Stephen specifically looked for a woman with no education. He didn't fall in love with Meredith as a person first, he started pursuing her because she was a stay-at-home daughter with no higher education.

[blessalessi]

It's the arrogance of the well educated to think that education is a substitute for intelligence, empathy or other such things. We don't rely on our partners for all our life needs - if you need educated conversation there are plenty of opportunities to find it.

.....

My father has had an absurdly successful career. My mother continues to keep a beautiful home. They find extraordinary joy in each other. Seriously. They make each other deliriously happy.

Even if my father had chosen my mother because her education level and so on, there were others where my mother ran rings around him (emotional intelligence, for example). He never, ever treated her as less than him.

I agree with all of this; my horror is the situation is mostly for Meredith in being married to the man who gave *that* sermon. She proved herself so personable*, versatile and capable as a young person, that it seems very likely that she will continue to grow and change throughout life. Steven *may* of course change and grow too, but he gives off the impression on being very set in the way his life will proceed and he seems to have very high expectations that Meredith will grow only in her capacity as his help meet.

* I'm sure that many of her more extreme fundy beliefs would not meet the average person's definition of "personable-ness", but from her blog entries, it seems she was in many ways a very down-to-earth girl, who was successful in setting up small businesses and maintaining relationships with wide networks of people in her community. And most people, over dinner with friends, tend to want to let their hair down and have a heart-to-heart about real-life matters, not to rehash the events of the day's academic quality committee meeting. In that arena, Meredith must surely be the stronger in her marital partnership.

[Hisey]

I agree with all of this; my horror is the situation is mostly for Meredith in being married to the man who gave *that* sermon. She proved herself so personable*, versatile and capable as a young person, that it seems very likely that she will continue to grow and change throughout life. Steven *may* of course change and grow too, but he gives off the impression on being very set in the way his life will proceed and he seems to have very high expectations that Meredith will grow only in her capacity as his help meet.

* I'm sure that many of her more extreme fundy beliefs would not meet the average person's definition of "personable-ness", but from her blog entries, it seems she was in many ways a very down-to-earth girl, who was successful in setting up small businesses and maintaining relationships with wide networks of people in her community. And most people, over dinner with friends, tend to want to let their hair down and have a heart-to-heart about real-life matters, not to rehash the events of the day's academic quality committee meeting. In that arena, Meredith must surely be the stronger in her marital partnership.

I should've added that I don't agree with the idea that a better educated partner is superior in some way. In my eyes, Meredith wins as the more personable and appealing of the two. I would far rather have lunch with her than Stephen. Meredith is one of the few fundies I admired.

However, Stephen seems to *want* to be the dominant/more financially successful partner in a relationship. The partner who is better educated. Who earns the most money. Who understands the world better. Who makes the decisions about mortgages and investments and kids' school choices --because he knows more about such things.

He was already on the top of the academic heap. He had a wide choice of women he could feel superior to. But he chose Meredith, a woman who is under educated and who feels college is a waste of time when you could be processing chickens (she wrote a post about this).

I know a number of couples where there is a big disparity in education. Some of these marriages are successful and some are not. But I don't know any Rhodes Scholars who married someone who "graduated" from Christian homeschool. There is something off about that.

[sockinshoe]

It's the arrogance of the well educated to think that education is a substitute for intelligence, empathy or other such things. We don't rely on our partners for all our life needs - if you need educated conversation there are plenty of opportunities to find it.

There is a similar intellectual/educational difference between my parents. My father was a very, very senior academic at a very prestigious school; my mother left school at 15 to be a nurse aide (she later became a nurse). She was one of 11 children, and much involved in their care. He was 12 years snr to my mother in age when they met, 33 to her 21. They met at church.

Here's the thing: they're ideally suited to each other. I have no problem acknowledging that my father secured himself someone who adored him, who kept the home, raised the babies and put up with his awful mother. however, and the vital part of this story, is that it's just.what.my.mother.wanted. Exactly what she wanted. She had her 7 children; she got to stay home with them (though unlike Mere she did do some casual nursing on the side, initially just to maintain her certificate, but later - when the kids were adult - because she enjoyed it). She was in charge of the house - totally her domain (at least once her MIL passed).

They've raised their seven kids to adulthood. My father has had an absurdly successful career. My mother continues to keep a beautiful home. They find extraordinary joy in each other. Seriously. They make each other deliriously happy.

Even if my father had chosen my mother because her education level and so on, there were others where my mother ran rings around him (emotional intelligence, for example). He never, ever treated her as less than him.

I remember saying to him once that I was struggling to find someone because I wanted someone "intelligent" and he almost flipped his lid - pointing out quite rightly that someone with comparable life objectives and values is a far, far better companion than some "equal" to you, but on a slightly different path. FWIW: I took his advice on board, and married someone with about 15 years less education and significantly less earning capacity than I have. It's worked out wonderfully.

Anyway. None of this may apply to S and M. But it gets on my goat that its "weird" that people marry outside their educational bracket. Is it "weird" that people marry across class, or into different cultures? No. Education level (should be) no damn different. Uneducated =/= ignorant or unintelligent.

And why on earth do you think M would be delighted S is away half the year? My mother hated it when my dad went away. Counted each day till he came back. And she was *always* the uneducated one.

Mind you - she reserves a special place in hell for the spouses of other snr academics who treated her scornfully or disdainfully, especially when she was young and just married.

See but your parents found one another "naturally" and wanted one another DESPITE the fact that they had different levels of education. Stephen SEARCHED for a woman with very little education. He chose Meredith BECAUSE she has no higher education. And that's kind of creepy, while your parents story is lovely.

[Rosie]

She is due in the next few weeks.  

Four children, five and under.  My goodness.

[Hisey]

I suspected she was, because on her facebook, someone wrote a few weeks ago, "I can't wait to see the new little girl." (So I'm guessing it's a girl.)

[Bethella]

She's been listed in the Upcoming Babies thread for awhile. She's having a girl named  Eleanor.

[Rosie]

7 minutes ago, Bethella said:

She's been listed in the Upcoming Babies thread for awhile. She's having a girl named  Eleanor.

That's a nice name!

I do like her kids' names.

[JermajestyDuggar]

So her youngest will be 18 months when this one arrives. It would be nice if this is their last but I wouldn't be surprised if they end up with 5 or 6 kids total. 

[Mommit]

I wish she still had a public blog. I used to read her blog leading right up to her wedding. It's like watching a tv show that gets cancelled mid season. I would've liked to continue reading her story!

[Rosie]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

So her youngest will be 18 months when this one arrives. It would be nice if this is their last but I wouldn't be surprised if they end up with 5 or 6 kids total. 

She is pregnant with #4, not yet 30yo, and (it seems) not using BC.  I'm guessing they will have more than 5 or 6.

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 minutes ago, Rosie said:

She is pregnant with #4, not yet 30yo, and (it seems) not using BC.  I'm guessing they will have more than 5 or 6.

I guess they seem a little different to me. Probably because they live in an expensive area. It's definitely possible they could have 10 kids but I can't imagine raising 10 kids in Massachusetts. It just wouldn't surprise me if they suddenly stopped having kids after number 6 comes along.

[fundiefan]

14 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I guess they seem a little different to me. Probably because they live in an expensive area. It's definitely possible they could have 10 kids but I can't imagine raising 10 kids in Massachusetts. It just wouldn't surprise me if they suddenly stopped having kids after number 6 comes along.

They're only in MA so Stephen can attend Harvard.  In their marriage, this is, I think, their 3rd home? England while he was a Rhodes Scholar; one of the Carolinas while he fulfilled his Military commitment, now MA for Harvard & Law School. It's just a stop along the way and no doubt, this baby is just one of many more.

[ladyamylynn]

15 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I guess they seem a little different to me. Probably because they live in an expensive area. It's definitely possible they could have 10 kids but I can't imagine raising 10 kids in Massachusetts. It just wouldn't surprise me if they suddenly stopped having kids after number 6 comes along.

I don't think they'll stay in Mass after Stephen finishes school. My guess is they'll move to a fairly conservative state so he can begin his political career.

[hoipolloi]

20 minutes ago, ladyamylynn said:

I don't think they'll stay in Mass after Stephen finishes school. My guess is they'll move to a fairly conservative state so he can begin his political career.

Bingo -- preferably a state where the fundie vote (men only - OF COURSE) is a solid bloc so that Mr. Stephen can launch his political career.

Still trying to imagine how the other Harvard Law folks (students & spouses) regard Stephen and Meredith. While he's not the only conservative in his class, he's likely the only one who trolled the internet for a fundie maiden to be his wife.

[Carm_88]

3 minutes ago, hoipolloi said:

Bingo -- preferably a state where the fundie vote (men only - OF COURSE) is a solid bloc so that Mr. Stephen can launch his political career.

Still trying to imagine how the other Harvard Law folks (students & spouses) regard Stephen and Meredith. While he's not the only conservative in his class, he's likely the only one who trolled the internet for a fundie maiden to be his wife.

Ohhhhh he is the creepy one that contacted her on her blog right? Wow. I forgot about those two. Jeez! 

Yeah he's totally going to be a conservative politician who shows off his massive amount of children. 

[JMarie]

Quote

A classics major and the Latin salutatorian for the class of 2009, Hammer gave the commencement address at Princeton in Latin and received the Shapiro Prize for Academic Excellence. He put his Army obligation aside for two years to study at Oxford as a Rhodes scholar, earning a master’s degree in theology and focusing his studies on the intersection of faith and public service in the thought of early Christian leaders. During his time at Oxford, he met and married his wife; today, they have three young children.

Since graduating from Princeton in 2009 until 2015 (when the article was written), he met a girl, got married, and she had three kids.  In six years.  Not rushed at all.

[Carm_88]

2 minutes ago, JMarie said:

Since graduating from Princeton in 2009 until 2015 (when the article was written), he met a girl, got married, and she had three kids.  In six years.  Not rushed at all.

That should say they have three kids and aren't planning on stopping anytime soon. 

[faraway]

The part about meeting his wife is so misleading. Makes it sound like he met her while she was studying at Oxford as well. No mention of stalking fundie-blogs, huh? 

[hoipolloi]

9 minutes ago, faraway said:

The part about meeting his wife is so misleading. Makes it sound like he met her while she was studying at Oxford as well. No mention of stalking fundie-blogs, huh? 

Yep. Excellent preparation, though, for being a politician!