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DomWackTroll

Billy Graham’s Grandson Resigns After Affair

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DomWackTroll

Billy Graham’s grandson Tullian Tchividjian has resigned from his pulpit at Coral Ridge Presbyterian, a high-profile church in South Florida, after admitting he had an affair. He released the following statement to The Washington Post:

 

“I resigned from my position at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church today due to ongoing marital issues. As many of you know, I returned from a trip a few months back and discovered that my wife was having an affair. Heartbroken and devastated, I informed our church leadership and requested a sabbatical to focus exclusively on my marriage and family. As her affair continued, we separated. Sadly and embarrassingly, I subsequently sought comfort in a friend and developed an inappropriate relationship myself. Last week I was approached by our church leaders and they asked me about my own affair. I admitted to it and it was decided that the best course of action would be for me to resign. Both my wife and I are heartbroken over our actions and we ask you to pray for us and our family that God would give us the grace we need to weather this heart wrenching storm. We are amazingly grateful for the team of men and women who are committed to walking this difficult path with us. Please pray for the healing of deep wounds and we kindly ask that you respect our privacy.â€

 

His wife doesn’t seem too happy with that statement.

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts ... an-affair/

Edited by OnceUponATime
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mirele

Wow, he really threw her under the bus.

"She sinned so I sinned."

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Depressed
formergothardite

He wanted it to be clear that it is really his wife's fault he cheated.

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DomWackTroll
Wow, he really threw her under the bus.

"She sinned so I sinned."

It was all predestined, mirele. (Tullian leads the "Reformed" side of the family, so expect plenty of theological finger-pointing.)

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blessalessi

Bless his heart. :evil-eye:

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Firiel

Sounds like a shit-show all around.

Before I offer up this opinion, I'd like to state that I don't know anything about the situation, and Tullian's statement may be a load of bullshit for all I know. But if's he's being as honest as he can be...

If I were separated from my significant other because he was having an affair and then got called out for developing a relationship with someone else as well, I'd be pissed. And I would be honest with people about how it went down because I would not take the fall for someone who wasn't even willing to give me the basic respect of honesty and fidelity.

(Another point that may be important to understanding where I'm coming from-- this happened to me. My ex cheated on me and left me, and I ended up in another relationship before the divorce was finalized... and if I had lost my job over that, my statement would not have been nearly as measured and neutral and Tullian's was...)

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Mary C Doates
Wow, he really threw her under the bus.

"She sinned so I sinned."

"It was all *her* fault".

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Jana814

Saw the story! Agree that it seemed that he blamed her for what he did.

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GenerationCedarchip
Sounds like a shit-show all around.

Before I offer up this opinion, I'd like to state that I don't know anything about the situation, and Tullian's statement may be a load of bullshit for all I know. But if's he's being as honest as he can be...

If I were separated from my significant other because he was having an affair and then got called out for developing a relationship with someone else as well, I'd be pissed. And I would be honest with people about how it went down because I would not take the fall for someone who wasn't even willing to give me the basic respect of honesty and fidelity.

(Another point that may be important to understanding where I'm coming from-- this happened to me. My ex cheated on me and left me, and I ended up in another relationship before the divorce was finalized... and if I had lost my job over that, my statement would not have been nearly as measured and neutral and Tullian's was...)

I know it's the minority opinion, but that's pretty much how I viewed it, too. There is a difference in perception between a dynamic of cheating spouse/faithful spouse and one of two unfaithful spouses. Or, at least when these things get teed up in family court, I see some difference in perception between the two scenarios.

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Depressed
formergothardite

There is a lot that we don't know and his wife's statement makes it seem like she feels he isn't being totally honest.

If they were separated but working on saving the marriage, it makes it look a lot worse for him having an affair than if they were separating while planning on divorcing. Also, I wonder if he would have lost his job if they would have divorced. What is his church's rules about divorced pastors? I also wonder if it was less of an emotional affair that made him lose his job and more of having sex outside of marriage. Sex outside of marriage while still being married to someone else(even if they were planning on divorce) is enough for most pastors to get fired.

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Firiel
There is a lot that we don't know and his wife's statement makes it seem like she feels he isn't being totally honest.

If they were separated but working on saving the marriage, it makes it look a lot worse for him having an affair than if they were separating while planning on divorcing. Also, I wonder if he would have lost his job if they would have divorced. What is his church's rules about divorced pastors? I also wonder if it was less of an emotional affair that made him lose his job and more of having sex outside of marriage. Sex outside of marriage while still being married to someone else(even if they were planning on divorce) is enough for most pastors to get fired.

Good points, formergothardite.

I absolutely think he has no excuse if they were separated but trying to save the marriage. I obviously have no insider information about this, so my opinion is based only on what he said (and taking any stranger at face value is dangerous, but it's not something where there is a lot of other information to go off of).

About his denomination... the church belongs to the Presbyterian Church in America which is quite conservative but allows for divorce in the case of adultery and abandonment. My suspicion is that if he were just divorcing because his wife cheated on him, he may be asked to take some time off or might have to move to another church (this is based on dealings with a denomination that is similarly conservative). Good point about the sex outside of marriage. That may be the case. I guess what is annoying me is that I've seen this story posted as a kind of "Look, another pastor who cheats on his wife because he can't keep it in his pants!" which doesn't seem to be the case to me here (if he is even trying to be honest in his statement). If she had left him and they weren't in a relationship (aka weren't trying to reconcile), it wasn't an affair and he wasn't cheating. He just did something religiously out-of-line which is different to me than doing something as selfish as cheating.

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slickcat79
Sounds like a shit-show all around.

Before I offer up this opinion, I'd like to state that I don't know anything about the situation, and Tullian's statement may be a load of bullshit for all I know. But if's he's being as honest as he can be...

If I were separated from my significant other because he was having an affair and then got called out for developing a relationship with someone else as well, I'd be pissed. And I would be honest with people about how it went down because I would not take the fall for someone who wasn't even willing to give me the basic respect of honesty and fidelity.

(Another point that may be important to understanding where I'm coming from-- this happened to me. My ex cheated on me and left me, and I ended up in another relationship before the divorce was finalized... and if I had lost my job over that, my statement would not have been nearly as measured and neutral and Tullian's was...)

Fair point, but...I'm assuming you're not a pastor or clergy of some type. It's not as simple as just losing a job. Even in less conservative denominations, I would be very surprised if a church were ok with their pastor having sex with other people while still legally married. They are meant to set the moral tone for the entire congregation, and are held to higher standards because of it. I'm sure the church highly disapproves of the wife's actions too, but she's not the leader. That's not necessarily "fair" from a legal or even moral view, but perception plays a huge part in ministry.

Tullian is from a family of some of the most judgmental and self-righteous Christians in the country. I have no doubt they would release a storm of judgment on other people in similar situations, especially if those people happened to be gay or something crazy like that. Tullian has literally written books telling other people how god wants them to live. When you put yourself on a pedestal, you have a lot further to fall.

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Firiel

Fair point, but...I'm assuming you're not a pastor or clergy of some type. It's not as simple as just losing a job. Even in less conservative denominations, I would be very surprised if a church were ok with their pastor having sex with other people while still legally married. They are meant to set the moral tone for the entire congregation, and are held to higher standards because of it. I'm sure the church highly disapproves of the wife's actions too, but she's not the leader. That's not necessarily "fair" from a legal or even moral view, but perception plays a huge part in ministry.

Tullian is from a family of some of the most judgmental and self-righteous Christians in the country. I have no doubt they would release a storm of judgment on other people in similar situations, especially if those people happened to be gay or something crazy like that. Tullian has literally written books telling other people how god wants them to live. When you put yourself on a pedestal, you have a lot further to fall.

Good point regarding pastors and setting the moral tone of the congregation. It hasn't stopped my cheating ex from pastoring, but he's completely dishonest about it, so... yeah.

As I said in an above post, I just don't like the way I've seen this story framed where it's used as another example of a morally reprehensible Christian and as an example of hypocrisy.

Regarding his family, it's not entirely fair to judge him by that. Tullian has a FAR better track record than Franklin Graham does (as conservatives go, anyway). He seems to be the run-of-the-mill inoffensive conservative who focuses more on personal memoir, the grace aspect of Christianity, and living by example as opposed to fire-and-brimstone hatred.

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Miggy

Fixed it for him: I separated from my wife and had an affair. I feel it is best for myself, my family and the church if I resign my leadership position and focus on repenting my mistakes and repairing my relationship with my family and with God.

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FundieWatcher
. As many of you know, I returned from a trip a few months back and discovered that my wife was having an affair.

Many people knew she had an affair? I wonder how. Crazy stuff. This soap opera and Lifetime movie level drama

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apandaaries

It seems like there's a proper way for a Christian male to accept (a modicum of) responsibility: first, blame the woman; then, acknowledge personal failings; finally, request forgiveness and prayers.

I chuckled a little too hard when I read he was the fourth high profile pastor to step down recently in Florida due to "moral failings."

Firiel, I kind of get where you're coming from, but from his wife's statement, it sounds like there's more to the story (isn't there always?). The thing is, they have kids, and he's publicly blaming her for screwing around, then kind of asking for a pass for himself.

Couldn't he have resigned in a less specific fashion? Miggy has a great example; he could even just use the second sentence. Why go out of the way to implicate his wife as the cause of their relationship floundering? I had (still have, actually, thanks to the kid) an ex who could not keep it in his pants, but I wouldn't seek publicity about that because the person who'd be most injured by that revelation is the child. Even if it made me look like a shinier, better (now ex)wife, my daughter would still suffer more thanks to the public revelation. What a horrible way to announce he needs time to focus on his family.

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salex

Having heard a variety of ways to make it through the "divorce loophole for remarriage" that fundies often rely upon, who screwed around first may be key as to who can legitimately remarry and who is committing adultery if they remarry. Some guest on Focus on the Family years ago explained that if you divorce for reasons other than adultery of your partner, you have to wait to have sex or remarry until your ex has sex or remarries, then, they have committed adultery and you are free to remarry without sin.

The theonomist group recommended a process where you take your wife to the elders, they set up impossible rules for her, she either doesn't/can't follow them and is kicked out of the church or she leaves the church on her own. The goal there is she eventually leaves you, and since she is by definition an unbeliever (since she was kicked out or left the church) you are free to remarry a believer without sinning.

So, a lot of the weird hoop jumping is related to legalistic BS related to the particular church.

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TXGirlInAMaterialWorld

He definitely wanted to make it look like his wife was who should take the blame. Bleh!

I don't understand why he felt the need to put in that much detail. Just say you are stepping down to work on your personal life.

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Gimme a Free RV

This topic, above all others on FJ, forced me out of lurkdom to comment.

I am going through this right now only I am not the cheating wife. My former minister-husband has been in ministry for years, with us barely holding our marriage and family together after at least three incidents of unfaithfulness...that I know about. He left other churches under heavy clouds of suspicion.

Even though I did not cheat on him, he somehow thought it would be neat to find out what a *cough* "stud" he was by recently having a fling with a choir member. His excuse is that I wasn't sexually available to him at all times.

Whatever.

His resignation letter cited "family issues that needed addressing."

Former Pastor T gets no sympathy from me whatsoever. He knew what he was doing and he knew what it would cost him.

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Firiel
He definitely wanted to make it look like his wife was who should take the blame. Bleh!

I don't understand why he felt the need to put in that much detail. Just say you are stepping down to work on your personal life.

Because it sucks.

It absolutely sucks to be betrayed like that and to be viewed as 50% of the problem when you gave a full 100% to try to make the marriage work. It sucks to be told that you gave up too soon or that you should have tried harder when you spent months emotionally abusing yourself by questioning every single move you made and wondering if you deserved to be betrayed because you were not a perfect person or a perfect spouse. It sucks that you can give everything to try to save a relationship and become a shell of yourself (while the other person cavalierly moves on like it ain't no big thang) and still be considered 50% of the problem because it takes two people to make a marriage fail, after all.

And then, after being emotionally destroyed and being in a super vulnerable place and having finally given up on making things work with the person you would have died for, you finally meet someone who, at least for a little bit, makes you feel like maybe things could be normal again and maybe you aren't a fucking failure and maybe life will go on and something develops. And then YOU are the bad guy because divorce papers aren't signed and YOU are the cheater because you are the public figure and YOU are immoral and sinful.

That's why people feel the need to let others know that their ex had an affair.

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DomWackTroll

Tullian tweets EDM in his heartbreak, endures more theological criticism:

christianpost.com/news/amid-adultery-turmoil-billy-grahams-grandson-tullian-tchividjian-tweets-edm-christina-aguileras-say-something-140713/

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DGayle

I know it's the minority opinion, but that's pretty much how I viewed it, too. There is a difference in perception between a dynamic of cheating spouse/faithful spouse and one of two unfaithful spouses. Or, at least when these things get teed up in family court, I see some difference in perception between the two scenarios.

They were physically separated, but it sounds like they were working in repairing things, meaning they weren't actually separated. They weren't separated pending divorce.

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Firiel

They were physically separated, but it sounds like they were working in repairing things, meaning they weren't actually separated. They weren't separated pending divorce.

Did you read another account somewhere else or are we just interpreting the original article differently?

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treemom

Because it sucks.

It absolutely sucks to be betrayed like that and to be viewed as 50% of the problem when you gave a full 100% to try to make the marriage work. It sucks to be told that you gave up too soon or that you should have tried harder when you spent months emotionally abusing yourself by questioning every single move you made and wondering if you deserved to be betrayed because you were not a perfect person or a perfect spouse. It sucks that you can give everything to try to save a relationship and become a shell of yourself (while the other person cavalierly moves on like it ain't no big thang) and still be considered 50% of the problem because it takes two people to make a marriage fail, after all.

And then, after being emotionally destroyed and being in a super vulnerable place and having finally given up on making things work with the person you would have died for, you finally meet someone who, at least for a little bit, makes you feel like maybe things could be normal again and maybe you aren't a fucking failure and maybe life will go on and something develops. And then YOU are the bad guy because divorce papers aren't signed and YOU are the cheater because you are the public figure and YOU are immoral and sinful.

That's why people feel the need to let others know that their ex had an affair.

I think there is 0% chance that he gave it 100%

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