Am I wrong to find it selfish of Ben & Jessa...?

[melaney]

Now that Jessa is with child, and clearly has zero fertility issues, is it wrong to find it selfish that they still want to go through with adoption in the next couple of years?

 

Keep in mind I dont know who they are trying to adopt, but I would be shocked if it wasnt a healthy baby that they were trying to adopt, if its not I completely reverse my opinion.

 

There are many, many people who cannot have children, and the waitlist for adoption is extensive, whats your opinion on adoption so young, and with clearly no fertility issues?

[Swamptribe]

Uhm, in my state, there are thousands of children in the foster care system that are adoption eligible. So the 'wait for adoption' thing is a myth.

My objection to a Duggar adopting is that they are adopting a child to be instantly displayed on television; for ratings.

I'm sorry, read through Ben Sewalds instagram and Facebook pages. Ben is an insipid ass.

JimBob and Michelle talked about adopting, but nothing has ever come of it, and we've never been told why.

[eh02]

Uhm, in my state, there are thousands of children in the foster care system that are adoption eligible. So the 'wait for adoption' thing is a myth.

Depends on what you mean by "wait for adoption." Do you want a healthy, white, newborn baby from healthy parents who don't use drugs, aren't mentally or physically ill etc.?

If you are open to taking any child - yes, you'll have no difficulty getting one, assuming you can make it through the approval process. But do you want a child that's 5, 10, 15 years old? Disabled? Autistic? 4 grade levels behind in school? Has a history of sexual abuse? Has been violent toward other children or animals?

Obviously I am not saying people don't or shouldn't want any of those children. But I think we all know Jessa and Ben, of all people, would probably not be equipped to parent an adopted child that is any of those things.

[theCR]

Now that Jessa is with child, and clearly has zero fertility issues, is it wrong to find it selfish that they still want to go through with adoption in the next couple of years?

Keep in mind I dont know who they are trying to adopt, but I would be shocked if it wasnt a healthy baby that they were trying to adopt, if its not I completely reverse my opinion.

There are many, many people who cannot have children, and the waitlist for adoption is extensive, whats your opinion on adoption so young, and with clearly no fertility issues?

There are millions of children that need homes I don't see how in any way that it is selfish for them to adopt instead of adding to this already overpopulated world.

[melaney]

Depends on what you mean by "wait for adoption." Do you want a healthy, white, newborn baby from healthy parents who don't use drugs, aren't mentally or physically ill etc.?

If you are open to taking any child - yes, you'll have no difficulty getting one, assuming you can make it through the approval process. But do you want a child that's 5, 10, 15 years old? Disabled? Autistic? 4 grade levels behind in school? Has a history of sexual abuse? Has been violent toward other children or animals?

Obviously I am not saying people don't or shouldn't want any of those children. But I think we all know Jessa and Ben, of all people, would probably not be equipped to parent an adopted child that is any of those things.

This is exactly what I mean, where I live to adopt a healthy newborn it can easily be a 10 year wait. If you adopt older children, or children who have some sort of special needs then the wait is not long.

I truly hope they would adopt an older child, and in no way would I consider it selfish if that was the case.

[eh02]

There are millions of children that need homes I don't see how in any way that it is selfish for them to adopt instead of adding to this already overpopulated world.

Adoption won't be instead of adding to the world. It'll just be on top of it. Jessa is only 22; if they keep at the unprotected sex, she could have 15 kids of her own and adopt who knows how many more?

I am super, 100% pro adoption. I'm super, 100% on board with the idea that we have failed as a society when we have thousands of children turning 18 having never had a family and suddenly on their own with nothing at all. It's AWFUL. We should all be ashamed that we live in such a wealthy country and can't even care for our own children.

But I think people's concerns are obviously that Ben and Jessa are just children themselves. Having any child is not something to be taken lightly, but adoption especially is such a huge decision. You're not getting a "blank slate" unless you adopt a tiny baby. You need parents that are able to address a child's unique needs. It really isn't good enough to just say "well, at least bad parents are better than no parents at all!" We should be able to do better than that.

[Swamptribe]

Depends on what you mean by "wait for adoption." Do you want a healthy, white, newborn baby from healthy parents who don't use drugs, aren't mentally or physically ill etc.?

If you are open to taking any child - yes, you'll have no difficulty getting one, assuming you can make it through the approval process. But do you want a child that's 5, 10, 15 years old? Disabled? Autistic? 4 grade levels behind in school? Has a history of sexual abuse? Has been violent toward other children or animals?

Obviously I am not saying people don't or shouldn't want any of those children. But I think we all know Jessa and Ben, of all people, would probably not be equipped to parent an adopted child that is any of those things.

Sorry, I may be a bit prejudiced (and this is not directed at you, but at the idea of the 'perfect child') , but I know people who have adopted 'those imperfect' children. Very successfully. They are better people than I am. No child is perfect, there are no guarantees with children. Children are also not tools to increase ones ratings and hence, incomes. They are human beings, individuals. They are a person, not a means to an end.

[eh02]

Sorry, I may be a bit prejudiced (and this is not directed at you, but at the idea of the 'perfect child') , but I know people who have adopted 'those imperfect' children. Very successfully. They are better people than I am. No child is perfect, there are no guarantees with children. Children are also not tools to increase ones ratings and hence, incomes. They are human beings, individuals. They are a person, not a means to an end.

I never said "those imperfect" children. This isn't about the kids. It's about the parents. Ben and Jessa don't have the skills to suddenly care for an older child with advanced special needs. Period.

[melaney]

I completely agree, and as I said if this is who they plan on adopting and if they can adequately meet the childs needs then I am all for it (at there age, and lack of experience I feel like thats a big if).

I can understand the desire to adopt a baby if you cannot have one yourself though. To be able to experience everything with that child from birth as if you were able to have that child yourself is a beautiful thing. My whole point is, if they have no fertility issues, and adopt a newborn baby, they could be depriving someone who cannot have children from this experience.

I myself plan have fertility issues and plan to adopt, but truth be told I intend to adopt a special needs child, my nephew, who is literally the light of my life is autistic, and he is the most caring, kind and loving child one could ever dream of.

[Jessica]

Not to sound like a leghumper, but really? Since '14 Children and Pregnant Again', people have been bitching and moaning about how they should adopt and they're sooo selfish for having more when there are starving kids in need of homes, and the world is overpopulated, and blah blah blah... Now they're selfish for adopting because they have no fertility issues?

Also, I think it's stupid how so many people think of adoption as a last resort for infertile couples.

[Tinkks]

Uhm, in my state, there are thousands of children in the foster care system that are adoption eligible. So the 'wait for adoption' thing is a myth.

My objection to a Duggar adopting is that they are adopting a child to be instantly displayed on television; for ratings.

I'm sorry, read through Ben Sewalds instagram and Facebook pages. Ben is an insipid ass.

JimBob and Michelle talked about adopting, but nothing has ever come of it, and we've never been told why.

Good Grape Kool-aid, I'd feel so so so so so bad for any kid that is unfortunate enough to be adopted by either of these couples. Pray to jeebus this doesn't happen!

[Tinkks]

I know in a few places adoption wise they require the couple to be married for X amount of years...might have to wait and see if they even last X amount of years. I'd say no.

[Imagine20]

Adoption isn't like take out. You don't just go in and browse around and find a kid you like and take them home. These two know nothing about the real world, much less how adoption works. They're not stable enough to provide for an adopted child (much less their own child.)

[junglefever]

Depending on the situation, I would agree with OP that it would be selfish of Ben and Jessa to adopt a healthy baby from the foster system. However, I personally think that they are trying to adopt from overseas. I am not very educated regarding the amount of children available to adopt internationally, but I would assume that babies aren't quite as rare a commodity when you're willing to cross borders. If that's the case, I'm ok with them getting a baby.

I would support them adopting an older child, but I highly, highly doubt that Ben and Jessa would qualify to adopt an older child. I just don't see them clearing all of the social workers for an older child until many, many years from now. Hell, they might not even get approved for a baby right away. Let's face it, two years from now they'll have the basic marriage qualifications, but they'll also have a one year old baby and Ben will only be, what, 21? Even if they have a stable, happy home life and a comfortable financial situation, their age will be a huge hurdle for them. I personally don't think it would be responsible of them to try to adopt until late 20s, but preferably not until 30s.

It disappoints me that they've made a big deal about adoption this early in their relationship. It would be one thing to mention it to the viewers as a "what if", but they and their family have made sure that we know that they want to adopt, and that they're already "working with an agency." People even ran an article. It is NOT normal for a newly married couple to already be pursuing adoption this seriously and publicly. They're naive. It just tells me that they want to adopt while the cameras are still rolling, and to further their fundie-power-couple agenda, and TLC is prepping us for the inevitable storyline... Sad.

I would applaud Jessa and Ben becoming foster parents. That, I think, would be admirable and they would definitely earn some respect from me. But do I think they will? Unfortunately not, because A) can't show the kids on TV, and B) not an international accessory.

[eri]

Um, the waitlist for adoption has little to do with the people "ahead of you in line." And believe it or not, the demand for adoption is very low. The processing time for all the applications and paperwork is long because they have to be passed from agency to government office to agency etc. It is a bureaucracy problem, not a demand problem. Don't believe me? Then why do 100,000 children in the US still need homes?

"Selfish" is having the means to adopt and the ability to be great parents but not doing it. Ben and Jessa are total noobs who would indoctrinate their children with hate, fear, and low self-esteem. They are doing the world a favor by not indoctrinating another child. They will get enough chances as it is with their own children!

[Mylnijya]

My guess is they would adopt from the El Salvador orphanage where they go on their mission trips.

[jingersrealmom]

I gave a child up for adoption and there is no way in hell I would have chosen a young couple who just got married and are on TV.

The adoption process on both ends is a lot of red tape and I was lucky to have a choice in who was going to be parents to my child. I was only 17 at the time, but I felt like it was the best thing for my daughter.

A lot of private adoptions can cost thousands and thousands of $$, which if you're famous and have money, you can adopt a lot easier.

They should stick to making their own babies, I feel like an adopted child would always be singled out. They would refer to little Benny as the child we picked out.

[Toothfairy]

First adopting a white healthy baby has no guarantees. That baby came still grow up with issues. There is a high demand for healthy white babies. Benessa wouldn't receive priority over the other couples with careers and homes that want to adopt. What mother would give her child to two unemployed kids playing house. Second I'm against any fundies adopting because they will try to mold that child into the cult they're already in. Even if you adopt a baby, that baby has a bio family that they share a connection with. That baby also has feelings. I could only imagine how an adopted child will be treated with Benessa. I mean Michelle always point out she delivered every one of them. Any sign of rebellion it's off to brainwashing camp. That adopted child would always be singled out. They would probably tell them some shit about being lucky your mother didn't abort you, then become a poster child for abortion/ adoption campaigns.

No way they're adopting from foster care. International adoption has their own requirements. I don't think you can add reality tv star on your resume. I think Benessa should just stick with their own kids.

[eri]

No way they're adopting from foster care. International adoption has their own requirements. I don't think you can add reality tv star on your resume. I think Benessa should just stick with their own kids.

Well, having children isn't exactly a right. If I could wave my magic wand I would make her infertile after the first one.

[morri]

Adoption is for every one, it is not like the orphanages are empty. There sure are plenty of children waiting to be adopted.

[Melissa1977]

In my country you have to be at least 25 to start an adoption process. And you need a job! (A real job)

[SassyPants]

It's selfish that they have talked about it since they were courting. It is selfish in that adoption to them is surely different than adoption to most people. To them, adoption means finding a Christian, young girl in the family way and adopting her child, privately. It does not mean any child in need of a home.

These 2 do not have the means needed to care for a goldfish-

JB and M did a terrible job preparing their CHILDREN for independent life in the real world.

[YourGodIsNotMine]

I think the biological parents of all those unwanted children in the world are the selfish ones.

If I were to adopt, there is NO WAY I could take on a child with special needs or behavior problems. I know my limitations and personality, and such a situation would be a poor fit for me and the child. I would never judge others for not doing what I'm unwilling to do myself.

If BJ want to further add to their family via adoption, it's ok with me. They are not responsible for the unwanted children, or for leaving the healthy young ones to infertile couples.

[JHeathen]

Uhm, in my state, there are thousands of children in the foster care system that are adoption eligible. So the 'wait for adoption' thing is a myth.

My objection to a Duggar adopting is that they are adopting a child to be instantly displayed on television; for ratings.

I'm sorry, read through Ben Sewalds instagram and Facebook pages. Ben is an insipid ass.

JimBob and Michelle talked about adopting, but nothing has ever come of it, and we've never been told why.

CONSPIRACY THEORY ALERT!!: :think:

Sooooo maybe the hard times/trials that JINGER talked about in her sister-in-christ interview with Bin...were JINGER future fertility issues. And so DimBob and Moochelle, and now Jessa and Bin, were/are greasing the wheels for future adoption-only-possible Jinger.

I know, that's really reaching. I should put it in the Make Your Own Duggar Rumor thread so the media can pick up on it. Hey, maybe I will! :twisted: :lol:

[rainbowbubbles]

There are millions of children that need homes I don't see how in any way that it is selfish for them to adopt instead of adding to this already overpopulated world.

Unfortunately, they wouldn't be adopting instead of procreating. They would be doing both. And I agree with other posters who have stated these two do not have the skills to raise a special needs child. My parents adopted a special needs child and it was, as they put it, the HARDEST yet MOST SATISFYING thing they've done. Keep in mind though, my dad was a special needs teacher and my mum was an RN