Riveting Fiction by Candy

[sugaree]

She was mine, too, and as much as I want to, I can't look away. A sizeable number of women have attributed her and her long, long, list of how things should be done with thier near breakdowns. She won't admit that her life is anything less but the perfection she publishes on her blog, and if you can't achieve that, well, you just aren't trying hard enough.

To me, that perfection looks so very, very unreal. Seriously. Anyone believe that her house is really that clean, or that she exercises that much? It always sounds to me that she comes up with some plan that she thinks is awesome--the ideal homeschool curriculum, or a good exercise regiment--and she really wants to do it, and she maybe implements it for two or three days, but takes to enthusiastically blogging about it as if it's some established routine she's mastered.

Her fictional? Bad-writing perfection. OMG. So amusing. So edifying. I am beginning to love her a little.

[fundiefan]

To me, that perfection looks so very, very unreal. Seriously. Anyone believe that her house is really that clean, or that she exercises that much? It always sounds to me that she comes up with some plan that she thinks is awesome--the ideal homeschool curriculum, or a good exercise regiment--and she really wants to do it, and she maybe implements it for two or three days, but takes to enthusiastically blogging about it as if it's some established routine she's mastered.

Her fictional? Bad-writing perfection. OMG. So amusing. So edifying. I am beginning to love her a little.

It probably speaks more of who I am than of who she is, but I never saw her perfection as real either. I guess I am a born cynic and don't believe anything. I do believe the image she tries to put out there is her i deal and she pretends it is real and she has reached it, maybe as motivation or something, but I never believed any of it and still don't.

Her attempts at story writing are just sad and it's hard to know where to start. Snarking is easy but the reality is almost beyond comprehension. It is certainly beyond my abilities.

I've never had a teacher who would have allowed me to 'pass' with written work like that. It fails on every point and in every way. For that, I will bow in worship to my public school teachers and Catholic college professors.

[sugaree]

I KNOW WHERE TO START. I WOULD LIKE TO START WITH HER UNDERLYING PHILOSOPHY. CANDY, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I AM NOT SURE IF I AM FULLY GRASPING YOUR MEANING. PLEASE HIT ME OVER THE HEAD SOME MORE WITH YOUR HEAVY-HANDED SYMBOLISM.

[acheronbeach]

I actually think Miss Raquel's writing isn't bad; it's just that she's quite young and hasn't been taught much about writing and rhetoric. She'll get better as she gets older and reads more.

This? This is horrific. How can a fully grown woman write like a 12 year old? She seems have serious difficulties with grammar. Her plot and characterization are juvenile. Please, please tell me Miss Candy isn't homeschooling.

[emmyfair]

Reading Candy's story was actually physically painful ... and insulting. At the tip of the iceburg, the last thing I would choose to wear for a day with my kids as a non-fundie style sahm would be a tank with bling and a sequined miniskirt. Jeans and a sweatshirt, yes, mini-bling, no.

Rant over.

[prairiemuffin]

Sweet. Mandy at Sweeping the Home is doing a parody. Hope she does all the installments:

sweepingthehome.blogspot.com/2011/08/juici-freshly-squeezedpart-one.html

[Bookworm]

Am I the only one whose mind keeps readig the title of this as thread "revolting fiction?"

[anniebgood]

A little OT:

Candy went off on a tangent today and copied and pasted the same Bible verse from a bunch of different KJV translations and the Geneva Bible (which shock isn't KJV). It was the verse about covering your head.

I posted a comment which won't get posted and asked her how it applies to women with alopecia and bare heads from chemo. I told her I thought my God was more interested in how I accepted his grace fully rather than how long my hair was. She pisses me off. I've probably got tee shirts older than her.

Grrrr. :evil:

[InkyGirl]

OHhh! Is there a linky to the lovely story by Miss Raquel? After reading this delightful bit of fiction by Candy I purpose to read more!

[anniebgood]

A little OT:

Candy went off on a tangent today and copied and pasted the same Bible verse from a bunch of different KJV translations and the Geneva Bible (which shock isn't KJV). It was the verse about covering your head.

I posted a comment which won't get posted and asked her how it applies to women with alopecia and bare heads from chemo. I told her I thought my God was more interested in how I accepted his grace fully rather than how long my hair was. She pisses me off. I've probably got tee shirts older than her.

Grrrr. :evil:

Ah the woman answered me:

Amulbunny, if the woman believes the Scriptures teach she should cover her head, then she should cover it, regardless of the condition of her hair, or lack thereof.

I don't think this is an issue to ask me, since I am not in that boat. This is something that should be studied in the Scriptures, and brought to the Lord in prayer.

1 Cor. 11 is not about how to get saved, it is specifically for those already saved.

She's so special isn't she???

[sugaree]

Reading Candy's story was actually physically painful ... and insulting. At the tip of the iceburg, the last thing I would choose to wear for a day with my kids as a non-fundie style sahm would be a tank with bling and a sequined miniskirt. Jeans and a sweatshirt, yes, mini-bling, no.

Rant over.

Well, in all fairness to Candy, Misty chose her blinged tank and sequined mini (and of course, the slimming white jacket) not for a day with her children but for the night out with the girls. She wore her nightgown all day as she hung out with her children (this is actually one of the few parts of the story that has a realistic ring to me).

[Trynn]

Wait a minute, she fed her daughter a bowl of cereal BEFORE she walked into the kitchen? Not sure how that's possible.

I wrote better stories when I was a child. There are people who actually like this stuff?

[longskirtlotsakids]

A bowl of sugary cereal. Undoubtedly atheism and lack of nutritional knowledge go hand in hand. I didn't get to the end of this fabulous fictional but I am guessing after she is saved she started feeding the kids home-slaughtered bacon and hand ground organic grains,

[masagoroll]

Did Candy used to be fat and then get thin and attribute it to Christianity? I don't understand why there is so much about losing weight in her story. Being thin is NOT a required part of being a fundie SAHM, as many of the people we snark on show!

I, too, think it makes no sense that Misty used to want to go to church and be a housewife, and now is a lazy-ass who doesn't go to church or do anything fun with her kids? Like, what was stopping her? Oh, right, "programming."

I hope that Candy keeps writing this. I can't wait to read her description of Christine's church!

[Cran]

I don't think Candy was ever really overweight, but loosing weight and ideal weight is a big topic for her, she jojo-diets ever so often, trying to get to a lower weight, don't know how she settled on her specific target, perhaps she wants to have back the pre-children weight.

And all this... because her husband prefers waifs! She wrote so on her blog several times. Of course, she keeps no archives and deletes her blog every three weeks or so completely, but this will be remembered by many people, at least those who frequent sweepingthecobwebs.

Apart from her husband, I think "being fat" is in her mind linked with lazyness, letting yourself go, uglieness and being uneducated about healthy eating choices, all things the perfect housewife should not be. Other reasons for being overweight do not pop up in her "perfect world", I guess.

[Joykins]

A little OT:

Candy went off on a tangent today and copied and pasted the same Bible verse from a bunch of different KJV translations and the Geneva Bible (which shock isn't KJV). It was the verse about covering your head.

I posted a comment which won't get posted and asked her how it applies to women with alopecia and bare heads from chemo. I told her I thought my God was more interested in how I accepted his grace fully rather than how long my hair was. She pisses me off. I've probably got tee shirts older than her.

Grrrr. :evil:

This is the verse (at the end) that always makes me giggle after reading that passage

16 But if any man is seen to be full of strife, we have none such custom, neither the church of God.

WTF did Paul mean by that. I think he was screwing with the Corinthians' heads :lol:

As for "1 Cor. 11 is not about how to get saved, it is specifically for those already saved."

-- it is specifically about behavior in church, you know, especially that bit about not using communion as an opportunity to get your drink on and gobble up the food before everyone gets there. BUT I'm really glad you are strictly keeping those rules about hats, even though it's no real custom to fight over.

[emeraldskull]

This is the verse (at the end) that always makes me giggle after reading that passage

16 But if any man is seen to be full of strife, we have none such custom, neither the church of God.

WTF did Paul mean by that. I think he was screwing with the Corinthians' heads :lol:

It was more likely a dispute the Corinthian church was having over headcoverings, and as Paul was repeating back to them what they said "A woman should always have her hair covered, it's evident by nature, etc etc", He says "what? We don't have any sort of custom, and neither does anyone else."

[fundiefan]

Candy is pretty obsessed with her weight. She goes on diets, then later tells everyone dieting is wrong. She obsessively exercises (or so she claims) every day to the same sets of VHS tapes. She spent much of last summer? (maybe the summer before, I lose track) dieting and logging it on Spark and taking obsessive pictures of her 'progress'. At least once a year she rallies her commenters into weight loss tracking then after a week she drops off. She's forever giving up soda and junk food. Often by direct acts from god. I remember reading Sweeping the Cobwebs once where they detailed her diet from Spark and it was full of fast food and soda.

And the impression I've gotten from many things she's said over the years - and Cran mentioned - is that her husband influences her in that area. He came up behind her and told her she was fat while she was looking in a mirror. She said she was not his type when they met because she was too big but god fixed that and changed his heart of something.

In a nutshell Candy is no different than many, many women on the planet. Obsessed with how she looks and more specifically, what she weighs.

[JesusFightClub]

It gets me that Misty just suddenly loses the weight for no apparent reason. It's like that's a prize for looking admiringly at someone in a supermarket.

[emmyfair]

Well, in all fairness to Candy, Misty chose her blinged tank and sequined mini (and of course, the slimming white jacket) not for a day with her children but for the night out with the girls. She wore her nightgown all day as she hung out with her children (this is actually one of the few parts of the story that has a realistic ring to me).

Thanks for the correction - guess I had even more trouble getting into that story than I thought! :)

[sugaree]

My crazy ass has read it. Several times. I love this stuff. I deconstruct it and analyze it. Can't get enough.

OHhh! Is there a linky to the lovely story by Miss Raquel? After reading this delightful bit of fiction by Candy I purpose to read more!

Here's the first chapter: god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/2010/05/lifes-choices-chapter-1.html

I actually think Miss Raquel's writing isn't bad; it's just that she's quite young and hasn't been taught much about writing and rhetoric. She'll get better as she gets older and reads more.

Exactly! I delighted in snarking Miss Raquel's fictional, but it's no more or less bad than most kids her age can scratch out. Of course a 17 or 18 year old is going to put out a crap story. They have not had the chance to refine their craft. Raquel has time to work herself into an actual writer, if she chooses, and for all we know, she's quietly absorbing the valid criticisms to be found in all the Internet snark about her story.

Miss Raquel and Candy here both serve as a great example of why one should write about what one knows. Of course Raquel's scenes in the Planned Parenthood lobby were so very dreadful. Raquel has clearly never been in a PP, nor does she have friends who share their PP experiences with her. As she gets a little more experience, she'll learn that she needs to either write about something she knows about, or research the topic until she does know about it.

At Candy's age, however, her lack of awareness is just amazing. She writes about a weekly girl's night out, but cannot bring it to life, most likely because she had never had a girl's night out, or, as an adult, a group of girl friends. And even though her whole thesis is that Misty was brainwashed into thinking she wanted a career, Candy literally cannot bring herself to write about said career. We learn not one thing about Misty's so-called career, not even what she majored in at college, or what kind of job she had.

I'm sorry, Candy, but your words speak for you, and you are not telling the story that you are trying to tell. All the stuff about binge eating and not wanting to get out of bed and wearing a nightgown all day and trying to look thin and wistfully idolizing a well-dressed mother with well-behaved kids is ringing a little too true. The rest of it? Not even close to reality.

[VodouDoll]

How many magazines would her husband have to buy to totally empty the bank account? Hundreds of them? Doesn't Candy know that nowadays people can get porn for free on the internet?

[prairiemuffin]

New installment up:

myblessedhome.blogspot.com/2011/08/when-mist-clears-clarity-appears_31.html

[fundiefan]

Argh! That was the most predictable 'installment' yet. Say a prayer and you're saved! After one visit to church, where, of course, your children get to sit with you. And surprise, they are perfectly behaved.

Now 'Clarity' is going to read the bible 500 times and wear pretty dresses and a rag on her head and cook from scratch and life is going to be perfect, just perfect!

[Trynn]

The people at the church were not at all like she expected. They smiled, were friendly, and not stiff and stuck up like she envisioned. They looked like normal people, except they genuinely looked happy. What a precious rarity this true joy seems to be.

Candy is mixing her past tense with present. That and this...this...excuse for a paragraph sounds more like...one of those blurbs on religious brochures encouraging you to come to their church. Or something.