The Unattainable Fundie Blogger Standard [smile]

[Howl]

I made this name as a parody of the Duggar's TV show name. If there were a woman with 19 cats, everyone would call her crazy. But a family with 19 kids gets a reality show. Double standards.

This post on the Pris & Pecan Thief thread really got me thinking, which led to a mini rant in my own mind about how bloggers like Erika Shupe and Lisa Pennington (I'm sure each of you has favorites that come to mind as well) really set an unattainable standard for the unwary. I'm sure each of these women would claim that their blogs are meant to be shared with and inspire their sisters in Christ, but in reality, they set a threshold of Godly womanhood that can be attained by few Fundie women.

I was at an Amy's Ice Cream place (yup, it's Texas, we eat ice cream in winter :o ) a few weeks ago and there was a little girl in there, maybe 3 -- a nuclear powered perpetual motion machine, in the totally normal range for that age. It seemed like she was actually 3 or 4 children, rather than one. Being a regular FJ reader, I immediately though how crazy it is to have a huge family with children spaced closely together. Just absolutely crazy to have, say, 5 children under the age of 5. Did I just mention how crazy that is?

The worst part of the whole deal are these women who blog about it and make it look normal: the house is organized, every little thing in its place, bread baking, cookies!, she has time for blogging!, the headship makes enough $$ to keep the family afloat, the (between 8 and 12) children are always white [unless there are also precious adopted blessings], often blond, adorable and presentable, the pregnancies are normal. Amazingly, mom still looks pretty good and keeps herself up. None of the kids are special needs.

For every one of these women, there are probably 10 (20? 30? 100?) who are just desperate to get through the day, the bills are piling up, medical needs unmet, the pregnancies are difficult, the kids are not getting the education they need, the headship is an a**hole, but BIBLE! Headship! Submission! Homeschool! so she puts her head down and keeps going and going and going, but wondering why she doesn’t measure up to the perfect Fundie blogger implied standard.

These bloggers present a picture that makes it all look attainable and easy -- see, God blessed ME with the right husband, with health, with bounty, with looks, with cute kids, with super-human energy, with (often) an advanced education, with smug parenting advice [smile], with Etsy/Pinterest fu out the damn kazoo AND I have a successful home business [smile]!

I'm Proverbs 31 incarnate *chuckle*!

And the parenthetical implication, "So, what's wrong with you? Why hasn’t God blessed you? Perhaps the problem is you aren’t Godly enough to be blessed with a Godly headship, Godly childrens, and God knows what else [smile]†always just sits there as a horrible reminder or what life isn't for at least some of that blogger's readers.

Some women, of course, truly totally enjoy their large family, love having all the children and love all of the kids and are successful über fraus; it's working. However, I am certain there are some (many?) women cranking out the blessings who should never have had even one kid, let alone 12, but are too exhausted and demoralized to even think the Fundie version of WTF?

Rant over [smile].

[FundieWatcher]

The perfect pregnancies thing is what gets me the most. The ones that have had textbook perfect pregnancies have no compassion for the women who don't. It is like they have no understanding of something unless it happened to them. And I think that comes from the SOTDRT education. They weren't taught to think that way.

One person that comes to mind with regards to unattainable standards is Crystal Paine (moneysavingmom). 10 years ago she was a very different person. Before she got married she was the biggest advocate of strict gender roles, no college for females or most males, submission, no music (even Christian and nothing with instruments, she taught any music that invoked an emotion was sinful),no movies, large family/no birth control/no expectations, etc..

Fast forward to now, reality smacked them in the face. The have a modest 3 (adorable) children.Jesse took over homeschool and grocery shopping. Crystal travels (alone and internationally!) for her brand. They sell advertisements free colleges on their blog. They watch secular movies. I'm happy for them. But I can't help but feel a tad smug.

[Cartmann99]

The perfect pregnancies thing is what gets me the most. The ones that have had textbook perfect pregnancies have no compassion for the women who don't. It is like they have no understanding of something unless it happened to them. And I think that comes from the SOTDRT education. They weren't taught to think that way.

I had a very conservative friend who thought for many years that unemployed people were just not trying hard enough to find new jobs. As she got older, she discovered that it was much more difficult for her to find suitable employment. On that front at least, she was at least willing to reconsider her previous stance.

[FundieWatcher]

I had a high school classmate that became fundie-lite while in the Navy. At our class reunion he had just gotten out of the Navy and had several interviews lined up. He declared to everyone that there were jobs out there and didn't see why everyone was saying it was hard to find work.

We tried to tell him, interview doesn't = job. Not in the professional world. Maybe if you are interviewing for McDonald's crew member it would different. But the places that have open positions theses days interview many candidates.

Nope. He didn't listen. He had interviews and he was a veteran. He was safe. He didn't get any of those jobs. He was on Facebook asking for job leads a few weeks later. And then, sadly, got a DUI not long after that. Which excluded him from car salesman jobs he was looking at. Very sad.

I think fundies, at least in the back of their minds, will always associate something bad happening with sin. Someone has a rough pregnancy- they must be on God's bad side. Take Kelly C (generation cedar), tornados were a punishment from God until it happened to her. Then it was just nature.

Part of me knows I shouldn't gloat. But part of me wants to be like Grace's mom on Will & Grace, "told ya so, told ya so, told ya so..."

[GeoBQn]

Comparing your life to someone else's blog is like comparing your blooper reel to their highlights. They are choosing what to include, what to leave out, what to embellish, and what to lie about.

[whoviana]

Actually, reading these perfect fundie people with their CPS visits, butter abuse, asshats for a husband, miserable kids, no freaking way out if they wanted to escape, low quality food, children runnng away and spilling it on youtube, rats, snakes, grifting parents it puts my life in a different light. Having a partner with a good family, living a harmonious life, even with my demons makes my life absolutely tolerable. The more sparkly and sunshine-y image they try to project the worse it smells. :shifty-kitty: And they crumble, one after the other.

[16strong]

Both the Muncks and the Bergerons have special needs kids. Mama Munck in particular doesn't always have much time to blog. Renee does, but she has also sent all of her kids to public school recently because of her youngest's health issues (his appointments make it nearly impossible for her to homeschool). I imagine that all of that waiting time for appointments while her kids are at school leaves her with plenty of time to blog.

I think a lot of fundies wax poetic about homeschooling, but it's the first thing to go when they have to start prioritizing for appearance. Sure, they make it look like their kids are getting a great education, but that's so, so, SO easy to fake on the internet. And when the kids are meek and quiet all of the time, who can tell what their educational level actually is?

[whoviana]

It might be easy to fake just about everything on the Internet, but eventually, the faults in the phoney images that are projected will be showing around the edges. Regardless, isn't there a ... test for homeschooled children at the end of every schoolyear to see if they are actually learning something? I really don't know.

[FundieWatcher]

Each state has it's own homeschool laws, but I don't think the state end-of-grade testing is mandatory for homeschoolers anywhere. I could imagine the tantrum HSLD would throw if they had to take state tests.

I'm curious how someone proves they are a homeschool graduate vs. high school dropout.

I would Google it but I'm on my phone and the data signal isn't great. We have been outside waiting on the fire marshall to give us the ok to go back inside.

[julie paradox]

I'm curious how someone proves they are a homeschool graduate vs. high school dropout.

They could try taking exams, or something.

Ah, the US.... the world's richest third world country...

[VVV]

It might be easy to fake just about everything on the Internet, but eventually, the faults in the phoney images that are projected will be showing around the edges. Regardless, isn't there a ... test for homeschooled children at the end of every schoolyear to see if they are actually learning something? I really don't know.

Not in Texas there's not.

And I'm guessing not in Washington state either, because I have a fundy family member there who appears to be quite proud of the fact that her children are learning nothing.

[Antimony]

I have no idea. I have a friend who was homeschooled and transferred to my college, one of the best in the nation, but she went to community college classes first too. Religious but not fundamentalist.

I imagine that how well you thrive in CC would factor in as many of them do not require a high school diploma to enroll (I took some classes at one and such evidence was not required as part of my enrollment.) I suspect this isn why she was able to transfer in but I don't know if she has some legal documentation of her homeschool diploma.

[Jana814]

It might be easy to fake just about everything on the Internet, but eventually, the faults in the phoney images that are projected will be showing around the edges. Regardless, isn't there a ... test for homeschooled children at the end of every schoolyear to see if they are actually learning something? I really don't know.

Have to agree with this!!

[Georgiana]

Have to agree with this!!

In some states there are and in some states there are not. In my state, home educators must be considered "qualified" either by taking a course, by completing 45 credits of college education, or by being deemed competent by the superintendent. They also must file an intent to home educate for each of their children with the school district every year, adhere to an organized curriculum, and make sure their children pass the state aptitude tests.

There's a reason that we don't have many homeschooling Fundie bloggers from WA. Our laws are fairly strict, and many of these SODRT "teachers" would not be considered qualified.

Here's a link to them, if you're curious: http://www.k12.wa.us/privateed/homebase ... nkbook.pdf

[StellaMarie]

I think a lot of fundies wax poetic about homeschooling, but it's the first thing to go when they have to start prioritizing for appearance. Sure, they make it look like their kids are getting a great education, but that's so, so, SO easy to fake on the internet. And when the kids are meek and quiet all of the time, who can tell what their educational level actually is?

I'll admit that education is incredibly important to me, and I understand that isn't true for everyone (though I still maintain that every child in my country has the right to a good, publicly-funded education).

But what's completely insane to me is that some of these families just don't care about learning. They care about insularity and morality and control. This is what Lisa Pennington said, and it really stuck out to me (she actually said it twice in the same interview series!):

[Question]

[Lisa's answer:]

There were several years when I was having baby after baby and my older ones were still very little. My husband works long hours which meant it was just me and the kids most of the time.

My main tips for that time in life are 1) Train your children to obey, be content and not whine (the children I mean, although technically you shouldn't whine either). 2) Teaching them character and obedience was always more important to me than school itself. If you don't get all of the schoolwork done (WHEN you don't get it all done) don't sweat it. 3) Give yourself a break and don't let outside pressure push you to do things that aren't necessary to your family at this point in your life. Whatever you and your husband decide is necessary is all you need. Just because your over-achieving sister-in-law is teaching Latin to her children doesn't mean you have to. If all you do for a while is math and a study on spiders....that's perfectly fine!

http://organizingmadefun.blogspot.com/2 ... -lisa.html

And in Part 2 (http://organizingmadefun.blogspot.com/2 ... art-2.html):

It is definitely harder to do school when there’s a new baby. First I would say to give yourself a break. If you only get a little bit done or nothing at all…it’s OK. Your kids will be fine. Ask your husband to help at night with 15 minutes of something simple if you are feeling like a useless lump of baby poop and spit up (I still feel like that sometimes and my baby has been out of diapers for a year!). A new baby grow so quickly…..I’d rather hold baby and catch up with school later when the baby isn't a newborn anymore (OK, now I’m sad).

She had kids back-to-back for YEARS. What in the hell did she accomplish education-wise during those years???

Her whole freaking interview is about her schedule and how she maintains order. I hope people don't look to this as an example.

[Smartshoes]

For every one of these women, there are probably 10 (20? 30? 100?) who are just desperate to get through the day, the bills are piling up, medical needs unmet, the pregnancies are difficult, the kids are not getting the education they need, the headship is an a**hole, but BIBLE! Headship! Submission! Homeschool! so she puts her head down and keeps going and going and going, but wondering why she doesn’t measure up to the perfect Fundie blogger implied standard.

This was me, starting about 4 years into our marriage. I struggled along for about 2 years, then finally realized my hubby was an asshole and moved out while he was hiking with his buddies. Now we're getting divorced. :-D

[FundieWatcher]

They could try taking exams, or something.

Ah, the US.... the world's richest third world country...

There is a GED that anyone over 16 or 17 can take. If you truly had completed high school from homeschool, you would not want to do that unless you absolutely had to. And if someone were opposed to state testing in the first place, they certainly would not want to. I have been looking on the HSLDA, basically you can go through your local school district to make it all official. I wonder how that works with transcripts? What is to stop someone from giving their kid an "A" in physics if, for example, they barely know 9th grade math? If there is no standard testing, there isn't a way to stop something like that. Not at least the way I understand.

It gets confusing when every state has their own guidelines. With 50 states (a district and 5 territories w/ people) that is 56 different sets of laws on homeschooling. So what applies to a homeschool kid in Virginia may or may not apply to one in Texas.

[DGayle]

I think a lot of the perfect-life fundy bloggers are heavily editing their lives to paint a pretty picture so they can read their own blogs and try to convince themselves that it's the truth.

[turquoise]

I've always wondered about these various blogs where a mom with lots of kids talks about how she homeschools/keeps a perfect house/runs a home business/lives a super-frugal life. There just aren't that many hours in a day. If they're really doing all that they claim they are, how do they have so much time to spend writing about it on the internet?

[RosyDaisy]

Take Kelly C (generation cedar), tornados were a punishment from God until it happened to her. Then it was just nature.

No, the stupid fundie bitch called it a BLESSING! She pissed off a of people with that remark.....people who lost loved ones and everything they had.

[antwan]

I've always wondered about these various blogs where a mom with lots of kids talks about how she homeschools/keeps a perfect house/runs a home business/lives a super-frugal life. There just aren't that many hours in a day. If they're really doing all that they claim they are, how do they have so much time to spend writing about it on the internet?

I am a homeschool mom of 4 children. This is the first year we chose to place one of them, a freshman, in a private school, where I'm happy to say she has maintained a 3.8 GPA for 3 quarters now. Let me tell you, it would absolutely NOT be possible for me to educate, cook, clean, blog, run a business, and basically "one up" all the "average" moms (snarking, of course, at the homeschool moms who CLAIM they are juggling all these various hats with due diligence.) Crystal Paine has had to come clean and admit the amount of help (her "team", her peeps, if you will) she requires to keep her Money Saving Mom boat afloat.

Listen, my home will have gotten approximately 13,000 more hours of kid wear-n-tear than yours will have over the course of my kids' homeschool years. And it shows. And I'm not about to pretend I'm juggling all my hats better than the next mom.

I can't even juggle. :roll:

[DGayle]

No, the stupid fundie bitch called it a BLESSING! She pissed off a of people with that remark.....people who lost loved ones and everything they had.

I might be remembering wrong, but didn't her whole family survive unscathed, and then get everything replaced by a bunch of ass-lickers?