'Strike your children like a doc in surgery'

[Trynn]

Is it really all that extreme to suggest that hitting a child is always wrong?

[RosyDaisy]

Is it really all that extreme to suggest that hitting a child is always wrong?

Is it extreme to suggest that hitting an adult is always right?

[VooDooChild]

Is it extreme to suggest that hitting an adult is always right?

??? RosyDaisy, did I miss something? Who said hitting an adult is always right?

As for feministxtian's flippancy about beating her kids....i just dont understand. I spanked my kids when they were younger and I am mortified and embarrased to admit that because it was wrong. My parents spanked and my church advocated it. However, it was lazy parenting. I had no other tools. Thankfully I found other tools and my kids are better for it. But, sadly, that doesnt take away the scars.

There is no justification for striking a child. Spanking is just another way for fundies to win the perceived power struggle.

[Koala]

If your kids respond well to no spankings ever, how is it damaging to not change that? We spank if our kids on purpose break the rules that they know (every couple months or so, one swat by hand), and won't stop when given warnings. The whole no-spanking didn't work for us. But it does for some people.

The people who advocate spanking every kid to the point of beating are just like the people who think there should never be any punishments of any sort, or even a no, because Junior's feelings might be hurt, are different sides of the same coin. Extremism is bad. If you're in the middle, and what you're doing works, then excellent, the extremists can shut up.

If I am reading you correctly, what you are saying is that you tried not hitting your kids, and have discovered that not hitting doesn't work, but hitting occasionally does work.

I have a really hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that being hit "works" for your children. How far does that idea extend? When do you expect them to outgrow violence "working" for them? I think the more likely scenario is that it works for YOU.

The above poster hit her kid in the face at 15. Does that make her an extremist, or in the middle? I don't hit at all (ever). Does that make me an extremist?

Finally, are there any other relationships in which you think hitting works, or is it just confined to the parent/child relationship?

[formergothardite]

Hitting my oldest after she didn't obey the first couple of times might have worked faster, I will admit that. But at what cost? I did hit her once as a toddler and I felt awful. I remember her horror in finding out what spanking was and that it was common for other kids in her class to be hit on a regular basis. I grew up thinking adults hitting children was normal. Having raised my children to not think that way and seeing the shock and confusion in my daughter when she hears or sees children being spanked makes me so glad that she doesn't think it is normal to hit someone you love to teach them a lesson.

[RosyDaisy]

If it's wrong to hit another adult, then why is it legal to hit a child? Oh, and Jesus had a lot to say about children, but he never mentioned hitting them.

If you are having to spank your kids, the problem isn't kids behaving badly. It's parents who are using an easy fix and not addressing the real problems causing bad behavior.

[MandyLaLa]

I mean if we're getting literal, the absolute last thing a surgeon would do is strike a patient with force. So I'd get behind that idea.

[BrownieMomma]

If it's wrong to hit another adult, then why is it legal to hit a child? Oh, and Jesus had a lot to say about children, but he never mentioned hitting them.

If you are having to spank your kids, the problem isn't kids behaving badly. It's parents who are using an easy fix and not addressing the real problems causing bad behavior.

I remember when the Super Nanny shows first started coming out. It was shocking to me that what needed to change was not the children's behavior but the parents. Truly the first time that concept ever entered my brain.

But that.. is truly the truth. And I finally did get that lesson down.

[Rebelwife]

??? RosyDaisy, did I miss something? Who said hitting an adult is always right?

As for feministxtian's flippancy about beating her kids....i just dont understand. I spanked my kids when they were younger and I am mortified and embarrased to admit that because it was wrong. My parents spanked and my church advocated it. However, it was lazy parenting. I had no other tools. Thankfully I found other tools and my kids are better for it. But, sadly, that doesnt take away the scars.

There is no justification for striking a child. Spanking is just another way for fundies to win the perceived power struggle.

I think this is so true, even for parents who would tell you they don't believe they should always win, or even engage in, power struggles with kids. I spanked my younger daughter a couple of times (a single swat) and each time it was because I had run out of ideas. It never worked and I felt awful about it. The minute it happened I knew it was because I had become so frustrated that I lashed out. We see young children do that - bite or hit because they're frustrated and don't have the skills to work through that and the idea is that we teach them. Why should we, as adults, be held to a lower standard?