A fundie wedding: Daddy's time to brag about his life?

[TrueRebel1]

I attended a fundie wedding recently. Afterwards, my headship and I looked at each other and pretty much said exactly the same thing: "That was so much weirdness, it's gonna take a few weeks to process what happened!". Now, we've been to many fundie weddings before. And we know quite well the families involved in this wedding (have even attended weddings of other siblings on both sides of the families, which were officiated by the same father). So it honestly surprised us, when we saw what went down.

Let me describe it in a nutshell, if possible.

The daddy of the bride is also the officiating pastor. After walking her down the aisle, he proceeds with a sermon/talk (as expected in a wedding, right). But this talk begins straight away with the story of how he met his wife. How they did everything right and followed God's will by not dating. Then he tells about his 9 children, how all of whom are present, and half of whom are married (via courtship and a short engagement! -- he makes that clear), and how all 15 of his grandchildren are present. "Oh, did I mention I have 15 grandchildren?" (Sidenote: while all of his grandchildren (bride's nieces/nephews) were incorporated in the walk down the aisle, none of the 7 nieces/nephews on the grooms side were even mentioned, much less part of the ceremony!).

After the audience is impressed upon with the number of his offspring, we are told about his view of marriage: That love is not really necessary for marriage (it wasn't the base of his marriage) but that if a couple falls in love, that is okay. Then of course he digresses into the importance of wifely submission, complete with all Bible verses available about submission. Finally, he again expresses the "bestness" of a short courtship and engagement. "In our family, we don't date! And we don't go for long engagements!" (While I am thinking: what if the 35 yr. old unmarried sister wishes to have a long engagement or date around? What gives daddy the right to speak her preferences for her?)

And then, with absolutely no marriage advice addressed to the bride and groom, and with no mention of them or their history or relationship, they begin the vows. Then with a very awkward first kiss, they are done.

So all in all, the focus of the ceremony was the daddy telling about his life. The only part the bride and groom played was saying their vows.

As I said, this really surprised me coming from this group of people. I've been to their weddings before, and while I could certainly expect some emphasis on mentioning courtship and purity, and boasting the perfectness of the bride and groom I really did not expect to hear all that about the dad.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Sounds like an ego thing.

FWIW, I love my FIL, but his speech at our wedding sounded like How I Was the Greatest Parent Ever. It was mostly "I did this....I did that..." I think he may have finally mentioned my name at the end. Watching that on the wedding video is a source of amusement for us.

[nokidsmom]

I did not allow my dad to speak at our wedding. It was just the pastor who did a talk, then the vows, all done. We had attended my cousin's fundie wedding a year before and it was a prime example of who not to talk at your wedding. Her dad didn't talk but the pastor did the whole "wives gotta submit" schtick and how "you feminists (meaning us who were not in the congregation) were not following God's will" yadda yadda. It completely took over the event and left my family with a bad taste in their mouths over an event that should have been happy. Given I had some issues with my parents over my getting married and they were pulling shit in the weeks before (trying to break us up, I kid you not) so I refused to let anyone, be it pastor, parent, whoever, take over with whatever agenda they had.

My wedding service took all of 15 minutes, it was the shortest church wedding I had ever been to. Short and to the point. I still think to this day that we should have just gone to court and avoided all the other hassles we had.

My cousins fundie wedding took a bit to process as well and I was bound and determined not to have a repeat performance at my wedding from anyone.

[Jana814]

Sounds like an interesting wedding. I would love to know what Jim-Bob will say at Jill's wedding on Saturday.

[estes]

I grew up on the edge of a lot of fundamentalist circles, but hadn't ever experienced a wedding like this until a few years ago when my wife was a bridesmaid in one. At the rehearsal dinner, we were treated to at least half an hour of the bride's and groom's fathers congratulating one another on their philosophies of life and what a good job they did "bringing their children together." Really bizarre. I was embarrassed for the bride and groom... but at least there was plenty of champagne.

[Geechee Girl]

Sounds like an interesting wedding. I would love to know what Jim-Bob will say at Jill's wedding on Saturday.

Is Boob officiating? You know he has to top Gil's feigned reaction to the first kiss with some sort of Duggar theatrics. I wouldn't put it past him to grab J'Chelle for a demonstration making the moment ALL about them.

[SPHASH]

Sounds like a Steve Maxwell officiated wedding minus the DEATH.

[RachelB]

UGH. My parents are both retired pastors (not fundie, though). If I get married, my father will not be giving a sermon, because he would likely get so distracted by patting himself on the back for everything that has gone right in life that we'd be there all night.

Mom firmly believes that no one comes to a wedding for the sermon and is not interested in making herself the center of attention-- a few quick reminders of how to employ patience and good humor in times of conflict, and reminders that it is okay to ask for help when you need it. Also, she is allergic to scripture about wifely submission. I'd be happy for her to officiate, if she were so inclined.

[ViolaSebastian]

But did she wear a modest t-shirt wedding gown? :wink-kitty:

[FloraKitty35]

Is Boob officiating? You know he has to top Gil's feigned reaction to the first kiss with some sort of Duggar theatrics. I wouldn't put it past him to grab J'Chelle for a demonstration making the moment ALL about them.

My thoughts exactly. I picture Dim Bulb and Mullet playing tonsil hockey with each other and maybe he'll grab Mullet's ass just for good measure. :ew: :ew: :ew: :ew: :ew:

[Odd1Out]

Maybe the couple hadn't been 'perfect' before their wedding. So Dad skipped over talking about them completely and preached at them with a guilt trip?

[Coco]

I attended a fundie wedding recently. Afterwards, my headship and I looked at each other and pretty much said exactly the same thing: "That was so much weirdness, it's gonna take a few weeks to process what happened!". Now, we've been to many fundie weddings before. And we know quite well the families involved in this wedding (have even attended weddings of other siblings on both sides of the families, which were officiated by the same father). So it honestly surprised us, when we saw what went down.

Let me describe it in a nutshell, if possible.

The daddy of the bride is also the officiating pastor. After walking her down the aisle, he proceeds with a sermon/talk (as expected in a wedding, right). But this talk begins straight away with the story of how he met his wife. How they did everything right and followed God's will by not dating. Then he tells about his 9 children, how all of whom are present, and half of whom are married (via courtship and a short engagement! -- he makes that clear), and how all 15 of his grandchildren are present. "Oh, did I mention I have 15 grandchildren?" (Sidenote: while all of his grandchildren (bride's nieces/nephews) were incorporated in the walk down the aisle, none of the 7 nieces/nephews on the grooms side were even mentioned, much less part of the ceremony!).

After the audience is impressed upon with the number of his offspring, we are told about his view of marriage: That love is not really necessary for marriage (it wasn't the base of his marriage) but that if a couple falls in love, that is okay. Then of course he digresses into the importance of wifely submission, complete with all Bible verses available about submission. Finally, he again expresses the "bestness" of a short courtship and engagement. "In our family, we don't date! And we don't go for long engagements!" (While I am thinking: what if the 35 yr. old unmarried sister wishes to have a long engagement or date around? What gives daddy the right to speak her preferences for her?)

And then, with absolutely no marriage advice addressed to the bride and groom, and with no mention of them or their history or relationship, they begin the vows. Then with a very awkward first kiss, they are done.

So all in all, the focus of the ceremony was the daddy telling about his life. The only part the bride and groom played was saying their vows.

As I said, this really surprised me coming from this group of people. I've been to their weddings before, and while I could certainly expect some emphasis on mentioning courtship and purity, and boasting the perfectness of the bride and groom I really did not expect to hear all that about the dad.

:angry-banghead: :angry-banghead: awkwardness 101 :lol:

[nausicaa]

My thoughts exactly. I picture Dim Bulb and Mullet playing tonsil hockey with each other and maybe he'll grab Mullet's ass just for good measure. :ew: :ew: :ew: :ew: :ew:

Oh God, Jim Bob and Michelle are going to be so embarassing at this wedding.

[Hane]

One of us here endured the livestreaming of a fundie wedding a few months ago and gave us a play-by-play. At one point, IIRC, the pastor and the fathers of the bride and groom drew close together "in prayer" while the bride and groom were signing some kind of document. Our brave commentator described this as "group hug; rub dicks for five minutes." I ROARED. Salut, brave madame.

[16strong]

I grew up on the edge of a lot of fundamentalist circles, but hadn't ever experienced a wedding like this until a few years ago when my wife was a bridesmaid in one. At the rehearsal dinner, we were treated to at least half an hour of the bride's and groom's fathers congratulating one another on their philosophies of life and what a good job they did "bringing their children together." Really bizarre. I was embarrassed for the bride and groom... but at least there was plenty of champagne.

Well, if there was champagne, it was a more liberal wedding than any of the ones I've been to (I live in the deep south). My friends and I keep looking around and asking when someone we know will have alcohol at a wedding. It hasn't happened yet and we're all sick of dry weddings. :lol:

Actually, one of my best friends from college has such a conservative family, they wouldn't even let the groom's family pick up the tab for an open bar, which they really wanted. :angry-banghead: