3 Things a Man Should Never Allow His Wife to Do

[Closed Womb]

Tongue in cheek, perhaps. But loving his children does not mean that he eschews gender norms, so perhaps not.

I love to drive, especially on road trips. Mr. Womb doesn't love to drive. On very long trips (days, like when we moved cross-country), we share. Four to six hour trips? They're all mine. A friend's husband said he won't let her drive because it "looks like he got a DUI." I mentioned that to Mr. Womb and he agreed, then said didn't care about what other people project.

I've been thinking a lot about gender norms lately. Mr. Womb is on a salt restricted diet for health reasons, so when we go out to eat he often gets a salad. I tend to eat things we don't get at home. The vast majority of the time, severs will plunk Mr. Womb's food down in front of me, and give him mine simply based on what they think we should be eating. Last time it was a half rack of ribs that went to him and his dinner-sized salad to me. As I unravel the thread of daily misogyny, I really can't praise anything like this that is not obviously sarcasm.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Fair enough. I just browsed a little and agree they seem genuinely loving with their kids. I could see the Memorial Day post being tongue in cheek.

But the bit about "don't let your wife drive" hit a little too close to home to be really funny to me. It's how both my husband and I were raised, and was a source of conflict early in our marriage.

Both our families presented as something caring --men do the driving to protect their wives from having to do something difficult or dangerous. But it was also at times a means of keeping the women dependent and the men in control.

It was a real struggle for me to develop self-confidence. These days I don't take kindly to someone telling me I can't take care of myself.

Look, I get that. I get that there are people who have the attitude for real, and that there are places and religious groups that actually forbid women to drive. I've got some sweet but paleolithic in-laws who, after 26 years, are still amazed that my driving goes beyond going around the block to do groceries and carpool.

I'm not saying that this is great humor - just that THIS looks like it was meant to be funny, not some sort of Lori/Ken-like pronouncement that all women are bad drivers and NEED men to take charge, and that women enjoying highway driving is a clear sign that the End Times are nigh. He seems to be saying that it's not nice to leave all the driving to your wife so you can be a lazy ass and sleep. He wrote: "I use to think it was cool to doze off in the passenger seat while my girlfriend or date drove. Then I got married. Adéye doesn’t like that." I'm prepared to give this guy the benefit of the doubt for now.

Speaking of Lori/Ken and nasty comments about women drivers:

Beautiful, Nora! Ken always drives when we are together. I trust his driving so much more than mine. Same with my sons. They are great drivers. I think men can handle stress much better than we can and their reflexes are faster, in my opinion and from my experience.

from here: lorialexander.blogspot.ca/2014/05/are-there-gender-differences.html

[salex]

Speaking of Lori/Ken and nasty comments about women drivers:

Beautiful, Nora! Ken always drives when we are together. I trust his driving so much more than mine. Same with my sons. They are great drivers. I think men can handle stress much better than we can and their reflexes are faster, in my opinion and from my experience.

from here: lorialexander.blogspot.ca/2014/05/are-there-gender-differences.html

[ViolaSebastian]

My late inls were the same way.FIL did it all,and MIL was seemingly 'exhausted'.She didn't even do the 'women' chores,like grocery shop (since she didn't drive,fil did it) or shop for the kids' clothes.(same again).If she wanted clothes for herself,she would point to what she wanted in the store catalog.Fil would then order it.

She fixed the side dishes at dinner (simple ones),while fil cooked the main course of meat.As far as I could tell,that was all she did.She had a maid for housework.

And oh yeah...get this.She would get ticked whenever her sons drove,and the dils didn't.I didn't get that at first,but then I realized she thought driving was WORK,and she didn't want her poor,precious sons doing anything.She thought they should be pampered the same way she was.

All of this makes me think of my grandmother, who, for a variety of reasons, never learned to drive or take care of a lawn growing up. She married and moved out of her home country to America, and my grandfather never pushed her to learn those things. She had three children and took care of them and her home--until my grandfather dropped dead at 39 and left her with three young children, no job, no skills, and a sixth grade education.

That poor woman was in a country foreign to her, but she picked up, learned to drive, learned to take care of a yard and a house, and got a job to feed her children. She taught herself to do those things--and she's one of my greatest role models because of it.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I guess it's meant to be funny bit it's just silly since women all overb the works are hauling water and wood and starting cooking fires, often with a baby strapped to their back. Women aren't fragile. I don't have a husband so I have to do some things. I needed to change my headlights and it was kind of complicated, having to open the hood and get it out a certain way but I just youtubed it and did it. And felt good about it. My neighbor walked by and didnt pity me, but then again he's gay and I don't know if he's able to do these things either (sarcasm). A couple weeks ago I took my kids camping - alone - I drove and bbqed and I think if they grow up to do the same, they will be awesome women.

[Ave Maria]

And news flash dude, as much as a lot of guys think cars=manly, clearly not otherwise we wouldn’t let teenagers drive them.

I think that's actually part of it for a lot of guys -- it becomes a coming of age/rite of passage type thing. Something men can do, but little boys can't.

[Ave Maria]

I drive when my husband isn't around, but I don't drive when we go somewhere together. He likes driving, I don't really care. Sometimes we switch off on road trips home from visiting family because we stay too late and he has work in the morning (so he sleeps except for the mountain driving, which I HATE and end up having to wear those airplane earplugs because of the pressure).

I've never mowed a lawn -- our HOA handles that. The hubby says that if we do move somewhere else where it becomes our problem, he would hire someone to do it since he doesn't have the time. Me doing it never came up, and for this I'm thankful. :lol: Yard work is firmly his domain -- if it were all on me, I'd have killed the plants and put down concrete. 8-)

I've never used a charcoal grill. They smell terrible. I'm not so great on a gas grill either, but DH is great with it. Which is funny, because he's awful at regular cooking.

[Toothfairy]

What????? He doesn't let his wife drive, or mow the lawn, or barbeque???? That's insane. You don't "let" an adult do something, as they are adults and can do things themselves. Its not like she is one of his kids.

Women can mow lawns, drive and barbeque if they want to.

You don't push a lawnmower with your dick, you use your hands, and it isn't that hard.

You don't drive a car with your dick, you use your hands and feet. It isn't that hard.

And I am certain Anthony's dick doesn't shoot fire well enough to cook meat.

:clap: like, and his wife has to have sex on command.

[Rebelwife]

I drive when my husband isn't around, but I don't drive when we go somewhere together. He likes driving, I don't really care. Sometimes we switch off on road trips home from visiting family because we stay too late and he has work in the morning (so he sleeps except for the mountain driving, which I HATE and end up having to wear those airplane earplugs because of the pressure).

I've never mowed a lawn -- our HOA handles that. The hubby says that if we do move somewhere else where it becomes our problem, he would hire someone to do it since he doesn't have the time. Me doing it never came up, and for this I'm thankful. :lol: Yard work is firmly his domain -- if it were all on me, I'd have killed the plants and put down concrete. 8-)

I've never used a charcoal grill. They smell terrible. I'm not so great on a gas grill either, but DH is great with it. Which is funny, because he's awful at regular cooking.

My husband almost always drives anywhere we go together, but that's by my choice because he's a nervous passenger. It drives me crazy to have him riding his imaginary brake the whole time I'm behind the wheel. :pull-hair: At least he owns it, though. He admits my driving is fine, that's it just his own neurosis.

[chaotic life]

It's not an old van. It's brand new. It was just given to them this spring. Adeye blogged all about it.

Also, they sound normalish but they are very conservative. So while it's cloaked in cute, I would guess the Salems observe a complimentarian viewpoint of wifely submission.

They are also both prone to guilt tripping readers into adoption while never mentioning how they can afford what they are doing nor being terribly honest about how hard it actually is to care for that many medically fragile children.

[RachelB]

What????? He doesn't let his wife drive, or mow the lawn, or barbeque???? That's insane. You don't "let" an adult do something, as they are adults and can do things themselves. Its not like she is one of his kids.

Women can mow lawns, drive and barbeque if they want to.

You don't push a lawnmower with your dick, you use your hands, and it isn't that hard.

You don't drive a car with your dick, you use your hands and feet. It isn't that hard.

And I am certain Anthony's dick doesn't shoot fire well enough to cook meat.

If it does, he really should have that checked out.

[OkToBeTakei]

Seriously, people, read the rest of the blog. In context, it seems pretty clear that this is meant to be funny. The message I'm getting from the other posts is "real men have the courage to adopt orphans with special needs who are being raised in appalling Bulgarian orphanages." Those orphanages do seem to be truly horrific, and this family seems to be truly loving and caring to their kids, so I won't snark.

Yes. I remember this blog or the wife's being snarked on in the child collector thread. I check in time to time and don't really get the snark. The whole adopting rescue thing is not my bag, I do think though they seem to do the best for their kids.

[deaja]

I don't think I can get over the fact that he thinks it's sexy for him to have BO, because he's a guy.

[formergothardite]

I think that's actually part of it for a lot of guys -- it becomes a coming of age/rite of passage type thing. Something men can do, but little boys can't.

Teen girls drive too, something little girls can't. So I have no idea why cars are manly/driving is "manly".

I mow the grass and grill. My husband sits and makes those little weaved pot holders with my daughters because not only do I suck at it I hate doing it.

[OkToBeTakei]

Teen girls drive too, something little girls can't. So I have no idea why cars are manly/driving is "manly".

I mow the grass and grill. My husband sits and makes those little weaved pot holders with my daughters because not only do I suck at it I hate doing it.

I think you should weave one....and post a photo......PLEASE!!! :D

[formergothardite]

I think you should weave one....and post a photo......PLEASE!!! :D

I got so frustrated the one time I tried to weave one with her that I just wanted to throw the whole thing out the window. It was not a good mother/daughter bonding moment. I'll teach her to grill. :lol:

I did find fetus Santa finally. I debated finishing it, but so far it is still just crammed in a drawer. My dream of making a Christmas ornament each month died a pretty fast death.

[debrand]

It sounds tongue in cheek to me also. The problem is that on this site we have read so many bloggers who say these type of things in a completely serious manner that it can be difficult to tell when a blogger is just being silly.

Driving a stick has always seemed like a double entendre for playing with a penis :lol:

[turquoise]

A joke isn't always really a joke. Reading the blog more, I can see that this may have been tongue in cheek. The thing is, DH and I both have family members who have jokingly said similar things about how men should be manly and not let their wives drive. I don't think they were entirely jokes, though. The expectation seemed to be that the women would laugh along---and then shut up and smile and let the men drive all the time.

Early in our marriage, when I insisted that actually, yes, I do want to drive sometimes when we're both in the car, and no, I'm not afraid to drive alone at night, DH was uncomfortable with it. He got over it and we worked it out. But in my experience, this kind of kidding around is sometimes used to hide attitudes that people know aren't really acceptable. I may be making too much of it, but it's a sore point for me.

[Micah]

I read it as being tongue in cheek...

Sometimes you can go too far with not subscribing to traditional gender roles. My Other Half works insane hours at a very physical job, so I basically do EVERYTHING inside and out. Up to and including splitting eighteen ton of wood (with a mechanical splitter, but it still involved lifting the rounds up and stacking the split wood.)

On the rare occasions I do need help, he tends not to believe me.

[scc12]

All of this makes me think of my grandmother, who, for a variety of reasons, never learned to drive or take care of a lawn growing up. She married and moved out of her home country to America, and my grandfather never pushed her to learn those things. She had three children and took care of them and her home--until my grandfather dropped dead at 39 and left her with three young children, no job, no skills, and a sixth grade education.

That poor woman was in a country foreign to her, but she picked up, learned to drive, learned to take care of a yard and a house, and got a job to feed her children. She taught herself to do those things--and she's one of my greatest role models because of it.

wow,that's awesome :)

my mil was independent until she got married at age 40.she'd lived and traveled all over the world,even tho she never learned to drive. (took the bus,cabs,etc).she lived in china for a while.

once she got married,that was it.fil did it all.she just fell back on her hub for everything.he even did a lot of the child care when he wasn't working.and then mil would get MAD at me if hub had anything at all to do w our kids on his days off.that's just part of being a good dad tho,imo.

[ariel9]

My mother is quite conservative. She nearly never drives when my dad is around. She tried to force that rule upon me but I was not having that. My boyfriend at the time was a horrific driver so I did not like it when he drove. I think whoever wants to drive should feel free to. I think this guy feels insecure about his size if it takes a car to make him feel like a man.

As for mowing the lawn and grilling, if you take your shirt off by doing said activities, I'm all for it.

[Coco]

I read it as being tongue in cheek...

Sometimes you can go too far with not subscribing to traditional gender roles. My Other Half works insane hours at a very physical job, so I basically do EVERYTHING inside and out. Up to and including splitting eighteen ton of wood (with a mechanical splitter, but it still involved lifting the rounds up and stacking the split wood.)

On the rare occasions I do need help, he tends not to believe me.

Yeah, it sucks when the menz start to expect more just because we can! :lol:

18 tons OMG you go girl. Living in a cold area those are some vital skills. Splitters scare me. And firewood is still hard work even with a splitter esp. if the rounds are big. I've never used a chainsaw but I should learn how. It just freaks me out, any kind of dangerous power tool does. But caution is a good thing, doesn't mean women can't do basically everything a boy could do.

when spring finally came this year i wanted to worship the sun! :bow-blue:

[DGayle]

My husband usually drives, and when we had a lawn, he usually mowed it, but if I didn't know how to drive, we'd have been screwed when his hand was open. He can mow the lawn. I don't enjoy it.

Now I do the BBQ around here. He makes the brownies.

He's man enough to not be threatened by a woman who can start a fire and grill.