Another one bites the dust- Daniel Lockwood MERGE

[salex]

She has a facebook acct that is active and seems to be open...

[WonderingInWA]

She has a facebook acct that is active and seems to be open...

Oh, ugh. How sad is it that her oldest came home from college after his first semester so he could work to save up for his next one? Sigh. Responsible? Yes. But sad.

And she keeps staunchly defending her choice to stay with Daniel (like she's got any choice, right?). But there seems to be some folks (another Lockwood, in fact) that are challenging her on that issue.

[Jana814]

Does anyone know what state they r living in.

[Howl]

Thanks for posting. I was just thinking about checking in on the blog this morning, but decided not to since there has been nothing new since her son went off to college last fall.

There is something in me that really feels for Jaynee. She answered her commenter with truthful sincerity, gentle frankness and a certain amount of grace -- which is more than I could have mustered for a critical commenter.

Sadly, the hurt still sounds raw and painful, as though it just happened and I hope, really hope, that this a holdover from whatever happened in Mexico and is not from a continuing "moral failing" situation with Daniel.

The irony is that her religious beliefs are her solace and yet keep her in this painful situation. Off to check her FB page now.

[Howl]

Does anyone know what state they r living in.

My understanding is that they are still in California.

[browncoatslytherin]

i had forgotten all about this until this thread. if anyone else needs catching up, here's the original thread:

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=22111&hilit=jaynee+lockwood

[nelliebelle1197]

Oh, ugh. How sad is it that her oldest came home from college after his first semester so he could work to save up for his next one? Sigh. Responsible? Yes. But sad.

And she keeps staunchly defending her choice to stay with Daniel (like she's got any choice, right?). But there seems to be some folks (another Lockwood, in fact) that are challenging her on that issue.

Where'd you see Timothy came home? Can't find that.

ETA: nevermind!

[feministxtian]

I couldn't find her FB...link? NVM...

Looks like they sent another kid to PCC...

[Howl]

But, I swear, this drives me nucking futz every. single. time she has written it:

In a day when giving up on marriage is more common than not...when it seems so much easier to just be done than to pass through the pain that comes...when a commitment for life means so little...a day where there are broken families everywhere...

When Satan is doing all he can to make getting out seem to be the solution...so easy...and even right....yet being the father of lies, never reminding us the heartache and disaster that follows.

So thankful for a God of grace....forgiveness...true love...healing...strength...peace...brokenness...taking ashes and making something beautiful.

I don't deserve any of it. But I'm so glad He loves us and offers it all to us each and ever day.

Really, Jaynee? You don't think you deserve these things, all good things? Please, PLEASE abandon the flawed, miserable sinner position and let your light SHINE, girl. Seeing yourself as inherently flawed keeps you depressed and suppresses the joy that is inherently yours.

[formergothardite]

Here is her FB page. It is public.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id ... 60&fref=ts

Her Valentine's Day post was about how it is easier to leave a marriage than stay through the difficult times. It is hard for marriages to recover from cheating(if that is what he did), but the marriage will never really recover if the cheated on spouse only stayed because they felt like they had no other option.

So thankful for a God of grace....forgiveness...true love...healing...strength...peace...brokenness...taking ashes and making something beautiful.

I don't deserve any of it. But I'm so glad He loves us and offers it all to us each and ever day

This is one of the tragedies of fundamental Christianity, it makes people feel like they don't deserve happiness or joy.

I noticed while skimming through her pictures that besides the formal family pictures, Daniel does not appear that often.

[WonderingInWA]

Here is her FB page. It is public.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id ... 60&fref=ts

Her Valentine's Day post was about how it is easier to leave a marriage than stay through the difficult times. It is hard for marriages to recover from cheating(if that is what he did), but the marriage will never really recover if the cheated on spouse only stayed because they felt like they had no other option.

This is one of the tragedies of fundamental Christianity, it makes people feel like they don't deserve happiness or joy.

I noticed while skimming through her pictures that besides the formal family pictures, Daniel does not appear that often.

Yep, that's been pretty prevalent since the announcement they were leaving Mexico. Not sure if that's his choice or hers. Oh, wait, it's his OF COURSE because nothing is ever her choice. I'm not sure if that's part of his self-flagellation (or SEEMING self-flagellation) or not.

[formergothardite]

You would think that if they really had a happy marriage he would appear in more pictures. It is like he isn't even part of family's daily life.

[Palimpsest]

New blog post: So many words to say so little. It's the usual Jaynee verbose Sturm und Drang. I can't quite see the point of the post.

Skimming through Facebook entries: She sounds quite cheerful and interacting with family members.

She will never divorce Daniel.

Interestingly, the Lockwood Family is still listed with CMC Missions Clearinghouse. cmcmissions.org

[Palimpsest]

You would think that if they really had a happy marriage he would appear in more pictures. It is like he isn't even part of family's daily life.

Wasn't he having live away from the family for the only job(s) he could find? They certainly have the requisite devoted Fundie couple sucking face pics for Valentine's day.

[Canuck]

Jaynee has a new post up, that she hasn't been hiding but healing...

[Jasmar]

Here is her FB page. It is public.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id ... 60&fref=ts

Her Valentine's Day post was about how it is easier to leave a marriage than stay through the difficult times. It is hard for marriages to recover from cheating(if that is what he did), but the marriage will never really recover if the cheated on spouse only stayed because they felt like they had no other option.

Can I just say that this is CRAP? Speaking as an Evangelical (though no longer any for, of fundie lite) Christian woman who filed for divorce after twenty years of trying to do "the right thing," who hasn't worked since the mid-90s, has kids at home - two of which have developmental issues, who has debilitating health issues on top of severe PTSD...

It is MUCH harder to leave. The easy thing is to close your heart and mind to the abuse, especially if it's not physical. The easy thing is to let your soul be sucked dry by the narcissist vampire you're married to. The easy thing is to let him slowly erode away your confidence, vitality, creativity, and passion because you're easier to control that way.

The hard thing is to live through months of severe panic and anxiety because you're afraid of him (even though the abuse wasn't physical). The hard thing is to know you have no source of income, and more or less no way of gaining one, but knowing you can't put yourself or your kids through the soul-killing lies, obfuscations, and games any longer. The hard thing is not being able to sleep because your guilt threatens to eat you alive. The hard thing is knowing there will be a significant number of people you thought you could trust who choose him over you, even knowing your story, because he "wants to save the marriage."

But you know what? The hard thing? Is totally worth it.

[Letgo]

Can I just say that this is CRAP? Speaking as an Evangelical (though no longer any for, of fundie lite) Christian woman who filed for divorce after twenty years of trying to do "the right thing," who hasn't worked since the mid-90s, has kids at home - two of which have developmental issues, who has debilitating health issues on top of severe PTSD...

It is MUCH harder to leave. The easy thing is to close your heart and mind to the abuse, especially if it's not physical. The easy thing is to let your soul be sucked dry by the narcissist vampire you're married to. The easy thing is to let him slowly erode away your confidence, vitality, creativity, and passion because you're easier to control that way.

The hard thing is to live through months of severe panic and anxiety because you're afraid of him (even though the abuse wasn't physical). The hard thing is to know you have no source of income, and more or less no way of gaining one, but knowing you can't put yourself or your kids through the soul-killing lies, obfuscations, and games any longer. The hard thing is not being able to sleep because your guilt threatens to eat you alive. The hard thing is knowing there will be a significant number of people you thought you could trust who choose him over you, even knowing your story, because he "wants to save the marriage."

But you know what? The hard thing? Is totally worth it.

So sorry for what you experienced. I wish Jaynee could come to the same place you did. But she won't. I just can't ever see her leaving Daniel, even if supporting all those children were not an issue. No matter what, she will stay. She does not believe in divorce, period. Marriage is until death, even if it causes that death.

[Jana814]

I get that she can't leave him. I really would love to know why they had to leave Mexico.

[Jasmar]

Thanks for letting blow off some steam. That old "the hard thing is to stay..." Is one of my big, red-cape-waving triggers.

I wish Jaynee would get to the place I am, too. As much as I've had to deal with, I also have had significant emotional support from a few dear friends, from my church (virtually unheard of in my world), and from my family. I haven't had to fight those closest to me, which a gal like Jaynee might. I feel deeply for her.

[treemom]

I think it can be hard to stay and hard to leave. I doubt there is a universal hardest thing for every relationship. But Jaynee has to justify her choice.

[browncoatslytherin]

Can I just say that this is CRAP? Speaking as an Evangelical (though no longer any for, of fundie lite) Christian woman who filed for divorce after twenty years of trying to do "the right thing," who hasn't worked since the mid-90s, has kids at home - two of which have developmental issues, who has debilitating health issues on top of severe PTSD...

It is MUCH harder to leave. The easy thing is to close your heart and mind to the abuse, especially if it's not physical. The easy thing is to let your soul be sucked dry by the narcissist vampire you're married to. The easy thing is to let him slowly erode away your confidence, vitality, creativity, and passion because you're easier to control that way.

The hard thing is to live through months of severe panic and anxiety because you're afraid of him (even though the abuse wasn't physical). The hard thing is to know you have no source of income, and more or less no way of gaining one, but knowing you can't put yourself or your kids through the soul-killing lies, obfuscations, and games any longer. The hard thing is not being able to sleep because your guilt threatens to eat you alive. The hard thing is knowing there will be a significant number of people you thought you could trust who choose him over you, even knowing your story, because he "wants to save the marriage."

But you know what? The hard thing? Is totally worth it.

this. so much this. my mum suffered and tried for 40 years because she didn't think she could leave. i think it was actually when we were becoming more liberal christians that she finally realized that she didn't have to put up with my dad's manipulative, cold ass and left. i honestly kinda wish she'd done it sooner, she's so much better off and she's been much happier than she'd been in years.

eta: even though i didn't legally marry him, in spirit and mind i was married to my ex for six years. i had thoughts several times over whether or not i should leave or wait and stick it out. when i finally realized that his pattern of behaviour was never going to change, i ended it and kicked him out of my life. again, wish i had done it sooner! but so glad i finally did it.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I think Jaynee would be happier if he left her. I refused to leave because I was the one wanting to stick it out, and i'd endure anything because that was what I thought was required of me. But I'm so glad he left! Otherwise I would honestly have been a shell of a person. We went through horrible things but now are pretty friendly, as we have each worked on ourselves separately. It's better now for the kids. I feel bad for Jaynee. She won't leave unless he maybe screwed up again.

[Letgo]

Thanks for letting blow off some steam. That old "the hard thing is to stay..." Is one of my big, red-cape-waving triggers.

I wish Jaynee would get to the place I am, too. As much as I've had to deal with, I also have had significant emotional support from a few dear friends, from my church (virtually unheard of in my world), and from my family. I haven't had to fight those closest to me, which a gal like Jaynee might. I feel deeply for her.

I think Jaynee would have lots of support from her family. There are strained relationships between Jaynee and some members of her family because of Daniel. They are worried about her. The discord with certain family members was mentioned on their blog. Daniel even addressed it once on there. Jaynee has family who would help her. I think they'd be thrilled if she left. She won't. Her only hope is if he left her. I don't think that is going to happen, either. He doesn't want to look any worse than he already does. Whatever he did, he won't want to be seen as even worse for abandoning his wife and 12 children.

[salex]

I think Jaynee would have lots of support from her family. There are strained relationships between Jaynee and some members of her family because of Daniel. They are worried about her. The discord with certain family members was mentioned on their blog. Daniel even addressed it once on there. Jaynee has family who would help her. I think they'd be thrilled if she left. She won't. Her only hope is if he left her. I don't think that is going to happen, either. He doesn't want to look any worse than he already does. Whatever he did, he won't want to be seen as even worse for abandoning his wife and 12 children.

That is part of the magic of quiverfull and how it "strengthen's marriages" to make them divorce proof.

Not only is the woman tied to the home by constant pregnancy and newborns to the point she can't work outside the home in any real way because of child care costs, etc, but once she starts homeschooling, she is even more chained to the house. No job, no job skills, and then she's forty competing with teens for jobs at McDonalds.

And the lucky man, no matter how badly he might want to leave, for a new love or because he doesn't believe any longer or whatever-- well , most states have an equation on child support based on how many kids, income, etc. Very few men with we see described here (including Jimmy Duggar, when his kids were all still kids) have incomes that would pay child support for a dozen plus kids, possibly spousal support while said ex is getting an education AND leave enough to live on. So even if they were able to say "Screw it" to their church and the side eye they'd get for leaving a wholly dependent wife and 12 kids, they have to look at finances.

I sometimes wonder if the "no state license" thing also allows men to find ways to abandon wives / kids with less or no legal/financial recourse from the wives, if the wife can be found sinful in some way (disobedient was enough to one group of theonomists I read to get a "biblically sounds" divorce.)

[anniebgood]

Jaynee doesn't feel like she is good enough for Daniel no matter what he has done to her and the family. I wrote her a while back and I told her that the God that I believe in loves me even if I have been less than perfect. Daniel said no God is a vindictive God. I would have continued the conversation but the fact that I am a woman debating theology kinda quelled that.

I wish her family would surround her and do a gentle intervention and let her know she's not flawed, she's not damaged and it isn't her fault that Daniel is a controlling and cheating SOB..