Maxwells: How not to be a Pharisee

[Miggy]

Since winning my conversation book I have enjoyed regular emails from Steve. This is the latest. It's a long and painful read but enjoy ...

 

As we raise our children, we desire for them to walk with the Lord and not to follow the ways of the world. The process of instilling God-honoring behavior in our children while not condemning those who make different choices can be difficult. Here is a question we were asked concerning this:

 

“I am writing to ask for your advice. You have been such an inspiration and a source of wisdom over the years that as I prayed for godly counsel in this area, your name immediately came to mind.

 

I am a homeschooling momma of six children ages 10 and under. Our goals for our children are to raise them to be God-loving, God-fearing people with a heart for serving others. How do I teach them right from wrong without becoming like a Pharisee? We have always been open with our children. If they come to us having seen something of which Jesus would not approve, we try to talk with them about what God would have us do. I feel as though at times the conversation has an undertone of ‘they should be more like us’ or ‘look at what a good job I (insert whichever kid is talking here) did.’ I want to teach my children to love the sinner and hate the sin. I want them to look with humility at their own lives and their own sins. How do I not condone the bad behavior that my children may have seen without seeming like a Pharisee looking to prove that we are right and they are wrong? Please help!†Courtney

The answers to those questions are tied up in discipleship, hearts, attitudes, and examples. Let’s start with some basics. Ephesians 6:4 instructs us to teach our children what Scripture says about how we are to live. “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.â€

 

We also read, “Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven†(Matthew 5:19).

 

To disciple our children, we must clearly instruct them by telling them, “This is right. This is wrong. This is acceptable. This is unacceptable.†We should have a biblical basis for those statements, we should be able to communicate it to our children, and we should live from the heart what we are teaching them.

 

Next we have to decide exactly what being Pharisaical is. The Lord indicates in the Word that evidence of people’s spiritual condition will be observable in their lives. “Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them†(Matthew 7:16-20). We are told that we are to judge righteously. “Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment†(John 7:24).

 

However, we also read this: “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven†(Luke 6:37). We believe Jesus is speaking here against the Pharisaical attitude that Courtney is talking about and that we do not want in our lives nor in our children’s lives. It is judging that involves personal pride and condemnation of the other.

 

As our children grew, we explained to them biblically why we did what we did, but we let them know those were our decisions and that each family must make their own decisions before the Lord. We also told them that it wasn’t their place to tell others what was right and what was wrong, especially since they were children. Exhortation can be appropriate for elders in a church, and even for believers with each other, as Hebrews 3:13 says: “But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.†However, that is out of the realm of appropriateness for a child.

 

We suggested the children talk to us about their thoughts and concerns when they observed behavior in others that they didn’t think was godly. That gave us the opportunity to confirm their concerns or dispel them. It also allowed us to help direct their hearts toward being compassionate and praying for others rather than condemning them—loving the sinner.

 

Another thing we did was remind our children of the sin in our lives—the sin the Lord Jesus forgave when He redeemed us. “In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace†(Ephesians 1:7). We helped them know that we are no better than anyone else. “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God†(Romans 3:23).

 

We taught them through the Word that we have no righteousness of our own. It is only through the Lord Jesus Christ. The Pharisaical attitudes come from forgetting who we really are—sinners before a righteous and holy God. The parable found in Luke 18:9-14 is one that illustrates that fact and one that can be used to help our children toward right attitudes.

 

“And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.â€

 

This process of discipling our children is ongoing, and involves continual discussions. Being in the Word on a daily basis shines God’s light into our hearts to help discern motives and condemn pride and unrighteous judgment. In our daily family Bible time, we regularly came across verses that played into helping our children with godly attitudes toward others who were making different choices than we were. We encourage you to use the Word to do that for your children.

 

May we be parents who hate the sin but love the sinner and teach our children to do the same.

 

Steve & Teri Maxwell

 

 

My only thought: Steve is the perfect person to write about being a Pharisee, isn't he?

[latraviata]

Why do they need all these bible verses, texts, psalms and disciple their children just to teach them some decent tolerance?

We do, they don't, we don't, they do without referring to the boring bible should suffice.

[Justme]

So they pick apart every person they come across pointing out their "sin" so they can further elevate themselves!? They are even more nuts than I thought!

[sparkles]

From an old post of Sarah's on the daughters' board.

We also went to the airport and sat the family in a busy spot. We watched the people – specifically watching men’s eyes as they looked at women with some of these clothing styles on. Ugh! What a lesson for our daughter!

Yeah, they're not judgey or anything. And I've got a bridge to sell you. :roll:

[MamaJunebug]

From an old post of Sarah's on the daughters' board.

Yeah, they're not judgey or anything. And I've got a bridge to sell you. :roll:

Wonder what happened when some of those leering men-eyes caught sight of the Maxhell young lovelies gazing into their eyes!!!! You know it had to happen at least once......!

[singsingsing]

And these people think kids in normal society are oversexualized? They're making their own kids obsessed with sex before they likely would even have noticed such things if they'd just decided to live with conservative values.

[Miggy]

So they pick apart every person they come across pointing out their "sin" so they can further elevate themselves!? They are even more nuts than I thought!

This is what puzzled me. Isn't picking people apart to make yourself feel better a defining characteristic of both Maxwells and the Pharisees? How can Steve possibly preach tolerance when he is the least tolerant man alive except PP?

Sitting the children at an airport and teaching them to judge others just makes me cry. Those poor kids. They never had a chance.

[FloraKitty35]

This is what puzzled me. Isn't picking people apart to make yourself feel better a defining characteristic of both Maxwells and the Pharisees? How can Steve possibly preach tolerance when he is the least tolerant man alive except PP?

Sitting the children at an airport and teaching them to judge others just makes me cry. Those poor kids. They never had a chance.

I wonder if Stevehovah also used the airport exercise to further crush any dreams of escape from Maxhell?

[Justme]

Could you imagine a young bride married to one of these goons!?! She would have the typical new marital jitters, and then have her husband pick her apart! As her "headship", he would badger her daily to "confess".

Just change the clothes and this family would fit right in to the 1200's....

[salex]

From an old post of Sarah's on the daughters' board.

Yeah, they're not judgey or anything. And I've got a bridge to sell you. :roll:

Hmm, wonder if these women in what were likely normal clothing (or more normal than what the Maxwells wear_ are married and have kids and maybe even staying home with them. They may well have been looking at the Maxwells thinking "Ugh.... what a way to dress."

[Snobunny]

The Maxwells seems to completely ignore the fact that Jesus loved all including a prostitute & a tax collector. How do they explain that?

I could just imagine the weeping & wailing if they saw my outfit the last time I got off a plane. I was wearing Abercrombie shorts, a v neck t-shirt & a baseball cap. They'd probably really have a heart attack if they knew I'm a practicing Catholic.

Their hypocrisy is astounding.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I believe it is against TOS to post private emails here.

[16strong]

The irony of this article is hopelessly lost on the Maxwells- they ARE Pharisees. They DON'T accept people of all types. They don't love prostitutes. They don't love Muslims. They don't love drug dealers or addicts. In fact, they don't love anyone whom they perceive as 'sinning' more than they do, even when the Christian bible states that everyone is the same in God's eyes- a sinner. They have no clue that they are not any different from heroin addicts or practicing Wiccans in the eyes of their God. They don't seem to realize that sheltering their kids or eating 1 less animal cracker or not playing t-ball is doing nothing at all except preventing them from living their lives the way Jesus did- helping the less fortunate and those whom the rest of society had turned their backs on. The Maxwells ARE the rest of society. They actively turn their backs on helping people because they don't fit into the mold of their sterile lifestyle, and they might "defraud" their adult children. They're so concerned with not going to hell that they are completely overlooking what their religion calls them to do- help the needy and less fortunate and bring them to God, while offering forgiveness. I'm sorry, but preaching to middle-class white fundies is not imparting any sort of knowledge to those that have none. It's not helping anyone less fortunate. So my point here is...what DO the Maxwells do? They don't bring anyone to God. They don't forgive anyone in the name of Jesus. All they seem to do is assuage the egos of people with like-minded agendas. Or rather, they exist to assuage their own.

/Rant off :angry-banghead:

[socalrules]

From an old post of Sarah's on the daughters' board.

Yeah, they're not judgey or anything. And I've got a bridge to sell you. :roll:

So they don't think it is odd, or batshit crazy, to go to the airport so they can stare at people? How is that any different than a man glancing at a woman? At least the man is at the airport for a purpose. The Maxwells just go to leer at other people, specifically men.

[mockingbird]

The Maxwells seems to completely ignore the fact that Jesus loved all including a prostitute & a tax collector. How do they explain that?

I could just imagine the weeping & wailing if they saw my outfit the last time I got off a plane. I was wearing Abercrombie shorts, a v neck t-shirt & a baseball cap. They'd probably really have a heart attack if they knew I'm a practicing Catholic.

Their hypocrisy is astounding.

LOL... the Maxwells would probably flip out if they saw me at an airport. I almost always wear something low-cut or tight-fitting because I am really short, and I've found that makes me look older. Otherwise the employees think I have a fake ID, talk to me in a baby voice, and/or pull me aside because I'm obviously an unaccompanied minor. (I very rarely get carded outside airports because like, if you look at me for more than two seconds I look like a SHORT ADULT haha.) Strange that I have to dress "immodestly" to get more respect, lol.

If being a Pharisee wasn't an ironic topic for them to address though... :pull-hair:

[Three and Done]

Miggy - Is the email you have quoted from a private correspondence, or is it publicly available? If it is private, you may NOT post it in it's entirety here, as that is against the rules. I will be moving your posts (and all others on this topic) until you reply to the message I have sent you.

Once you confirm this is public information and provide a link to the source, I (or another Helpmeet) will move them back.

Thank you.

Three

Miggy has verified that this information is available at titus2.com/corners/moms-corner/pharisee-dont-wanna-be-1.html as one of their joint "Corner" posts.

This situation could have been avoided if that had been made clear in the OP.

[Three and Done]

Miggy - Is the email you have quoted from a private correspondence, or is it publicly available? If it is private, you may NOT post it in it's entirety here, as that is against the rules. I will be moving your posts (and all others on this topic) until you reply to the message I have sent you.

Once you confirm this is public information and provide a link to the source, I (or another Helpmeet) will move them back.

Thank you.

Three

[nelliebelle1197]

Can you define private as you are interpreting it? I believe Miggy said the email is part of the correspondence the Maxwells have with customers. Would that be considered private? If so, the quotes people put up from time to time from the old subscriber only forums would be considered private too. Just curious as to where those lines may be.

[mastercleaner]

Are you asking about the Pharisee article? If so it is on the Moms and Dads corners which are public... you just add your email to the newsletter and you get the moms and dads corners every month...

I dont know if that is considered private.. just that the whole Pharisee topic is in thier corners.. which are technically public..

[happy atheist]

In my opinion, if all you have to do is sign up for a newsletter, then that is not private.

The way Miggy phrased her original post, it's unclear where the communication came from. Once we hear back from her we'll know how to proceed.

[anjulibai]

You don't even have to sign up for the newsletter, just go to the Titus2 website and click the link to the Mom's and Dad's Corners. It's right there for all the world to see.

Here's the link, minus the titus2 . com : corners/moms-corner/pharisee-dont-wanna-be-1.html

[16strong]

They really named it pharisee don't wanna be? Ugh. :ew:

[anjulibai]

Miggy - Is the email you have quoted from a private correspondence, or is it publicly available? If it is private, you may NOT post it in it's entirety here, as that is against the rules. I will be moving your posts (and all others on this topic) until you reply to the message I have sent you.

Once you confirm this is public information and provide a link to the source, I (or another Helpmeet) will move them back.

Thank you.

Three

Miggy has verified that this information is available at titus2.com/corners/moms-corner/pharisee-dont-wanna-be-1.html as one of their joint "Corner" posts.

This situation could have been avoided if that had been made clear in the OP.

No reason to be snarky. :?

[Katydid]

Could you imagine a young bride married to one of these goons!?! She would have the typical new marital jitters, and then have her husband pick her apart! As her "headship", he would badger her daily to "confess".

Just change the clothes and this family would fit right in to the 1200's....

People in the 1200s had way more fun, even the peasants.

[Curious]

I merged the 2 topics on this because there were some member questions that were asked, so rather than archive the partial thread which has been rendered moot, it may be helpful to others to read all the posts.

You are now returned to your regularly scheduled Maxhellian Discussion. Please be aware that we will be monitoring this thread for :shifty: fun :shifty: and will take the appropriate actions if anyone is found to be having such in a Maxhell thread :wink-penguin: