SSM and Lori whine about proposals

[lilwriter85]

Lori did a blog entry in response to SSM's entry about proposals. If some people want over the top proposals fine, but both SSM and Lori seem to use over the top proposals to hate on women.

sunshinemaryandthedragon.wordpress.com/2013/10/24/busting-rates-and-managing-expectations/

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/11/extravagant-proposals-and-push-presents.html

[GeoBQn]

The thing is, I do think that the trend of extravegant proposals is too much, and that "push presents" are ridiculous (though I've never actually met anybody who has gotten one). When Lori complains about them, however, I think, "Why can't a woman get something nice after having a baby?" She's so vile on everything else that it makes me automatically disagree with her even when I don't. I think this hit me the wrong way because she just puts it in terms of her new slogan, "Expectations kill relationships." Like, I wouldn't have a problem with her saying that Ken didn't get her anything nice after the birth of each of her kids if it weren't for the clear implication over time that Ken never does anything nice for her at all.

Ken proposed to me one night while we were cuddling and asked me if I would like to become Mrs. Alexander.

Of course, he made it all about him.

[docmom]

Oh for god's sake Lori, just because Ken is a neanderthal (something you remind us of daily) doesn't mean all men need to be that way. My husband went to a lot of trouble to surprise me with a wonderful engagement and I'll always cherish that day. I didn't EXPECT it, but I loved that he cared that much about me to go to all the trouble he did. I did get "push presents" but again, only because my husband was so thrilled at what we had created together that he chose to buy me some gorgeous jewelry that I wear every day to remind me of those amazing moments. Maybe, just maybe, romantic gestures come sincerely from the man and are not coerced by the woman. Something to think on...

ETA: sincere apologies to any actual Neanderthals out there for lumping Ken in with you...

[Artemis]

What is it with this business of 'this is the way it was/is for me so this is the only RIGHT way for it to be'?

Their combination of rock-bottom self-esteem and sky-high arrogance is truly bizarre!

[FloraKitty35]

Lori & Shit Stain Mary both fail to take into account that little things done thoughtfully can mean just as much as big over the top things. Maybe Ken will gift her by leaving the seat up and taking a deuce in the toilet tank.

[salex]

The thing is, I do think that the trend of extravegant proposals is too much, and that "push presents" are ridiculous (though I've never actually met anybody who has gotten one). When Lori complains about them, however, I think, "Why can't a woman get something nice after having a baby?" She's so vile on everything else that it makes me automatically disagree with her even when I don't. I think this hit me the wrong way because she just puts it in terms of her new slogan, "Expectations kill relationships." Like, I wouldn't have a problem with her saying that Ken didn't get her anything nice after the birth of each of her kids if it weren't for the clear implication over time that Ken never does anything nice for her at all.

Of course, he made it all about him.

Am I alone in reading that bit of information as an "afterglow" proposal?

I don't care about fancy proposals... often they occur because the participants have been planning to get engaged for a while, or have been dating/living together for a while and they want to up the ante for the experience. Do we have a shrugging smilie?

[GeoBQn]

Am I alone in reading that bit of information as an "afterglow" proposal?

For St. Lori? Nonsense! I'm sure that she and Ken were just cuddling up on the couch, drinking tea, and discussing how good the tea is.

[2xx1xy1JD]

What is it with this business of 'this is the way it was/is for me so this is the only RIGHT way for it to be'?

Their combination of rock-bottom self-esteem and sky-high arrogance is truly bizarre!

But heaven forbid that anyone else try that line of argument.

Comments from me or anyone else with a happy marriage are not well received. It's either, "well, you marriage could be even better with total submission" or "I'm just mentoring women who feel that they have crappy marriages, I'm not talking to you".

[2xx1xy1JD]

As for the post in general - it was one of her less offensive ones.

If the main message was "don't get caught up in big romantic gestures, focus on what truly matters", I'd totally agree.

My problem with Lori is that she says that this "no expectations" thing extends to EVERYTHING, including things that do truly matter. I mean, my engagement consisted of a conversation on a dock, and I didn't get any "push presents" (and hate jewelry), but if my husband had refused to help with the kids HELL NO would that have been acceptable. I'd also expect him to be by my side if I was dealing with a brain tumor.

OTOH, this may be the first post I've seen where Lori says anything positive about Ken.

[ThisOlGirl]

Shitstain's hubby is SOOOO alpha, y'all:

When I asked my husband why he had never given me a push present, he, being a bit of a jerk (but s’okay because chicks dig jerks), said, “I let you carry my babies. That’s enough of a gift for any woman.â€

To think this turd has had sex with dozens of women besides his miserable wife (while being married to said miserable wife, no less). Who are these women????

[littlemommy]

I didn't get a "push" present (of course I had two c-sections so I pushed out nothing), but my husband did bring me Jimmy John's in the hospital. In the moment that probably made me the happiest woman in the world.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Shitstain's hubby is SOOOO alpha, y'all:

When I asked my husband why he had never given me a push present, he, being a bit of a jerk (but s’okay because chicks dig jerks), said, “I let you carry my babies. That’s enough of a gift for any woman.â€

To think this turd has had sex with dozens of women besides his miserable wife (while being married to said miserable wife, no less). Who are these women????

Thanks for reminding me why I don't usually read SSM's blog.

Ya know what? I'm happy to be "busting the rates" if I brag about my husband or BILs from time to time, because I think that it's a GOOD thing if women realize that it's possible for a husband to act like a decent human being. I don't care about a "push present" but I care very much about the fact that my husband wouldn't make a jerk comment like that. Then again, I have pesky expectations, and actually expect my husband to be a decent human being.

[Ridiculous]

I got push presents >.>;;

After kid #1 I got a kindle, so I could read easily while sitting up all night nursing.

After kid #2 I got a mommy necklace. One of those wrapped wire "nest" pendants with two pearl "eggs."

Anyway, heaven forbid a man (or woman) should want to give their wife some token of appreciation after they've gone through the exceedingly difficult task of growing a human and expelling it from their body. But, of course, that's me operating under the misguided assumption that a man should ever show appreciation towards a woman at all. *eyes roll out of skull*

[salex]

Shitstain's hubby is SOOOO alpha, y'all:

When I asked my husband why he had never given me a push present, he, being a bit of a jerk (but s’okay because chicks dig jerks), said, “I let you carry my babies. That’s enough of a gift for any woman.â€

To think this turd has had sex with dozens of women besides his miserable wife (while being married to said miserable wife, no less). Who are these women????[/quote]

This. I mean, if the pic we saw was him, and what she says about his serious asshole attitude is accurate, who would be lining up to screw him. I have always assumed he was a paying customer somewhere.

[Angharad Crewe]

I personally hate the idea of an over the top, very public proposal. When I see/hear about them, I cringe inside. Part of the reason I am so uncomfortable with the idea is because I am a very private, introverted person and wouldn't know how to react. Even the traditional guy-goes-down-on-one-knee-and-presents-a-ring proposal freaks me out. I would much rather have an engagement happen more organically (the afterglow proposal or even just a mutual decision made after lots of conversations) so I could feel like I was an active participant in the process.

That said, just because I hate watching it doesn't mean that I think no one should get a pre-meditated, thoughtful proposal (even if it is super public and/or mushy). If that is what matches the couple's style, then that is what they should do. It's not like the couple is hurting me with their cheesiness and if it makes them happy, then good for them.

SSM and Lori just come off as being jealous shrews, who have terrible spouses and need to justify their terrible decision to stay with said spouses.

[louisa05]

I personally hate the idea of an over the top, very public proposal. When I see/hear about them, I cringe inside. Part of the reason I am so uncomfortable with the idea is because I am a very private, introverted person and wouldn't know how to react. Even the traditional guy-goes-down-on-one-knee-and-presents-a-ring proposal freaks me out. I would much rather have an engagement happen more organically (the afterglow proposal or even just a mutual decision made after lots of conversations) so I could feel like I was an active participant in the process.

That said, just because I hate watching it doesn't mean that I think no one should get a pre-meditated, thoughtful proposal (even if it is super public and/or mushy). If that is what matches the couple's style, then that is what they should do. It's not like the couple is hurting me with their cheesiness and if it makes them happy, then good for them.

SSM and Lori just come off as being jealous shrews, who have terrible spouses and need to justify their terrible decision to stay with said spouses.

My husband and I made a decision together then bought the ring together. But he wanted to formally propose. I made it clear that I would kill him if he did it in public. He is more introverted than me and was relieved that I felt that way. He surprised me with a formal on one knee proposal at his house one night. It was lovely and private and the whole "let's get married thing" had already been decided together.

[Myfanwy]

Shitstain's hubby is SOOOO alpha, y'all:

When I asked my husband why he had never given me a push present, he, being a bit of a jerk (but s’okay because chicks dig jerks), said, “I let you carry my babies. That’s enough of a gift for any woman....

He let her? Let her? So he could have not let her; cos he is the maleist male whoever maled. That sentence alone would be enough for me to bid him farewell. YUCK.

[Librul]

The only problem I have with "push presents" is calling them "push presents". Why does everything have to have a stupid trendy name?

[lilah]

I want to say to of them that sorry you chose to marry selfish assholes but some guys like to give their partners some thing special like a push present or plan elaborate proposal. It's how they are expressing their love.

[Koala]

Note to Sunshine Mary: Your self loathing is showing.

I swear that woman makes me sick. "Well Holy Hand Grenade grunted in my general direction after I gave birth and said he'd think about acknowledging our child as his own. That was good enough for me!" <---sarcasm here...but not much.

And the one that said that her husband's "gift" to her after child birth was that he got up with the baby so she could sleep???? My husband got me the same gift. Except he called it parenting and he did it because that's what parents do. :pull-hair:

[blue_the_puppy]

Has SSM ever said anything that would give us even the slightest impression that HHG is a decent husband?

I mean, besides the cheating, he just seems like an all-around jerkface.

I'm not saying that based on his proposal or his lack of push presents, btw.

I'm not a fan of over-the-top proposals personally, but its a special moment and if it works for some couples, good for them.

Husbands might give push presents because they think its a sweet gesture, not because their selfish wife is manipulating them. I mean, I haven't had a kid yet, but hopefully I will someday, and if my husband decides to give me a gift, I'll be grateful. If he doesn't, that's fine too.

I can guarantee that either way, he wouldn't say "I let you carry my babies. That’s enough of a gift for any woman."

[lilwriter85]

Has SSM ever said anything that would give us even the slightest impression that HHG is a decent husband?

I mean, besides the cheating, he just seems like an all-around jerkface.

I'm not saying that based on his proposal or his lack of push presents, btw.

I'm not a fan of over-the-top proposals personally, but its a special moment and if it works for some couples, good for them.

Husbands might give push presents because they think its a sweet gesture, not because their selfish wife is manipulating them. I mean, I haven't had a kid yet, but hopefully I will someday, and if my husband decides to give me a gift, I'll be grateful. If he doesn't, that's fine too.

I can guarantee that either way, he wouldn't say "I let you carry my babies. That’s enough of a gift for any woman."

I don't think SSM has ever given the impression that HHG is a decent husband. I agre, if over-the top proposals work for some people, good for them. I kind of think that SSM and Lori have some jealousy towards women whose husbands do special things or gifts.

[Koala]

I don't think SSM has ever given the impression that HHG is a decent husband. I agre, if over-the top proposals work for some people, good for them. I kind of think that SSM and Lori have some jealousy towards women whose husbands do special things or gifts.

Absolutely. Those two want company for their misery, and neither of them will be satisfied until every other woman they know is being treated like shit just.like.them.

[twinmama]

Forget an actual push present (though I had twins, did I deserve TWO?), I would much prefer a "full night of sleep" card or something. I think calling them push presents is silly, but the sentiment is nice. I doubt anyone would be against giving a gift to your wife any other time in your marriage, so I'm guessing the stupid name is the main sticking point.

My babies were enough of a push present for me (though, there was no pushing as they were an emergency section). As was my husband's constant help in the NICU and after they came home.

I can guarantee that either way, he wouldn't say "I let you carry my babies. That’s enough of a gift for any woman."

That needs to be the other way around for sure! I always (jokingly) tell my husband "I carried and birthed your children! You do the dishes tonight!"

[Angharad Crewe]

I don't think SSM has ever given the impression that HHG is a decent husband. I agre, if over-the top proposals work for some people, good for them. I kind of think that SSM and Lori have some jealousy towards women whose husbands do special things or gifts.

Like Lori, I think SSM's blog is a way of venting her marital frustrations onto the internet and trying to suck other women down into the misery pit. It is very telling that they are so resentful of other people trying to be happy.