Ken tells us how Lori fixed their marriage by always...

[Koala]

pleasing HIM. Because it's all about HIM.

In a series of 4 replies on the comments in this post:

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/10/experiencing-empty-nest.html#idc-container Ken discusses how Lori fixed their marriage by always trying to please him, no matter how sick she was. It's way too long to post, but here are some of the highlights:

Many nights Lori made her big salads which the kids loved, then they came running for daddy’s food. Remember, most of these years Lori lived with a sick stomach and other health issues, so I had to fend for myself many days and nights.

By "other health issues" I think he means brain tumor. But whatever, he had to make his own dinner :(

I went to Lori and told her I wanted her to hold me accountable for every time I said a cross word to her, changed my tone of voice, or got upset with her. I wanted to learn to express myself clearly in a caring way without upset, no matter how many times she screwed up the check book.

<----- See? Lori's not the only one that can do passive aggressive digs via blog post. Well played Ken. :roll:

I grew up in an open family with loving parents that got along great. Mom was submissive, Dad was loving, and the marriage seemed perfect in every way. Lori grew up with two great parents who lived like islands with Dad working 60 hours a week and Mom handling the family and home.

We both wanted what my parents had, but neither of us knew how to get there. Fortunately at that same time we found the Pearls' at a conference on Hebrews and our lives were forever changed for the better. We both found the truths of our “new lives in Christ†that Michael teaches so clearly, and Lori found the best book I have never read, Debbie Pearl's Created to Be His Help Meet.

Let me sum this up for you: Dig at Lori's parents (again). But my mommy was submissive!!!! Pearl's book on submission= GREATEST BOOK EVAH....forget the Bible!

Here's where it takes a turn:

Lori came to me one day about ten years ago and said, “I finally figured out how we can have an intimate relationship!†I said, “I am in… what do I have to do now?â€

She paused for a moment, looked me right in the eyes and said, “There is nothing you can do. I need to please you.â€

“I like the way that sounds!," I exclaimed as I headed to my office upstairs, and she came running after me saying, “No, no, what can I do right now for you, right now.â€

Well, she caught me so off guard I wasn’t thinking clearly or we might have headed straight to bedroom, but instead I said, “Well, my shirts are never ironed. Maybe you could iron some for me.â€

With that she headed off to iron some shirts and ten minutes later she came back tired and said, “You know ironing is awful tiring. Could I maybe iron a few shirts every day and at the end of the week they will all be done?â€

“Lori, I just appreciate the fact you are trying to please me. Iron as many as you like, whenever you like.â€

“You don’t believe me do you?†came her retort.

“Lori, all we ever seem to do is argue. If I say white, you say black. If I say its good, you say its bad. We never seem to be on the same page together.â€

“That is right,†Lori responded, and as she put forward her had to shake mine she added, “and we will never argue again.â€

I couldn’t help but chuckle watching this scene of my difficult, strong headed, beautiful inside and out woman, was really going to try and please me. I thought I had married a selfish wife and no way around it, I was going to have to put up with that the rest of my life, because she was mine.

Good thing Ken's not selfish :evil-eye:

“Can I test you?†I asked. To which she quickly agreed that I could test her in any way I wanted to. No time limit, no take backs, she was going to please me no matter what the costs.

Well as you can imagine the next week was one of mild testing, but more so a time that I watch my doll blossom into all God wanted her to be. I started washing my own dishes and she bumps me off of the sink and says, “I will do those.†She would do anything and every to please me. What we did not know at the time was she was doing all of this severe stomach and head aches, and a brain tumor.

See, while Ken was testing his "doll" she was battling a brain tumor. But SUBMISSION! :angry-banghead:

Yes, we continued to struggle with some things, like arguing, but each time I would say to Lori, “You know you have been a little argumentative lately,†she would respond by putting her hand out to shake mine and say, “It will never happen again.†I no longer cared if it happened again or not, so long as I knew she was truly trying to please me.

Umm, marital bliss...don't you all wish you had it :cray-cray:

[Morton Fan]

OH MY.

[dairyfreelife]

Well, that's nice Lori wanted to please her husband...but what is Ken doing to please his wife. Why were you arguing so much and why is all the blame on Lori for that. Oh, and I do love how her arguing is on the negative side, along with blaming her for it all and not him, no never him.

-I can't get my question marks to work on my keyboard, so sorry about that. :?

[Anny Nym]

Al and Peggy Bundy apparently had a healthier marriage than this two....

[AnywhereButHere]

So one takeaway from this is that Lori's delve into submission coincided with the advent of a brain tumor. Not sure whether or not Ken made that connection, but either way, he's a jackhole.

[GolightlyGrrl]

Lori Alexander is a Fucking Monster, but Ken is so truly awful I don't think there is a word in the English language that could describe Ken's awfulness.

[lizziesmom]

This "please your man" mantra isn't limited to these two idiots. It's central to fundie Christianity. Women are supposedly revered as 'wives and mamas' but other than popping out babies we have no value.

[SoybeanQueen]

This makes me so sad for her. I love doing things to please my husband, too. I like him, I want him to be happy, that's why I married him. Recently, I was very sick for about 2 weeks. I couldn't get out of bed or do much of anything. For a few days, I went to my parents' house and they took care of me and my toddler, and my husband handled the other 4 kids plus everything in our house.

For the rest of the time when I was at home, I didn't even have to think about whether or not I was being pleasing to my husband. He just took care of stuff. He asked the kids to be quiet so I could rest. He made some very interesting dinner concoctions and my pantry is now empty of some really bizarre ingredient combinations, but you know what? He never woke me up to ask what to do for dinner. The kids loved the change of menu.

It's so sad that while Lori was dealing with horrible stomach aches and headaches, even without the unknown piece about the brain tumor, that she was expected to concern herself with what everyone else needed. *She* needed to figure out her health issues and heal. That should take priority in a good marriage.

[Angharad Crewe]

It sounds like they have trapped themselves into the mindset that they need to have a perfect, argument free marriage. But, a certain amount of arguing is healthy, as long as it is done respectfully and as long as both parties are open to seeing the other person's viewpoint. Now, based on their blog posts, they are both miserable, but refuse to act like adults and talk it through. Instead they post passive aggressive diatribes against the other on their blog while trying to convince themselves that they have found the secret to a happy marriage.

[CrazyCatLady]

Sounds like they need to stop with the comparisons. Every marriage is different and no marriage is perfect. Constant comparison will take away joy and contentment.

Also, Ken is a gaping, seeping asshole.

[miffy]

Ken = :ew:

I've been wondering if maybe Lori's brain tumour affected her personality? If they are big enough or in certain areas your personality can be altered dramatically, for good.

[salex]

What horrible people these two are. I hope that her blog is well documented, in case she dies and Ken wants to remarry, at least some sane women will have a chance to read what they are getting into.

They deserve one another and each has earned whatever misery they have experienced in their marriage.

[Hane]

I've been wondering if maybe Lori's brain tumour affected her personality? If they are big enough or in certain areas your personality can be altered dramatically, for good.

This happened with a late friend of mine. I met this chatty, outgoing, affable guy at church, and learned that he had inoperable brain cancer. His wife told me that, before the growth of the tumor, he had been very quiet and cynical--almost sullen--and that the progression of his disease changed his personality greatly.

A local news article told about a bad-to-the-bone motorcyclist who had suffered a TBI, and became a sweet, kind, compassionate person.

[ohnomoe]

These fundie husbands seem to think that just because a submissive wife can "fix" a difficult marriage (at least from their perspective) that the non-submissive wife must be the cause of difficult marriages. All of them. Ever.

Sure I can fix the problem of dirty dishes by putting detergent to work but that doesn't mean that any property of the detergent is necessarily causing my problem with dirty dishes in the first place... Replace detergent with the right of a person to have control over their life and there is a serious issue.

It also baffles me that although these bloggers hate hate hate feminists, that they have an extremely simple and flawed idea of what feminism is. Do they look at men like Ken in submissive marriages and think that feminists want his role? I can only speak for myself but for me that is a huge "hell no!". I actually FREAKING LOVE doing things to please my partner, because you know, I love him and he is a great guy (gross I know), but I'm not about to give over my autonomy to him or anyone else. The more I delve into the world of submissive wives, the more I'm extremely grateful that I didn't marry a selfish dick like Ken and that my partner seems to really enjoy doing things to please me too, even the washing up! :roll:

I just read over that and it sounds like I have major tickets on my relationship haha. I actually think it is pretty bog standard but the the likes of Lori and Ken wouldn't let that reality get in the way of the notion that all non-submissive relationships are dominated by selfish, stubborn and argumentative women who don't care at all for their husbands.

[FloraKitty35]

Ken tells us how Lori fixed their marriage by always...kissing his ass.

[Behemoth]

I am confident that Ken, and Lori, believe that he can’t make a mistake. The power of the penis renders him infallible. I am a 48 year old man and I can’t stomach the idea that my partner would submit to me under any circumstances, much less when so ill. My boo was terribly ill and I waited on him hand and foot – which was the right thing to do. He had major surgery and was bedridden. He needed me to care for him. What decent person would receive moral satisfaction from their SO doing housework while so ill?

I hate how these perverted religious beliefs empower men and leave women less than adult.