Babies are assholes!?

[FJismyheadship]

blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2012/05/babies_are_assh.php

Ummm... yeah. This guy thinks babies are assholes... I can't tell if he is serious or not.

[Mela99]

The thing is, I can kinda see where he's coming from.

[August]

Just wait till he meets a preschooler.

[Coconut Flan]

They have an older child so I believe he already has.

I think he has some valid points.

He mentioned lentil soup. ::whispers:: :lol: :lol:

[doggie]

at least he does not think they are evil and need a plumbing line.

[walnut]

I still hope he goes for a vasectomy and no woman will have kids with him!

Even if he is joking, all jokes are half(?) truth! Or the truth people don't dare say out loud in a serious manner!

[JesusFightClub]

I thought that was quite a good article!

He clearly loves his kids (and it sounds like he's a stay-at-home dad) and while his conclusions about attachment parenting are a bit shaky I quite enjoyed the tone. My brother texted me when Small was born saying "Babies are really fucking annoying" and I LOL'd at that too. They are, but as the guy says, they are also adorable and we love them anyway.

[OkToBeTakei]

The comments are hilarious!

I thought it was quite funny and made some good points. Primarily humour is OK to have which appears to desert a huge number of people when they have a baby.

So glad I avoided the type of mother who made having their child their new mission in life and made sure to tell the world how to do it.

[Cran]

To me, the only difference between a toddler and a zombie is its height. Sorry.

Do not like children. Do not like babies. Some are quite cute when they sleep, yes, but only for a very short time. Before that, they look like blistered potatoes and after that they're simply a nuisance.

I'm going to hell, obv.

[FJismyheadship]

I agree, he did make valid points. I was surprised at the use of the word Asshole for a baby lol

[Evilbad]

You know what? I don't like babies. Newborns are tedious, exhausting, and boring. I pretty much just deal with them until they get into toddlers and then it's really just keeping the kid from killing his or herself until you can send them to school. But at least they are fun.

I mean, I love my son and I wouldn't change a thing about it, but babies? They're boring. And sometimes they're assholes. We won't even talk about how incompatible we were with sleep, and how he felt it was totally okay to crap and barf on me. The person who made the comparison between small kids and drunk people? So right on. That whole "Imma let you tell me how cute I am but I'm not going to allow you to put me down without screaming my tiny little head off for like, 3 months" thing? Whatever. I'll remember that when I'm old and you have to take care of me, kid.

Now other peoples' babies? That I don't have to do anything with except play? Totally cool. My toddler nephew? Coolest kid on the planet. My 12 year old who no longer needs me to wipe his butt and runs to the bathroom on his own to barf and has a wicked sense of humor and still hugs me even though he's almost bigger than me? Even cooler than my nephew.

[danvillebelle]

I pretty much enjoyed the baby stage with all mine, and I thought the article was funny and rather spot-on. They ARE a royal pain in the ass a lot of the time. Saying so out loud doesn't mean you don't love them or that you aren't a good parent. It means you're an honest human being with feelings and needs of your own.

I have four children. When the youngest was born, the oldest was 6 1/2. Some days the only thing that kept me sane was my library card and knowing that I'd be able to get out of the house alone for 2 hours.

And AMEN to what Evilbad said about other people's babies and your own kids being older. I am more than happy to cuddle a friend's delicious newborn-smelling bundle of joy for a few minutes, then hand them right back. I am going to be the most kick-ass Nana on the planet when the time comes.

But right now, while they're all teenagers and it's like living with four really cool adults who share most of my likes and dislikes and do things like cook dinner 3 nights a week and clean the house for me while I'm out? It ROCKS. :character-beavisbutthead:

And can I just give a shout out right now to older parents? My therapist and his wife are about where I was 10 years ago (four kids ages 8, 5, 5 and 3) and they are in their 50's. I don't know where they get the energy. The thought of dealing with a newborn right now at 44 would send me screeching in terror.

[ThatSnark]

I have two lovely school-aged children, and I couldn't enjoy them more. I hated pregnancy and really, truly disliked the baby stage. When they started to be more interactive, I felt much more like I could actually do this parenting thing. But the all-night feeding/changing/feeding was godawful.... I am really glad the baby years are over, and I promise to help my children much more than my mother did if/when they have newborns.

[DarkAnts]

To me, the only difference between a toddler and a zombie is its height. Sorry.

Do not like children. Do not like babies. Some are quite cute when they sleep, yes, but only for a very short time. Before that, they look like blistered potatoes and after that they're simply a nuisance.

I'm going to hell, obv.

[paganhomeschooler]

Yeah, babies are assholes....so are 3 yo....don't get me started on 10 yo! lol The 10 yo is worse than my teenager.

For many years now, I've told my friends that kids are like raptors. You know, in Jurassic Park when Muldoon talks about the raptors attacking the fence looking for weaknesses? Yeah, that's kids. Kids are raptors. They pick, pick, pick at you until they find a weak spot, then they go in for the kill and eat your intestines while you're still alive. Kids are assholes.

[August]

You know what? I don't like babies. Newborns are tedious, exhausting, and boring. I pretty much just deal with them until they get into toddlers and then it's really just keeping the kid from killing his or herself until you can send them to school. But at least they are fun.

I mean, I love my son and I wouldn't change a thing about it, but babies? They're boring. And sometimes they're assholes. We won't even talk about how incompatible we were with sleep, and how he felt it was totally okay to crap and barf on me. The person who made the comparison between small kids and drunk people? So right on. That whole "Imma let you tell me how cute I am but I'm not going to allow you to put me down without screaming my tiny little head off for like, 3 months" thing? Whatever. I'll remember that when I'm old and you have to take care of me, kid.

Now other peoples' babies? That I don't have to do anything with except play? Totally cool. My toddler nephew? Coolest kid on the planet. My 12 year old who no longer needs me to wipe his butt and runs to the bathroom on his own to barf and has a wicked sense of humor and still hugs me even though he's almost bigger than me? Even cooler than my nephew.

See, I like boring. They're little and snuggly and require short periods of interacting between times when you can be focusing on something else. The age when they enjoy candyland? Really really tough. Then when they can play canasta or have to have a book confiscated at the dinner table it's all good again.

[OkToBeTakei]

See, I like boring. They're little and snuggly and require short periods of interacting between times when you can be focusing on something else. The age when they enjoy candyland? Really really tough. Then when they can play canasta or have to have a book confiscated at the dinner table it's all good again.

Totally agree. I liked the baby stage. Just shows how different we all are. My least favourite was 2-5.

Somebody needs to buy fucking Dora a GPS. I break out if I hear that song now.

[FearLyss]

I have no babies, and have no interest in it because they do seem like little assholes. They are boring but demanding.

As an aunt, I have enjoyed watching my niece grow up a bit. She was so incredibly boring at first. I was at her birth (still traumatized, lol) and they handed her to me and I felt like I was waiting for something to happen. Nothing did so I gave her back. As she grew, she got less and less boring. Now, at 26 months she is freaking hilarious. She has tantrums, but I don't have to deal with them. Kids seem to get cooler with age, from what I've seen.

It is easy to be an aunt, no responsibility and lots of fun. When it isn't fun anymore, you can hide. If I were Melody's mother, I'd die from exhaustion, I am sure. I would definitely reccomend aunt-hood or uncle-hood to all, but parenthood takes a strength I have no interest in finding, lol.

[ADoyle90815]

I have no babies, and have no interest in it because they do seem like little assholes. They are boring but demanding.

As an aunt, I have enjoyed watching my niece grow up a bit. She was so incredibly boring at first. I was at her birth (still traumatized, lol) and they handed her to me and I felt like I was waiting for something to happen. Nothing did so I gave her back. As she grew, she got less and less boring. Now, at 26 months she is freaking hilarious. She has tantrums, but I don't have to deal with them. Kids seem to get cooler with age, from what I've seen.

It is easy to be an aunt, no responsibility and lots of fun. When it isn't fun anymore, you can hide. If I were Melody's mother, I'd die from exhaustion, I am sure. I would definitely reccomend aunt-hood or uncle-hood to all, but parenthood takes a strength I have no interest in finding, lol.

I agree, being an aunt is far easier than being a parent. I was fortunate in that I didn't have to be at my niece's birth, as my brother and SIL naturally wanted privacy, with only necessary medical staff in the room with them.

[Antigone]

Heh, I laughed. It was tough being a young mom and without a lot of support, but I lived through it. It slowly gets better at times. Now the baby is 7, and it isn't too bad once the school year begins. I don't know how I survived without a library card! I got one when Sevy was 2, and it was a godsend. Now we have a weekly library trip, and it is a nice "mom and me" thing we do, no matter how crappy the week is, Library Day is a happy day for us.

Sevy recently mentioned how she thinks it is cool that her mom is the youngest mom in the class. I asked her why, and it was because I still could do "cool stuff"with her. Whatever that meant, I don't know. Kids are weird, but it's nice to know I'm liked.

[IamCanadian]

I thought that was quite a good article!

He clearly loves his kids (and it sounds like he's a stay-at-home dad) and while his conclusions about attachment parenting are a bit shaky I quite enjoyed the tone. My brother texted me when Small was born saying "Babies are really fucking annoying" and I LOL'd at that too. They are, but as the guy says, they are also adorable and we love them anyway.

I agree! I thought the article was great. He loves his kids, but he seems to be saying (very slightly tongue-in-cheek) that if parents don't help babies "adjust" their behaviours as they grow into adults, the will be adult assholes. That's true. Who would want to live or work with someone who didn't let you sleep, threw a tantrum over pretty much anything and was impossible to reason with?

I agree with him about the crying too. I don't have kids, so I know I have little credibility here, but if a baby or toddler is crying about something non-dangerous (i.e. a dropped toy), I'll get to it as soon as I can, but I won't move heaven and earth to avoid 30 seconds of crying.

Case in point: A few years ago, I was a passenger in a car driven by my friend. Her 1 year old was in the back seat. While we were driving on the expressway, the baby started freaking out because she dropped her pacifier. (Understandable. She'a a baby) The spare pacifier was in her baby bag lying on the back seat. Instead of waiting to pull over, asking me to look for it or (God forbid) driving the 5 minutes to get home, my friend reached behind her and started frantically rummaging around in the baby bag yelling "IT'S OK!! MOMMY WILL FIND IT!" while driving 90 km/h in 4 lanes of traffic. Cars were honking because she was swerving, I thought we were going to crash but was unable to reason with her. My friend was in her own world where the only thing that mattered was her baby crying over a pacifier and was oblivious to the fact that she was putting a lot of people (including her baby) in danger. She told me after that she can't handle hearing the baby cry for any reason and will do anything to make it better.

[August]

I agree with him about the crying too. I don't have kids, so I know I have little credibility here, but if a baby or toddler is crying about something non-dangerous (i.e. a dropped toy), I'll get to it as soon as I can, but I won't move heaven and earth to avoid 30 seconds of crying.

Baby and toddler are not interchangeable words. Or do you employ five year olds at your business because they're pretty much an adult?

Also, get back to us when you have children on crying. There's a study, I'll find it once dinner's on.

ETA: can'tfind the one I was thinking of.

[August]

Totally agree. I liked the baby stage. Just shows how different we all are. My least favourite was 2-5.

Somebody needs to buy fucking Dora a GPS. I break out if I hear that song now.

As the meanest person in the whole world, my kids don't even know who Dora or Caillou are. I'd prefer to listen to them shreik than that awful child. Why does she have to shout everything?

[Rescinded and Mended]

Am I the only who feels incredibly sorry for Dora's animated, nonexistent mom because she had to give birth to her? Kid's head is shaped like a freakin' football.

I had a tough time when my kiddo was a baby. Got much easier when he was old enough to reason with. Nowadays, he's a boy who enjoys the fact that his mom likes to play video games with him. It's nice when you can find an activity you both enjoy.

[IamCanadian]

Baby and toddler are not interchangeable words. Or do you employ five year olds at your business because they're pretty much an adult?

Also, get back to us when you have children on crying. There's a study, I'll find it once dinner's on.

ETA: can'tfind the one I was thinking of.

I know that baby and toddler are not interchangeable words. That's why I used both words. :D

I think you misunderstood my point because I can't understand why you're so angry at me. I was simply giving my opinion that I don't feel that it's a disaster for a baby or a toddler to cry for a minute if they're not hurt, hungry, sick or scared.

Also, I was up front about the fact that I don't have kids and know that I have little credibility on the matter, so your retort to "get back" to you "when" I have kids is unfair. Why do you assume that I plan to have kids in the future? Perhaps I'm unable to have them. Are only parents allowed to comment on this thread?

Also, your point about employing five-year-olds at my business makes no sense. What are you referring to?