Sex on Vacation, Part Deux

[GeoBQn]

Lori shares a doting fan's comments about how women should submit to men when they want sex during vacations:

In my post Are Most Men Pigs When It Comes To Sex?, I write about most men's desire to have sex on vacation. Candi's comment caught my eye. Once your heart has been softened to God's way of living, things become so clear all of a sudden. You understand what biblical submission looks like and you realize the beauty of it. God only creates beauty and the world wants to make it look like something ugly.

Here are her words exactly since I thought she did a great job explaining the beauty of submission, even when it comes to having sex on vacation ~

I love the totally incongruous picture of flowers above this post, to make readers forget that we are talking about horny men demanding to bone on planes and in gas station bathrooms.

Well, in a situation like this {where one spouse wants more sex than the other}, someone HAS to make the final decision. Either the spouse who wants sex {by the way, it is NOT always the man who wants it when the wife doesn't} gets it or they don't. So, mutual respect is all fine and good, but who gets the final say? We still have to come to a decision.

God solved that dilemma by commanding us wives to obey our husbands - discussion over. But we can TOTALLY circumnavigate the entire crisis by DECIDING to want what he wants. Yes, you absolutely can decide to change what you want and what makes you happy.

This reminds me of the crap 7th Heaven used to spout about how we can "choose our feelings."

We do it all the time for our children, our parents, our friends. For their sake's we go to events we don't really want to, we eat foods we don't like, we put up with interruptions gladly because we cherish them more than we do ourselves. Why not for the ONLY human being on earth that we have been made into ONE with?

I PROMISE you, if you truly do not want sex, but you want to bring joy and fulfillment to him more than anything else, you will be blessed. Forget about your cold, or headache, or lack of sleep {just like you would if your child needed you, or your mom stopped by, or your best friend called and needed to talk}. Invest 20-30 selfless minutes into your marriage and your husband, and know that you stand to gain as much or more out of the whole sex experience as he does {physically and emotionally} if you will just look at it the right way!

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/09/she-gets-beauty-of-biblical-submission.html

[louisa05]

Here's the thing, though, my best friend doesn't demand my time if I am sick, exhausted or have another obligation. She respects me enough to not be that way. And, likewise, I do not demand hers.

No one who truly knows me and cares about me makes me eat food I don't like or go to events I will not enjoy or intentionally interrupts my time. And as a child, I was taught not to treat my parents that way either.

Because people who really love you do not make demands that step on you or make you unhappy.

[J'ean Skirt]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/09/she-gets-beauty-of-biblical-submission.html

On one level, I can't disagree with that. Sometimes investing a few minutes into your marriage and your spouse is the right thing to do. That could be sex, that could be doing the dishes, that could be making a drink. But it's not a one way street, and husbands have as much responsibility to invest time into their marriage and their wives as Lori's vile sexism.

[AuntCloud]

I'm getting over an abscess in one of my teeth. Any god who demands I submit to my headship's demands for sweet fellowship while my entire head is throbbing with pain will get a prompt letter that their services are no longer required.

But women are not real human beings like men are, so that's alright.

[AuntCloud]

On one level, I can't disagree with that. Sometimes investing a few minutes into your marriage and your spouse is the right thing to do. That could be sex, that could be doing the dishes, that could be making a drink. But it's not a one way street, and husbands have as much responsibility to invest time into their marriage and their wives as Lori's vile sexism.

No, it's definitely not a one way street. Somehow I doubt Lori's god requires her headship to inconvenience themselves to attend an event they don't enjoy for her, put up with sandwiches for dinner because she has to be with a sick parent, or tolerate a dusty house because her back hurts.

[Cannelle]

I hope Lori (Alexander is a monster) is heeding her own advice and giving in to Ken when her head is throbbing and she's ill from her medicine and treatment and surgery. Because what's good for the flock is good for the leader, no?

[Koala]

I think it'd be interesting to look at some of the "family values" that Lori has promoted just this week alone:

God solved that dilemma by commanding us wives to obey our husbands - discussion over. But we can TOTALLY circumnavigate the entire crisis by DECIDING to want what he wants. Yes, you absolutely can decide to change what you want and what makes you happy.

Now here's where it gets interesting. The following is a piece of advice from one of Lori's readers:

3. Husbands should also be involved with the kids. First of all, they need their father! Second, this avoids the vicious cycle of a mother seeing the kids as "her" sole responsibility and then not trusting anyone else, including the father, with them and not supporting his relationship with them. Third, it's hard to feel like a sexy wife if you are not sleeping, not exercising, not eating, not bathing and not wearing anything that doesn't have baby spit on it. Dad can watch the kids while mom takes a nap, exercises, showers and gets dressed.

Lori's response? I don't think you'll be too surprised:

Great advice, Cynthia. I would take issue a bit with you on #3. Yes, that is the ideal but what if a husband doesn't want to help with the children or watch them while the mother naps, etc? Then what? You cannot change anyone. So if a husband isn't doing those things, I still would encourage them to love and serve their husbands anyways since that is what God calls us, as wives, to do.

Of course I love the first part of the lady's response:

What sort of father wouldn't want to care for his own children?

Lori ignored that one. I bet I know what sort of father wouldn't want to take care of his own children :whistle: *cough*ken*cough*

[darkplumaged]

What a dream husband--demands sex at inappropriate times and in gross places (campground showers?!?) but isn't willing to take care of the children that result from said sex. :roll:

I agree with those who have said that Lori's schtick is just an elaborate set of justifications for the crappiness of her marriage and spouse.

[docmom]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Lori and Ken are welcome to each other. I think god got it right when s/he put the two of them together. This way no-one else has to suffer.

[ILoveJellybeans]

What a dream husband--demands sex at inappropriate times and in gross places (campground showers?!?) but isn't willing to take care of the children that result from said sex. :roll:

I agree with those who have said that Lori's schtick is just an elaborate set of justifications for the crappiness of her marriage and spouse.

Campground showers? Is there anything unsexier than that?

[Ariel]

Yeah I was in a relationship once where I wanted sex less than my boyfriend. I felt guilty and had sex when I didn't want to, and you know what? That just made me want to have sex even less.

This kind of advice is going to cause a lot of unhappy people in marriages where they don't feel like equals.

[Maggie Mae]

Campground showers? Is there anything unsexier than that?

Campground latrines. But if my husband wanted to seriously do it in a latrine, i think he would be looking for a new wife. Because hygiene.

[Black Aliss]

Campground latrines. But if my husband wanted to seriously do it in a latrine, i think he would be looking for a new wife. Because hygiene.

Not to mention the lack of courtesy to the people waiting in line to use the latrine for its intended purpose. I was at a festival last weekend where there was a long line to use the inadequate number of porta-potties, all the while one of them was occupied for a good 10 minutes, towards the end of which the door was rocking (I kid you not). And yes, two people stepped out when the door finally opened.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Campground latrines. But if my husband wanted to seriously do it in a latrine, i think he would be looking for a new wife. Because hygiene.

Ew yeah, true. Having sex in a latrine is way more disgusting.

[PennySycamore]

Not to mention the lack of courtesy to the people waiting in line to use the latrine for its intended purpose. I was at a festival last weekend where there was a long line to use the inadequate number of porta-potties, all the while one of them was occupied for a good 10 minutes, towards the end of which the door was rocking (I kid you not). And yes, two people stepped out when the door finally opened.

That is just gross!

[fun2beme]

Invest 20-30 selfless minutes into your marriage and your husband

The inner 13 year-old boy in me is snickering.... invest into your husband. Is that what fundies call it these days?

[ThisOlGirl]

Not to mention the lack of courtesy to the people waiting in line to use the latrine for its intended purpose. I was at a festival last weekend where there was a long line to use the inadequate number of porta-potties, all the while one of them was occupied for a good 10 minutes, towards the end of which the door was rocking (I kid you not). And yes, two people stepped out when the door finally opened.

Noooooo! I had to use a porta-potty at a street fair a few years ago, and even though I was super careful, I ended up with a mystery wet spot on the leg of my jeans. I spent the rest of the night drinking heavily to ease the trauma of it all(ok, I planned on drinking heavily that night anyway, but still...).

And yet the fact that Lori & Ken do it in a public shower/toilet is the least gross thing about them.

[Khan]

I will admit to having had sex in a public restroom, but it was not a campground latrine! Ew !

[ILoveJellybeans]

Do these fundie headships like doing it with a not entirely willing partner or something? For most people, the idea of having sex with your partner if they dont want to sucks all the fun out of it-its only fun if everyone involved is having fun.

[Koala]

Reader:

Lori--I don't mean to be crass or insensitive, but I am wondering how/if you are still able to have sex with Ken whenever he wants, even while your health is so fragile. I am asking because I am having some health issues and I am "uncomfortable" being at my husband's every beck and call. Do you, or Ken, have any words of wisdom for this season of my life?

Ken answers:

I will take this question Anastacia... and hope my kids are not reading... :)

Lori has been sick going on and off for 25 years now. There probably have been more days in our 33years of marriage she has not felt 90% than days she has felt well. I think because of her almost constant pain she has determined to live life to its fullest, which includes pleasing her man as best she can.

I can share with you that there have been many many times we have been intimate that I am just amazed that she has been so willing. It's not that great to have sex with a woman experiencing 7 out of 10 in pain, but there are times I have given Lori sex, not for my own needs, but to distract her from her pain and to make things pleasurable for her. Oxytocin is a powerful pain killer produced in the brain during intimacy and may help headaches more than stomach aches.

The bottom line is this. In all the years I have been married to Lori we have both enjoyed a very active and fun sex life and the only time I ever felt deprived by her was in the early years of our marriage when she chose to be in control and she was healthy. The last 10-15 years I would say that Lori has been heroic, not just in intimacy with me, but in her whole outlook and behavior as to how she has handled herself so that Ken and the family is not miserable, just because is.

I am married to a great wife, and I know when she can or cannot be intimate. If she can't be Intimate I do not insist upon it. If I ask and she says, "maybe in the morning," I give her a hug and say goodnight with understanding.

If you are "uncomfortable" with being at your man's beck and call you may need some good communications with him to either clarify that you are in pain or not feeling well, or you may need to rethink if your health issues should be stopping your intimacy. Chronic illness is no fun, but only you can decide if it will stop you from living life to its fullest for you and your spouse. His job is to be sensitive to your needs and yours to go beyond comfortable.

I think Lori at times goes beyond miserable leaves me astonished "with her mind over matter." I do not expect that from anyone as I couldn't do it.

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Have I said before that he makes me sick? Because he does. Did he basically just say that sex w/ Lori isn't great but he administers himself like a pain pill? Really?

You think way too much of yourself Ken. Way too much.

[Morton Fan]

Reader:

Ken answers:

Have I said before that he makes me sick? Because he does. Did he basically just say that sex w/ Lori isn't great but he administers himself like a pain pill? Really?

You think way too much of yourself Ken. Way too much.

That was horrifying.

[OkToBeTakei]

Next stop, necrophilia.

[fun2beme]

there are times I have given Lori sex, not for my own needs, but to distract her from her pain and to make things pleasurable for her.

I. can't. even. :pink-shock:

Please tell me this blog is a parody. Please!

[docmom]

It's not that great to have sex with a woman experiencing 7 out of 10 in pain, but there are times I have given Lori sex, not for my own needs

Note to husband, if I am experiencing 7 out of 10 pain, give me real pain killers, a nice comfy bed in a quiet room and leave me alone until the pain goes away.