Can Women have Male Friends?

[mockingbird]

My sister who just started 9th grade has always had mostly male friends. They tend to have similar interests as her and in the past few years she has also run into a lot of middle school drama (although boys weren't exempt from that... I think they just tended to get over it more quickly than other girls). I didn't really have close male friends until college when freshman year I was mostly friends with guys. Anytime anyone from that group dated it was always someone not already in that group. Now my local friend group is split pretty evenly male/female and single/attached.

I do have a male friend with whom there was/is mutual attraction, but he didn't feel that he could handle a relationship at this point in time. Amazingly we are both keeping it in our pants and able to talk to each other normally. It's still a little awkward at times but I think that is to be expected given the situation! So yes, you can even *choose* to be friends lol ;)

[RachelB]

Can women have male friends?

I do. (Also, I'm bi, and I am not attracted to every woman whose company I enjoy, either.)

The Partner and I are both still very close to one particular high school friend J (who named his son after TP). I have a printed out e-mail from him circa forever ago taped on the wall that says, "I want to grow old with you guys." That feeling is mutual.

My former (male) roommate is the one person I lived with in Iowa that I'm still in regular contact with. Our relationship is very sibling-like.

My best perfume-sniffing buddy is male. We regularly greet each other by asking, "What are you wearing?" and sniffing each other's elbows. But that's geeking out over perfume, not flirting.

My favorite colleagues are about 50/50 male and female.

I think there's a combination of factors at play. My colleagues have only ever known me partnered. Even when I've been single, I have tended to remind male peers of their younger sisters. I am not coy-- am possibly not capable of being coy-- so if I fancy someone, it's really obvious to them and everyone else. Also, with the exception of my partner, the fellows I tend to find attractive would be patently not good for my mental health (and I have finally learned to value my mental health).

The following incident sticks out in my memory because it is so rare:

Years ago, when I was not dating anyone, a classmate and I had similar schedules, so wound up wasting time in the department lounge considering questions like, "Why do we treat conflict as if it's a necessary ingredient of fiction? What would fiction look like without it?" It was great. We got to try out literary, philosophical, political, religious ideas together-- the kind of ideas that I would have been to apprehensive to bring up in a classroom setting.

One day he said-- I think joking, but can't be sure-- "If I were ever going to leave my wife for anyone, it would be you." Without a pause for thought I said, "Bite your tongue. I like your wife, and I would think a lot less of you if you left her for any such reason." He answered, "Part of what I like about you is that I was pretty sure you'd say something like that." And then we went back to talking about fiction.

[ADoyle90815]

I'm also one who has had male friends, and even the straight male friends managed to keep it in their pants. Of course, having gay friends is great as well.