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Stories by Raquel


merrily

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Chapter 4...

The Lady feels her eyes widen when a tiny tuft of bright orange fur pops up out of the spout of the vase. She glances up at the Knight with raised eyebrows and he gives a wink as an amused grin pulls at the corners of his lips.

The tuft of fur turns about in the spout of the vase until two, beady black eyes stare unblinkingly up at the Lady. "This is Ico." the Knight says with a smile as the beady eyes shift to focus on the glowing green orb in the Lady's hand. "He is what is known as a cleanfix."

The Lady arches a doubtful eyebrow at the Knight when a whole fluffy head suddenly pops up out of the vase spout. Though it seems completely impossible, the creature's head is larger than the neck of the vase and as it continues to crawl up and onto the Knights wrist it reveals a sinewy, weasel-like body that should never have fit into the vase in the first place.

The Lady stares in fascination as the little creature finishes pulling its long, bushy tail from the vase, never once having taken its eyes from the orb. Slowly, taking the orb between two fingers for caution of what the little beast might do, the Lady held the orb out to it. . .

The creature named Ico, slowly stepped onto the ball held cautiously by the Lady. It teetered a bit, because of the unsteady hold she had on it, and Ico pulled away from it, and back on the Knight's wrist.

'You must hold it a bit more firmly than that, m'lady,' the Knight smiled.

The Lady cleared her throat, and setting it in the palm of her hand, once again extended it towards the little Ico.

This time Ico stepped into her hand and slowly walked around the ball, until his long body was wound around it. He then laid his head on the last visible part of the green orb and suddenly, no little black eyes were staring at it. There was just a ball of orange fur in the Lady's hand now.

'It takes him only a minute,' the Knight informed her. 'And while we wait, tell me how it got into the Bog in the first place!'

'Well,' the Lady began, still not taking her eyes from the orange ball of fur still in her hand. 'I was walking through the woods here, and came upon a funny-looking woodsman. When he saw my green orb, he asked to hold it. I told him not to get it dirty, and I guess I had spoken too harshly and he cowered in fear. So I told him not to be afraid of me, and even offered him my hand...he accepted it, but then threw my orb into the Bog! Before I could tell him to retrieve it for me, he ran off with a rather crazy-sounding laugh and...' she looked up, into the Knight's eyes. 'And then you came along.'

The Knight laughed, a deep, musical laugh. 'Well, I guess I rescued a Damsel in Distress. For today, at least. I've done my good deed, I see.'

'Do you rescue many Damsels in Distress?' the Lady queried.

'Oh, quite a few, m'lady,' he replied. 'But I haven't found...' he did not finish his sentence.

'Have not found what?' the Lady persisted.

Just then, little Ico suddenly unwound himself, and before you could say 'Good Gracious!' he hopped back into his little vase...and you still couldn't tell how he fit into it.

The Knight popped the cork back onto the spout and gently placed it in his saddelbag once more. The Lady looked down at her green orb which was no longer the dark, muddy looking glob, but was now her bright, shiny green heirloom...and her hands were clean as well.

copyright 2010, Miss Raquel

The amazing ferret story!

I was sitting in church.

Suddenly, the doors burst open and the congregation turned to see what had caused the sudden noise. A group of about eight people, all wearing masks, entered our small church building. Guns were in their hands, and they were all trained on us.

A couple screams echoed from around me, but I sat still, stunned in amazement.

What was going on?

Husbands, fathers, and brothers began to stand up around me and my family. Before any of us could ask the intruders of their purpose, one of them spoke up.

‘All of those who aren’t Christians…can leave.’

There was a stunned silence for about ten seconds. Finally, someone stirred near me, and I turned to see a friend and her family stand, and slowly walk down the aisle towards the doors that were still opened. The mother clutching her husband’s arm.

My faith wavered.

Next, an elderly couple. Another family. Then, the pastor and his wife and daughter. One by one, the church began to empty.

My faith wavered.

I turned to look at my family. My Dad’s face was set as stone, and my Mama’s was placid and calm. She held my baby brother in her arms.

My faith wavered.

The man who had spoken began to chuckle. I couldn’t see his face, but when he spoke, I could tell he was smiling.

‘So it’s just you guys, huh?’

None of us answered.

‘Step to the front of the church, please.’

I looked at Dad, and he nodded, ever so slightly, and gently prodded Mama and us kids, until we stood in front of the pulpit. All of the men left, except the ‘leader’, and we heard chains being put on the front doors.

‘The back door is still unlocked – for me,’ the man said. ‘If you try escaping, they have orders to shoot you.’

My faith wavered.

He moved slowly to a side window, and signaled to one of his men outside. He looked back at us, and began to talk. His voice seemed muffled as I dwelt on my own thoughts.

This was a joke. Some sort of evil joke that these people are playing on us. Perhaps, behind that mask, was a man that we knew. Everyone had left the church because they were in on the prank. They just wanted to scare us. Yeah, like that story that I heard one time. About a Russian police force storming into a church. They made all the hypocrites leave, but only the true Christians stayed. And the policemen were actually Christians themselves. Yes, that’s what was happening here. This couldn’t be real. We live in America! We are free to worship.

‘Pretty funny, actually,’ the man said, suddenly.

I jerked back to reality. What was he saying?

‘You and your family were the only ones who stayed.’

He was looking at my Dad as he spoke these words, but my Dad didn’t answer. Just held his gaze.

The man humphed and turned away, going to a corner of the church, near a window. He proceeded to do something at a little counter that I had never really noticed before. I looked around and saw my little sister, Grace, playing happily in a pew…oblivious to what was taking place.

Suddenly, the church was plunged into darkness. The only light was from a small window up above the pulpit. Even the windows on the sides of the sanctuary were dark. What had happened?

My faith wavered.

Grace echoed a small, startled scream and rushed into my Dad’s arms. Mama held Josiah tightly, while all of us children stood around them.

Suddenly, I heard a hissing sound and looked to the nearest wall. Greenish fumes were slowly ebbing out of small pipes coming from outside. I heard my Mama gasp softly. My little siblings began to whimper. I looked to see where our captor was, but he had disappeared.

My faith wavered.

Then, I heard my Dad begin to pray. Slowly, softly, calmly…like when we prayed at home – over a meal or before bed.

My eyes began to tear. Half from the gas, that slowly continued to fill the room…and half from fear. I was going to die.

My thoughts raced a hundred miles an hour.

When I breathe in this gas and slowly fade away, will I wake up in heaven? Will Jesus be there to greet me?

No! I am a sinner. Worse than the worst. I’m not deserving to go to heaven. Jesus won’t want me there. Am I even truly saved?

‘God, I’m scared!’ I cried out. ‘Help me!’

Suddenly, a peace filled me. An assurance filled my heart. Jesus said that if you believe in Him, you will be saved. He said that when you repent of your sins that He is faithful and just to forgive them…and that He cleanses us from all unrighteousness. He came to earth to die for our sins. God only sees His Son’s blood when He looks at us.

I began to cry even more. But now, not from fear and guilt. But from happiness. I was going to meet Jesus face to face! I looked around at my family, but couldn’t see them, because the gas was creating a foggy effect. I heard my Dad’s voice continue to pray, and my Mama was whispering to my siblings.

I smiled.

My faith was renewed.

The gas began to stifle me, and finally, I breathed in deeply…

Then, I woke up from my dream.

Another story.

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'So I like this girl...'

I looked up from my laptop. My friend was over, doing homework with me. He sat on the couch across from me, his long legs stretched out, resting on the coffee table. I sat in my favorite plush leather chair. This was one of our favorite places to hang out.

But wait. Did he just say he liked a girl?

'Yes?' I raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to go on. 'I didn't know you liked anyone...'

My heart started to feel like it was being gently squeezed.

No, I told myself. He's my friend. Just my friend.

'I've been meaning to tell you - since you're, like, my best friend,' he smiled and winked at me.

I swallowed hard and looked back down at my computer screen so he couldn't see my eyes. 'Well, I'm glad you finally told me.'

He swung his legs down from the table and sat up, resting his arms on his knees. 'Yeah, well I'm telling you cuz I wanted to ask you if you think I should tell her or not? I don't want to make hers and my friendship awkward at all, so I don't know if I should just leave it the way it is or say something or what.' The way he moved his hands while he talked always made me smile. But right now, my lips couldn't seem to cooperate to smile. My heart was beginning to feel sad.

I should've said something. I should've told him sooner that my feelings for him have been changing.

But no! He's always said how much he's glad he has me as a friend. Just a friend. Just as a girl-friend who doesn't like him, doesn't have a secret crush on him.

But, I guess I've already destroyed that...and now it's too late.

'So what do you think?'

I jumped a little, bringing my thoughts back to the present.

'I think you should tell her,' I said. 'You should tell her before someone else does.'

He nodded slowly, looking at the carpet. 'You're right. I just don't know how to.'

'Well...for starters...what do you like about her?'

He stood up from the couch and walked to the nearest window. It overlooked my family's front yard. Rain was gently falling and it gave everything a fresh, spring glow. Silence reigned in the living room for a full minute before he spoke.

'She's kind and gentle, but can be crazy and fun all at the same time. She's absolutely beautiful. When she smiles, my heart just kind of stops. And the way she laughs makes me laugh too. She's supportive. She's a dreamer. She wants to do great things with her life.' He turned and looked at me. 'She's amazing.'

I blinked. 'She sounds amazing.'

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. 'I...I think I know what I would say to her.'

I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, trying to ward off the tears.

I'm his best friend. I need to be supportive of this attraction he holds for this girl, regardless of if I wish it was...me.

'I would go up to her and say,' he paused for a breath, then continued. 'I would say 'I know we've been friends for a long time. But over the last few months, I've really felt my feelings changing towards you. They've been changing into feelings that are ones of romance, and not of just friendship. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to tell you this, but I wanted to tell you before some other guy does. And for what it's worth, I just want you to know that...I like you. A lot.' '

Silence reigned in the room again.

'That's beautiful,' I told him. 'That's...perfect.'

I sniffed. 'Sorry, my allergies.'

I grabbed a kleenex from a nearby tissue box that I'm so glad my mother insisted we have in the living room.

'Any girl would be honored for you to tell her that,' I tried to smile at him.

He walked over to my seat, till he was standing directly in front of me.

I looked up at him. 'Really,' I said, emphasizing how amazing his little speech had been.

He reached down, took my laptop, and placed it on the coffee table. Then he took my hands and gently pulled me up.

'I didn't know allergies made people cry,' he smiled, softly.

I pulled one of my hands away from him and brushed a hand over my face. I felt something wet on my fingers and scolded myself inwardly. 'They do sometimes,' I mumbled.

'Hey,' he said, taking my hand again. 'Look at me.'

Stop crying, stop crying. Hold the tears back.

I slowly looked up at him.

'I know we've been friends for a long time. But over the last few months, I've really felt my feelings changing towards you. They've been changing into feelings that are ones of romance, and not of just friendship. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to tell you this, but I wanted to tell you before some other guy does. And for what it's worth, I just want you to know that...I like you. A lot.'

I stared at him, not knowing what to say. How could he torture me like this? I already told him that those words were beautiful.

He smiled at me and gently brushed another tear away with his thumb. His blue-green eyes twinkled. 'Do I need to say it again?'

'I don't know,' I sniffed. 'Why are you telling me anyway? It's perfect. Those words...are beautiful. You should go tell them to that lucky girl right now. She'll fall for you after the first three sentences.'

'I am telling them to her right now. Though I wouldn't consider her the lucky one. If she fell for me, I would be the lucky one.'

I searched his face, trying to see if what he was saying was really meant for me. Were these words meant for my ears? Was everything he just said directed at me?

Everything about his eyes and his smile told me that he was telling truth.

I didn't know what to do.

I looked down and smiled. I couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't say anything, but at least my face could show how happy I was.

He leaned close and touched his nose to my hair, his lips close to my forehead.

'For what it's worth...I like you,' he whispered.

this is amazing. beautiful. stunning.

I. Love. It. So. Much.

You are an incredibly good writer. This is the best you've written yet. Ah!

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That second story is horrifying on so many levels. Not only because of the obvious "Jesus approves of dead babies, you know, to prove your faith" thing, but because of course her family are the only REAL TRUE CHRISTIANS in the place who are ready to die for their beliefs. :roll:

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I've been hearing variations of that second story my entire life. It horrified me as a child and I used to think things like that would really happen.

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Re story #2 (and it IS "number two," IMHO:

Set that thing in a Catholic Mass in an Italian-dominant New England mill town, and the "terrorists" would be told, "Bahfongool! Of COURSE we're Christians, you morons--you're in a fucking CHURCH! What do you think we are, Hindus?"

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That story is seriously messed up. I bet if Raquel was really in this situation, she would be one of the ones who denied their faith and escaped-I cant see a selfish little narcissist like her ever wanting to sacrifice herself for anyone, not even God.

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Why does she insist on using "cuz" all the time when writing?! Just spell out "because".

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That second story is horrifying on so many levels. Not only because of the obvious "Jesus approves of dead babies, you know, to prove your faith" thing, but because of course her family are the only REAL TRUE CHRISTIANS in the place who are ready to die for their beliefs. :roll:

It's like, a sick martyr-fetish story. Oh how she WANTS to be persecuted to show her true faith!

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:roll: Oh please with the boy-friend-likes-me story! Wo here didn't know that was coming? Way to spin a tale, Raquel! This child needs to get a real life.

Edited for clarity....I hope.

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WTF with that gas-chamber-church story? You know those fantasies we all have where we're the big hero doing the right thing in situations that will basically never happen? Raquel actually shared hers, the special snowflake.

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That gas chamber story is horrifying. Are those the real names of her younger siblings? I just think it's chilling that she included them in this sick fantasy of hers.

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Thanks for posting these... I had heard about the ferret story but had never read it before. WOW. Do you think she realizes how it sounds???

All the lols from the ferret story were gone when I got to the second one though... I've read stuff similar to that before, but yuck. :( And I've read stuff similar to the third one as well...

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I actually had a guy do what the dude in the third story does to Raquel, though in much less flowery language, when I was in high school, and it was excruciating. It was obvious where he was heading from the start, but I didn't know how to stop him getting through the speech he had obviously rehearsed. I wasn't interested, and it did make our friendship super awkward for a while.

Raquel has never been part of a large group of peers, and her writing shows it. She casts herself as the queen bee "it girl", but she'd be torn apart in a public high school. Her homeschool circle may be made up of people convinced that they are special snowdrops, but none of them have any exposure to the real world, although the feel free to criticise and try to change said world to fit their sheltered Christian perspective.

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So basically what the nazis did to the Jews? That's what she dreams about? Fuck her. She does NOT get to make this about her. UGH.

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Insert Ferret story here

I...what? Just, what? A man threw her orb in a bog? I can't even focus on the awful innuendo because I'm just so boggled at how stupid that chain of events was.

And that second story is chilling. We all have our little fantasies-- I certainly have plenty of my own-- but it takes a special kind of fucked up to imagine yourself basically as a holocaust victim.

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I have found the previous ferret chapters on her blog. Should I post them?

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The beginning...

Okay, so one day...(at the retreat)...we all took a really nice long walk on the beach! (Pacific City, OR) We were headed back to our beach house when, all of a sudden, I saw a green tennis ball laying on the sand about 20 feet ahead of us. I said, 'Hey, Josh, there's a tennis ball!' and he took off running after it. When he grabbed it, we were tossing it back and forth to each other the rest of the way home...and kept tossing it back and forth to each other the rest of the trip!! :) And we agreed, since we had 'both' sort of got it first (I saw it first, and he grabbed it first), that we would switch off the ball every week (at art school)...but technically, in my mind, the ball belongs to me...right?

So, anyway...EVERYBODY at MSOA knows, by now, about this ball...and have either heard MY version of it, or Josh's. (Josh's goes something like this...we were walking on the beach and before Raquel even called out that she saw the tennis ball, I was already running to pick it up...and since I was the first one to reach it...it's mine.) Yeah, whatever...

Anyway, so we're always going back and forth (as you can imagine)...

And ONE DAY, he had e-mailed me about something and when I replied, I added (in the post script)

Take care of my ball for me! Don't bounce it around too much...and try not to get it dirty or anything.

(because that week, I had let him take the ball home...)

and he replied:

lol. . . maybe I'll go out in the yard and use it to play Mudball with the siblings. . . :P :D

(see what a brat he can be sometimes???)

and I replied:

DON'T YOU DARE GET MY BALL DIRTY!

and from there...this story evolved....

Josh writing: Y-yes yes, of course, m-m-m'Lady. . . W-wouldn't dream of it. W-w-wouldn't possibly dare to think of it!

Me writing: There, there, good sir...I was just warning you. No need to be so frightened of me! Now, *extends hand* show me that you are no longer afraid of me.

Josh writing: (glances at hand, licks lips, and then swallows) 'Y-yes, m'lady.' (straightens and reaches over to take Lady's hand. . . then takes tennis ball and tosses it into a 'The Bog of Eternal Stench'), laughs like lunatic as he runs from the scene. . . leaving Lady to stare at where the ball slowly sinks into the disgusting mire. . .

Okay, so now you can see how vivid novel writers' imaginations can get?! So do you want me to continue posting the story...or not?? Commet and let me know ;) *heehee*

Chapter 1

Chapter 1...

from Josh's and my story...Enjoy! :) If you don't know the story behind this fictional, please go back and read the first post HERE.

(Raquel):

'Why you disrespectful, ungentlemanly, good-for-nothing lunatic!' the Lady yells after his retreating figure, then looks at where the ball is still slowly sinking into the Bog. Knowing how important that green, round object was to her - having been given it by her deceased father, and it having special magic powers - the Lady looked about her for some way of retrieving it.

Just then, a galloping horse is heard coming through the dense forest near the bog. The Lady looks up and sees a handsome young knight, riding on a black steed.

'Is there any way I could be of service, m'lady?' The knight dismounted and bowed.

(Josh):

The knight straightens and returns his black, velvet hat with a large white plume, back ontohis head. When the Lady shows him the magical orb that will soon be lost to the Bog and explains to him its importance to her, the handsome knight strokes his thin mustache as he arches an eyebrow in contemplation.

After only a brief moment, the knight snaps his fingers and turns back to the Lady.

"Fear not, my Lady, for I know the secrets of this Bog and have a guaranteed way of retrieving your precious heirloom without forcing either of us to endure the curse of the Bogs 'eternal stench'." He makes a slight bow, a roguish smile curling his lips as he turns to the edge of the bog.

Taking a medallion from beneath his gleaming breastplate, the knight holds it to the setting sun and calls out in a strange but elegant tongue. When the Knight falls silent, a flash of light eminates from the medalion and a

sudden, thundering roar is heard from deep within the bog. . .

Chapter 2

Can't find it... I guess she took it off the internets.

Chapter 3

Chapter 3...

(Please remember that not all of this is edited yet :P Disregard any grammatical errors!)

The Lady gasped at the unexpected, thundering noise and made a slight jump back as something eerie and black begins to breaking through the surface of the bog. Inside, she felt herself quivering with fear at the gross freakish-looking animal that raised its head from the murky waters, but she could not bring herself to turn away. She was fascinated.

'It's the Bog Beast,' the Knight says quietly, while still holding the medallion to the sun. 'Whoever is holding the medallion is safe from it, and can command it to do as he pleases.'

Thus explaining this to the Lady, the Knight points to the magical orb that, which, due to the monster's massive body creating such waves in the water, began to disappear beneath the surface. The Beast slowly makes its way to the green object,and the Lady could still not figure out how it moved. It wasn't as if it was swimming...more like gliding. It's black leathery body almost filled the entire swamp and the stench was almost too great to bear. The Lady covered her nose and mouth with her white handkerchief and watched as the Beast finally reached the magic orb and took it in its mouth.

...the Beast's massive head lifts from the vile waters of the Bog and extends towards the Knight on a long, serpentine neck. Showing no fear, the Knight stares back into the creature's one large, glowing yellow eye placed just above its blunt maw, and no discomfort at the rotten stench of the creature's fetid breath, the Knight reaches out with his free hand to take the glowing, green orb from between the monsters massive, rounded teeth. Slowly backing away the Knight stops at the Lady's side. Forcing her eyes away from the massive, slime covered Beast, the Lady glances up at the Knight's face. For a brief second the Knight meats her gaze and gives her another roguish grin along with a wink before returning his attention to the Bog Beast.

"Now return to your sleep, Beast." The Knight whispers as he stares into the menacing, glowing yellow eye of the creature. . .

The Beast slowly backs away from the Knight and Lady and slowly sinks back into the mire. He pauses, with his eye still at the surface, and stared at the Lady for a second, until the Knight whispers to him to depart, but in a more forceful tone. The Beast blinks once, and then,with a loud splash - that the Lady wondered where it came from – disappeared 'neath the darkness of the bog.

'Now then!' the handsome Knight turns to the lady, 'Your orb!' He hands it to her with a bow and another roguish grin.

The Lady looks at it, without a word, until the Knight raises his head and looks at her, puzzlingly. 'Well, what is it, m'lady?'

'It is a bit dirty, don't you think?' she asks.

'Oh! I guess it is at that!' the Knight replies, nonchalantly, and turns to his faithful steed that had been standing near amidst the whole episode. Taking from his saddle bag a blue vase, the Knight lifts the cork from its spout and says, 'This will make anything look brand new!'

copyrighted 2010, Miss Raquel

Chapter 4

Chapter 4...

The Lady feels her eyes widen when a tiny tuft of bright orange fur pops up out of the spout of the vase. She glances up at the Knight with raised eyebrows and he gives a wink as an amused grin pulls at the corners of his lips.

The tuft of fur turns about in the spout of the vase until two, beady black eyes stare unblinkingly up at the Lady. "This is Ico." the Knight says with a smile as the beady eyes shift to focus on the glowing green orb in the Lady's hand. "He is what is known as a cleanfix."

The Lady arches a doubtful eyebrow at the Knight when a whole fluffy head suddenly pops up out of the vase spout. Though it seems completely impossible, the creature's head is larger than the neck of the vase and as it continues to crawl up and onto the Knights wrist it reveals a sinewy, weasel-like body that should never have fit into the vase in the first place.

The Lady stares in fascination as the little creature finishes pulling its long, bushy tail from the vase, never once having taken its eyes from the orb. Slowly, taking the orb between two fingers for caution of what the little beast might do, the Lady held the orb out to it. . .

The creature named Ico, slowly stepped onto the ball held cautiously by the Lady. It teetered a bit, because of the unsteady hold she had on it, and Ico pulled away from it, and back on the Knight's wrist.

'You must hold it a bit more firmly than that, m'lady,' the Knight smiled.

The Lady cleared her throat, and setting it in the palm of her hand, once again extended it towards the little Ico.

This time Ico stepped into her hand and slowly walked around the ball, until his long body was wound around it. He then laid his head on the last visible part of the green orb and suddenly, no little black eyes were staring at it. There was just a ball of orange fur in the Lady's hand now.

'It takes him only a minute,' the Knight informed her. 'And while we wait, tell me how it got into the Bog in the first place!'

'Well,' the Lady began, still not taking her eyes from the orange ball of fur still in her hand. 'I was walking through the woods here, and came upon a funny-looking woodsman. When he saw my green orb, he asked to hold it. I told him not to get it dirty, and I guess I had spoken too harshly and he cowered in fear. So I told him not to be afraid of me, and even offered him my hand...he accepted it, but then threw my orb into the Bog! Before I could tell him to retrieve it for me, he ran off with a rather crazy-sounding laugh and...' she looked up, into the Knight's eyes. 'And then you came along.'

The Knight laughed, a deep, musical laugh. 'Well, I guess I rescued a Damsel in Distress. For today, at least. I've done my good deed, I see.'

'Do you rescue many Damsels in Distress?' the Lady queried.

'Oh, quite a few, m'lady,' he replied. 'But I haven't found...' he did not finish his sentence.

'Have not found what?' the Lady persisted.

Just then, little Ico suddenly unwound himself, and before you could say 'Good Gracious!' he hopped back into his little vase...and you still couldn't tell how he fit into it.

The Knight popped the cork back onto the spout and gently placed it in his saddelbag once more. The Lady looked down at her green orb which was no longer the dark, muddy looking glob, but was now her bright, shiny green heirloom...and her hands were clean as well.

copyright 2010, Miss Raquel

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The "Bog of Eternal Stench"?? Isn't that a reference to Labyrinth? I'm surprised she would be allowed to watch that movie.

Also, this is awful.

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The "Bog of Eternal Stench"?? Isn't that a reference to Labyrinth? I'm surprised she would be allowed to watch that movie.

Also, this is awful.

She gets to watch pretty much any movie she wants.

I love that she copyrights her plagiarized writing. :lol:

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The ferret story is virginity porn, right? in which case, the brave knight's pants weasel cleaned the fair maiden's orb after a stranger got it stinky . . . :pink-shock:

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^I like the new avatar FG :) "We cannot break bread with you..."

I wish I could get "I've decided to scalp you" to show up on the picture, but I can't. I love Wednesday Adams.

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Is Josh a friend? Or a made-up character? The story of ferrets is just too strange and doesn't make much sense and this coming from someone who likes fantasy and scifi stories. You can have loads of ideas as a writer, but the point of good writing to put all those ideas together and made a story that's engaging and enjoyable to both you and the reader. Read it out loud and see if what you're writing sounds nice to the ear. Use exciting vocabulary, but don't over use the thesaurus either. Her writing isn't the most horrible I have read, but she has a lot to improve on as well. To start, she needs to read more and that doesn't include the Bible. It's how she is with most things. She's okay, but still amateur. If she wants to be great, she needs more education. She needs classes and lessons and more life experience.

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Is Josh a friend? Or a made-up character? The story of ferrets is just too strange and doesn't make much sense and this coming from someone who likes fantasy and scifi stories. You can have loads of ideas as a writer, but the point of good writing to put all those ideas together and made a story that's engaging and enjoyable to both you and the reader. Read it out loud and see if what you're writing sounds nice to the ear. Use exciting vocabulary, but don't over use the thesaurus either. Her writing isn't the most horrible I have read, but she has a lot to improve on as well. To start, she needs to read more and that doesn't include the Bible. It's how she is with most things. She's okay, but still amateur. If she wants to be great, she needs more education. She needs classes and lessons and more life experience.

Well she's ignored everything I asked about her writing. I asked her if she posted TeenInk and told her not to worry about her work being stolen :roll: , but she never replied.

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