Yech, the emotions, they are so mixed

[MamaJunebug]

I stumbled across a gal of certain years who's selling soaps and earrings and such.

auntmaes.com/about/

The photo of her in profile in her vintagey looking setting reminded me of one of my favorite, dotty aunts (long since deceased) so I started to read up.

Well, number one, she's a "recovering feminist." OK, I should've moved along there, but then, it turns out she's a recent widow and in dire straits. OK ... I have to know more.

Turns out her husband - precictably code-named "Patriarch" - died suddenly; they'd let their life insurance policies lapse after he lost his job (she has no job, remember? recovering feminist, and all), and their son is not eligible for any of his dad's military benefits because they never legally adopted the boy.

She's got an endorsement from Susan Bradrick (the MOTY who expects 6-month-old children to sit still and quiet for a 2-hour, plus, Calvinist church service. (Calvinist church srevice apparently includes at least a 40-minute-long sermon. Egad.)

I want to feel badly for her -- I do feel badly for her, actually. And yet she disses my way of life; and yet I"m sure she would be kindly toward me in my sin [sic], whether it was a "bless your heart" kindness or genuine.

I usually am not of a divided mind, so I really wish I hadn't followed the rabbit trail to her site. Ah well, smoke out of a box, and all. Horse outta the barn. Farmboy who's seen Paree. (For the young ones here, those are ways my own elders used to say, "Can't undo what you did.")

[debrand]

Why didn't they legally adopt their son and if he isn't legally adopted, isn't that kidnapping?

[Isis]

It appears that "arrow" (as she refers to her son) is actually her grandson...

Honey From Flinty Rocks is the journey of one woman who is a first generation Christian, recovering feminist, the help-meet to “The Patriarchâ€, home schooling (home-discipleship) mother to one “Arrow†& 4 adult children (Floppsy, Mopsy, Peter & Cottontail); who loves to cook, bake, read, sew, crochet, make soap, take pictures, scrapbook, paint & draw, write, play the piano, listen to classical music (mostly classical & baroque era) and spend time with my family.

Nice work if you can get it.....

[Isis]

Here's somthing I don't get - why the fathers/husbands obligation to be the provider ends at death for the fundies? Life insurance just isn't that expensive. Plus - he (the dead husband) was retired military - if he had opted for survivior benefits when he retired , she would be "ok".

[August]

So instead of getting a job she's going to sit around crocheting and listening to music? And promote that as the more moral choice?

Fuck that noise, I'll fight for the right of every person to have food, shelter, healthcare and spending money as a human right, but those who sit back on it with no intention or desire to otherwise are morally in the wrong.

[Jana814]

Hate to be off topic but their really is someone who thinks that a 6 month old baby could sit still in church for 2 hours!!

[gilora]

Someone should tell Lori that THIS is what happens when the headship dies.

[snarkyjan]

Hate to be off topic but their really is someone who thinks that a 6 month old baby could sit still in church for 2 hours!!

They can if the parent brings along an adequate supply of plumbing lines.

[Mice]

This is the life that she wanted, desired and fled to. She wanted to advocate her agency, responsibility and decisions to a person who made poor decisions on her behalf. She had every right to do that. Now she is living with the consequences of her actions. Her fundamentalist lifestyle landed her squarely where she is.

Fundies always say that in this scenario G-d will provide and that the church will help. I'm happy to see that play out here even though it sounds like that help is neither adequate nor forthcoming.

I do have compassion for her individual situation. I don't wish a life of poverty or desperation on anyone. But I think it is important to note that this exact poverty and desperation are part and parcel of the lifestyle that she both wanted and advocates for others.

[OkToBeTakei]

I now have this vision in my head of lots of women sitting in a circle one stands up and says 'My name is Dorothy and I'm a recovering feminist' to wild applause.

ETA A self diagnosed Celiac? OH fer fuck sake!

ETA Again. On the FB Benevolent fund she is described as husband's widow and ORPHAN? That there be against the law :lol: These people are so bizarre!

[hearyoume08]

I now have this vision in my head of lots of women sitting in a circle one stands up and says 'My name is Dorothy and I'm a recovering feminist' to wild applause.

ETA A self diagnosed Celiac? OH fer fuck sake!

ETA Again. On the FB Benevolent fund she is described as husband's widow and ORPHAN? That there be against the law :lol: These people are so bizarre!

(snort) are silver coins involved?

[Hane]

(snort) are silver coins involved?

Ahem.

"My name is Hane, and I had earned my 45 Years Recovered Feminist coin, and then yesterday I slipped up and tried to make a decision without consulting my headship *bursts into tears* ..."

[OkToBeTakei]

Ahem.

"My name is Hane, and I had earned my 45 Years Recovered Feminist coin, and then yesterday I slipped up and tried to make a decision without consulting my headship *bursts into tears* ..."

Back to Step one for you. If you are good maybe you can wear your bra next week :naughty:

[valsa]

I don't feel sorry for her, though I do feel sorry for that baby. To put it in terms she may be able to understand:

God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

Galatians 6:7.

From a Christian perspective, God gave her a brain and, presumably, the health and ability to work. She decided to make a mockery of that gift by sitting on her ass all day and scrapbooking, and is now reaping what she and her husband previously sowed.

[gulag]

These are the people sucking off the public tit. This is where my tax dollars go. To this stuff, instead of single-parent university student mommies.

These people will be on welfare for a lifetime. This is why we now have "welfare-to-work" requirements, except that people like this will always get a waiver, an exemption, to get continued.

[rward]

These are the people sucking off the public tit. This is where my tax dollars go. To this stuff, instead of single-parent university student mommies.

These people will be on welfare for a lifetime. This is why we now have "welfare-to-work" requirements, except that people like this will always get a waiver, an exemption, to get continued.

I have significantly more sympathy for a 16 year old girl taught abstinence only sex ed who needs my support. At least she has the excuse of youth and ignorance. This woman is old enough to know better, as my momma would say.

[hoipolloi]

If "The Patriarch" is indeed, even now, with Christ, I hope that Jesus is hitting him upside the head for aiding & abetting Mrs. Mae in this mockery of God's gifts to her.

[AnnieC 305]

Ya know, when we moved my husband and I crunched the numbers and decided it made more sense for me to be a stay-at-home-housewife. But if you're going to do this you have to be prepared, he's insured to the hilt and I still substitute a few days a year to keep active with the local school district. Should anything happen I'll have ample in savings/life insurance to go back and renew my teaching credential so I can get back in the classroom. This is just nuts!

[hoipolloi]

Ya know, when we moved my husband and I crunched the numbers and decided it made more sense for me to be a stay-at-home-housewife. But if you're going to do this you have to be prepared, he's insured to the hilt and I still substitute a few days a year to keep active with the local school district. Should anything happen I'll have ample in savings/life insurance to go back and renew my teaching credential so I can get back in the classroom. This is just nuts!

QFT.

Looked at her website briefly & the godawful FB page. Where are the elders of their church or was it the Church of Daddy-Said-So and now the head (and only) elder has met his Maker?

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Ya know, when we moved my husband and I crunched the numbers and decided it made more sense for me to be a stay-at-home-housewife. But if you're going to do this you have to be prepared, he's insured to the hilt and I still substitute a few days a year to keep active with the local school district. Should anything happen I'll have ample in savings/life insurance to go back and renew my teaching credential so I can get back in the classroom. This is just nuts!

SRSLY. I'm the only wage-earner in my household right now, and you better believe I have life insurance on myself - nothing crazy, but enough to hold my husband over for a period while he finds a JOB (as he would fully expect to do!!)

[Mama Mia]

Why didn't they legally adopt their son and if he isn't legally adopted, isn't that kidnapping?

No. Many people have either formal or informal guardianship of a child. Particularly of a relative like a niece or nephew or grandchild, but sometimes people will have guardianship of a teen whose parent's have moved away and left their teen in a friends care to finish school (for example).

Depending on the state she may be able to get some form of benefits for the child. Although if the child's parents are still alive the state may go after them for child support whether grandma wants them to or not.

Some states / counties have a pot of money and resources for kinship care. It enables families to take care of children that would end up in the much more expensive foster care system.

[desertvixen]

Arrow is our grandchild, the son of my daughter from my previous marriage. She also has an older brother. The other 2 children are twin girls from Patriarch’s previous marriage. Neither one of us were saved then, it was about 5 years after we were married that the Lord saved us. The Patriarch & I will be celebrating our 24th wedding anniversary this year. To make a long, traumatic, very eventful story very, very short, we now have full, sole decision-making custody of Arrow and have since 2005.

So, they've had decision-making custody of their grandchild for going on 8 years (now) but not formal adoption. They could have actually adopted so that the boy would be covered under military health care, but apparently did not. I can see maybe putting that decision off for a year or two in hope that the boy would be able to go back to his mother, but that whole planning-ahead thing does not seem to be fundies' strong suit.

Oh, and after deciding that their previous methods didn't work, she listened to someone who has Pearl-ish ideas about child-proofing.

[Mama Mia]

So, they've had decision-making custody of their grandchild for going on 8 years (now) but not formal adoption. They could have actually adopted so that the boy would be covered under military health care, but apparently did not. I can see maybe putting that decision off for a year or two in hope that the boy would be able to go back to his mother, but that whole planning-ahead thing does not seem to be fundies' strong suit.

Oh, and after deciding that their previous methods didn't work, she listened to someone who has Pearl-ish ideas about child-proofing.

I don't know their particular situation, but in some cases it can be very, very difficult to legally adopt, but obtaining legal guardianship is often more easily obtainable.

Something that often comes up is that one of the parents isn't willing to relinquish all parental rights and consent to the adoption - as they have hopes that at some point they will be able to be an active parent again.

[GenerationCedarchip]

I don't know their particular situation, but in some cases it can be very, very difficult to legally adopt, but obtaining legal guardianship is often more easily obtainable.

Something that often comes up is that one of the parents isn't willing to relinquish all parental rights and consent to the adoption - as they have hopes that at some point they will be able to be an active parent again.

Second this. Courts don't like to terminate all parental rights so adopting can often take a long time and lots of $$$. I just finished a case where my clients (aunt and uncle) were able to adopt their nephews. That case was in and out of court for umpteen gazillion hearings going all the way back to 2006.

[MissBeaufort]

Fundies always say that in this scenario G-d will provide and that the church will help. I'm happy to see that play out here even though it sounds like that help is neither adequate nor forthcoming.

Honestly, this. They all seem to indulge in collective magical thinking, and it's hard to understand.