having a buddy system is spreading!

[homeschoolmomma1]

SO I was at church tonight and my little girl who is 2 was not feeling so good so I decided that I would sit in the lobby if she got too fussy. She didn't have a temp and was fine when we left the house. I don't just randomly take my children out when they are sick. I am not that bad of a mother.

Anyway, as I sat on the couch a little girl maybe like 8 or 9 came out and was trying to care for her 2 year old brother. He was crying and fussy. It DROVE ME CRAZY to think this little girl was taking care of her sibling. Where was the mother in all of this? In church praying. Never came out once to see what was going on GRRRRR. I wanted to tell the little girl to go tell her mom to take care of her own kids. Sorry I know some families do this but it was just WRONG in this case. She was not the parent.

I said nothing later when they all walked out of church even though I wanted too. I go to a Catholic Church too. I think the buddy system is spreading

[Guest Anonymous]

Poor little girl.

Was she only with mum or was there a dad or other relative there? I don't get why parents/carers can't share the responsibility with each other, rather than their kids.

[Juliakitty]

I work for a library and this sort of thing happens all the time in the library too.

[homeschoolmomma1]

Oh ya Dad was there I forgot to say that

[xDreamerx]

Poor little girl. Why can't they allow their children to simply be children? There is a difference between giving your child chores or asking them to help their sibling(s) occasionally and expecting them to fully parent their sibling full time and look after all their needs. It's just so ridiculous and sad not to mention FUCKING LAZY.

[bananacat]

And where was the dad?

My mom was born in the 50s. Luckily she only had 2 younger siblings. Her mom had severe health conditions and couldn't care for the kids, and her dad was "traditional" and refused to raise his own kids. My mom had to to do all the work and her childhood was stolen from her.

[lovemyaspiekids]

Poor little girl. Why can't they allow their children to simply be children? There is a difference between giving your child chores or asking them to help their sibling(s) occasionally and expecting them to fully parent their sibling full time and look after all their needs. It's just so ridiculous and sad not to mention FUCKING LAZY.

Exactly. When I'm busy or my attention is required elsewhere, my 9-year old daughter automatically jumps in to keep my 7-year old son busy and entertained. And she's his reading buddy at home. But they're kids for crying out loud.

I have several friends who were the oldest children growing up and some resent having to basically take care of the little ones. Not as much resentment if the parents were working or sick, but if the parents could do it and chose not too. Interesting, this has led a couple to the decision to be child-free.

[InkyGirl]

To be fair she could have volunteered to take care of the kid to get out of sitting in the service. ...Not that I ever did that or anything... :)

[nutella addict]

To be fair she could have volunteered to take care of the kid to get out of sitting in the service. ...Not that I ever did that or anything... :)

Hahaha yeah, I agree it's a distinct possibility. We were too close in age for me to calm a fussy toddler, but I've seen other older siblings volunteer to take the younger ones out because they want to sneak out, or to take the little ones to the nursery, or to volunteer in the nursery, or to help with Children's Church downstairs during the sermon, or to walk a little one to the bathroom, or to be an usher, or to set up for something after church....

Not that I sat around planning ways to get out of the sermon, not me. :angelic-cyan:

[homeschoolmomma1]

Ummm no I don't think she volunteered. If you saw the stress in her eyes. She was pratically close to tears herself. I am not saying she wanted to play with him. NBo she was taking care of him 100%. That kid needed a MOM or DAD not a sistermom. I wish I could have taken a video

Oh ya Dad was in church too.

[Patsy]

I think the buddy system is honestly a great idea for groups going out in public, managing public transport, getting buckled into a car, etc. Just not for raising your children...

[jaelh]

i know a 60 yo woman, one of 14, who was a buddy some 50 years ago. this is no new phenomenon

[Olive Plant]

This doesn't have to be a "buddy" system. It's pretty common for kids to take care of their younger siblings, whichever one needed taking care of. I did it all the time. My parents had a lot of kids (no birth control, go figure) and as one of the older ones, I was helping change diapers when I was 5 years old. Most of the time I didn't care, but sometimes I would get annoyed that my mom wasn't doing more herself. Mostly we older ones took it upon ourselves, though. It was kind of fun to boss the little kids around sometimes, although they didn't think so.

[lilwriter85]

I think the buddy system is honestly a great idea for groups going out in public, managing public transport, getting buckled into a car, etc. Just not for raising your children...

I agree a buddy system is good for instances.

I agree with another poster, buddy sytems aren't new. In past times or certain cultures or families they were needed. My mom was the youngest of 8 kids in a ranching family and her family used a buddy system often because my grandmother had ranch duties to tend to. My mother's older siblings all left home when they were 18. None of my mom's older sisters stayed home after graduating high school. Now in days a buddy system is a bit outdated.

I think the system the Duggars use is way too much. It is really unfair to the older girls.

[QueenNocturne]

My poor grandmother had to drop out of school at age 11 because her mother died and her father and spoiled older sister had no interest in taking care of the rest of the large family (I think there were 7-8 kids total). She was essentially the mother to all her younger siblings and kept the house running, which lasted until she eloped with my grandpa at age 17 (and they actually stayed married until his death 40+ years later).

I think as a result of that my mom refused to do a Duggars-esque buddy system (though, she only has two kids). Granted, I was given responsibilities as an older sibling and when I got older was asked to baby-sit my sister at times. There were a few rough patches we went through, especially with my dad's addiction, that lead to my briefly taking more responsibility because we were really in a tough spot. But, in general, my parents were the ones to raise us and take care of us. And they specifically chose to have two kids themselves (my dad's older daughter from his first marriage mainly lived with her mother) because they knew that was their limit.

[BlondeAgent007]

My mother was also forced to be a mom at a young age, as her mother was chronically ill (TB 2x, crippling arthritis, complications due to radiation from chest x-rays, etc) and she had two younger siblings. She always promised us she would never do that to us. Aside from regular normal helping out, she never demanded that from any of us 3. I think it really helped us to develop a strong friendship between siblings.

[AnnoDomini]

Heh heh. I realize it wasn't the case here, but when my siblings got to be, oh, twelve or so, my mother considered us old enough to help out with the disruptive babies/toddlers in church. That was the best part--getting to do something other than sitting through the boredom of the sermon! Instead we got to wander around the building that our church met in (sometimes it was a private school, sometimes a hotel). Good times.