Another entry on marriage from Lori Alexander

[lilwriter85]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/02/leann-rimes-felt-pathetic.html

LeAnn admits she did feel "pathetic" during the affair and subsequent media firestorm that happened in its wake. "I couldn't get out of bed. I became this person that I never knew existed within me, and I did not like her at all."

Unfortunately, our churches are not fighting against divorce very hard and don't seem to be making marriages any stronger. I have been to many marriage retreats and seminars. I mentor many women who have been to all of them, plus marriage counseling, plus reading many marriage books and they are still miserable in their marriage.

Where is our hope? Where can we turn? Perhaps God and His Word will help...He lays out His ideas for marriage very clearly. The husband is the head of the wife. He is the leader. The wife is his help meet who obeys her husband and wants to please him. The roles are clearly defined but rarely obeyed or taught.

Again Lori is placing the blame on women for everything. She also forgets that Eddie Cibrian also had fault like Leann Rimes did in that affair.

[lilwriter85]

Ken is also commenting duty.

Guest · 5 hours ago

Hi Lori, I am wondering if you ever find yourself in moments where you are not submissive to your husband, and if so, how you and he both react. On my pathway towards being a godly wife, I practice this joyfully but there are definitely moments, phases, or even days or weeks when I rebel or snap back at him or don't do what I know I should--I allow my emotion or desire to control the situation to rule my decisions instead of my heart and doing what's best. I was wondering if you have ever found yourself in this position recently and if so, what is the best way you or your husband have found to getting back on track? Thanks

Ken

· 4 hours ago

I am sure that Lori will enjoy answering you in the morning, but for now, I will tattle on her as her husband . I will begin by saying that I have seen very few people in this world who have the heart for God and drive to please Him "in everything" as Lori does. It was always this way with her, or pretty much, our whole marriage, but she struggled badly with the issues of always wanting to be right.

There were lots of reasons for the struggle, none the least was her very imperfect husband, her strong personality, her warped thoughts on intimacy, and the poor job the church does at teaching God’s Word on submission.

For my part, I was bound and determined to NEVER use the submission card. No matter how disobedient and naughty my feisty wife would be with me at times, I would not stoop to so low a blow as to say, "You know God asks you to submit to me." That was a mistake, and many husbands should be saying just this to their wives … in a loving way.

So, there we were. She knew she should submit, but few wives did, and her husband was half the spiritual person she was anyway. Round and round we went... good times... bad times... lots of laughs... upsets, anger, tears. Isn't that the way it should be in Christian marriage?

Best book I never read is Debbie Pearl's, "Created to Be His Help Meet." Debbie showed God's Word to Lori plain and simple, and the Spirit began a mighty work in this stronghold in her life.

Is Lori the perfect, always submissive wife? In my eyes she is. I do not expect perfection in any area of her life, but when I see her try so hard... to struggle against her natural "be the boss" personality, this is pure joy for me.

We no longer battle like we used to... our lives are at peace and in harmony... truly one with each other, all perhaps but a few hours in a month. We have communications tools we use to move through those times quickly ... decisions we have made together in advance ... and I wish I could say we always handle things perfectly, but we are not there yet.

About a week ago we had a real blow up... about a 3 on a scale of 1-10, because we rarely ever get beyond that now... but Lori in her frustration said to me, "Well maybe I shouldn't be blogging about submission!" I just laughed and reminded her that God's truth remains true even if we can't be 100% perfect walking in it. That we need the Lori's of the world to speak out on doing things God's ways, and I adore 99% efforts and results in this area of our relationship. Lori’s desire to please God makes me a better man as I want to please her.

I cannot imagine that your husband, godly or not godly, is looking for you to be perfect in this area, although "in everything" is a ridiculously high standard! I give Lori permission to blow it... so long as I get the final say. Sometimes that final say has to wait a few hours or a day, but that is OK.

The goal of submission is not to create a slave, but to create harmony and oneness in our marriage. Submission does not have to be perfect to be both effective and pleasing to your husband. He just wants to know you are trying, and that when the fight is over, you will come to him and snuggle up and whisper in his ear, "I am so sorry, I have been a very naughty girl. Will you forgive me?"

Many wives cannot do this last part because submission is not as much a set of actions but a heart condition. I call it surrender of the will. If your will is surrendered to the will of your husband submission comes easy, but if you are sure you know better, or want your way, submission is nothing more than following a set of rules. A godly husband, like God, is not interested in having his wife follow the rules, but much more interested in the heart of the matter. When submission leads to surrender, huge gains are made in intimacy and desire, because then both spouses unite and become one in spirit.

Lori struggles still with surrender. She has the submission down pat, but surrender is scary for her as she has always tried to protect the little girl inside from men. I do not blame her one bit! “Not my will but thine be done” is for Jesus and the Father, not for people is it?

I am so much further away from surrender to God with my will than Lori is from surrender to me. But as I see her modeling submission for me, I realize how much more I must turn my life, and will, over to Him. Is it possible that submission is really the wife leading her husband to the great depths of his own surrender to God and “Thy will be done?” For the true leader is the servant of all… both husband and wife.

[Koala]

Ken

No matter how disobedient and naughty my feisty wife would be with me at times, I would not stoop to so low a blow as to say, "You know God asks you to submit to me." That was a mistake, and many husbands should be saying just this to their wives … in a loving way.

He just wants to know you are trying, and that when the fight is over, you will come to him and snuggle up and whisper in his ear, "I am so sorry, I have been a very naughty girl. Will you forgive me?"

holy christ :shock:

[Bozoette]

The goal of submission is not to create a slave, but to create harmony and oneness in our marriage. Submission does not have to be perfect to be both effective and pleasing to your husband. He just wants to know you are trying, and that when the fight is over, you will come to him and snuggle up and whisper in his ear, "I am so sorry, I have been a very naughty girl. Will you forgive me?"

Oh, I wanted the last line of this quote to be "I think I need a spankin'!!" sooooo badly. But no. Alas.

[GolightlyGrrl]

Ken

holy christ :shock:

No kidding! If saying "I've been a naughty girl. Will you forgive me?" was said during role playing sexy time, I might not find it so offensive. But saying it after a fight with your husband? Shudder.

I have a feeling Ken is abusive in some sort, and Lori goes along with it because she has no other options.

[quincygal]

OK. What the heck are "warped thoughts on intimacy"?????

What if your "headship" is doing really stupid or dangerous things? I caught my former headship cashing out ten of thousands of dollars from our retirement accounts & spending it on god knows what. Instead of watching our finances super carefully after that I was supposed to tell him I was naughty? Yeah, not sure that would have allowed me to eat during retirement like watching our money around him would have.

[Koala]

No kidding! If saying "I've been a naughty girl. Will you forgive me?" was said during role playing sexy time, I might not find it so offensive. But saying it after a fight with your husband? Shudder.

I have a feeling Ken is abusive in some sort, and Lori goes along with it because she has no other options.

Yeah, I gotta be straight here, there is NO WAY he doesn't know the implications of a grown woman saying she's been a "naughty girl". It screams kinky.

[BoomerLynn]

Judging by some of their blog posts, I'd say they both still have very warped thoughts on intamacy.

[Dollypeeps]

I think she means warped thoughts on intimacy as in not him on top again :lol:

[constantgardener]

Is Lori the perfect, always submissive wife? In my eyes she is. I do not expect perfection in any area of her life, but when I see her try so hard... to struggle against her natural "be the boss" personality, this is pure joy for me.

Why the hell would it give you pleasure to see someone struggle to be something they're not, just to live up to some pathetic ideal? And while I am no Lori sympathiser, what a way to live your life, constantly trying to subdue your natural personality (which, if you believe in God, must have been created by him in the first place, right?).

Edited for riffle.

[2xx1xy1JD]

No kidding! If saying "I've been a naughty girl. Will you forgive me?" was said during role playing sexy time, I might not find it so offensive. But saying it after a fight with your husband? Shudder.

I have a feeling Ken is abusive in some sort, and Lori goes along with it because she has no other options.

So I'm not the only one who thinks that these are bad porn lines?

Look, if we have to play a game of "S&M scene or Christian marital advice?", something is deeply, deeply wrong.

[salex]

Ken

holy christ :shock:

All sounds like something out of penthouse letters, doesn't it.

[Koala]

I am particularly loving that the comments went completely silent after Ken's comment. They don't know what to say. I bet they are all sitting at their computers like this -------> :o and that makes me :lol: , so thanks Ken and Lori.

[ILoveJellybeans]

That is either super creepy or super kinky. I cant decide.

Someone should tell these people that it is perfectly normal to be interested in kinky stuff, sometimes I feel that fundies are sex obsessed and have a strange obsession with submission and spanking. I could totally imagine some of the fundies we snark on here getting up to some really kinky stuff if their religion allowed it.

[Jinger Jar]

From where I'm sitting Ken and Lori have a D/s thing going on, although I'm sure they wouldn't agree.

[AllisonWndrland]

From where I'm sitting Ken and Lori have a D/s thing going on, although I'm sure they wouldn't agree.

If that isn't their intent and she has not knowingly consented to such a relationship, then it's straight up abuse and I want someone to tell him that in the comments. If they're living in a D/s relationship in which both partners are consenting, then I want them to be honest and let readers know. Based on the comments, they're wreaking such havoc in marriages that they make me sick.

[Closed Womb]

If that isn't their intent and she has not knowingly consented to such a relationship, then it's straight up abuse and I want someone to tell him that in the comments. If they're living in a D/s relationship in which both partners are consenting, then I want them to be honest and let readers know. Based on the comments, they're wreaking such havoc in marriages that they make me sick.

QFT.

I think many of the Fundie bloggers are encouraging a D/s relationship without the woman's (always the submissive, naturally) consent or even full understanding. Cause the Bible says, submit, dontchaknow.

[lilwriter85]

I am particularly loving that the comments went completely silent after Ken's comment. They don't know what to say. I bet they are all sitting at their computers like this -------> :o and that makes me :lol: , so thanks Ken and Lori.

I think Lori heavily moderates her comments. FJers have mentioned her not posting their comments and a couple of FJers have said that she emails people in certain situations. I also think Ken plays a part in moderating comments. Some of Lori's fangirls will pop up and agree with her. But I think she has turned off some of her readers in the past due to her extreme beliefs on certain subjects. I have looked at some of the commenters' blogs and a few of them aren't as extreme as Lori.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I think it comes across one way for a woman to say to a group of other women, "ya know, I used to be a critical bitch, but then I changed my ways and now give advice based on my experience", and another way for a man to come out and say, "Husband need to tell their wives that God says that their wives have to submit to them", disclose some really personal sexual information and then make it sound like he gets off on seeing his wife struggle (it's "pure joy" according to him) and using the porn lines. Even the dreaded Pearls say that submission isn't something that a husband can demand.

Some of her leghumpers look to her as a role model, and this may have shocked them.

[Guest Anonymous]

I think it comes across one way for a woman to say to a group of other women, "ya know, I used to be a critical bitch, but then I changed my ways and now give advice based on my experience", and another way for a man to come out and say, "Husband need to tell their wives that God says that their wives have to submit to them", disclose some really personal sexual information and then make it sound like he gets off on seeing his wife struggle (it's "pure joy" according to him) and using the porn lines. Even the dreaded Pearls say that submission isn't something that a husband can demand.

Some of her leghumpers look to her as a role model, and this may have shocked them.

I hope so. If they don't see that as a red flag, then I'm not sure what could shake them out of their madness. :?

[Minerva]

I had to stop reading Ken's comment after awhile. That kind of talk would be icky enough without the sexual overtones. I don't wanna hear about what a "naughty girl" Lori is. Jeez.

[amydamy]

Ken

holy christ :shock:

Ken is such a fucking creeper. He freaks me out.

[Koala]

Well they are getting fucking crickets over this one. RADIO SILENCE. :lol: The fan girls don't even want to chime in !

[Bloo]

I'm suddenly picturing Ken as "Bob" from those Natural Male Enhancement advertisements.

[Koala]

New post up:

Same what the fuckery, different day:

Welfare has destroyed the black family.

I don't even know...where the hell does she get this stuff :?