Larissa (of Pray for Ian Blog) tempted to stray...

[0 kids n not countin]

we finally had time to talk, after a busy few days. I admitted to Ian some temptations that I've been facing that, if grown, could affect him and our marriage.

"Tell me what I can do to help you," he spoke, when my guts were spilled.

I questioned him on why that response, instead of surprise or frustration or concern. I asked why he didn't turn it back onto himself, and how those temptations affect him.

"Because it's a holy God that you're up against."

He gets it. So simply and clearly and beautifully. He turned my sin directly to the gospel and to how my sins are not primarily against Ian or our marriage but a holy God.

Stunned, because I had been carrying weight of the frustrations of my ugly heart, I looked at him in refreshed gratefulness. What a gift he is to me. He is a gift to my soul.

Larissa

[Eternalbluepearl]

Well that sounds interesting. I read this blog and I sympathize with the strange position Larissa is in. I'm not sure theirs is a marriage that is really fair to both parties.

[Letgo]

I didn't read this as being tempted to stray. I thought that she had feelings of impatience, frustration, and impotence at the marriage she has. Their situation is just so sad. I hope it's not some other guy. But I have no idea how she is going to live with this for her entire life. Ian is most likely not going to improve much, if at all. This is it.

[Morton Fan]

I didn't read this as being tempted to stray. I thought that she had feelings of impatience, frustration, and impotence at the marriage she has. Their situation is just so sad. I hope it's not some other guy. But I have no idea how she is going to live with this for her entire life. Ian is most likely not going to improve much, if at all. This is it.

I'll admit I got the same impression as the PP that she was tempted to infidelity. She has mentioned the despair, impatience, etc. stuff before, which is why this seemed different and/or more "sinister" to me. I feel really bad about their whole situation.

[Guest Anonymous]

Whatever her temptation, he has her right where he wants her. No control over his own body or his own life, but he owns her and he knows just how to kick her in the gut when he thinks she 'needs' it. :(

[Gothardgrrl]

Whatever her temptation, he has her right where he wants her. No control over his own body or his own life, but he owns her and he knows just how to kick her in the gut when he thinks she 'needs' it. :(

That seems a little unfair since Larissa has previously said that Ian's memory is so poor that he can't remember what he ate that day. I don't think he has the capacity, at this point, to follow some sort of scheme for keeping her down. As far as I can see, he's completely dependent upon her in every way. Besides, his first response was nothing but gracious, asking how he could help her. It was only after she questioned his response that he said what he did.

[Guest Anonymous]

I think it is a product of many fundie marriages that the man 'owns' the woman, no matter what the ability or mental capacity of each is.

You see 'nothing but gracious'. I see 'entitled'.

[Gothardgrrl]

I don't neccesarily see their marriage as a typical fundie marriage. I grew up around Maxwell type fundies and Christians of Ian and Larissa's stamp, and to me, there was a world of difference. I don't see Larissa as an infantilized woman doing her best to ignore her own wishes in favor of a domineering spouse. I see her as a woman who could not let go of the man she loved, even though he is gone, and is now trying to deal with it within the context of her faith. I think she is a lot more honest and open than most fundie women are allowed to be.

This episode is an example of that. I don't see most fundie women as being that open about temptation. I think they would be afraid to admit temptations of that type to their spouse. I also don't see the typical fundie husband asking how they can help in response. I see them responding with autocratic punishment. Sure, some people use guilt to control, but I think the average fundie husband would be ashamed of using only subtle manipulation. I think overt dominance is usually part of the package, but that's just my opinion.

[Vex]

What are the circumstances of their marriage?

[Eternalbluepearl]

This may seem dense of me, but I didn't really understand Ian's response of "it's a holy God you're up against." The commenters made that line out to be so amazing and I didn't really get what he meant by it.

[itsnikki05]

That is so sad. I'll be honest and say that I don't know that I could've gotten married to him in those circumstances. Might make me selfish. *shrug* I don't think I could.

[Guest Anonymous]

This may seem dense of me, but I didn't really understand Ian's response of "it's a holy God you're up against." The commenters made that line out to be so amazing and I didn't really get what he meant by it.

I took it to mean that if she sins, she sins against God, more than against him. And with the implication that while Ian is fairly impotent, she will have the almighty God to deal with if she strays.

I think the leghumpers are just reinforcing the idea that everything Ian says is so profound.

[Guest Anonymous]

I don't neccesarily see their marriage as a typical fundie marriage. I grew up around Maxwell type fundies and Christians of Ian and Larissa's stamp, and to me, there was a world of difference. I don't see Larissa as an infantilized woman doing her best to ignore her own wishes in favor of a domineering spouse. I see her as a woman who could not let go of the man she loved, even though he is gone, and is now trying to deal with it within the context of her faith. I think she is a lot more honest and open than most fundie women are allowed to be.

This episode is an example of that. I don't see most fundie women as being that open about temptation. I think they would be afraid to admit temptations of that type to their spouse. I also don't see the typical fundie husband asking how they can help in response. I see them responding with autocratic punishment. Sure, some people use guilt to control, but I think the average fundie husband would be ashamed of using only subtle manipulation. I think overt dominance is usually part of the package, but that's just my opinion.

I'd say that they were evangelical/fundie in the sense that they follow John "God wants you to accept domestic abuse for a season" Piper's teachings, and attend Sovereign Grace Ministries church, and also Ian's Dad was fairly instrumental in keeping Larissa engaged in Ian's life after the accident.

We discussed them before here: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=12238&start=20

[Eternalbluepearl]

Thanks, Anniec. I get it now. And yes, I think the leg humpers want to make every word sound profound. I'm still not really sure she has actual conversations with Ian. My heart breaks for her, don't get me wrong, but I can't picture they have much of a back and forth together.

[Guest Anonymous]

I feel really harsh saying what I am saying. I feel horrified for Larissa; that's where I am coming from really. She sounds terribly depressed and bound up by guilt and I don't see a way out for her, within the SGM church community. She will no doubt be venerated for her sacrifice, but I doubt she will ever be free to say what is really on her heart and mind, without fear of judgement.

[lilwriter85]

I also sense that Larissa is depressed. FJers discussed that possibility in one of the other threads. I get the strong feeling that Larissa keeps quiet about some of her feelings because of Ian's family. There are things about Larissa that are kind of odd, like her thinking that she and Ian might be able to adopt.

[Ex 2x2]

I just caught up a little on their blog. Something really bugs me about them, but maybe it's just me. I know FJ'ers will tell me the truth!

It's the wifey thing. It sounds so patronizing. I guess it's a term of endearment for them, but it sounds all help-meet-y. Other terms of endearment don't bother me. So is this just annoying to me?

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

Yeah wifey sounds strange to me too. Gosh she has a crap life. If she didn't believe in god she would be a lot happier as she wouldn't be Ian's wife. Well that's my belief anyway...

[lilwriter85]

I just caught up a little on their blog. Something really bugs me about them, but maybe it's just me. I know FJ'ers will tell me the truth!

It's the wifey thing. It sounds so patronizing. I guess it's a term of endearment for them, but it sounds all help-meet-y. Other terms of endearment don't bother me. So is this just annoying to me?

Larissa doesn't really bug me me. I feel bad for her and I suspect she doesn't want to be married to Ian. Ian family bugs me quite a bit. His late father pressured Larrisa into marrying Ian. I think the wifey thing with Larissa is she does that partially to satisfy Ian's family. There is another blogging couple in a similar situation to Ian and Larrissa. Ben and Katie are their names and something about Katie bugs me more than Larissa.

[Ex 2x2]

It's more that he calls her wifey that bugs me. And I agree...his family really bugs me...especially the late father's role in all of this. I feel really really sad for her.