Bad Baby Advice: A History

[GiGi_41]

I am also an "attachment parent" and I always chose wearing my Littles to putting them in a stroller. I choose to wrap but my other half doesn't and I certainly wouldnt force him too. Once they got bigger, around a year, I started to use the stroller more and once we had two 1yos I used the stroller though I have worn them both a few times.

Even now with my 2yo I always bring a wrap for just in case because its harder for me to carry her on my hip then my back.

I do always feel sorry for those babies in the carriers that are placed on the shopping cart but I certainly wouldn't attack a parent for doing it. I guess because this is my second time around I realize the cuddly infant/toddler stage is short and they grow up so fast.

I actually don't do much with our AP group any more because they have gotten so militant about vaccines, organics, and other things.

[ilovetchotchkes]

I am also an "attachment parent" and I always chose wearing my Littles to putting them in a stroller. I choose to wrap but my other half doesn't and I certainly wouldnt force him too. Once they got bigger, around a year, I started to use the stroller more and once we had two 1yos I used the stroller though I have worn them both a few times.

Even now with my 2yo I always bring a wrap for just in case because its harder for me to carry her on my hip then my back.

I do always feel sorry for those babies in the carriers that are placed on the shopping cart but I certainly wouldn't attack a parent for doing it. I guess because this is my second time around I realize the cuddly infant/toddler stage is short and they grow up so fast.

I actually don't do much with our AP group any more because they have gotten so militant about vaccines, organics, and other things.

Yeah, i'm a personae non grata because I vaccinate.

[GiGi_41]

Yeah, i'm a personae non grata because I vaccinate.

Since mine are foster children I had an easy out! The state requires it and I can't debate them!

[AmyP]

The other moms at the pre-school always made such a big deal about the fact that I carried my babies or put them in the sling when I picked up my older kids. I never understood it then, but now I realize that they must have thought I was some sort of big attachment parenting nut. In reality I was just too lazy to drag the stroller out for a 15 step walk from the car to the door of the school. :lol:

I thought it was a little wierd that so many of the moms felt the need to comment on this.

[ilovetchotchkes]

The other moms at the pre-school always made such a big deal about the fact that I carried my babies or put them in the sling when I picked up my older kids. I never understood it then, but now I realize that they must have thought I was some sort of big attachment parenting nut. In reality I was just too lazy to drag the stroller out for a 15 step walk from the car to the door of the school. :lol:

I thought it was a little wierd that so many of the moms felt the need to comment on this.

One of the other moms at my son's school has an Ergo, and we give each other the *nod*. Its pretty funny.

count me as "too lazy to pull out the stroller" as well.

[AmyP]

I am also an "attachment parent" and I always chose wearing my Littles to putting them in a stroller. I choose to wrap but my other half doesn't and I certainly wouldnt force him too. Once they got bigger, around a year, I started to use the stroller more and once we had two 1yos I used the stroller though I have worn them both a few times.

Even now with my 2yo I always bring a wrap for just in case because its harder for me to carry her on my hip then my back.

I do always feel sorry for those babies in the carriers that are placed on the shopping cart but I certainly wouldn't attack a parent for doing it. I guess because this is my second time around I realize the cuddly infant/toddler stage is short and they grow up so fast.

I actually don't do much with our AP group any more because they have gotten so militant about vaccines, organics, and other things.

Why would you feel sorry for a baby on a shopping cart? Its not like they're in there all day??

[Katiebug]

I do always feel sorry for those babies in the carriers that are placed on the shopping cart but I certainly wouldn't attack a parent for doing it. I guess because this is my second time around I realize the cuddly infant/toddler stage is short and they grow up so fast.

Why do you feel sorry for them? Perhaps the baby doesn't like being worn, perhaps the parent has orthopedic or other medical issues that make babywearing painful or impossible. Maybe they just prefer the convenience for a quick trip to the store. I try not to judge when I don't know others' situations.

I'm a babywearer who much preferred using the infant car seat for shopping trips. Our daughter's first winter was very snowy/icy, even for New England, and I was afraid I could have a bad fall with her in a carrier and she'd be hurt. Due to the cold it was much quicker to just undock the infant seat (with a warm blanket over her and a hat on her head) and run inside than it would have been to uncover and unbuckle her, remove my coat, buckle her into an SSC or tie a mei tai (without dragging the straps on the slushy ground), put my coat back on to try to keep her warm somehow, and then walk through the slush and ice to the store, praying I didn't slip.

The only thing that bugs me about car seats and shopping carts is when parents perch them on the top of the cart, on the child seating/upper basket area. That's really unsafe and at least one baby has died as a result of the car seat falling from that spot. Infant car seats should go in the main basket of the cart, which leaves less space for groceries but is much safer.

[PennySycamore]

Car seats.are so damn heavy I can't see carting a child in one for very long. A cloth carrier is so much more comfortable - at least for me. YMMV

[GiGi_41]

The reason I feel bad is because 1. the carrier car seat shouldn't be on the top of the cart...2. Because I feel like it's an over used tool for some parents. (Truth be told I think the carrier car seats are a waste of money for healthy average weight babies. If social services wouldn't have given us one with FD1 she wouldn't have had one at all but they are easier for SS to transport with so they are supplied to newborn foster parents)

I understand that there are different reasons for them being in the carrier carseat which is why I would never accost someone about it or even mention it unless they started the conversation with me. That doesn't mean I can't have a certain generalized feeling about it... And I did state in my previous post that I may have this feeling because its my second time around and I realize how short baby time really is in perspective.

I'm sure that the people in my tiny town have the feeling that I'm a wack job because I walk around with a baby on my back instead of carrying them around in that 10lb carrier (weight might be an exaggeration but it feels like 10lbs to me!)

[salsa]

attachment parenting, gentle parenting, baby wisdom parenting, plumb line parenting.....

makes want to holler, "JUST BE A PARENT!" It's worrying, and your kids will sometimes scare the fire out of you - but regardless if you use a stroller, or "wear" your child (not a term during my two - but the term tickles me. You wear clothes, jewelry, makeup, and even a certain hairstlye), they will worry you when they have a fever, when they have a bad day, when they don't do their homework, when they don't have a bm, when they DO have a bm....

You'll worry if your nerd will ever develop enough social skills to make it in the workplace. You'll worry that your socialite will be so social s/he won't recognize the importance of deep relationships. You'll worry if your lazy kid will develop a work ethic and you'll worry that the one who does all his/her homework ahead of time is overly obsessive.

And you'll do your best to guide them through within the context of the people they are.

I haven't raised an axe murderer yet, and I nursed on demand, used formula, used a stroller, spanked (rarely, and certainly not with a weapon), and *gasp* listened to my children and talked with them and developed little rituals particular to them. I made up songs and made up stories and generally entertained my kids.

I guess I want to say to parents that if you choose to wear your baby or stroller your baby or wash diapers or use disposable ones, if you "put" him/her "on" a schedule or diet, or you let him/her set the routine....... the bottom line is that children need to know they're loved and they will know that all the more, the more parents interact with them as human beings with their own preferences.

[maybeizfundie]

I hate using the carrier seats. Maybe I have particularly wakeful babies but I find it difficult not to use the carriers and as much as I hate carrying them I get a little sad when baby grows out of them. Because getting the baby in and out of the carseat and in and out of a sling/wrap + carrying all the crap 4 kids travel with plus whatever groceries I went out to get....yeah, I'm grateful to have a safe place where the baby stays asleep while I do the hauling.

Sure, people may overuse "baby containers." But you can't tell that from seeing them a few minutes at the grocery store or the mall.

[OkToBeTakei]

Wear your baby? What is it, a handbag? I 'carried' my baby in a sling. I did not wear her. I was not a 'type' of parent I just tried my best and did not need a trendy term to define that.

My pram seat faced either direction, I changed it to front facing when my nosy baby nearly head-planked a lamp post. I would take the chance of 'attachment' disorder over brain damage any day.

[JesusFightClub]

I can attest to the fact that is very hurtful to learn that your child has a learning disability and then be told by a militant AP-er that it was "caused" by using a stroller (because apparently, if I was a good enough mother, I would have been able to strap three little ones, three and under, to my body despite having a completely messed up spine). Despite the fact that I incorporated a lot of AP parenting into my mothering style, I admit I have a lot of hostility towards the more militant types.

Understandably so!

I have a learning disability apparently and my mum thinks it's to do with being pulled by a fork (shit! that isn't the right word!). I think it's just a thing that happens. Nobody can "cause" a learning disability, how would you even do that? And how the hell could a stroller make one happen?

I shake my head at these types. They're just trying to make other mums feel guilty. They may be insecure in their own choices so they pick on other mums.

[OkToBeTakei]

Understandably so!

I have a learning disability apparently and my mum thinks it's to do with being pulled by a fork (shit! that isn't the right word!). I think it's just a thing that happens. Nobody can "cause" a learning disability, how would you even do that? And how the hell could a stroller make one happen?

I shake my head at these types. They're just trying to make other mums feel guilty. They may be insecure in their own choices so they pick on other mums.

Forceps?

[JesusFightClub]

Ah yeah, that's it! Had a total mental block on that one.

I took 72 hours to show up and eventually had to be removed. My mum is fairly sure that this has contributed to my learning difficulties. I feel "such is life". And kind of don't really care.

I'm sorry it wasn't much fun for her, but for myself, nobody comes out of here alive ;) And nobody comes into the world perfect. I stumble over words sometimes and I'm shit at maths. There are worse fates.

[OkToBeTakei]

Ah yeah, that's it! Had a total mental block on that one.

I took 72 hours to show up and eventually had to be removed. My mum is fairly sure that this has contributed to my learning difficulties. I feel "such is life". And kind of don't really care.

I'm sorry it wasn't much fun for her, but for myself, nobody comes out of here alive ;) And nobody comes into the world perfect. I stumble over words sometimes and I'm shit at maths. There are worse fates.

I knew what you meant immediately :lol:

That does sound a bit of a traumatic birth for you both.

My kiddo was Ventouse (Dyson baby) One-step before the forceps. Not fun times.

[Arete]

Bumping this to take the resurrected Doug Philips (is a tool) threads off page 1...........................................

[ilovetchotchkes]

Car seats.are so damn heavy I can't see carting a child in one for very long. A cloth carrier is so much more comfortable - at least for me. YMMV

I can't use a carseat carrier, damn tendonitis! But for people who like strollers for whatever reason that's fine too. Who was it that said "parenting is desperate improvisation"? Do what works. Naysayers can pound sand

[jenny_islander]

I have had several AP parents tell me that sending them away when they are being unpleasant is rejecting them when they most need you or something like that. But if they are being unpleasant because they are tired, then it just seems logical to send them to bed. My best AP friend does not do nap time or bedtime because she believes children can and should self-regulate their own sleep. So her kids fall asleep wherever and whenever, usually after a long and unpleasant show of exhaustion.

eta: I consider myself an attachment parent, just not a militant one.

Whoah. What about a loving and attached bedtime routine? Or figuring out why the kid is crazy tired and still can't sleep (TV close to bedtime, blood sugar crash, whatever)? Or the old standby, "You called for me, I will cuddle you with a smile, then I will lovingly put you down and tell you night night?"

A kid's ability to self-regulate his/her sleep regularly butts up against his/her desire to stay awake and acquire new experiences--and environmental factors that disturb sleep regulation. I learned this from a group of attachment parents.

[keen23]

I can't use a carseat carrier, damn tendonitis! But for people who like strollers for whatever reason that's fine too. Who was it that said "parenting is desperate improvisation"? Do what works. Naysayers can pound sand

Those infant carseats are a godsend in the desert southwest. Especially when you don't have the ability to garage the car. That way you aren't putting a baby into a screaming hot carseat, and are just transporting the baby from the house (or store or whatever) to the car- that you've hopefully started up well in advance because it's damn hot in there- and the seats are still hot to the touch.

[formergothardite]

I fucking LOVED my detachable infant carseat. I don't care if people think I am a bad mother or pity my child, but she would go to sleep the second I put her in that thing and if I tried to get her out and put her in the baby sling she would scream and scream and scream. So, when I went grocery shopping, I would pop it out, stick it in the cart part of the buggy and then put all my groceries around or below. She would sleep through the whole trip and usually the trip back home.

When I was pregnant I was all "There is no way I will ever do that! I will hold my baby. Those poor babies whose parents just leave them in that device!" Yeah, that attitude didn't last long. LOL

[AmyP]

I fucking LOVED my detachable infant carseat. I don't care if people think I am a bad mother or pity my child, but she would go to sleep the second I put her in that thing and if I tried to get her out and put her in the baby sling she would scream and scream and scream. So, when I went grocery shopping, I would pop it out, stick it in the cart part of the buggy and then put all my groceries around or below. She would sleep through the whole trip and usually the trip back home.

When I was pregnant I was all "There is no way I will ever do that! I will hold my baby. Those poor babies whose parents just leave them in that device!" Yeah, that attitude didn't last long. LOL

seriously. this. I carried my kids around all the time (the old fashioned way- in my arms), but only one of my kids would tolerate a sling. The other two screamed bloody murder any time I tried to put them in. In the store I used the stroller basket for my items and wheeled the child around in her little car seat. I have to wonder how many of these militant "attachment parent" types have kids over the age of 9. Cause let me tell you, the landscape of what is important and what is not looks really different from where I'm sitting these days.

[formergothardite]

seriously. this. I carried my kids around all the time (the old fashioned way- in my arms), but only one of my kids would tolerate a sling. The other two screamed bloody murder any time I tried to put them in. In the store I used the stroller basket for my items and wheeled the child around in her little car seat. I have to wonder how many of these militant "attachment parent" types have kids over the age of 9. Cause let me tell you, the landscape of what is important and what is not looks really different from where I'm sitting these days.

Exactly. Feeling sorry for my eight year old daughter because she was left in her carseat while I shopped when she was a baby is just silly to me. You can also feel sorry for her because I won't buy her a slushy maker or a fortune cookie maker or a cakepop maker. I am a bad, bad mother.

[ilovetchotchkes]

seriously. this. I carried my kids around all the time (the old fashioned way- in my arms), but only one of my kids would tolerate a sling. The other two screamed bloody murder any time I tried to put them in. In the store I used the stroller basket for my items and wheeled the child around in her little car seat. I have to wonder how many of these militant "attachment parent" types have kids over the age of 9. Cause let me tell you, the landscape of what is important and what is not looks really different from where I'm sitting these days.

If i had a quarter for every time I said "I will never" or "my child will NEVER" I'd have a college fund I could send my child to Harvard with.

I was a much better mother before I had children...

[Austin]

I fucking LOVED my detachable infant carseat. I don't care if people think I am a bad mother or pity my child, but she would go to sleep the second I put her in that thing and if I tried to get her out and put her in the baby sling she would scream and scream and scream. So, when I went grocery shopping, I would pop it out, stick it in the cart part of the buggy and then put all my groceries around or below. She would sleep through the whole trip and usually the trip back home.

When I was pregnant I was all "There is no way I will ever do that! I will hold my baby. Those poor babies whose parents just leave them in that device!" Yeah, that attitude didn't last long. LOL

I loved the detachable car seats, too, and find it somewhat hilarious that some random woman in the supermarket was possibly judging a situation about which she knew nothing beyond what was in front of her eyes. But as most of us know, that rarely impedes the judgmental ones. People can have any thought or concern they want, but talk about misguided sympathy. . . whatevs.

The seats my twins used did not even have ergonomic handles (said twins are 19 now), but when one of my wrists became sore, I went and had a shot of cortisone put in it so I could keep on keeping on. In some situations, it was the only way I could safely leave the house with three little ones.