Sharing Bedrooms

[kitkat]

I like to say that it doesn't matter what parenting book the parents read, it matters what parenting book the baby read. Son #1 and Son #3 *would not* sleep alone in a crib for more than a couple of hours as infants. Son #1, in particular, was a very sensitive baby who needed lots of physical contact to feel secure. I'm pretty confident that if I had tried CIO with either of them, especially with my oldest son, I would have caused him a great deal of harm.

And then there was my middle son. I tried co-sleeping, because I assumed that after the way things had gone with his older brother, that was the way to go. Nope! He couldn't sleep if he was touching another person, and had trouble falling asleep if he was being held. His preferred method of falling asleep was to be put in his crib, freshly fed and changed, where he'd fuss for about ten minutes and then pass out. In his case, 'ferberizing' came naturally, and co-sleeping wouldn't have been good for him.

I think that this is why co-sleeping and CIO advocates are often so convinced that THEIR method is the best one for babies, since both methods are good for some babies, and bad for others.

[Convicted Blossom]

Irrespective of sharing/not sharing bedrooms, what's with this woman and her blog name? Lady of virtue? In her About Me she says she doesn't have all the answers (except for bedroom arrangments obviously) and she's still learning from he walk with the lord -- blah, blah, blah. Then she calls herself Lady of virtue! Could this woman get any further up herself?

[2xx1xy1JD]

I like to say that it doesn't matter what parenting book the parents read, it matters what parenting book the baby read. Son #1 and Son #3 *would not* sleep alone in a crib for more than a couple of hours as infants. Son #1, in particular, was a very sensitive baby who needed lots of physical contact to feel secure. I'm pretty confident that if I had tried CIO with either of them, especially with my oldest son, I would have caused him a great deal of harm.

And then there was my middle son. I tried co-sleeping, because I assumed that after the way things had gone with his older brother, that was the way to go. Nope! He couldn't sleep if he was touching another person, and had trouble falling asleep if he was being held. His preferred method of falling asleep was to be put in his crib, freshly fed and changed, where he'd fuss for about ten minutes and then pass out. In his case, 'ferberizing' came naturally, and co-sleeping wouldn't have been good for him.

I think that this is why co-sleeping and CIO advocates are often so convinced that THEIR method is the best one for babies, since both methods are good for some babies, and bad for others.

QFT.

As I've mentioned before, my oldest absolutely refused to sleep in her crib. My efforts to resist co-sleeping led to a few months of utter exhaustion as I paced the hallways with her every night, followed by a disastrous attempt to Ferberize that ended when she cried so hard that she puked. After that, I probably sounded like a hard-core AP parent, because I assumed that parents of children who slept on a schedule in their own cribs must be torturing them.

For forward to child #3: I was all set to co-sleep and do all my AP techniques, when I discovered that I had a baby that wanted nothing more than to go to sleep early, in his own crib, in his own room, with nobody around to bother him, and stay asleep for as long as possible. Until that point, I had no idea that such a baby could exist.

[2xx1xy1JD]

There's an interesting part in Freakonomics where they talk about factors that do and don't make a difference in outcomes for children. In general, the factors that made a difference had nothing to do with a specific action or decision, and had everything to do with who the parent was. Ultimately, there really isn't one magic technique in parenting. Parenting is about the relationship that you have with your child, and the thousands of small decisions that get made every day.

[tressea]

There's an interesting part in Freakonomics where they talk about factors that do and don't make a difference in outcomes for children. In general, the factors that made a difference had nothing to do with a specific action or decision, and had everything to do with who the parent was. Ultimately, there really isn't one magic technique in parenting. Parenting is about the relationship that you have with your child, and the thousands of small decisions that get made every day.

This. According to Freakonomics, the two factors that studies have shown actually matter the most to the long-term health and success of a child are (1) the age of the child's mother at birth (anything over 30 is strongly correlated with better overall outcomes), and (2) the total number of books in the household (NOT, strangely enough, whether those books are actually read to the child). Crazy but true, right?

I am not one of those "just love your kid and everything will turn out alright!" kind of parents by any stretch of the imagination. My husband and I are obsessive readers of parenting books. But, the more I read and the more conflicting studies I come across, the more I'm convinced that if you're halfway thoughtful and serious about your parenting AND attuned to the needs and personalities of your individual children, so much of this works itself out with time, patience, and commitment.

[fedelm]

I think it's fine to say, "Co-sleeping worked for us." I don't think it's okay to say, "You should practice co-sleeping." I'm dubious of the word "promote" in your post.

That's what I mean by "promote." It's basically "here's why cosleeping works for us"

[boysmom]

I co-slept because I breastfed and I actually got sleep that way. I was unwilling to ever do CIO (did it with my oldest and deeply regret it) and it only works for awhile anyway. That's the thing about CIO, it quits working when they get sick, you go on vacation, whatever, then you have to do it again. In the end, he ended up cosleeping as well when CIO just clearly was the wrong choice. I did make sure we were co-sleeping safely though. Some kids prefer sleeping alone and some parents just can't sleep that way, so I'd never say that everyone should cosleep, but if you are breastfeeding and your baby wakes at night, you just might get more sleep that way. For sure people should be open-minded about it at least.

As far as room sharing goes, I think it's fine. My kids shared at our old house. I found that long-term it wasn't ideal and we bought a house where there are enough rooms for them to have their own. But they'd have survived in the old house sharing too, but we did have a bedroom set up for that, big at 18 by 12 and 2 closets.

[emmiedahl]

Ouch. I always wince at the 'age of the mother' thing. I am not handslapping; I have read the book and approve the message. I got pregnant with my oldest at 17 and I think he is turning out well. It always stings when I read about how I have somehow disadvantaged my children by having them at a young age. Of course statistics are just probabilities and do not apply to individuals.

When I was 18 and in my first semester of college, I got into an argument with a psych professor over this whole teen mother thing, and she was kind enough to explain that statistical probabilities=/=individual outcomes. Maybe my huge book collection makes up for my young age. /off topic, carry on.

[luckystone]

When I was raising my babies, this was the general consensus of the fundamentalist Christians not the general public.

They started out asking me when I was pregnant if I had made my babies schedule yet. When I did not blanket train my baby they wondered how I would ever have a bible study or meet with other mommies. When I breastfeed on demand, I was raising a spoiled selfish baby who was going to be fat, especially since I breastfeed past 6 weeks and even past 4 months. When I cuddled my baby to sleep they said my son would never learn to sleep through the night on his own. They told me that following what felt right and following my natural instincts was so wrong.

When all the consequences of the dire warnings of how my child was going to turn out did not come to pass, they started to question the truth in their method. Some changed but some held on to the old ways.

Wow - yes I have heard the attitudes she gives more often from Christians than from not.

Most of the non-religious people I know are probably more into "attachment" parenting. But that's generalising. Either way, I'm surprised by all the things quoted in the original post, most people seem to be against leaving your baby to cry and it doesn't get very good press. I also thought it was very common for siblings to share a room and most do end up going to the same school etc. and definitely playing together. I realise by adolescence they might shut themselves away with a book or a computer or be out with different friends but I don't think it's common for families to deliberately try and keep their kids apart.

[Katiebug]

The Ferber and Babywise methods are both pretty extreme and Babywise can even result in death. Both are meant to foster independence, even when it means leaving a baby alone for several hours to cry alone.

Have you actually read Ferber's book? Because I was hugely anti-CIO for my own kid until I was in a situation with a 9 month old who slept through the night but took 3+ hours a night to get down to sleep. Every time she made a peep or fussed at going to her crib, I'd pick her back up and nurse and rock and everything, because I didn't want to be the kind of mother who let her baby cry. :shock: I broke down and read it, and was ashamed that I'd parroted the anti-Ferber line for so long when I never actually read the man's book! Her "crying it out" was more like fussing and it lasted for around 5 minutes the first night, a minute or two the second, and nothing after that. We haven't had any issues since (she's 2 years, 3 months). Ferber says that under no circumstances should any attempt at sleep training be made until a baby is physiologically able to go through the night without eating - typically 6+ months would be the youngest that happens, especially for a breastfed baby. Even then, he makes it clear that parental comfort is key - if parents need a 30 second interval between checking on the child, then that's what they should do. Much of the book is intended for preschool and school age children who naturally have different sleep problems than do babies and toddlers. It is nothing like the evil that is Babywise.

As for kids sharing rooms, meh. I can't get worked up over it as long as it's not a situation where 6 kids are sleeping on Costco shelving in one room in lieu of real beds. Some families have kids share, others have kids in their own rooms. Our kids will share a bedroom when they're young. We only have one bedroom on the same level of the house as our master bedroom, so the kids will share. It's a large room with ample space for a bed and a crib, a couple of dressers, and toys. I don't see it as problematic for a preschooler and a baby to share a suitable bedroom, nor do I think it's necessary.

[tressea]

Ouch. I always wince at the 'age of the mother' thing. I am not handslapping; I have read the book and approve the message. I got pregnant with my oldest at 17 and I think he is turning out well. It always stings when I read about how I have somehow disadvantaged my children by having them at a young age. Of course statistics are just probabilities and do not apply to individuals.

When I was 18 and in my first semester of college, I got into an argument with a psych professor over this whole teen mother thing, and she was kind enough to explain that statistical probabilities=/=individual outcomes. Maybe my huge book collection makes up for my young age. /off topic, carry on.

Yes, exactly. Statistics completely break down at the individual level. I am sure that, somewhere out there, there is a 16-year-old, poor, unwed mother who is out-parenting ALL of us right now, just like I KNOW there are wealthy, well-educated, well-situated, phD-in-child-development types who are completely lazy, absentee, vaguely neglectful parents. Statistics aren't guarantees.

I always get uncomfortable when people say things like, "I'm breastfeeding so my child will be smarter than if he/she were formula-fed." Ah, *cringe*, no... this is not how it works (and I'm a HUGE fan of breastfeeding). And yet, the foot soldiers in the mommy wars sling around studies and statistics like they're absolute guarantees when it comes to individual children. Everyone needs to take a step back and take a statistics class before they start condemning other people left and right.

[AmyP]

Have you actually read Ferber's book? Because I was hugely anti-CIO for my own kid until I was in a situation with a 9 month old who slept through the night but took 3+ hours a night to get down to sleep. Every time she made a peep or fussed at going to her crib, I'd pick her back up and nurse and rock and everything, because I didn't want to be the kind of mother who let her baby cry. :shock: I broke down and read it, and was ashamed that I'd parroted the anti-Ferber line for so long when I never actually read the man's book! Her "crying it out" was more like fussing and it lasted for around 5 minutes the first night, a minute or two the second, and nothing after that. We haven't had any issues since (she's 2 years, 3 months). Ferber says that under no circumstances should any attempt at sleep training be made until a baby is physiologically able to go through the night without eating - typically 6+ months would be the youngest that happens, especially for a breastfed baby. Even then, he makes it clear that parental comfort is key - if parents need a 30 second interval between checking on the child, then that's what they should do. Much of the book is intended for preschool and school age children who naturally have different sleep problems than do babies and toddlers. It is nothing like the evil that is Babywise.

As for kids sharing rooms, meh. I can't get worked up over it as long as it's not a situation where 6 kids are sleeping on Costco shelving in one room in lieu of real beds. Some families have kids share, others have kids in their own rooms. Our kids will share a bedroom when they're young. We only have one bedroom on the same level of the house as our master bedroom, so the kids will share. It's a large room with ample space for a bed and a crib, a couple of dressers, and toys. I don't see it as problematic for a preschooler and a baby to share a suitable bedroom, nor do I think it's necessary.

I'm not advocating Ferber, mostly I'm not familiar with it. But I have known parents with kids who sort of fuss themselves down in their crib and sleep. I had one friend who's son would scream for about 5 minutes and then pass out. She tried all kinds of sleep approaches and she found that this screaming was some sort of natural wind down for him, and he couldn't sleep without it.

I really thing that "systems" rob some parents of their natural instincts and their natural responsiveness to their child and force them into thinking that there is a right way and a wrong way to eat and sleep. The anxiety that this causes in parents is probably far worse for both the parent and the child than any weird sleep or eating habits that they might be developing. I've seen all kinds of different approaches to baby raising. When parents handle it calmly, respond to their childs individual needs, and still maintain a parenting style that works in their homes, the kids thrive.

[Deleted01]

Ouch. I always wince at the 'age of the mother' thing. I am not handslapping; I have read the book and approve the message. I got pregnant with my oldest at 17 and I think he is turning out well. It always stings when I read about how I have somehow disadvantaged my children by having them at a young age. Of course statistics are just probabilities and do not apply to individuals.

When I was 18 and in my first semester of college, I got into an argument with a psych professor over this whole teen mother thing, and she was kind enough to explain that statistical probabilities=/=individual outcomes. Maybe my huge book collection makes up for my young age. /off topic, carry on.

Sorry, but I don't buy the 'age of the mother' at all either. I was 3 weeks shy of 19 when I had my firstborn and she's turned out wonderfully. But yeah, lots and lots of books in the house, always. Every time the headship suggests getting rid of some he gets the dagger glare.

[Deleted01]

I always get uncomfortable when people say things like, "I'm breastfeeding so my child will be smarter than if he/she were formula-fed." Ah, *cringe*, no... this is not how it works (and I'm a HUGE fan of breastfeeding). And yet, the foot soldiers in the mommy wars sling around studies and statistics like they're absolute guarantees when it comes to individual children. Everyone needs to take a step back and take a statistics class before they start condemning other people left and right.

I breastfed my kids so they wouldn't go to prison. :? I never heard it would make them smarter, just that the vast majority of hardened criminals were not breastfed as babies.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Dr. Ferber modified the 2006 edition of his book, and is now more open to co-sleeping and basically doing what works for each individual family.

There is a big difference between sleepy babies fussing for 5 min., and letting a baby scream for hours.

Many babies (and older children) get a build-up of cortisol (aka The Cranky Chemical) in their brains when they are tired. When this happens, many babies will cry and fuss, and nothing will really soothe them other than actually falling asleep - which many will do after 5 to 15 min. I actually found that when babies are overtired, sometimes picking them up is counter-productive because it could stimulate them and prevent them from falling asleep.

That said, if the cause of the crying is something other than cortisol overload, you need to deal with it. My oldest, for example, had reflux (which I didn't realize until her sister was born 3 years later, and I figured out that not all babies puke after each feed). It didn't take much to get her to spit up, and leaving a baby alone while they are puking is not just cruel but also dangerous. It also meant that being hungry was really painful for her, and that it was probably more comfortable to sleep slightly upright. In her little baby brain, then, having mommy right beside her meant not being in pain. I'm convinced that if I had bought into the Ezzo/Pearl mindset and seen the fact that she screamed the moment she got hungry and refused to sleep in her crib as satanic manipulations requiring me to make her bend to my will in order to save her soul, it would have been a complete disaster. We would have been completely at odds and she wouldn't have been able to rely on me. Instead, I realized that there are far worse things that a child that cuddles up next to me at night and is strongly attached. She's 13, and while all kids have their moments, she's a great kid who actually likes us, wants to be responsible, talks to us and cares about our opinions.

Of course, kids would be much easier if they came with instruction booklets. It's easy in hindsight to say, "oh yes, #1 was higher needs with reflux and a deep need for connection, #2 was a mature, intelligent and independent adult trapped in a baby's body, and #3 desperately needed to sleep with his blankie in order to have boundless energy to play, and to keep up with school work because he was such a perfectionist that he would shut down if he fell behind." Standard baby books didn't tell me any of that.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Sorry, but I don't buy the 'age of the mother' at all either. I was 3 weeks shy of 19 when I had my firstborn and she's turned out wonderfully. But yeah, lots and lots of books in the house, always. Every time the headship suggests getting rid of some he gets the dagger glare.

The "lots of books" would counteract the young maternal age, to a large extent.

Age at which the first child was born mattered, but age at which subsequent children were born did not. That's probably because, ON AVERAGE, young women are more likely to drop out if they have a baby before finishing school, and many never really catch up. It doesn't mean that it is impossible to succeed, just that there is a higher risk of a child derailing life plans. I'd like to see some studies comparing young mothers who had a high degree of support (supportive family, able to take baby to school with a daycare), and those who did not. My anecdata shows a big difference. I was always shocked on my mommy boards when I'd find women who would practically brag that they intended to make it clear to their daughters that they would be kicked out if they ever became pregnant. Why on earth would I ever allow my child and grandchild to live in squalor and possibly unsafe conditions, and have to struggle to ever have a chance to improve their situation, if I could have them live with me, finish school, and be on track to find work and access decent childcare?

[MrsKay]

Ouch. I always wince at the 'age of the mother' thing. I am not handslapping; I have read the book and approve the message. I got pregnant with my oldest at 17 and I think he is turning out well. It always stings when I read about how I have somehow disadvantaged my children by having them at a young age. Of course statistics are just probabilities and do not apply to individuals.

When I was 18 and in my first semester of college, I got into an argument with a psych professor over this whole teen mother thing, and she was kind enough to explain that statistical probabilities=/=individual outcomes. Maybe my huge book collection makes up for my young age. /off topic, carry on.

Word. :(

Funny story: I helped my former MIL run an in-home daycare, during my pregnancy and after the birth of GirlKay, until GirlKay was 3. With one exception that I can recall, the parents were all in their 30s and 40s. Every single one of them who had a child under the age of 2 was completely flabbergasted at how well-behaved and well-adjusted GirlKay was, how great she was doing in hitting developmental milestones, and what great sleeping habits she had. I had parents asking me to PLEASE help them with their babies or toddlers, particularly in the sleep area; they were willing to pay extra to have their little ones on the same daily routine as GirlKay, right down to naps, and to have me write it all down so that they could keep it up at home. I had parents come up to me years later, in stores or while waiting to see doctors, thanking me again for saving their sanity. The one parent who had a child who made GirlKay seem rambunctious was also under the age of 20. Go figure. Not bad for a 16 year old mother. I couldn't believe how incredibly stupid so many of the parents were, and how ignorant they were when it came to basic child care and relating to their children, and how terrible they were about adapting to the individual needs of each child. Almost every parent seemed shocked and offended when their child(ren) did not follow the lifestyle and schedules that the parent had followed before the kids came along. I would have laughed, if I hadn't felt so bad for the kids - and yes, I also felt pity for the clueless parents.

I also have a massive book collection, so maybe that could be it. ;) I'm starting to realize that it doesn't matter how old I get - any dig against younger moms, no matter what context it's in, is always going to hurt a bit.

[TMS]

I never had to share a bedroom with anyone until I got married. And honestly, I wish I still had my own room. I'm an introvert and although I enjoy being around people and have plenty of friends, I need to have alone time to recharge. I feel sorry for kids who are introverts like me and thrive on time alone, but are forced to be around siblings and family 24/7. I would have gone crazy as a kid if that was forced on me.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

Dr. Ferber modified the 2006 edition of his book, and is now more open to co-sleeping and basically doing what works for each individual family.

There is a big difference between sleepy babies fussing for 5 min., and letting a baby scream for hours.

Yes, this. I called CIO "neglect" because I'm defining it as putting a baby in a crib and shutting the door and walking away while s/he screams and cries. There's a huge difference between that and a baby who fusses for a few minutes. I don't think someone is neglectful for not running every time a baby makes a noise. More often that not they'll go back to sleep in a few if they're aren't hungry or wet.

I don't think Ferber is inherently evil or anything. He had to modify his book because people weren't reading it, and they were telling everyone how they "Ferberized" their 2 week-old, when even Ferber didn't advise letting such a young infant cry, and I don't believe he ever advocated letting a baby scream until they puked like the Babywise method or Dr. Weissbluth.

[snarkbillie]

I never had to share a bedroom with anyone until I got married. And honestly, I wish I still had my own room. I'm an introvert and although I enjoy being around people and have plenty of friends, I need to have alone time to recharge. I feel sorry for kids who are introverts like me and thrive on time alone, but are forced to be around siblings and family 24/7. I would have gone crazy as a kid if that was forced on me.

Lots of married couples have separate bedrooms. It's not talked about often, but it happens. Lots of healthy couples just need space.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Yes, this. I called CIO "neglect" because I'm defining it as putting a baby in a crib and shutting the door and walking away while s/he screams and cries. There's a huge difference between that and a baby who fusses for a few minutes. I don't think someone is neglectful for not running every time a baby makes a noise. More often that not they'll go back to sleep in a few if they're aren't hungry or wet.

I don't think Ferber is inherently evil or anything. He had to modify his book because people weren't reading it, and they were telling everyone how they "Ferberized" their 2 week-old, when even Ferber didn't advise letting such a young infant cry, and I don't believe he ever advocated letting a baby scream until they puked like the Babywise method or Dr. Weissbluth.

I think this blog would be a good example of how Ezzo leads parents to into hideous parenting.

http://www.babywisemom.com/2007/11/cio-bootcamp.html

Seriously, if your 5-day old baby is crying, PICK HER UP!

[Closed Womb]

Very little of parenting is truly an either/or or if/then proposition, but that's the way virtually every parenting choice is presented: "Either you co-sleep OR you won't be adequately attached to your baby and responsive to their needs." "If you let your baby CIO THEN you are neglecting them and they will be more likely to have aggression and insecurity issues when they get older."

I've seen almost as many different parenting approaches as I have friends. And do you know what? Assuming the parents are loving, devoted, and committed to making good parenting choices, their kids virtually always seem to wind up well-adjusted and healthy. I have friends that co-slept until their kid was 10 and friends that did CIO at 5 months. I have friends that breastfed until their kid was 3 and friends that gave their kids rice cereal way earlier than recommended. Etc. etc. etc.

Parenting is stressful and high stakes and there are SO many tough decisions that have to be made. But we do everyone a disservice when we justify our own choices in black and white terms and demonize everyone who makes a different decision. There are SERIOUS parenting issues that deserve SERIOUS attention: actual child abuse and actual child neglect. Both of these are far too common for comfort. Letting your kid CIO as part of some sort of studied effort to sleep train? That's NOT child neglect. Letting your kid eat non-organic fruit or drink non-organic milk? That's NOT child abuse. Those are not choices that my husband and I have chosen to make, but we understand that reasonable people may make those choices for reasonable reasons.

Calling everything that's not in your personal handbook of parenting choices "abusive," "neglectful," or insinuating that such choices may lead to long term damage in children takes attention away from far more serious issues that we should all put up a united front in opposing.

QFT.

[emmiedahl]

The "lots of books" would counteract the young maternal age, to a large extent.

Age at which the first child was born mattered, but age at which subsequent children were born did not. That's probably because, ON AVERAGE, young women are more likely to drop out if they have a baby before finishing school, and many never really catch up. It doesn't mean that it is impossible to succeed, just that there is a higher risk of a child derailing life plans. I'd like to see some studies comparing young mothers who had a high degree of support (supportive family, able to take baby to school with a daycare), and those who did not. My anecdata shows a big difference. I was always shocked on my mommy boards when I'd find women who would practically brag that they intended to make it clear to their daughters that they would be kicked out if they ever became pregnant. Why on earth would I ever allow my child and grandchild to live in squalor and possibly unsafe conditions, and have to struggle to ever have a chance to improve their situation, if I could have them live with me, finish school, and be on track to find work and access decent childcare?

Family support made a huge difference to me. I moved out on my own and paid my own bills, but my parents watched my son while I went to evening classes and even so I could go out every week. It was important to my mother and stepfather that I support my own child and take responsibility, but also that I go to college and have a somewhat normal social life. When my son's father and I broke up, my parents let me move back home with the agreement that I pay rent and do an adult's share of the housework because they were concerned about me being lonely. My relatives all lived near each other at the time and there was a compound-type situation where I had my own living space but parents and aunts next door. I could whine a lot about mistakes they made in parenting me, but they seriously had my back. My cousin got pregnant at the same age and about the same time (yes, my grandmother was mortified) and received similar help and support. Her parents are wealthier than mine, so they paid for her to have a small apartment of her own and also for daycare so she could go to school.

Was it too much help for a bad decision? My cousin and I both have degrees and very happy, healthy, successful teenagers now. I think my family's belief that we were still their children and deserving of whatever help they could offer us made a huge difference.

[ElphabaGalinda]

Family support made a huge difference to me. I moved out on my own and paid my own bills, but my parents watched my son while I went to evening classes and even so I could go out every week. It was important to my mother and stepfather that I support my own child and take responsibility, but also that I go to college and have a somewhat normal social life. When my son's father and I broke up, my parents let me move back home with the agreement that I pay rent and do an adult's share of the housework because they were concerned about me being lonely. My relatives all lived near each other at the time and there was a compound-type situation where I had my own living space but parents and aunts next door. I could whine a lot about mistakes they made in parenting me, but they seriously had my back. My cousin got pregnant at the same age and about the same time (yes, my grandmother was mortified) and received similar help and support. Her parents are wealthier than mine, so they paid for her to have a small apartment of her own and also for daycare so she could go to school.

Was it too much help for a bad decision? My cousin and I both have degrees and very happy, healthy, successful teenagers now. I think my family's belief that we were still their children and deserving of whatever help they could offer us made a huge difference.

I think support is very important, and it's sad that a lot of young mothers don't get it and are forced to drop out of school or struggle to feed their kids. I think lack of support is what contributes to the statistic. But you and other young mothers who have that support prove that it doesn't have to be that way.

I can't imagine how a parent could let their child (and grandchild) struggle without doing everything they possibly could to make a difference. I think it's dropping out of highschool, or struggling to feed the kid, or having to work multiple jobs to survive without access to reliable child care is what makes a big difference, and often happens when teen moms don't have support.

Though I can't argue that "lots of books" is always important, and that if people can't afford to provide that for their children, that's why libraries are awesome. I hope my future hypothetical child loves reading as much as me.

[rene76]

I read the Babywise books when my youngest was 6 weeks old. I needed to get him on a better routine before I went back to work. What I took away from the books was the pattern of eat, play, sleep. It worked wonderful with my son and his routine ran like clockwork. I still fed him on demand. I used common sense. The parents who take the books to the extreme are bigger problems than the books themselves.