Pray for Ian

[erunerune]

The article I read that referred to this wasn't super-specific regarding the consent issue, i.e. if the judge had to determine based on evidence that Ian *did* indeed have the ability to consent to the marriage, since the extent of his injuries make it harder to discern this based on observation, etc., or if there were other issues that were involved in gaging his competency.

It was a while ago that I read up on it, so I don't have the link available, and I don't want to misrepresent a situation that I was not privy to.

[fundifugee]

This is so much MORE disturbing than Ben & Katie's story. They were not even engaged??? I don't understand how her parents & friends didn't talk some sense into her. Giving up her life, her dreams, children etc for one person?

Shocking. And is he even able to consent to marriage? Very very odd.

Are you sure she has given up on children?

In my parents' church, one member had a brain tumour requiring resection and chemo that would threaten his sperm count. So they banked his sperm. Now he is done with the brain tumour treatment, is in remission, but is brain injured with poor short term memory, emotional lability, unable to work and his wife is now the primary caretaker and bread winner. So what happens next? She decides to use the donated sperm. Because God is the one to open or close wombs but the Holy Sperm Bank and Turkey Baster are available when chemo fries the testicles. I get that some folks just want kids no matter what, but I get totally choked on the "God's will" and "women's role" stuff they throw into it at church, and this nutty double standard of God running the womb until that doesn't work out then you get fertility treatments. But trying to take your womb over from God in the other direction is verboten.

[Morton Fan]

Are you sure she has given up on children?

In my parents' church, one member had a brain tumour requiring resection and chemo that would threaten his sperm count. So they banked his sperm. Now he is done with the brain tumour treatment, is in remission, but is brain injured with poor short term memory, emotional lability, unable to work and his wife is now the primary caretaker and bread winner. So what happens next? She decides to use the donated sperm. Because God is the one to open or close wombs but the Holy Sperm Bank and Turkey Baster are available when chemo fries the testicles. I get that some folks just want kids no matter what, but I get totally choked on the "God's will" and "women's role" stuff they throw into it at church, and this nutty double standard of God running the womb until that doesn't work out then you get fertility treatments. But trying to take your womb over from God in the other direction is verboten.

I believe she has referenced that they may plan for children; this was what made some people first realize that they were intimate in their marriage.

[bionicmlle]

Ok so anyone read her post from yesterday????? (that's why I bumped the thread)

Here's the quote: "but, i can't help but feel the need to clear up two things, as maybe my lack of clearing them up has confused some people. ian does not have the mentality of an eight year old (an eight year old could not have given the answer of "stool pigeon" during a round of taboo last night) and yes, we do have sex."

[lilwriter85]

This is so much MORE disturbing than Ben & Katie's story. They were not even engaged??? I don't understand how her parents & friends didn't talk some sense into her. Giving up her life, her dreams, children etc for one person?

Shocking. And is he even able to consent to marriage? Very very odd.

I agree with you, it more disturbing than Ben and Katie's story. Ian and Larissa were a bit young when the accident happened. They were 21 or 22. I can't remember if Ian was in college or not. I do think someone in Larissa's life might have tried to talk sense into her, but maybe they let it go and decided to let Larissa make the choice on her own. Another possibility is that parents, friends, or relatives might have been hesitant to tell her anything. I get the feeling that Larissa and other walked on eggshells for Ian's dad. I also wonder about Larissa because she kind of seems dim. There was posting on the blog from several months back in which she discussed the topic of children and she something that maybe they will adopt. They would never pass a home study because Ian's disability is severe and he needs 24/7 care. I believe his brother is with him when Larissa is at work and other places. I thought the adoption mention was just weird.

With Ben and Katie, I think Katie is in for the long haul. But I wouldn't be surprised if she does divorce Ben. Her and Ben are in their early 30s and she once mentioned Ben saying he wants a baby. I get the vibe that isn't going to happen for them.

[lilwriter85]

Ok so anyone read her post from yesterday????? (that's why I bumped the thread)

Here's the quote: "but, i can't help but feel the need to clear up two things, as maybe my lack of clearing them up has confused some people. ian does not have the mentality of an eight year old (an eight year old could not have given the answer of "stool pigeon" during a round of taboo last night) and yes, we do have sex."

Just read the posting. I think she might have found out about FJ. She only has a few comments on that posting and people are supporting her and one of the comments seems to be from someone who personally knows them.

[Morton Fan]

Just read the posting. I think she might have found out about FJ. She only has a few comments on that posting and people are supporting her and one of the comments seems to be from someone who personally knows them.

Yes, the mentality of the eight year old comment was posted here on FJ, so I also assumed that shew as referring to us in her recent post. I thought it a bit odd that the two things she wanted to clarify were that a) he doesn't have the mentality of an eight-year-old (OK, I can see why that would feel important to clear up) and that .... they have sex. Now, I know that we had speculated about that on the thread earlier this year, but ... really? THAT'S what you wanted to clarify? Not that you weren't coerced into marrying him, but that you have sex? Odd.

[Koala]

the sex thing was very strange.

[mockingbird]

Yes, the mentality of the eight year old comment was posted here on FJ, so I also assumed that shew as referring to us in her recent post. I thought it a bit odd that the two things she wanted to clarify were that a) he doesn't have the mentality of an eight-year-old (OK, I can see why that would feel important to clear up) and that .... they have sex. Now, I know that we had speculated about that on the thread earlier this year, but ... really? THAT'S what you wanted to clarify? Not that you weren't coerced into marrying him, but that you have sex? Odd.

Sharing that is so modest, too. :roll:

[lilwriter85]

Yes, the mentality of the eight year old comment was posted here on FJ, so I also assumed that shew as referring to us in her recent post. I thought it a bit odd that the two things she wanted to clarify were that a) he doesn't have the mentality of an eight-year-old (OK, I can see why that would feel important to clear up) and that .... they have sex. Now, I know that we had speculated about that on the thread earlier this year, but ... really? THAT'S what you wanted to clarify? Not that you weren't coerced into marrying him, but that you have sex? Odd.

I remember that comment here and I think posted in another thread that I thought he seemed to have the mentality of a pre-teen. I remember in another thread, he and Ben were discussed. There has been speculation here about Ben's mentality as well and someone also speculated about Katie possibly making certain things about Ben. I kind of have to agree with that. I looked up the Ian and Larissa video on youtube and I saw the comments questioning his intellect. There were comments taken down and there are couple of comments that were flagged as spam, but really aren't spam.

[mebeforee]

I was surprised that she clarified that they do have sex... I think it is one of the most common things people wonder about them, though, so maybe she figured she would just answer it. I've seen people ask that here a number of times. I do wonder why she felt anyone deserved information about such a personal aspect of their lives, though... but consummation is kind of a significant thing in marriage. Maybe she worried people were suspecting it isn't a 'real' marriage, by assuming they're not physically intimate?

[lilwriter85]

I was surprised that she clarified that they do have sex... I think it is one of the most common things people wonder about them, though, so maybe she figured she would just answer it. I've seen people ask that here a number of times. I do wonder why she felt anyone deserved information about such a personal aspect of their lives, though... but consummation is kind of a significant thing in marriage. Maybe she worried people were suspecting it isn't a 'real' marriage, by assuming they're not physically intimate?[/quote]

I think that is exactly what she is worried about.

[Morton Fan]

I agree that is likely her reasoning. But I can't help but reiterate my earlier comment ... she would rather clarify THIS than clear up speculation that she was coerced to marry him? Wouldn't that negate it being a "real" marriage more than not having sex? I just find that so odd.

[lilwriter85]

I agree that is likely her reasoning. But I can't help but reiterate my earlier comment ... she would rather clarify THIS than clear up speculation that she was coerced to marry him? Wouldn't that negate it being a "real" marriage more than not having sex? I just find that so odd.

I also find it odd. She could be avoiding addressing that speculation about her to marriage due to Ian's family.

[Morton Fan]

I also find it odd. She could be avoiding addressing that speculation about her to marriage due to Ian's family.

Very true. While some people would be hesitant to discuss their sex life in front of their husband's family, Larissa would probably be more concerned about upsetting them, even if the coercion thing was true. She's always sucking up.

ETA: clarity

[mebeforee]

I would have been really shocked if she defended the decision to marry him, though, because defensiveness of their marriage would imply some uncertainty on her part. She's been doing the blog for years and took care of him for several years before they married, I'm sure she feels that demonstrates her genuine love for him. She probably sees the coercion question as mean-spiritedness, rather than legitimate or based in evidence.

But I agree with whoever said she seems to see Ian as the way he was before the accident. So if there WAS pressure or coercion involved, she might not even see it that way, because of the hope that he might recover. I mean, one can become more and more realistic about the situation as time goes on... but when there is the backdrop of believing in a literal Bible, where people can be cured of absolutely anything through a miracle, I think it would be really really difficult to completely accept that he will never be the same as he was before.