Fundie 'Family Rules'

[Deleted07]

While on pinterest I cam across this:

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and thought it might be a good topic to discuss, Fundie Family Rules!

What are some other Fundie Family Rules you have come across?

How are they different from your own Family rules?

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Some red flags in the initial pic for me, like seeking your identity through Christ only :roll: your identity is more than your faith, IMO. Also, somehow making it like God has already done you a favor in his Grace and you owe him was a "neat" way to sew up behavior I thought. :shock:

The slow dance in the kitchen thing bemused me though, probably not hard-core Fundie rules I guess... oh and yeah, don't get me started on only choosing "Joy" in the midst of a 'trial'.

Looking forward to seeing what you all have to share :-)

[Deleted07]

Duggar House Guidelines

1. Always use soft words, even when you don’t feel well.

2. Always display kind actions and joyful attitudes, even if you have been mistreated. Have the right response by quickly forgiving others in your heart even before they ask.

3. Always be enthusiastic and look for opportunities to praise others' character.

4. Always deflect praise and be grateful to God and others for the ways they have benefited your life.

5. Always use manners and be respectful of others and their belongings.

6. Always do what is right, even when others may not, or when no one is looking.

7. Thank God for how He made you, for what He has given you and everything He allows you to go through. (Romans 8:28)

8. Don’t mock or put others down. Develop compassion and pray for others.

9. Never argue, complain, or blame. Quickly admit when you have done wrong and ask for forgiveness (even if you were only 10% at fault). Don't wait till you’re caught. Be sure your sins will find you out. He who covers his sin will not prosper, but he that confesses and forsakes it shall find mercy.

10. Have a tough accountability/prayer partner to daily share your heart with and to keep you in line (your parents, spouse). The power of sin is in secrecy.

11. Be attentive and look for ways to serve others with sincere motives and no thought of self-gain.

12. Think pure thoughts (Philippians 4:8, Romans 13:14).

13. Always give a good report of others. Don't gossip! Never tale-bear unless physical harm will come to someone. (Use Matthew 18.) 14. Never raise a hand to hit.

14. Never raise a foot to kick.

15. Never raise an object to throw.

16. Never raise a voice to yell.

17. Never raise an eye to scowl.

18. Use one toy/activity at a time. Share!

19. Do your best to keep your surroundings neat, clean and organized.

20. Never let the sun go down on your wrath. (Don’t go to bed angry or guilty)

21. Amendment J.O.Y. - Put Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last.

[dawbs]

The whole "always praise others" followed by "always deflect praise" makes me kinda stabby.

So does "1 toy at a time"

[salsa]

The whole "always praise others" followed by "always deflect praise" makes me kinda stabby.

So does "1 toy at a time"

me, too. But the 1 toy at a time thing makes sense with so many kids. If they want to combine toys for some game, they can enlist the help of siblings, maybe?

The Duggar rules - ALWAYS and NEVER? are those words necessary? They just seem to make them sound more absolute and unforgiving, despite the rule about forgiving others.

One thing I give them credit for is what I perceive to be an attempt to encourage chidlren (and, I hope the adults) to work things out, rather than to yell and fuss and squabble. (we only had 2 kids in our house and there was yelling all the time, mostly from my mom, and it wasn't pleasant - so I may be appreciating this more than it deserves to be appreciated)

As to the first - it sounds like one of those facebook "repost if you luv Jesus" things. I don't see it as fundy, though fundies might glom onto it. A lot of Christians I know would agree with the sentiments.

[Miggy]

"always deflect praise" :x

So the next time someone compliments me should I say "but I'm not nearly as good as x" or should I say "No, I'm not really very good"? The most likely outcome of both answers is I will irritate the person who complimented me and will never get another compliment.

What is wrong with smiling and saying "thankyou"?

SOME FAMILY RULES

# Nothing that goes against nature. Pigs don't wear clothes or talk so books or toy pigs that do are banned.

# No dolls as they are graven images.

# No photos as they are also graven images.

# Never question/challenge the headships authority. (When he chooses to spend his weeks wages on books so you have no money left for groceries, don't say anything to him. Ring your mother-in-law and ask her to provide you and your six children with food.)

# No Tv. (No problem with this in their own houses but when they visit my house they not only ask me to turn the Tv off but put it out of sight so it will not tempt their children. I oblige because I am not going to do anything to risk my relationship with my nieces and nephews.)

I could go on but I'm starting to feel stabby...

[Beeks]

One thing I've never understood about christianity in general is forgiving others, even before they ask. How does this fit? Even God doesn't forgive people like that - in fact if you don't ask in the exact right way (accept Jesus) you burn in hell for eternity. And yet no matter how badly somebody treats YOU, you are expected to forgive them without a second thought, even if they aren't sorry. Wtf?

[TXDuck]

I have no huge problem with any of these rules taken individually. The always/never language is bothersome as it doesn't leave room for gray areas or flexibility. My main problem is there are so many rules. Seriously, do you really need these many hard and fast rules? So many rules would rob a household of any peace and familial happiness. In contrast, mine and most of the households I know have very few set rules. We have routines we follow. But they're not rules. I think we many have 3-5 hard and fast rules. And even those are "No shoes in the house. Put your dishes in the sink when you're done. Put your toys up when you're done. Don't ride the dogs. Before you report something, is it kind, is it necessary, is it the truth?"

[deelaem]

I have a real problem with never talking about someone unless it's kind, etc. So does this mean if someone is being an asshole towards you, you should just suck it up? I guess this is the way to bring children up to be total doormats, very necessary in fundiedom.

[luckystone]

One thing I've never understood about christianity in general is forgiving others, even before they ask. How does this fit? Even God doesn't forgive people like that - in fact if you don't ask in the exact right way (accept Jesus) you burn in hell for eternity. And yet no matter how badly somebody treats YOU, you are expected to forgive them without a second thought, even if they aren't sorry. Wtf?

I think they alternate between JESUS LOVES YOU AND IS ALL-MERCIFUL and YOU SHALL BURN IN HELL. it must be confusing for them.

Or maybe they're expected to behave at a better standard than god. Which is reasonable, considering how crazy god is, but they don't think that.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Slow dance in the kitchen? I think the Baptists just collectively fell over in shock.

[LilMissMetaphor]

I grew up with lots of rules (spoken and unspoken), most of which I hated.

Now, we don't have any family rules. Too much to enforce. Expectations, sure, but even those are mutable.

[TXDuck]

I have a real problem with never talking about someone unless it's kind, etc. So does this mean if someone is being an asshole towards you, you should just suck it up? I guess this is the way to bring children up to be total doormats, very necessary in fundiedom.

I'd image that fundies have a lot to lose if their kids start thinking they don't have to be doormats or put up with abusive behavior. What would happen to their whole Quiverful system if people decided "Hey, if I have to be nice, so do you!"

[margiebargie]

Hmmm...these rules would not fly in my house. See below for commentary.

Edited for readability.

[Conuly]

I *do* get the "one toy" thing, because even with just one or two kids things can quickly get out of control. The variation of that rule in this house is "Once you're done actively playing with it, put it away before you take something else out, unless you have a valid reason for not doing so." (Say, if it's a puzzle or a fancy block structure you want to show off, or some painting that's drying.)

Honestly, while it's fine to play with three things at once, we can't have the floor a mess all the time. This house isn't that big, and it has to fit a lot of people in it. (And three cats! And all our books!)

But what's with all the uber specific rules about how not to hurt others? I thought Jesus (and others) summed it up very nicely with "Do unto others...." Do they really need to clarify such a basic point for their children? If so, I have to question the general values they're being taught, or the effectiveness of the lessons. The "golden rule" is kinda standard all over the world because it's so obvious. If you try to trap it under specifics like "don't glare, hit, kick, gossip, tattle, throw things..." all you're doing is teaching your kids to look for loopholes ("I didn't hit, I punched!" "You never said don't spit on her!"), even if they never follow through on those loopholes.

[Witsec7]

In 1979 I received a copy of this at a Self Realization Fellowship retreat outside of Los Angeles. The only two other rules I've ever added to this were, always carry a towel, and don't panic.

Rules for Being Human

1. You will receive a body.

You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons.

You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.

Growth is a process of trial and error: experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."

4. A lesson is repeated until learned.

A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end.

There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better than "here."

When your "there" has become a "here," you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

7. Others are merely mirrors of you.

You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you.

You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Life is exactly what you think it is.

You create a life that matches your beliefs and expectations.

10. Your answers lie inside you.

The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

11. You will forget all this.

12. You can remember it whenever you want.

[FaeT]

Here's my issue: "Show the same grace to others God has shown you" .. really? That's interesting because most christians - and certainly all fundies - do NOT do that ..

PS: my spell check constantly corrects "fundies" to "fun dies" .. I think they pretty much sums it up.

[Dixiebelle]

In 1979 I received a copy of this at a Self Realization Fellowship retreat outside of Los Angeles. The only two other rules I've ever added to this were, always carry a towel, and don't panic.

I love this, including the ones you added! :)

[Swamptribe]

We had a couple of rules in my atheist family.

No whining. Mommy does not react well to whining.

No bleeding on the carpet.

No whining.

Keep up with the herd. (My youngest is 22, he still dawdles)

No whining.

Don't be stupid.

No whining.

Mean people suck.

Don't drink the last coke, or eat the last chocolate.

[browngrl]

The things I hate the most about fundie rules are the words "never" and "always".

[Conuly]

Don't drink the last coke, or eat the last chocolate.

...

Doesn't that effectively make the second-to-last coke or chocolate the last one? And if it does, doesn't that mean one shouldn't eat the second-to-last one either? Which, I guess, would make the antepenultimate really the last. Where does it end? WHERE DOES IT END??

Seriously, though, what DID you do about the last whatever? ;)

[donks]

...

Doesn't that effectively make the second-to-last coke or chocolate the last one? And if it does, doesn't that mean one shouldn't eat the second-to-last one either? Which, I guess, would make the antepenultimate really the last. Where does it end? WHERE DOES IT END??

Seriously, though, what DID you do about the last whatever? ;)

DUH! The 'last' one is for whomever has to gather the energy to drive to the store to buy more! ;) trust me, I know, we have the same rule here!!!

[jjmennonite]

Yes, being raised fundy made me a doormat with no tools or boundaries to protect myself from abuse. AWESOME (not). Those dugger rules would have applied at our house.

[marmalade]

The only two other rules I've ever added to this were, always carry a towel, and don't panic.

There's a reason I use "42" as my avatar. It's all you need, really. :mrgreen:

RIP Mr. Adams.

[delilahdog11]

[shesinsane]

5. Always use manners and be respectful of others and their belongings.

8. Don’t mock or put others down. Develop compassion and pray for others.

Unless the "others" are non-Christians, in which case unleash your rudeness and mockery, for you are better than them because you love Christ more. ;)

The good news is that while hitting and scowling are out, Jesus loves a good eye roll.