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samurai_sarah

Whitney and Zach Bates- Part 2

611 posts in this topic

2 hours ago, ophelia said:

Did they mention how they met and dated on the show? I haven't really seen any of the episodes, but I'm curious about their relationship since it seems so different from his sister courtships and engagements.

I think Zach was given more freedom when it comes to Whitney since he already had a failed courtship and Gil and Kelly somehow wanted to make it up to him!

Love this!!! Thank you for making me laugh.

Nothing overly specific. They met when she was working at Sonic and working on her Associates in Medical Billing. Spent 1.5 years getting to know each other as friends. She (along with Andy Leftwich and John-David Duggar) apparently really helped Zach work through his feelings over his failed courtship with Sarah.

At some point they developed deeper feelings for each other. He asked her to court in June 2013. He wanted to propose that October and they intended to have a spring wedding... but he proposed a month early on a trip to Florida and they married in December (there were at least three chaperones - including Alyssa, who spent time seeing John - as well as the Bates parents.)

Kelly claimed on the old blog that he was too excited to wait and was showing everyone (including Whit) pictures of the ring. Posters here have speculated that the kiss happened in August or September and that was the reason the proposal and wedding were moved up.

The way they met was different. However, they still appear to have had chaperones present. We have no details about the actual kiss - just that it happened. It's possible that their chaperone was less attentive than required - by chance or purposely - and that they still managed to kiss while being chaperoned. They still seem to have followed the same general model as his sisters.

Now, I believe that it's common in this cult for the woman's family to supply the chaperones. Not entirely sure, so don't quote me. It's possible Whit's adopted parents or siblings didn't take that too seriously. The Bateses may have taken that over after being told about the kiss. 

And you're welcome! I've seen the phrase used before on here. Many of us have suggested it as a possible route for Nathan to take now.

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Posted (edited)

4 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Nothing overly specific. They met when she was working at Sonic and working on her Associates in Medical Billing. Spent 1.5 years getting to know each other as friends. She (along with Andy Leftwich and John-David Duggar) apparently really helped Zach work through his feelings over his failed courtship with Sarah.

Thank you, for your long response.

It reads like a normal story of two people meeting each other - up until the points where the chaperones come in. Although it is nice to know that their is at least one fundie couple that really got to know each other and became friends before they got married. I always want to puke when I read the SAHD announcements and courtship stories in which they claim to marry their best friend in xyz days or weeks. Most of them didn't even talk to their future spouses before the boys asked the headships for permission and none of them have ever spent time alone with each other before their wedding night. That is NOT how you develope a friendship. You probably don't know what real friendship means and especially not having a friendship with someone from the opposite sex.

Edited by Coconut Flan
Please snip quotes.
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51 minutes ago, ophelia said:

Thank you, for your long response.

It reads like a normal story of two people meeting each other - up until the points where the chaperones come in. Although it is nice to know that their is at least one fundie couple that really got to know each other and became friends before they got married. I always want to puke when I read the SAHD announcements and courtship stories in which they claim to marry their best friend in xyz days or weeks. Most of them didn't even talk to their future spouses before the boys asked the headships for permission and none of them have ever spent time alone with each other before their wedding night. That is NOT how you develope a friendship. You probably don't know what real friendship means and especially not having a friendship with someone from the opposite sex.

To be honest, the only real difference I see between Zachney and the other Bates and Duggar relationships is the fact that they met in such a normal way. As far as I know, the other relationships began the "traditional" IBLP way - with the couple noticing each other somehow (usually at some IBLP event for the Bateses) and the man approaching the woman's father to ask if he could get to know her better. 

Both families have had several courtships with longer "getting to know you" periods. Jill Dillard and Jessa Seewald have both been open about the fact that they spoke with their respective husbands often (via skype, phone, etc.) before a courtship occurred. Yeah, it was under supervision, but it's better than nothing in this lifestyle I guess. Way better than what you mentioned about some other fundie couples. Those ones make me side-eye like crazy.

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I can easily see why Whit was attracted to Zach.  With her rather tumultuous childhood, Zach offered a stable and very large family situation.  Zach, as the eldest child (esp considering Gil as the patriarch), was a leader and a father like figure to many of his siblings.  Not hard to imagine why Whit would like that.  

Despite his abhorrent beliefs, its clear that Zach adores his wife.  

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IIRC, didn't Whitney and/or Zach give off the vibe that they were probably chastised heavily for kissing prior to marriage? 

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3 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

IIRC, didn't Whitney and/or Zach give off the vibe that they were probably chastised heavily for kissing prior to marriage? 

I believe that they did. 

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3 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

IIRC, didn't Whitney and/or Zach give off the vibe that they were probably chastised heavily for kissing prior to marriage? 

To me, it sounded like they were more embarrassed/guilty then chastised.  Like they felt bad they had set a bad example for the younger kids or let other people (e.g. Gil and Kelly) assume they kept "pure" when they hadn't.   Kelly didn't seem overly judgmental when it was discussed - it was talked about in the same vein as Alyssa wearing pants.  

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8 minutes ago, mydoggoskeeper said:

I can easily see why Whit was attracted to Zach.  With her rather tumultuous childhood, Zach offered a stable and very large family situation.  Zach, as the eldest child (esp considering Gil as the patriarch), was a leader and a father like figure to many of his siblings.  Not hard to imagine why Whit would like that.  

Despite his abhorrent beliefs, its clear that Zach adores his wife.  

Yep, Whitney definitely wanted a father figure/ husband, Zach is mature and responsible, oldest of his siblings, etc. etc.
And she loves that family, because she can be part of something where everybody loves eachother and feel like she belongs, and then go home with Zach, her police officer husband, and her two babies. Perfectly secure, loved and safe.
I don't imagine Whitney is interested in any other direction for her life, this is it!!!

But long term, this is her way of coping with her difficult childhood, reconciling her own father's lack in various areas, and immerse herself in the role and all encompassing figure of a country Christian young mom, wrangling her kids and praying for her police officer husband to come home every day while listening to praise music because she gets lonely.
 

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1 hour ago, mydoggoskeeper said:

To me, it sounded like they were more embarrassed/guilty then chastised.  Like they felt bad they had set a bad example for the younger kids or let other people (e.g. Gil and Kelly) assume they kept "pure" when they hadn't.   Kelly didn't seem overly judgmental when it was discussed - it was talked about in the same vein as Alyssa wearing pants.  

I haven't watched the last 2 seasons because we don't get UP here in Canada and youtube doesn't have the newer seasons anymore and I can't find it anywhere on the internet so please could you tell me what was said about Alyssa wearing pants?

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20 minutes ago, SuhrEnity said:

I haven't watched the last 2 seasons because we don't get UP here in Canada and youtube doesn't have the newer seasons anymore and I can't find it anywhere on the internet so please could you tell me what was said about Alyssa wearing pants?

Its been a while, but IIRC, it was something like "our married kids decide for themselves what is right for them and their family"

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Please continue here:

 

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