'He is keeping her in church'

[ukjingernut]

From Kristina's mum's blog here juliesjewels062694.blogspot.com/2011/06/its-been-bittersweet-time.html

Also our daughter Michelle married a wonderful man named Aaron. We love him!!! He is keeping her in church and treats her like a queen.

What does 'keeping her in church' mean?

(BTW :dance: hi again. Been tending to my littlest arrow so not been online so much recent...)

[Effie]

Hmm... :think:

[pomology]

I think it means that he is making sure she keeps attending church and is toeing the fundie line. Just a guess, though.

[Burris]

An optimistic reading would be that he and his wife are still attending the same church as her parents.

[titus2_4u]

I really wish Kristina's sister came around here. I read their blogs before I even found FJ, and I was so happy when it looked like she had escaped.

[pomology]

I really wish Kristina's sister came around here. I read their blogs before I even found FJ, and I was so happy when it looked like she had escaped.

I remember reading a thread (from before my time) on the old FJ, where Kristina's sister stopped by and yelled at FJ.

[ukjingernut]

Poor woman. I can't imagine losing or relinquishing such freedom...

[titus2_4u]

Can anyone link me to when she came around the old board? I'm having a hard time searching for it.

[SouthCarolinaGirl79]

That is an expression that I've heard used all my life, and I've never questioned what someone meant by it because it has always seemed so obvious to me. It is weird what seems straight-forward to some will seem foreign to others. I checked out the blog and it seems the daughter of which she is speaking had a child out of wedlock and things did not work out with the father. She has now married another man and he is helping to keep her in church. I would imagine she felt uncomfortable returning to church since I'm assuming she did not attend while she was living "in sin" with the now ex-bf. Now that she is married, she has resumed attending church and her new husband has been supportive of this and possibly initiated her return. Here's another example of the use of that phrase. I had a friend who became pregnant during college after having sex with her first serious bf and they broke up soon after. While she felt uncomfortable attending church while she was pregnant, her parents said they wanted "to keep her in church" so she wouldn't fall out the habit. The congregation was very supportive of her during her pregnancy and after the child was born. This really is just a common figure of speech in some circles, so don't over analyze it.

[emmiedahl]

The issue is that a man is lauded for making her religious decisions for her. I think you missed the point.

[Austin]

I certainly find it to be a strange turn of phrase. . .

[Witsec1]

People trying to keep me in church is what made me lose my religion...

[fundiefan]

It means that when she came home after 'failing' at life without religion and mom & dad's control (living with her boyfriend, working, having a baby) her parents set ground rules. Then they found her a nice religious boy from their own church who was willing to marry a tainted woman with her oh-so-bad past. They gave her no choice so instead of being tossed on the street with her infant son, she played by their rules and married a man they chose that she'd known a few months. Problem solved. Mom & dad no longer shamed by the evil daughter who bucked the system and the daughter now under the headship/control of a good, church going man with the right patriarchal values who can keep her under control. She was left with no choice and went the route of survival and feeding her child. No doubt her parents drilled her for hours on and end and reminded her of how she screwed up in life without them and she needs them and their god and a church going man to get her back in line and on the right track. She should be popping kid number two out really soon, I'm sure, totally solidifying her place in the next generation of submissive, trapped women for that family.

[Jessica]

She should be popping kid number two out really soon, I'm sure, totally solidifying her place in the next generation of submissive, trapped women for that family.

As of early this summer she had already had several miscarriages. I think they got married in March. So... Yep, any time now!

[Unbalanced]

I have to agree with SouthCarolinaGirl - it's a common phrase and you guys are looking too much into it.

When I hear that phrase, I think of it as kind of an "accountability partner" type of situation - where a person doesn't or probably wouldn't go to church unless they had someone to encourage them to go/attend with them. It's not necessarily a forceful or controlling thing, although I'm sure it is in some instances.

[Austin]

I have to agree with SouthCarolinaGirl - it's a common phrase and you guys are looking too much into it.

When I hear that phrase, I think of it as kind of an "accountability partner" type of situation - where a person doesn't or probably wouldn't go to church unless they had someone to encourage them to go/attend with them. It's not necessarily a forceful or controlling thing, although I'm sure it is in some instances.

Uh, why would an adult need to be "accountable" to someone else to go to church? I can see for AA meetings and the like, but church? If the person wouldn't go to church if the "accountability partner" doesn't guilt encourage them into it, why should he/she go?

[Unbalanced]

I personally would go to church if I had an accountability partner, but I don't.

[emmiedahl]

So you need emotional manipulation to inspire you to go to church? And this is a good thing?

[SouthCarolinaGirl79]

The issue is that a man is lauded for making her religious decisions for her. I think you missed the point.

The parents are clearly CF so they are happy that their daughter has returned to attending church services. Her mother would have been just as happy if it was a sister or another close friend who was helping to keep the daughter in church. I checked on the blog, and they are from Georgia so this is obviously a regional phrase because being from SC I've heard it all my live.

[fundiefan]

I have to agree with SouthCarolinaGirl - it's a common phrase and you guys are looking too much into it.

When I hear that phrase, I think of it as kind of an "accountability partner" type of situation - where a person doesn't or probably wouldn't go to church unless they had someone to encourage them to go/attend with them. It's not necessarily a forceful or controlling thing, although I'm sure it is in some instances.

Maybe, if the rest of her story weren't well known. She left the family a few years ago to go at life on her own. She met a guy and they lived together. She had a job. She got pregnant. Their relationship ended. She went home to mom and dad, who are fundie nuts and who expressed much distress and 'hurt' over their daughter's choices in her life. She came home with her baby and within weeks, she was 'dating' this guy from church. Next thing you know, they're married. Then, as Jessica said, this spring her mom posted on her blog that she had two miscarriages in as many months. (I still don't know how that works, but, whatever).

I won't get into the concept of an 'accountability partner'. I have friends I've committed to working out with so we each have someone to share the time with and motivate each other. I've heard of diet partners, and hell, life partners who we choose to share our lives with who we may be accountable to in any number of ways. But, the accountability as a whole is all our own, not someone else's.

[Unbalanced]

I don't need emotional manipulation - I believe in God and have no problems with the doctrine, I just don't go. Because like I said, I don't have anyone to go with - and I'm not confident enough by myself. If I had someone to go with and encourage me to go, that would be a great thing.

I don't understand why the individuals on this board get so defensive about things that are opposite of what they are used to. If they don't line up with what you exactly think, it must be evil. The world isn't always out to get you.

I'm sorry if you don't understand - I'll just stop posting, my opinions don't seem to fit in with this board.

[SouthCarolinaGirl79]

Uh, why would an adult need to be "accountable" to someone else to go to church? I can see for AA meetings and the like, but church? If the person wouldn't go to church if the "accountability partner" doesn't guilt encourage them into it, why should he/she go?

When people use the expression, it is usually because the person "sinned" and stopped attending church for a while. After the person has repented and wants to resume church services, he/she may feel uncomfortable and be more likely to attend with someone else. It has nothing to do with making someone who doesn't want to go to church attend. Another case in point, we had a man at my church who had commited adultery and stopped attending church. He later met and fell in love with a church-going woman. When he began attending church services with her, his parents were excited and said that she was helping to keep him in church. It is just a common CF expression that only Southerners must use since it seems to be a point of discussion on this board. lol

[BravaAmica]

The parents are clearly CF so they are happy that their daughter has returned to attending church services. Her mother would have been just as happy if it was a sister or another close friend who was helping to keep the daughter in church. I checked on the blog, and they are from Georgia so this is obviously a regional phrase because being from SC I've heard it all my live.

I'm from NC originally (although I don't often admit to that in public). I can vouch for this idiom- I heard it a lot growing up. I also heard the following:

Waitress: What would you like to drink?

Customer: A coke

Waitress: What kind?

Customer: Mountain Dew/ Pepsi/ Co-cola (for Coca-cola)/ 7up {insert brand name here}

"Coke" is used like one would use "klennex" or "xerox."

[Austin]

I don't need emotional manipulation - I believe in God and have no problems with the doctrine, I just don't go. Because like I said, I don't have anyone to go with - and I'm not confident enough by myself. If I had someone to go with and encourage me to go, that would be a great thing.

I don't understand why the individuals on this board get so defensive about things that are opposite of what they are used to. If they don't line up with what you exactly think, it must be evil. The world isn't always out to get you.

I'm sorry if you don't understand - I'll just stop posting, my opinions don't seem to fit in with this board.

Who said anything about "evil"? Post if you want to or not if you don't, but take responsibilty for your decisions. It has little to do with others not understanding. If you have a POV, be prepared to defend it.

If you've spent any time here at all, you know that we disagree often amongst ourselves. We are a very diverse community, and if you're a fundie, you're going to have to develop a thicker skin to be comfortable here, but some manage to do it.

Now as far as you not being confident enough to go to church by yourself, that is a different issue and I hope you can resolve that for yourself.

[SouthCarolinaGirl79]

I don't need emotional manipulation - I believe in God and have no problems with the doctrine, I just don't go. Because like I said, I don't have anyone to go with - and I'm not confident enough by myself. If I had someone to go with and encourage me to go, that would be a great thing.

I don't understand why the individuals on this board get so defensive about things that are opposite of what they are used to. If they don't line up with what you exactly think, it must be evil. The world isn't always out to get you.

I'm sorry if you don't understand - I'll just stop posting, my opinions don't seem to fit in with this board.

I completely get what you are saying. Some people feel weird about eating in restaurants alone,and some feel weird about going to church alone. I would feel odd about going to a chruch by myself where I didn't know anyone. I can almost promise you that if you did decide to attend church alone that you would make friends quickly and you wouldn't feel uncomfortable after a few Sundays.