Baby sleeping in the bathroom

[batwing]

There is an interesting discussion in the comments of this post: thatwifeblog.com/2011/07/cost-of-having-a-baby/.

Also, it should be noted that she spent more than $600 on maternity clothes and paid a ton for a 'perineum stretcher', but does not think that a crib, toys, etc are necessary expenses.

The quote really needs to be included on this one:

-EpiNo, a device for stretching the Perineum and preparing for labor, considered an essential purchase for my husband who believes avoiding any tearing is a top priority (and I’m glad!), purchased for $250

I see what his priorities are, and I'm pretty sure it's not her comfort.

FWIW, I had an episiotomy with my first and tore with my second. To the men out there: it still works just the way it did before.

[Witsec7]

OMG I thought she used cloth diapers until I read this post: thatwifeblog.com/2011/05/my-favorite-baby-gear-purchases/

She uses cloth diaper covers (and I have used this particular brand, they are lined with a plasticy rubber material) OVER DISPOSABLE DIAPERS because she is afraid of leaks!!!! Disposable diapers are absorbent enough and if you have leaky issues you ARE not changing often enough (minus those newborn blowouts!) at 18 months. Also, that baby would not be getting proper ventilation!

Oh and I just figure out what she puts her co-sleeper turned diaper changer on - a filing cabinet. :x

The child went from noon to 3:41 without a change.

[Austin]

Beeks,

There is a different between poor parenting and not parenting exactly how someone else believes is the 'right' way.

Maybe she didn't 'cause' the delays but she certainly didn't help him. And if someone is willing to bottle prop like she did in that pic of him being a 2 month old then I don't think the hold a high regard for their child. That is potentially life threatening. (massive, massive choking hazard). It deprives your baby of bonding, etc. This isn't an occasional not holding your baby it appears to be a never hold your baby situation.

Personally it wouldn't surprise me if the sweet little boy doesn't have and/or develop attachment issues.

This. I think sucky parenting is fair game and she's putting it all out there.

[quinoa]

In the 8 months post, I think she changes his diaper 3 times in the day. My head was spinning when I thought that was with a cloth diaper. I remember owning 3 dozen cloth diapers and cycling through them on average every 2.5 days. Three changes in a day still sounds a little low for disposables, though. Does she only change him for BM?

[CanadianHippie]

Avoiding tearing is her husbands "top priority"? What about having a healthy baby and mother afterwards? Is that a measly second?

[emmiedahl]

Does she know that they sew you up after tearing and you heal? I have had 5 children, tore with all of them. Everything still intact down there.

Really, she should have spent that money on a crib and some parenting books.

[treemom]

Wait, wait, wait- what would she need with a perineum stretcher? I thought women didn't have perineum.

I believe you are thinking of prostate. The perineum is the tissue between vagina and rectum, also known colloquially as the taint.

[Feberin]

The quote really needs to be included on this one:

I see what his priorities are, and I'm pretty sure it's not her comfort.

FWIW, I had an episiotomy with my first and tore with my second. To the men out there: it still works just the way it did before.

Wow! I mean nobody wants to tear but $250 for that is an acceptable expense while early interevention is not?

[batwing]

Does she know that they sew you up after tearing and you heal? I have had 5 children, tore with all of them. Everything still intact down there.

Really, she should have spent that money on a crib and some parenting books.

precisely.

This reminds me of a story that is somewhat related. Years ago my mom was dating a man who was very nice and loved her but had been raised in a VERY conservative home. My mom became ill and needed to have a hysterectomy, like desperately, absolutely, no doubt about it, needed one. When she told him she was scheduling her surgery he freaked out. A few days before the surgery she finally got him to spill what the issue was. He says, "we can't you know any more". She's like :? :?: and he's like, "there's not going to be anywhere to put it" and then she's like :shock: :o What do you think they're going to do? And he's like, "...aren't they removing EVERYTHING?" :lol:

[emmiedahl]

It seems that the husband only wants to spend money on things that may potentially affect his sex life.

[clibbyjo]

I believe you are thinking of prostate. The perineum is the tissue between vagina and rectum, also known colloquially as the taint.

:clap: :lol: :lol: Thank you Treemom, I think I have my roller derby girl name.....

[alwaysexpecting]

In the 8 months post, I think she changes his diaper 3 times in the day. My head was spinning when I thought that was with a cloth diaper. I remember owning 3 dozen cloth diapers and cycling through them on average every 2.5 days. Three changes in a day still sounds a little low for disposables, though. Does she only change him for BM?

For a baby of eight months, even in disposables, that is not frequent enough!

The diaper covers keep her safe tho, because if most people only changed their eight months old three times a day, they WOULD have leaks at least every day! Its laziness! She must be only changing the BM's in that case. I have done both cloth and disp. diapers, even tho I am not the most diligent disp. diaper changer (they hold a lot more than cloth), I would never only change an 8 month old ONLY three times a day.

That is neglect. I am sure with as many bottles that the baby had each day, he must have at least wet through those diapers into the covers so many times. :(

[keen23]

She's easy to find, so how does one go about reporting her to DSS in the state of IL?

[Brainsample]

Wait, wait, wait- what would she need with a perineum stretcher? I thought women didn't have perineum.

The perineum is a reference to the netherregions, whether male or female.

Presumably, a perineum stretcher would have been something employed pre-delivery to increase the strechability and elasticity (ability to snap back because the collagen was conditioned to stretch) to avoid having to get an episiotomy or a tear in the tissue during delivery.

[emmiedahl]

OT: My husband has vehemently objected to the name Tate because it is too similar to taint.

[Brainsample]

For a baby of eight months, even in disposables, that is not frequent enough!

The diaper covers keep her safe tho, because if most people only changed their eight months old three times a day, they WOULD have leaks at least every day! Its laziness! She must be only changing the BM's in that case. I have done both cloth and disp. diapers, even tho I am not the most diligent disp. diaper changer (they hold a lot more than cloth), I would never only change an 8 month old ONLY three times a day.

That is neglect. I am sure with as many bottles that the baby had each day, he must have at least wet through those diapers into the covers so many times. :(

I've got to interject some humor here. I heard a male comedian say once that those ratings on the diapers lie. When it says that it is for 12 lbs, there is no way that the diaper was able to hold 12 lbs! They were only single dump diapers, and he thought it was false advertising. :lol:

[Witsec7]

It seems that the husband only wants to spend money on things that may potentially affect his sex life.

I'm wondering why her midwife didn't advise perineal massage during her pregnancy and labor. Its free, can be fun during pregnancy if you instruct your partner on how to do it, and costs the price of a bottle of sweet almond oil?

Oh thats right, she would have to touch herself 'down there'.... :roll:

[emmiedahl]

It looks like a torture device. http://www.epi-no.co.uk/howitworks.asp

It seems like, whether you stretch or tear, there will in most cases be the same net amount of damage and time before things are back to normal down there. If you stretch out your perineum, it will be a while before it tightens. I just don't understand why it was worth so much money to them and, say, a crib is not.

[Sola]

Reading this thread and looking at that site, one thing really screams out to me. It isn't autism, but it is in the autistic spectrum of diagnosis: Familial, inherited ADHD and accompanying traits.

First, there are number of ADHD kids that babble until they can speak in more complex sentences, something that seems like a manifestation of the OCD component of the disorder. It's also common among very intelligent kids, something that they used to unofficially call the "Einstein Effect."

Concerning the mom, studies have found that ADHD is often familial. A common trait of it is being socially inappropriate or having difficulties with reading social cues and what can seem like "common sense" in relationships, and sometimes in circumstances. If their prefrontal cortex is impaired, they don't reason well, even if they're quite bright. They can have really flat affects sometimes, going along with a poor ability to read social cues. Depression often accompanies ADHD, and a bit of post partum depression mixed in there couldn't help.

And borderline personalities detach when they feel overwhelmed, and they get very flat emotionally when they've been triggered. (What can intimidate and threaten you more than having a child?) They tend to cope through wishful thinking and distraction and idealization, and that could be part of what's going on with the internet. They can be highly skilled and seek stimulation, and at the same time and under other circumstances, are more withdrawn and reserved.

I just think it could be a family problem with ADHD, especially because that kid seems very bright and happy but is lagging in language.

That has made me wonder too. IF her kid is on the autistic spectrum, then that came from somewhere. If she has crappy interaction herself and nobody has explained to her in way that applies to herself that she needs to interact with the baby, then she probably wont think to do that herself. People on the spectrum have huge problems generalising. She might well know that you need to talk to babies, but does it occur to her that she needs to talk to HER baby.

[Austin]

Has this woman never heard of kegels? It's not that hard: 10 at every red light for the rest of your life. No problem. I'm not worried about what her husband is clearly concerned about (I'm guessing he's worried about throwing his hot dog down a hallway - lol), butI don't particularly like peeing my pants. Especially in the winter. :D

http://women.webmd.com/tc/kegel-exercis ... c-overview

[lovefromgirl]

I questioned the child only drinking milk. My DD was BF but by 17 months she was all about the food.

Could the poor diet along with lack of stimulation be a factor in his delays? I don't buy the crap in the comments that multilingual families lead to language delays.

That's because it IS crap. Ask my parents, who raised me bilingual. The only reason I delayed speaking in German was a desire to get it right. I was reading medical terminology in both languages by age five. (Weird hobbies even as a child.) Began writing fiction aged seven. Also, it's possible that exposure to two languages during the critical period made later language acquisition easier.

There's also the case of Genie, the most extreme neglect case I can think of that survived babyhood. She was actually unable to learn a language fully and was found to have all kinds of delays. Stimulation is KEY, not just because babies left alone often fail to thrive, but because learning doesn't happen in a vacuum! Little humans need bigger humans to teach them things, even just by playing with them! Mother of mercy, we even had public service announcements running here that instructed parents to interact with their children. It's that important.

--the girl who wishes she had enough conscious hours every day to waste eleven of them online. the FUCK?

[CanadianHippie]

I'm wondering why her midwife didn't advise perineal massage during her pregnancy and labor. Its free, can be fun during pregnancy if you instruct your partner on how to do it, and costs the price of a bottle of sweet almond oil?

Oh thats right, she would have to touch herself 'down there'.... :roll:

And she might possibly *gasp* enjoy herself while she's at it!

[Sola]

I'm just wondering how long before she finds us and comes here for a flounce.

[CanadianHippie]

That's because it IS crap. Ask my parents, who raised me bilingual. The only reason I delayed speaking in German was a desire to get it right. I was reading medical terminology in both languages by age five. (Weird hobbies even as a child.) Began writing fiction aged seven. Also, it's possible that exposure to two languages during the critical period made later language acquisition easier.

There's also the case of Genie, the most extreme neglect case I can think of that survived babyhood. She was actually unable to learn a language fully and was found to have all kinds of delays. Stimulation is KEY, not just because babies left alone often fail to thrive, but because learning doesn't happen in a vacuum! Little humans need bigger humans to teach them things, even just by playing with them! Mother of mercy, we even had public service announcements running here that instructed parents to interact with their children. It's that important.

--the girl who wishes she had enough conscious hours every day to waste eleven of them online. the FUCK?

Delays related to multilingual homes are temporary anyway. In the long run, children raised in multilingual homes tend towards being ahead of their peers in all of the languages they speak.

[LynnKaboom]

Ah, OK. I thought the perineum was the area between the testicles and the asshole on a man. I wasn't aware that the same term applied to relatively the same corresponding regions on a woman. I didn't even know it had a name. :oops: