Seriously Steve 4: Judging and Hating

[Coconut Flan]

Continued from here:

 

[hoipolloi]

Quote

Hopefully, your family is attending church. That is good, but are you leading your family in a quality, Bible time every day?

Does Steve attend church? 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Adding to the list of things Steve hates:

He hates other people, except his family/ extended family -- and I'm not too sure about all of them

[Bethy]

On 9/14/2022 at 12:16 PM, hoipolloi said:

Does Steve attend church? 

He does, but his Seriously articles make it sound like he pretty much hates that too.

[Jana814]

1 hour ago, Bethy said:

He does, but his Seriously articles make it sound like he pretty much hates that too.

He’s probably mad that he can’t be in charge of his own church. When they did the church in the nursing home I think the residents hung on his every word & treated as a g-d. 

[fundiewatch]

During the nursing home heyday there were a LOT of posts where the “children” would gush about being thankful for their pastor (dad!) so it clearly very much flattered him to consider himself that way. I think Nathan did a lot to help get them back into the church building. Steve has said that he really likes the pastor and I’m sure he needs to believe that he was the sole decision maker. It’s very telling to me that Christopher and Anna moved to brick and mortar too. The nursing home obsession really was all Steve. 
 

Oh now that made me thinking of Cathy Jo D and her family’s nursing home ministry. I would love an update on Cathy Jo. She is my fav. 

[Coconut Flan]

I know people are in the habit of calling it the nursing home church, but it wasn't.  They held services in an assisted living and retirement community which is a different kind of facility.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

This week's Seriously, Dad? is called Oh No and it's from September 21, 2022.

First Paragraph:

Quote

Teri was aware of our morning, wake-up alarm sounding, but I wasn’t stirring to turn it off. She hopped out of bed to turn the ceiling fan off.

Still loving those ceiling fans. I confess I like ceiling fans too. Who turns off the ceiling fan first thing in the morning?

Continuing:

Quote

 When she returned, I hadn’t yet rolled over to turn the alarm off and the light on, which would have been my norm. She waited a bit with the alarm now sounding its loudest. She decided she would gently try to wake me by patting my exposed arm. She touched my arm. Still, no movement and my arm felt cold! Could her worst fear be true?

 

So suspenseful! I wonder what happened next! 🤡 That being said I'm sorry Teri was worried for what was hopefully nothing. 

New Paragraph:

Quote

Brothers, death is a part of life and inevitable. When one in a marriage is gone, memories remain. I understand that regrets tend to push their way in quickly. If only I’d have been more loving, patient, gentle, affirming—an endless list. 

I have to wonder what brought this on. Possibly Steve saw his doctor recently. Or they lost a friend? 

Also it's interesting this isn't about what happens in the afterlife, but how someone will be remembered by their spouse, who is still alive. I would probably extend this to other people, like children and grandchildren, friends, etc.

New Paragraph:

Quote

Then there are those marriages where a spouse is broadsided when the other leaves declaring, “I’ve had enough. It’s over, and I’m not coming back.” 

Again what made Steve think of this? 

Quote

Brothers, the best time to improve a marriage is now—not tomorrow. Invest in your wife, love her, in Christ lead her. Be dead to irritating things she does or doesn’t do. 

This is good advice. Other than the "in Christ lead her" thing, I agree with the advice. Also "in Christ lead her", sounds like fundie Christian Yoda. "In Christ lead her you must".

 

Quote

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself” (Ephesians 5:25-28). 

Maybe this post is meant is advice for Kory as he and Sarah are still starting their married life together.  Or maybe Teri got fed up with Steve complaining Sarah marriage and told him she would go stay with Gigi until he stopped.

This is the not the worst column. He's right. Part of being a good dad is being a good partner/coparent, etc. of the other parent and creating a stable environment. Steve might want to evaluate how well he takes his own  advice, but still a pretty good week.

[anachronistic]

Who the heck hears an alarm, is right next to it, and doesn’t turn it off? It wasn’t a fire alarm. Was he awake or not? I need to know. Did he lie there and let Terri think he was dead for a moment just for funsies? That’s incredibly cruel and incredibly in line with Steve, but based on how he has acted before I wouldn’t put it last him, or that Terri is too scared to break the routine of him turning off the alarm and her turning off the fan.

Also why do they even need an alarm? Most older people I know wake up naturally very early. and if they don’t, where the heck are they going? What daily obligations do they have? That’s right….none. They could totally allow themselves to wake up naturally and be more refreshed as a result. They are just choosing the hard way on purpose, as always.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Not turning off the alarm is exactly like not reminding Steve to order pizza. Teri is terrified of/ brainwashed not to do anything that Steve normally does or is considered part of his leadership as head of the house.

Let's go to worst case for a moment:  What if Steve was dead?  Would Teri turn off the alarm then?  Would she have to call Christopher to come do it? Would she have to pray for God's guidance and permission and forgiveness to do one of Steve's leadership tasks?

Let's expand this:  What if Teri outlives Steve?  Will she take on Steve's patriarchal tasks -- taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, yard work, paying bills, balancing the checkbook, managing finances, paying the taxes, etc -- all those manly man, leader-of-the-pack, patriarchal tasks? Would she have to rely on Christopher et. al. to do them because as a woman that is not her place.  Does Teri even know how to do any of them -- pay a bill, etc?

[Tatar-tot]

Steve is weird. 

[SPHASH]

So Teri would have let Steve lie there because he is her headship and is afraid of waking him to find out if he is dead or not.

I wonder what the other men in their church think of Steve.

[Howl]

4 hours ago, anachronistic said:

Also why do they even need an alarm? Most older people I know wake up naturally very early.

I'm a retired older person who wakes up early.  We do not need an alarm, unless we have to get up early to beat the heat on an early morning social bike ride in summer. 

I'm sure Steve thinks it's the sin of sloth if he doesn't wake up early to have plenty of time to read his Bible and then start berating his fellow sinners.

Quote

Be dead to irritating things she does or doesn’t do.

I wonder if Steve ever considers the the irritating things he does and doesn't do. 

Or asks Terri to give feedback on how he could be less irritating. 

I have to think the dynamics in that household have changed drastically since it's just Terr, Steve and the cat.  Terri is a member of a church and has taken on some responsibilities there -- she has a social and religious life independent of Steve.  That's gotta sting. 

 

[hoipolloi]

1 hour ago, SPHASH said:

I wonder what the other men in their church think of Steve.

So do I which is why I asked if he actually goes to church. From the scant evidence available, if he is attending that church, he doesn't seem to participate in anything outside of regular Sunday services. What's more, he only mentions them to criticize his fellow church-goers.

 

12 minutes ago, Howl said:

Terri is a member of a church and has taken on some responsibilities there -- she has a social and religious life independent of Steve.  That's gotta sting. 

I agree and I hope she keeps it up. 

 

3 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

What if Teri outlives Steve?  Will she take on Steve's patriarchal tasks -- taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, yard work, paying bills, balancing the checkbook, managing finances, paying the taxes, etc -- all those manly man, leader-of-the-pack, patriarchal tasks? Would she have to rely on Christopher et. al. to do them because as a woman that is not her place.  Does Teri even know how to do any of them -- pay a bill, etc?

All good questions. Conversely, what if Steve should outlive Teri? Will he be able to look after himself and do all of those "womanly" household tasks? Or will he have to enlist his daughters or daughters-in-law to do that work?

 

[Bastet]

16 minutes ago, hoipolloi said:

All good questions. Conversely, what if Steve should outlive Teri? Will he be able to look after himself and do all of those "womanly" household tasks? Or will he have to enlist his daughters or daughters-in-law to do that work?

   I predict he will move in with the most like-minded son and will bankroll a move to a larger house if need be. That will be one lucky daughter-in-law!  
   In traditional marriages the wife typically deals better with the death of a spouse than her husband who lacks housekeeping and cooking skills. It’s hard to say, but assuming enough available cash, Teri might bloom if Steve dies first. 

[ClareDeLune]

That is the best Seriously in ages 😂😂😂

He is so full of his own importance. I hope Teri takes her mother on a road trip and learns how to live a little after he actually goes cold in bed. He probably will go first with his heart problems. Awful to think of him imposing on in-laws if he doesn't though!

[theologygeek]

My son sleeps through the alarm sometimes and it scares the heck out of me.  I burst through his room screaming like a maniac to make sure he is okay.  And if he locks the door, that really puts me over the edge.  How Teri could calmly stand there and wait for him to move is beyond me.  Every second counts if they are having a medical emergency.  

[Hane]

Re husbands being “blindsided” when their wife leaves: That’s exactly how Ex-Mr.-Hane-#2 felt when I sat him down and said I wanted out. Then I recounted the countless times I’d told him we had major problems and needed professional help, but he thought things were “just fine.”

[quiversR4hunting]

18 minutes ago, Hane said:

Re husbands being “blindsided” when their wife leaves: That’s exactly how Ex-Mr.-Hane-#2 felt when I sat him down and said I wanted out. Then I recounted the countless times I’d told him we had major problems and needed professional help, but he thought things were “just fine.”

My ex might say he was "blindsided" when I said we should divorce but he had suggested it in Feb and August of that year and then I brought it up in late October. (He brought it up during very high stress issues- 1st time his mom was very ill and many surgeries - he actually started thinking of his own death and gave me permission to marry our neighbor (WTH?!) and then the 2nd time we were coordinating his mom's move closer to us and we were the go-between for both realtors and mortgage, etc. I figured it was just the stress, nope he wasn't going to change.)

Interesting take away, one of the reason women file for divorce more than men has to do with men that are getting a free ride because the woman is doing all the home life stuff plus (usually) a job - women (Like me) get sick of doing it all (plus other issues) and figure doing it alone without the lump on the couch is better. But fundies like Steve, will never admit that they might be part of the problem in the divorce 🙄

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

My ex might say he was "blindsided" when I said we should divorce but he had suggested it in Feb and August of that year and then I brought it up in late October. (He brought it up during very high stress issues- 1st time his mom was very ill and many surgeries - he actually started thinking of his own death and gave me permission to marry our neighbor (WTH?!) and then the 2nd time we were coordinating his mom's move closer to us and we were the go-between for both realtors and mortgage, etc. I figured it was just the stress, nope he wasn't going to change.)

Interesting take away, one of the reason women file for divorce more than men has to do with men that are getting a free ride because the woman is doing all the home life stuff plus (usually) a job - women (Like me) get sick of doing it all (plus other issues) and figure doing it alone without the lump on the couch is better. But fundies like Steve, will never admit that they might be part of the problem in the divorce 🙄

I know women who divorced for that reason. And to be honest, I probably would too. There’s no way I could do everything with very little help for decades. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

Steve, don't leave us hanging! We're Teri's worst fears confirmed?  Were you dead and now preaching to us from beyond the grave? Enquiring minds want to know! Also, Steve appears to be softening up a bit... no mention of knowing where you go when you die? A whole post dedicated to a being kind and respectful to your wife? Something is up!

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I know women who divorced for that reason. And to be honest, I probably would too. There’s no way I could do everything with very little help for decades. 

In the early years I did everything and worked (PT, but for many years a minimum of 32 hrs/wk), mainly because I was home more and I wanted stuff to just.get.done.  However, for the last 8 years I’ve been retired and he still works, and does all the bills, trip planning + lots of house stuff. He does 10Xs what I do now, and you know what, I figure it has all equaled out. There are plenty of times I feel guilty for a quick millisecond.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

5 hours ago, Bastet said:

   I predict he will move in with the most like-minded son and will bankroll a move to a larger house if need be. That will be one lucky daughter-in-law!  
   

Alex, I'll take Who is Christopher for $500

 

Quote

Also, Steve appears to be softening up a bit... no mention of knowing where you go when you die?

Oh  don't worry, Steve knows where he's going when he dies.  It's the rest of us he doubts will join him.

Edited September 21, 2022 by Red Hair, Black Dress

[Cults-r-us]

11 hours ago, Tatar-tot said:

Steve is weird. 

Steve is so weird. He's had it all: Education, career, a wife who may not be the girl of his dreams (such as that shameless, scantily-clad hussie at the neighbor's pool) but who puts up with him (which is A LOT). Is he grateful? I dunno.

For Steve, the world is such a joyless, scary, risky place. Maybe we don't give him enough credit for soldiering through the miseries and temptations he encounters daily.

I guess if he would shut his mouth and quit side-eyeing and judging everybody, we'd let him eat his 3 graham crackers in peace.

8 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

So do I which is why I asked if he actually goes to church. From the scant evidence available, if he is attending that church, he doesn't seem to participate in anything outside of regular Sunday services. What's more, he only mentions them to criticize his fellow church-goers.

 

I agree and I hope she keeps it up. 

 

All good questions. Conversely, what if Steve should outlive Teri? Will he be able to look after himself and do all of those "womanly" household tasks? Or will he have to enlist his daughters or daughters-in-law to do that work?

 

In my experience, there is a line of available church ladies with casseroles on the porch when a man's wife is dying. Maybe Stevehova can just pick one to take Terri's place.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

It's funny when I was writing the breakdown I worried people would think I was too mean if I snarked harder on it. Steve is not young or in good health so I think it's possible he was either asleep or having some kind of health issue. If he didn't get up, turn off the alarm, etc. to teach Teri a lesson it's cruel. It's hard to say based on the text. For all we know, they shared a good laugh together. 

8 hours ago, quiversR4hunting said:

My ex might say he was "blindsided" when I said we should divorce but he had suggested it in Feb and August of that year and then I brought it up in late October. (He brought it up during very high stress issues- 1st time his mom was very ill and many surgeries - he actually started thinking of his own death and gave me permission to marry our neighbor (WTH?!) and then the 2nd time we were coordinating his mom's move closer to us and we were the go-between for both realtors and mortgage, etc. I figured it was just the stress, nope he wasn't going to change.)

Interesting take away, one of the reason women file for divorce more than men has to do with men that are getting a free ride because the woman is doing all the home life stuff plus (usually) a job - women (Like me) get sick of doing it all (plus other issues) and figure doing it alone without the lump on the couch is better. But fundies like Steve, will never admit that they might be part of the problem in the divorce 🙄

That's true and it makes sense. I also read recently that women are likely to end a relationship and be alone and many men don't like to end a relationship unless they have a new one lined up. I don't know if that's true, but it sounds possible.