Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 25

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"Bribes For Pardons"

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This just in: Donald Trump is corrupt. Oh wait. We already knew that.

Details remain sketchy, but last night, reports came out that federal prosecutors have been pursuing an investigation into potential bribery in connection with an effort to secure a pardon from Donald Trump.

Last August, Chief U.S. District Court Judge Beryl Howell issued an opinion in a form that redacted the name of the person seeking a pardon…and offering to make a contribution to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign…where a lot of the funds wind up in Donald Trump’s pocket. The judge granted prosecutors permission to examine emails from lawyers seeking the pardon for whoever their client may be.

How does that work with this Justice Department? Attorney General William Barr, despite being unable to find any evidence of voter fraud, is basically Donald Trump’s henchman, poodle, and personal lawyer. The guy had the department act as Trump’s personal lawyer in a case where Donald Trump is being sued over slandering one of his rape accusers. The accuser is not suing the president. She’s suing Donald Trump. Yet, Barr found it necessary for the Justice Department and taxpayers to foot the bill for his legal defense. In all the other personal legal defenses since he became president (sic), Donald Trump has used campaign funds…which of course you can pay into to receive a pardon…reportedly. Maybe the person being investigated for trying to bribe for a pardon can receive a pardon for trying to bribe for a pardon.

Do you remember the entire “pay for play” scandal the Republican Party concocted about the Clinton Foundation? They claimed foreign nations were making donations to the charity in exchange for special favors from the State Department while Hillary Clinton was Secretary of State. They claimed Clinton sold American uranium to Russia in exchange for donations. Before Trump became president (sic), the FBI looked into it and couldn’t find anything. After Trump became president (sic), the Justice Department officially opened an investigation into the Clinton Foundation. That began in 2017. Have you heard what has become of that investigation? Me neither.

So how does it work when the Justice Department investigates Trump corruption? Do they not tell William Barr? Do investigators go through all the proper channels and hope William Barr pays as much attention as Donald Trump does to security briefings that doesn’t mention his name? We do know investigators didn’t want any of this made public, especially the names of those involved. That makes sense because after Barr finds out, he may shut it down while he’s walking out the door to his retirement.

We do know the investigation rose from a separate investigation into people lobbying for pardons and whether they were violating the law by not registering as lobbyists. We also know that over 50 devices such as phones, laptops, and iPads have been confiscated in this investigation.

We also know this is all true and Donald Trump is a guilty party because he issued a tweet calling it “fake news.” Nearly everything Donald Trump says is a lie. EVERY denial he’s ever issued has been a lie.

But you do remember how Republicans acted over the Clinton Foundation. They were aghast and all lit up over the “pay for play” of it all. They chanted “lock her up” at MAGA rallies. They still do that chant between chants of “Space Force” and “send them back.” Lately, they’ve been falsely accusing Joe Biden of running a corrupt charity. Republicans are horny for investigating charities…except for Trump’s charity.

Here’s another thing: Even if Donald Trump and his administration are totally innocent and said, “No, sir…we do not do anything shady, improper, inappropriate, or illegal. You take your bribe and shove it where the sun never shines, you scoundrel you” (that did not happen), someone still thought with Donald Trump, it was a possibility. Someone thought Donald Trump’s ethics were low enough to take a bribe. Someone thought Donald Trump is corrupt. Do you know why anyone would think that? Because Donald Trump is corrupt.

Donald Trump is legally prohibited from being involved in a charity. Why? Because he stole from his charity…literally. You can assume Hillary did something bad with her foundation. We know Trump did. Donald Trump used his charity in tandem with his presidential campaign which is illegal. He used his charity to pay off legal fines for his shitty golf resorts. He used his charity to purchase expensive ticket items for himself, like portraits of himself (but he’s never purchased one of my caricatures of him. I wonder why). And when Florida Republican Attorney General Pam Bondi was considering investigating the actions of Trump University (another corrupt endeavor that doesn’t exist anymore) in her state, she shut down the inquiry AFTER receiving a campaign donation from…wait for it…the Trump Foundation. Donald Trump used his fake charity to bribe an official to save his fake university. Do you know who put money into Donald Trump’s fake charity? NOT Donald Trump. Today, Pam Bondi is still a pro-Trump surrogate and cult member.

Donald Trump literally used his charity to make a political contribution to bribe an elected official. Is it beyond him, an elected official, to take bribes for pardons? Hell no. He’s Donald Trump. Being corrupt is what he does.

It seems we’re founding out about more Trump fuckery on a daily basis. I worry about what’s being shredded and burned in the White House before Donald Trump is frog marched out. How many transcripts is he burning? What documents are being destroyed? And did anyone count the silverware? We still haven’t found out what happened to all the money that went into his inauguration…which by the way, was four fucking years ago. Republicans don’t ask about any of this…maybe because they’re too busy draining the swamp.

And now, it’s come out that Trump has had conversations with Rudy Giuliani and others about preemptive pardons for Rudy, his three oldest and corrupt kids, and his own corrupt ass. This should be fun. By the way, the family that goes to prison together stays together.

Yes, we are finding out more and more dirt about Trump corruption on a daily basis. Can you imagine what we’ll find out in the coming months and years? Hell, we’re still discovering shit about the Nixon administration that makes us say, “DAMN.” I just hope I found out everything about these Trump assholes before I die.

Trump is also talking about running again in 2024. And guess what. You can run for president from prison.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"Fudge Christmas"

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I don’t begrudge Melania Trump for her comments about Christmas. I’ll say it too. Fuck Christmas stuff. Fuck Christmas decorations. Bold, eh? I just don’t really care and most Christmas music, to my ears, is total crap with there being only four good Christmas songs. OK, I don’t totally hate Christmas. I think it’s just the music and crass commercialism while other people are depressed and destitute. When I see the commercial of the guy buying two trucks for Christmas, I’m like, “fuck that guy.”

But back to Melania, she wasn’t cut out for this. Like her husband is a terrible president, Melania is a terrible first lady. It’s not just Christmas she doesn’t care about. She doesn’t care about being First Lady and it’s not a position she wants to hold. What the hell is “Be Best” when her husband is a cyber bully? What’s up with the garden photo-op in high heels? Yeah, I’m convinced she’s digging up weeds and getting her hands dirty. Her jacket said it all. She really doesn’t care, do you?

I only begrudge Melania for turning her eyes away from accusations her husband is a rapist, from him bullying women, throwing babies into cages after ripping them away from their parents, encouraging violence, validating racism, and giving shout-outs to Nazis. I hold all that against Ivanka too. Neither one of them really does care. At least Melania didn’t have much of a choice to be there. Ivanka chose to follow her father to Washington and be a troglodyte.

The people I hold it against in regards to Melania’s “fuck Christmas” comments are Trump supporters and anyone who promoted the bullshit campaign of the “war on Christmas.”

First off, if anyone is waging a war on Christmas, they’re losing. They’re losing bad too. Christmas is everywhere. I bet you heard Christmas music and saw decorations between Halloween and Thanksgiving. I’m sure you saw them in stores. I’ve seen the commercials. Santa Claus may not be watching you, but you’re watching Santa Claus. You have no choice. There is a game people are playing on social media about the Wham! song “Last Christmas.” The point of the game is to see how long you can go without hearing the song…because you have no choice. At some point between Thanksgiving and Christmas, you will hear “Last Christmas” unintentionally. My point is, you can’t escape Christmas. Somewhere, Andrew Ridgeley is hearing “Last Christmas” and saying, “Fuck Christmas!”

There has never been a “war on Christmas.” What is the “war on Christmas?” It’s another opportunity for bullshit asshole conservatives to pretend they’re the most oppressed and victimized people in the history of people.

And it seems to have sprung up when some people decided to say “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas.” Some people took offense. How dare you not say “merry Christmas.” It offends you that someone didn’t say what you want to hear while still wishing you well? And then, they got upset over Starbuck cups if they wasn’t enough Jesus on them. You have to be a whiny asshole to claim you’re oppressed by a cup. Personally, I’m only offended by a coffee cup if it contains pumpkin spice.

The reason a lot of people say “happy holidays” is because not everyone celebrates Christmas but they are probably celebrating some holiday during this time. Saying “happy holidays” is covering all the bases. Even then, I’ve never heard of a Jew or a Muslim killing someone for saying “merry Christmas” to them. From my own experience, I’ve heard Jews and Muslims say “merry Christmas” back. Why? Because they’re not assholes. And quite possibly, Jews and Muslims hope you have a merry Christmas. Even though I’m not horny for Christmas the way you are, I hope you have a merry Christmas as well.

Then, Donald Trump made the claim that after he was elected, Americans got to say “merry Christmas” again. Despite what Fox News promoted, you were never banned from saying “merry Christmas.” I’m not entirely sure where the “ban” came from. And even without a ban, I am not aware of any peer pressure on people preventing them from saying it. If anything, there’s been more pressure on people in this country to hide their beliefs if they’re NOT a Christian…or worse, don’t believe in a god at all.

Did you know Satanist don’t actually worship Satan? Why? Because they’re atheist. If there’s no god, there’s no Satan. Satanist don’t believe in Satan. If you’re a conservative, you don’t understand that at all. The only thing I don’t understand about atheist is, why have a church when you don’t believe? It seems like it goes against the point. But I digress.

But Donald Trump and his followers believe his rise to the White House liberated them and provided the confidence to say “merry Christmas” again. Can you find one of them who will tell you they stopped saying it until Trump was elected? Just one?

No. Donald Trump’s election did not restore anyone’s confidence to say “merry Christmas” again, but what it did do was give racist the confidence to make their racism public. It gave Nazis the confidence to Seig Heil in Trump hotel ballrooms. It gave tiki-torch Nazis the confidence to march in Charlottesville chanting, “Jews will not replace us” and ” Blood and soil.” It gave Proud Boys the confidence to go to peace rallies and attack people. It gave the Ku Klux Klan the confidence it needed to hold parades in honor of Donald Trump.

Isn’t it funny that racists celebrate Christmas? How do you celebrate the birth of Jesus while supporting a man who put babies in jail…and whose policies kills them? The Satanists have more compassion than you.

And how do you fear monger about a war on Christmas then remain silent when the First Lady says, “Fuck Christmas.” I bet you an Elf on a Shelf that if Michelle Obama ever said, “Fuck Christmas,” Republicans would have burned the White House down with her in it. When Melania says it, they stick their fingers in their ears and say, “fa-la-la-la-la…”

Melania Trump does not like your Christmas. She wants to take away your tinsel. She wants to unnog your eggs. She wants to unleash cats upon your Christmas trees. In her first attempt to decorate the White House for Christmas, it looked like Tim Burton on crack did it. Doesn’t her war on Christmas infuriate you? Doesn’t it just kick you in your jingle bells? Are you upset yet? No?

If you’re a Trump supporter and a Christmas lover and you’re not upset over Melania’s “fuck Christmas,” then I don’t think you love Christmas enough. Why are you waging a war on Christmas?

Now, I have to try to make it through the rest of today without someone forcing “Last Christmas” on me. I hate Wham! more than I hate Christmas.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

[thoughtful]

 

[thoughtful]

Stephen covers the new restrictions in Ohio (take note, Rods!), Newsom's weak apology, Flynn's call for martial law, Rudy's toot, and Mellissa the witless witness:

 

[Cartmann99]

 

[Ozlsn]

Do you think he'd go away if we gave him a ribbon?

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