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Girl Defined 2: Aren’t They Women Yet?


nelliebelle1197

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14 minutes ago, smittykins said:

Not exactly the same thing, but on the old Discovery Health series Adoption Stories, a couple who adopted from China flat-out admitted that they’d chosen international adoption because “we didn’t want to deal with birthparents.” ?

That show was so messed up. I hated how they portrayed adoption. Some episodes were much worse than others. I watched all the episodes back when I was in college. I’m glad they don’t air them anymore. I’m sure they can be found on YouTube though. 

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17 minutes ago, smittykins said:

Not exactly the same thing, but on the old Discovery Health series Adoption Stories, a couple who adopted from China flat-out admitted that they’d chosen international adoption because “we didn’t want to deal with birthparents.” ?

I would actually be shocked if this weren't the primary reason they went with international adoption. 

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International adoption can be fraught. Some ~10 years ago, a white friend and his wife (definitely not fundies—he’s an atheist UU), who had a son by birth already, adopted their second son from Africa. They attempted to be as open with his extended family of origin as possible, but have learned that people in their son’s home country have a much different view of adoption than most of us in the US do. Now that he’s in his teens, birth relatives are contacting him and his adoptive family for financial support, which they aren’t in a position to give. His adoptive parents have always been open to taking him to visit his home community, but now he feels reluctant to and somewhat guilty about it.

This is tough for a teenager—especially a black youth in a predominantly white community. Also, a few years ago, his adoptive family came to realize that he’s at least a couple of years older than they’d been led to believe. (I saw him after what I thought was a recent growth spurt in eighth grade and said to his dad, “So this is what eighth graders look like nowadays!” He was pushing six feet and was far more “cut” than most boys that age. That’s when his dad mentioned the age issue.)

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22 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I would love to ask Kristen why they decided on overseas adoption of brothers age 6 and 10 when I can almost guarantee there are brother in the US Foster care system of similar age

I have a fundie-lite friend whose sister and BIL were not allowed to adopt from foster care because they were unwilling to promise they wouldn’t spank. They were all very outraged, but I was really thankful.

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On 5/10/2021 at 5:39 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I would love to ask Kristen why they decided on overseas adoption of brothers age 6 and 10 when I can almost guarantee there are brother in the US Foster care system of similar age. Maybe it’s because I have a friend who adopted from the foster care system that makes me jump to US foster kids. Her adopted daughter still sees her bio family. The families get along well together. I suppose that could be a reason why Kristen decided on overseas adoption. Which does bother me. 

To adopt a foster child, you have to first be the foster parent to that child, at least in my state.  I’m sure it varies from state to state, but I also suspect they wouldn’t have been able to homeschool a foster child in their custody, and that this would be a dealbreaker for them. 

And also, I’m sure they were pretty attached to having duper extra white children.

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I'm glad the boys have each other. 

The language thing is one of the main reasons I think international adoption can be problematic. The Stauffers (youtuber parents who rehomed their adoptive son) made no effort to learn any Chinese and even though their son was young, the language barrier was probably still a problem.

At least Kristen and her husband have some connection to the Ukraine through her sister and brother-in-law. If the sister has children, it will be something they share heritage with their cousins. 

I think international adoption may be cheaper than adopting in the US and there are fewer restrictions in place depending on what country you adopt from.

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4 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

At least Kristen and her husband have some connection to the Ukraine through her sister and brother-in-law. 

Hey guys one more time - its Ukraine, never "the Ukraine". See last page for an article explaining the historical context why calling it that is offensive. 

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2 hours ago, freethemall said:

Hey guys one more time - its Ukraine, never "the Ukraine". See last page for an article explaining the historical context why calling it that is offensive. 

Sorry. 

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I just thought of something. The boys can likely converse pretty easily with one another in their first language. I could see Kristen telling them to not talk to each other in their first language in order for them to learn English quicker.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Does anyone know anything about Rebekah's boyfriend, Daniel Gill? She did a Q&A on her IG but I missed it. I know it's really too early to tell but they already seem better matched than Bethany and Dav.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The two latest videos on their Girl Defined Instagram could not be more cringe. The older these two get, the more cringe this all becomes.  And no one is going to tell them, I’m sure. 

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22 hours ago, louisa05 said:

The two latest videos on their Girl Defined Instagram could not be more cringe. The older these two get, the more cringe this all becomes.  And no one is going to tell them, I’m sure. 

Except they've been crying about cancel culture and their hate and clearly reading the r/fundiesnark and r/fundiesnarkuncensored subreddits so they've seen the criticism and are taking it as persecution. Bethany in particular has been a major woe-is-me social media spin since their devotional launch turned out to be a massive failure, she did this daily reels thing and started questioning why people were unfollowing her and blaming them for it, and then lately lots of transphobic and motherhood posts that seem both in direct response to Kristen one-upping her but also struggling to enjoy her son. So she seems very sensitive to the feedback lately but is taking it as being trolled rather than true self-reflection on what a try-hard asshole she is.

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  • 8 months later...

Ellissa is now 38 weeks pregnant, and has been posting on Instagram about how she fled her home in Kyiv, after waking up to the sounds of bombs being dropped, with some church friends to try and get out of Ukraine. They were unable to make it past the Polish border due to long lines and are staying at a house in the mountains for now.

Andriy is still in Kyiv with his parents and it sounds like he won't be able to leave at this point- Ukraine isn't allowing men from ages 18-60 to exit the country as of today.

Bethany, of course, is using taking advantage of the situation to start a GoFundMe for them and to repost of all her vacation photos from Ukraine with crying emojis.

Edited by indianabones
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It seems that Andrii was planning to try and cross the border. He made it to where Elissa was staying and the group was making a plan to enter Poland. 

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I really hope Kristin and her husband don’t use this war to tell their kids how their adoption was proof of gods blessing to keep them safe. I can only imagine the kids’ fear if they’re aware of anything going on. They’re old enough to remember loved ones who are most likely still there but who they’re not able to contact. 

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On 2/26/2022 at 6:34 PM, usmcmom said:

It seems that Andrii was planning to try and cross the border. He made it to where Elissa was staying and the group was making a plan to enter Poland. 

They both made it to Budapest, she is looking for a birthing center there. Per Bethany, they hope to return to Kyiv in the future as his parents are still there.

I suggest following the r/,fundiesnarkuncensored redddit, they are far more obsessed with  GD there.

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38 minutes ago, freethemall said:

They both made it to Budapest, she is looking for a birthing center there. Per Bethany, they hope to return to Kyiv in the future as his parents are still there.

I suggest following the r/,fundiesnarkuncensored redddit, they are far more obsessed with  GD there.

Thank you. I found the reddit thread you’ve suggested. 
 

I confess I have become obsessed with them now with this situation.  I wonder if he will be allowed to return to Ukraine if, as many believe, he left the country illegally  

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  • 9 months later...

Bethany had Audrey Lynn on Dec 23. The midwives were worried about purple discoloration all over her leg and back and thought it was a blood flow problem. It’s actually a very large birth mark. Bethany is one of the worst fundies to have a daughter with a very large birth mark. She and Kristin come off as so superficial. I hope she never makes her daughter feel like the birth mark is ugly or bad. They are the people who say god doesn’t make mistakes. Let’s see if she truly believes that. I’m probably more sensitive because I have a large dark birthmark I was always told was ugly by other kids. 

Edited by JermajestyDuggar
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Poor kid. Bethany’s likely to make such a big deal about covering it up “WE know it’s not a problem but the WORLD will make a big deal about it so we’re going to cover it up, ok sweetie?” And give her daughter immense insecurity about it. 

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11 minutes ago, Giraffe said:

Poor kid. Bethany’s likely to make such a big deal about covering it up “WE know it’s not a problem but the WORLD will make a big deal about it so we’re going to cover it up, ok sweetie?” And give her daughter immense insecurity about it. 

I bet she will just push modesty to covertly force her to cover it. 

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I believe Bethany and Kristen both modeled so I could see Bethany being especially focused on looks. Poor baby. She deserves better. Yeah, fundies are full of shit on "fearfully and wonderfully" made. 

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It’s a port wine stain which can become hard, bumpy and painful as a child grows. Because of that, large ones are typically treated and Bethany has indicated they will treat it when she’s a bit older. 

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My birth mark has gotten thicker and bumpier although it’s just a giant congenital melanocytic nevus, not a “port wine stain.” I have nothing against a person having surgery to get rid of their birth mark. If that’s what they truly want. I just don’t trust Bethany to not push her own feelings about it in her child. Because that’s what fundies do with religion. So of course they will do it with medical things too. 
 

Bethany’s latest post made me cringe. She’s talking about birth redemption. How she got her perfect home birth after having such a horrible experience with Davey. I hate how much pressure women put on themselves to have perfect births. Sometimes it’s completely out of your hands! You would think someone who always talks about “trusting god and giving it to his” wouldn’t put so much emphasis on having a redemptive birth. Something she has very little control over. Just like her daughter’s birth mark. Nothing she did or didn’t do caused it. She had no control over it happening. 

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Bethany is now posting about how ”pretty much perfect” her baby is and how the hardest part of her week was “the toddler” having a hard time going to sleep. As someone who had a son first then had a December baby girl last year, I feel so bad for little Davey. It’s developmentally normal for kids to act out when moving to a new house and then becoming a big sibling. Even without that toddlers can have sleep issues. And now his mom is complaining about it on a very public page. It’s not the first time she has treated him like the scapegoat, but now it’s even more obvious when she compares him to the baby. 

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17 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Bethany’s latest post made me cringe. She’s talking about birth redemption. How she got her perfect home birth after having such a horrible experience with Davey. I hate how much pressure women put on themselves to have perfect births. Sometimes it’s completely out of your hands! You would think someone who always talks about “trusting god and giving it to his” wouldn’t put so much emphasis on having a redemptive birth. Something she has very little control over. Just like her daughter’s birth mark. Nothing she did or didn’t do caused it. She had no control over it happening. 

While I generally agree with your sentiment and gotta admit I haven't yet ready Bethany's post, I think the issue she raises might be valid (urgh, I hate to even say that cause I strongly dislike her).

But unfortunately, many women are violated during their births, they are pressured, not consensually touched, hurt and degraded. In fact, PTSD due to violence experienced during birth is a rising problem in Germany and I know few women who chose to go to birthing centers or have home births cause they couldn't stand the thought of going to the hospital again after a horrible first experience. So for quite a significant number of mothers, their birth is unnecessarily traumatic. A midwife friend of mine actually told me some really sad stories of how things go in the (local) hospital but even aside from anecdotal evidence, studies suggest that far too often, hospitals (at least in Germany) are willing to act against a birthing mother and baby's best interest in order to make a buck. Sure, interventions, c-sections, quick procedures, etc are more pricey than actually supporting and guiding someone through a largely self determined and physiological birthing progress. And that's a shame and an issue many women are worried about.

Now, I dont know what Bethany's problems were with her first birth and why she found the experience bad. Also, I dislike how she cloaks the issue in strange religions terminology (redemption, what the heck?!) but I'd give her a pass in regards of the topic itself. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, so to speak...

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