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Girl Defined 2: Aren’t They Women Yet?


nelliebelle1197

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According to my friend who lived there, Ukraine means ‘borderlands’, so saying “the borderlands” implies that it is an outlying part of Russia. Since Ukraine is its own independent country, its best to leave off the definite article.

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Yes, me too. I was looking for a stand-up desk and that‘s when I found him. There are more pictures and I bet it‘s him. I‘d put my money on it.... and a bottle of wine ?

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On 4/17/2021 at 2:13 PM, LorEl said:

Yes, me too. I was looking for a stand-up desk and that‘s when I found him. There are more pictures and I bet it‘s him. I‘d put my money on it.... and a bottle of wine ?

Yes, she has posted this pic before and the of the desk too.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Looks like Kristen and her husband adopted 2 boys from the Ukraine. At the moment, I really can’t say anything other than I’m happy for them. 

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Ughh. I’m a total Debbie Downer when it comes to fundies adopting internationally. These two are 10 and 6 and likely don’t speak English. This must be a huge transition for them. The one good thing they have going for them is that they don’t have bio kids to compare the boys to. The worst thing that could happen right now is Kristen getting pregnant and having a baby. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen so they can stay focused on the adjustment and well being of these boys. 

Edited by JermajestyDuggar
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I'm right there with @JermajestyDuggar on this one. The only thing that makes it better is they brought back two instead of one and so they have each other and hopefully they get along with each other but yeah, I'm not optimistic when fundies adopt internationally. 

 

eta, I just checked her IG. They adopted brothers. I hate that they're showing pictures of them. I hope she doesn't start "mother defined" or something now. 

Edited by Giraffe
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I am with @Giraffe and @JermajestyDuggar in being meh on this. Many adoptees from Eastern European have Reactive Attachment Disorder from a history of trauma and abandonment. That is a bad combination with adoptive parents who believe prayer and Jesus solves everything. I hope there is a support group of people who bridge the Gap by speaking Ukrainian to the boys as they learn English but who knows. 

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1 minute ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

I am with @Giraffe and @JermajestyDuggar in being meh on this. Many adoptees from Eastern European have Reactive Attachment Disorder from a history of trauma and abandonment. That is a bad combination with adoptive parents who believe prayer and Jesus solves everything. I hope there is a support group of people who bridge the Gap by speaking Ukrainian to the boys as they learn English but who knows. 

I guess it would be different if Elissa and her husband lived in the US. Then he could help translate for the boys. But he lives in Ukraine with Elissa so that’s not helpful.

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I agree that this is quite an undertaking, as they probably do not speak English and need more than just prayer & Jesus to help transition and grow up. And as an ex-fundie, I certainly do not think we need any more children growing up in fundamentalism  

But maybe I’m just having a hard time saying anything negative right now after seeing Bethany’s “I’m a real woman cause I gave birth” tangent the other day, to which she got a lot of backlash for being insensitive to her sister’s infertility. Mother’s Day is hard for probably more people than not, and Bethany’s series of posts surrounding it were obnoxious. She’s just constantly jumping through hoops to elevate herself above others, including her own sisters.

Anyway, I’m sure we will get an announcement from Bethany and/or Ellissa to add to this sometime soon ?

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41 minutes ago, Marionette said:

I agree that this is quite an undertaking, as they probably do not speak English and need more than just prayer & Jesus to help transition and grow up. And as an ex-fundie, I certainly do not think we need any more children growing up in fundamentalism  

But maybe I’m just having a hard time saying anything negative right now after seeing Bethany’s “I’m a real woman cause I gave birth” tangent the other day, to which she got a lot of backlash for being insensitive to her sister’s infertility. Mother’s Day is hard for probably more people than not, and Bethany’s series of posts surrounding it were obnoxious. She’s just constantly jumping through hoops to elevate herself above others, including her own sisters.

Anyway, I’m sure we will get an announcement from Bethany and/or Ellissa to add to this sometime soon ?

I do find Bethany much more insufferable than Kristen. Although I don’t like Kristen at all. Bethany is just the worst Baird sister.

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Oh boy. I genuinely and sincerely hope it goes well for them. Older kids can sometimes have some big issues after being adopted. RAD comes to mind.

I hope they get to keep their birth names.

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12 hours ago, Marionette said:

Mother’s Day is hard for probably more people than not

In the past I was casual friends with a woman who was a therapist.  She said as a therapist, she helps people with all the emotional intensity that can arise on various holidays.   

She told me that, of all the holidays, there is nothing that even comes close to the drama, bad feelings, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, perceived slights, feeling aggrieved and overlooked and so on that happen on Mother's Day. 

 

Edited by Howl
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I keep my expectations very low every Mother’s Day. Yesterday was a good day. My kids made gifts at school for me. My husband made pancakes for breakfast and actually cleaned up the kitchen after. So I’m pleased. I sent gifts to my mom and step mom. They seemed to like them. 
 

I can easily see how Mother’s Day can be a day of hurt feelings and misunderstandings. If my husband had completely forgotten about it, I would have been pretty upset. Because I do things for him for Father’s Day. 

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51 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I keep my expectations very low every Mother’s Day. Yesterday was a good day. My kids made gifts at school for me. My husband made pancakes for breakfast and actually cleaned up the kitchen after. So I’m pleased. I sent gifts to my mom and step mom. They seemed to like them. 
 

I can easily see how Mother’s Day can be a day of hurt feelings and misunderstandings. If my husband had completely forgotten about it, I would have been pretty upset. Because I do things for him for Father’s Day. 

As someone who wanted children and will never have them...

It comes from the idealization of Mothers that goes on on that day. We’re suddenly surrounded by all the rhetoric abour how superior women who have children are. More skilled. More compassionate. More important. Just all around better human belngs.  And it’s exhausting to miss something you wanted in your life then have to listen to the world telling you your inferior as well. 

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5 hours ago, Howl said:

In the past I was casual friends with a woman who was a therapist.  She said as a therapist, she helps people with all the emotional intensity that can arise on various holidays.   

She told me that, of all the holidays, there is nothing that even comes close to the drama, bad feelings, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, perceived slights, feeling aggrieved and overlooked and so on that happen on Mother's Day. 

 

That is fascinating to me.  Did she say why it was Mother's Day in particular?

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6 hours ago, louisa05 said:

As someone who wanted children and will never have them...

It comes from the idealization of Mothers that goes on on that day. We’re suddenly surrounded by all the rhetoric abour how superior women who have children are. More skilled. More compassionate. More important. Just all around better human belngs.  And it’s exhausting to miss something you wanted in your life then have to listen to the world telling you your inferior as well. 

Snap. 100% this. 
I’m also a stepmother which is a different  layer of grief and sadness. I’ve worked really hard to be a good one and it’s not easy. I tend to white-knuckle my way through Mother’s Day too. 

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I would love to ask Kristen why they decided on overseas adoption of brothers age 6 and 10 when I can almost guarantee there are brother in the US Foster care system of similar age. Maybe it’s because I have a friend who adopted from the foster care system that makes me jump to US foster kids. Her adopted daughter still sees her bio family. The families get along well together. I suppose that could be a reason why Kristen decided on overseas adoption. Which does bother me. I don’t know. I just kind of wonder if the determining factor was getting white kids without a bio family to visit with. We know they didn’t denounce their nazi great grandfather. The thought of them adopting any children of color is scary. So I guess I should be glad they didn’t go that route. 

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Maybe it’s due to her sister living in Ukraine now, too? And the adoption rules being laxer there? They could feel like extra white saviors (tm) by „saving“ those kids from orthodox christianity and maybe get past the rules foster agencies have for US adoption and fostering (like no corporal punishment, vaccination and good medical care, a social worker looking at you). They’re fundies, so I can imagine this being a reason.

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I hope it goes well, Kristen seems like the kind where if it got really challenging she would end up "dehoming" or whatever it's called like that awful social media influencer did, which worries me. But I guess for now they're going to be all about the insta-family photo ops which hardly reveal any struggles happening behind the scenes. 

Bethany must be so pissed her only flex of being a mom has been taken from her, now instead of giving her sister hand-me-downs it'll be the other way around.

By the way, does any follow another fundie who recently adopted internationally, Courtney Collingsworth? It's interesting to compare.

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1 minute ago, freethemall said:

I hope it goes well, Kristen seems like the kind where if it got really challenging she would end up "dehoming" or whatever it's called like that awful social media influencer did, which worries me. But I guess for now they're going to be all about the insta-family photo ops which hardly reveal any struggles happening behind the scenes. 

Bethany must be so pissed her only flex of being a mom has been taken from her, now instead of giving her sister hand-me-downs it'll be the other way around.

By the way, does any follow another fundie who recently adopted internationally, Courtney Collingsworth? It's interesting to compare.

Yes I follow Courtney. Theo is from Thailand and he wasn’t in an orphanage. He was in a foster home with a foster mom who seemed to care very much for him. So he may not have issues that you would see from a child who lived in an orphanage. He’s also quite young. I think he’s 2 maybe? So the language issue will likely be less of a problem compared to the Ukrainian boys. Right now, Kristen is still in the honeymoon period with the boys. Things will likely change once the boys feel more comfortable in their new home. 

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15 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I would love to ask Kristen why they decided on overseas adoption of brothers age 6 and 10 when I can almost guarantee there are brother in the US Foster care system of similar age. Maybe it’s because I have a friend who adopted from the foster care system that makes me jump to US foster kids. Her adopted daughter still sees her bio family. The families get along well together. I suppose that could be a reason why Kristen decided on overseas adoption. Which does bother me. I don’t know. I just kind of wonder if the determining factor was getting white kids without a bio family to visit with. We know they didn’t denounce their nazi great grandfather. The thought of them adopting any children of color is scary. So I guess I should be glad they didn’t go that route. 

Not exactly the same thing, but on the old Discovery Health series Adoption Stories, a couple who adopted from China flat-out admitted that they’d chosen international adoption because “we didn’t want to deal with birthparents.” ?

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